_First Player._ Let me see; what shall I say?
_Various other Players_ (_together_). Surely there's no difficulty in
beginning? Say "anything," etc., etc.
_A Player_ (_looking round_). Say--say "fireplace."
_First Player._ But that's so silly.
_Master of Ceremonies_ (_who wishes he had never proposed the game_).
It doesn't matter. All that is needed is a start.
_Another player._ Say "MARGOT."
(_Roars of laughter._)
_All._ Oh, yes, say "MARGOT."
_First Player._ Very well, then--"MARGOT."
(_More laughter._)
_Second Player_ (_trying to be clever_). "Reticence."
(_Shouts of laughter._)
_Other Players._ How could "MARGOT" suggest "reticence"?
_M. C._ Never mind; the point is that it did. Now then--and please
everyone be silent--now, then, Third Player?
_Third Player._ "Audacity."
_M. C._ I'm afraid you're not playing quite fairly. You see
"reticence" cannot suggest "audacity." The First Player's word not
impossibly might. Could it be that you were still thinking of that?
_Third Player._ I'm sorry. But "reticence" doesn't suggest anything.
_Other Players_ (_together_). Oh, yes, it does--"silence," "grumpiness,"
"oysters," "Trappists."
_M. C._ If a word suggests nothing whatever to you, you should say,
"Blank mind."
_Third Player._ Ah, but I've thought of something now--"reticule."
(_Roars of laughter._)
_M. C._ It's all right. That's how the mind does work. Now, next
player.
_Fourth Player._ Have I got to say something that "reticule" suggests?
_M. C._ That's the idea--yes.
_A Player._ Say "vanity-bag."
_Another Player._ Say "powder-puff."
(_Roars of laughter._)
_M. C._ Please, please--either the game is worth playing or it isn't.
If it is worth playing it is worth playing seriously, and then you can
get some very funny effects--it's a psychological exhibition; but if
other players talk at the same time and try to help it's useless. Now,
next player, please. The word is "reticule."
_Fourth Player_ (_after a long silence_). "Bond Street."
_Fifth Player._ Ah, "Bond Street"! That's better. That suggests
heaps of things. Which shall I choose? "Chocolates"? No. "Furs"? No.
"Diamonds"? No. Oh, yes--"Old Masters."
_M. C._ (_with resignation_). But you know you mustn't select. The whole
point of the game is that you must say what comes automatically into
your mind as you hear the word.
_Fifth Player._ I'm sorry. Shall I go back to "diamonds"?
_M. C._ No; you had better stick to "Old Masters."
_Fifth Player._ "Old Masters."
_Sixth Player_ (_deaf_). What did you say--"mustard-plasters"?
_Fifth Player._ No; "Old Masters."
_Sixth Player._ I've heard of new men and old acres, but I've never
heard of Old Pastures. What are they?
_Fifth Player_ (_shouting_). No, no; "Old Masters." Pictures of the Old
Masters--RAPHAEL, TITIAN.
_Sixth Player._ Ah, yes! "Old Masters." Well, that suggests to me----
Yes (_triumphantly_), "the National Gallery."
_Seventh Player_ (_who has been waiting sternly_). "Trafalgar Square."
_Eighth Player_ (_instantly_). "NELSON."
_Ninth Player_ (_even more quickly_). "NELSON KEYS."
_M. C._ (_beaming_). That's better. It's going well now.
_Tenth Player._ "England expects----"
_Ninth Player._ No, you can't say that. I could have said that, but
you can't.
_Tenth Player._ Why not?
_Ninth Player._ Because "NELSON" is all over and done with. The
new name is "NELSON KEYS." You ought to have thought of something
connected with him.
_Tenth Player._ If you'd said "KEYS" I might have done. But you said
"NELSON KEYS," and the "NELSON" touched a spot. Isn't that right?
_M. C._ Quite right. It's the only way to play. But may I once more
ask that there should be no talking? We shall never be able to unwind
if there is. Now, please--"England expects----"
_Eleventh Player._ "Duty."
_Twelfth Player._ "Bore."
_Thirteenth Player._ "The Marne."
(_Cries of astonishment._)
_Various Players._ How can "bore" suggest "the Marne"?
_M. C._ But it did. You mustn't mind.
_Twelfth Player._ How did it? Just for fun I'd like to know.
_Thirteenth Player._ Well, when I was on the Marne I used to see the
marks on the ground made by them.
_Twelfth Player._ By who?
_Thirteenth Player._ The wild boars.
(_Roars of laughter._)
_Twelfth Player._ But I meant that duty is a bore--b-o-r-e.
_M. C._ (_frantic_). It doesn't matter. It's what you think--not what
is--in this game. But really we're in such a muddle, wouldn't it be
better to begin again? You all know the rules now.
_Hostess._ Perhaps "Clumps" might be better, don't you think?
_M. C._ Just as you like. "Clumps," then.
_The Deaf Player._ What is the word now?
_A Player._ We're going to play "Clumps" instead.
_The Deaf Player._ Mumps in bed? I'm sure I don't know what that
suggests. That's very difficult. But I like this game. It ought to be
great fun when we unwind.
(_They separate for "Clumps."_)