usual. After tea I retired to a room with my brother's wife, telling
her of my persecutions, and how God had revealed himself to me. She
said she thought it was wisdom in God not to reveal his glory to us
while here in the body. She had felt so much the glory of God in her
own soul that she had been almost overpowered. She thought that God
had nothing more for me to do. What does such language imply? Is there
a person this side of the grave for whom God has nothing more to do?
But I did not know then that man had the knowledge to take the holy
spirit from a person by giving them medicine; but she had already
conceived the wicked deed in her heart, and knew where the _awful
crime_ could be done, and her very language expressed what she knew
was about to be done to me, although I did not then suspect any evil.
Had it been said to me in any other place but a brother's house, and
by a female, I should have suspected I was about to be murdered, or
some other brutal outrage committed upon me. If I had been among
the rude barbarians I should not have been so easily deceived; but I
looked up to a sister to do for me, and asked her to let me stay with
her, and I would sew or do any thing for her; but she appeared to be
very angry with me every time that I spoke about what God had done
for me. I said but little to any one when I retired, for sister Nancy
and Sophia, brother Stephen's wife, went with me into my room. In my
usual manner before I laid my head upon my pillow, I knelt by my bed
and silently offered my prayer to God. My sister Nancy said "_see
that_," and Sophia answered "_I am sorry to see it_." I said nothing,
but thought it very strange that in this christian land any one should
be sorry to see another on their bended knees before an holy God, and
especially one that knew me so well as a sister. I slept sound all
knight, and felt much refreshed in the morning, and happy that I had
got away from a house where I had been so persecuted. How little did
I know where I was to be carried, and what was about to be done to
me. O, THAT A DAGGER HAD BEEN PLUNGED INTO MY HEART IN THE MIDNIGHT
HOUR, for what I have suffered here is beyond the power of language
to describe. And then every source of happiness is taken from me here
and hereafter, to be forever tormented in fire. It may be looked upon
as derangement or delusion, but as true as there is a God that sitteth
upon his eternal throne, so true this awful crime has been done to me;
and let any one reasonably look upon the treatment that I received,
it will show it was nothing but a spirit of the vilest persecution.
But my wicked relations that hated me without a cause are screened
from the law of our country, and in part from public censure, together
with the Doctors; and it may be thrown back upon me that I am a poor
deranged person; but God only knows the distress that my body is every
moment in, and then that I never can be relieved. Wednesday, the
24th, I passed as I usually did while on a visit to my brother's, not
suspecting that they were looking upon me as a deranged person, and
above all, knowing that horrid crime could be done to me and plunge me
into everlasting misery, a poor innocent, unprotected sister, that had
toiled late and early to get along. Thursday, 25th Nov., Thanksgiving
day of 1840, I arose, took breakfast, and found brother Stephen's wife
in bed with the sick head-ache. The girls all seemed to be engaged,
and I, of course, in my way to do for the sick wherever I was, waited
upon her. Brother Eben, wife and children had come in to pass the day,
from Jamaica Plain. I began to play with them, as I always did; but I
observed they did not greet me with that affectionate liveliness they
were accustomed to. I took no notice of it to let them know it. About
10 o'clock, while I sat at my work in the parlour, my brother Stephen
came in and asked me to go to a ride with him. This surprised me, as
our brothers were never very attentive to their sisters; but I thought
he pitied me on account of my troubles, knowing the life that I had
tried to live. I told him I did not care about going to ride, as it
was not my health, but my spiritual life which he did not understand,
and asked him to let me stay with Sophia, and I would sew or do any
thing for them; he said he wanted me to go and see a physician. I told
him it was not a physician that I wished to see, I should rather see
some minister, who would better understand my situation. He said I
should not see any one. I then asked him to let me see Mr. Winslow,
his own minister, as I always liked him very much, as he is a very
spiritual minded man. He said no, I should not see him. He said the
Doctor was a pious man. I asked what church he belonged to; he answered
Mr. Winslow's. I then said, well, I will go and see him, thinking it
would do no harm. Upon that, he said with a great degree of triumphant
feeling, _that's the place for such ones as you are_. Could a brother
embue his hands in the blood of a sister's eternal life, to take the
advantage of her weakness, put her under locks and keys, and hire men
to do the awful crime; and is there such a house where this crime can
be done and tolerated, by the public upholding men that are willing
to be hired to do the greatest of all crimes, and poor beings cannot
help themselves, nor any kind friend get to them to protect them? Is
this done in this free and happy land? Because I differed from some
of my family in my religious opinion must I be taken and imprisoned?
But if that was all, I would not notice it any more than I ever did
all their previous unkind treatment.--I had always done for myself
from the time that I was in my 15th year, and received no assistance
from any one of the family, and had endeavored to support a good
character, although I was called to walk in the humble walks of life,
and had often met with the cold neglect of the rich and popular class
of the world because I was a poor factory girl. My brothers had never
offered to do for me or to help me along. Each one of us had to do for
ourselves; but they might have treated me with common humanity. I never
thought labor dishonored any one, but while I was on a visit to see my
brother Stephen, his wife requested me not to let any one know that I
worked in a factory, which made me very unhappy; and because I went to
Great Falls to work in the factory, brother Stephen sent my things in
a fictitious name, not wishing any one to know that he had a sister
that worked in the factory, which caused me to be suspected of being a
loose character. I was only in my 19th year, and a stranger to every
one in the place.--God only knows what I had to live up under. But I
said nothing to any one about it, only to my oldest sister, Mary, as
all my troubles I confided in her; but to return to my subject. Soon
as my brother left the room, I went into Sophia's room and told her
what my brother had said. She again said she thought _God had nothing
more for me to do_; but what she meant I did not know.--After dinner,
brother Stephen came into the room and said, now Elizabeth we will have
that ride that we spoke of. I went and prepared myself, but again I
went and talked with Sophia, I told her it would do no good to go and
see a physician, for they knew nothing about spirituality, and it would
injure the cause of God. She said, _O no, God has nothing more for you
to do; get your health and I will come and see you in two or three
days_. I was not expecting to stop, but would go and see the Doctor
because I could not contend any more. After I got into the chaise with
my brother, I began to reason with him upon the foolishness of going
to see a physician. He said it was a young ladies' boarding place and
the Doctor was a pious man, and I could have any thing that I wanted.
I told him I thought it very foolish to throw away so much money, as
our parents were poor. Better do good with it, for I knew what the
world was; they cared for nothing if they could but get money, and
I did not wish to be among strangers. He would not harken to what I
said, but said he was willing to pay my board three or six months, or
longer, and that's the place for such ones as I was. If I had been a
disturber of the peace of any community or family, well he might have
said so; but then we have laws in this country, by which a person may
be tried, and made to suffer the penalty of the law they break. I was
non-resistant. I said every thing that I could say. After we arrived
there I was introduced to Dr. Bell, in his parlour. He asked me to
relate my christian experience. (I wish the reader to mark the manner
in which the doctor addressed me, for what has a physician to do with
a person's christian experience?) In my usual manner I asked him if
he had a change of heart? He said yes, to avoid an argument, I told
him I never argued or disputed about religion. He said then he had
not what the world called a change. I told him then he must excuse me
from saying any thing about my christian experience, as he would not
understand it. My brother began to urge me together with the Doctor. I
did not know why I must relate my christian experience to a Doctor and
an unconverted man at such a time, for it seemed to me like mockery. I
refused again and again, but, _no_, I must relate it. Being no longer
able to withstand these entreaties I told what God had done for me to
that time. Spoke of being bound in the spirit and I felt a bondage of
soul. He said he could give me something to relieve that bondage of
soul and being bound in the spirit. I told him I should rather be with
my own folks and I should rather not stop. Upon that my brother and the
Doctor both began to urge me vehemently and said I had no respect to
any one's judgment. I had always provided for myself, and why I should
be so urged to stay at a boarding place when I did not wish to, I did
not know; and I told the Doctor I did not know what he had to do with
my soul. But they both said so much I told them I would stay, as every
thing in the room indicated respectability. They went out of the room,
and while they were gone I thought it was no place for me, thinking it
was a ladies' boarding place among the popular class, and was not the
place for a christian in such a weak state. I went out and asked my
brother to take me back with him. He seemed to be so angry with me he
could hardly control his feeling. He put his hand upon my shoulder and
gave me a push, and said he could not carry me back, but would come
and see me the next day; I then returned into the parlor and began to
take off my things when a tall, black eyed, masculine looking female
came and took me by the arm and asked me if she should wait upon me
up stairs. I thanked her and walked up stairs with her, thinking she
was going to show me my sleeping room. She waited upon me into a long
painted gallery with sleeping rooms on both sides, and she left the
room. There were a number of ladies sitting around in the gallery. I
went to the window to take a view of the prospect, and the iron grate
met my eye. I turned to a lady and asked her if she would inform me
what those iron grates were at the window for. She made me no reply. I
turned to another and asked her, and she made no reply, but rose and
went into her room. I asked her pardon, I did not intend any offence,
I was a stranger there. I then went to the door to go down into the
parlor where I came out; but I found the door locked. Upon that I made
the expression "_grated windows, and locked door_, where am I?" Upon
that, a female stepped out of her room. I perceived she was not such a
person as I had ought to be with at that time. She took me by waist and
said they were kind folks there. I asked her where I was, and wished to
see the lady of the house, and asked her to let me alone; but no one
would give me any answer. About dark the bell rung to call the ladies
down to tea. A very modest young lady came out of her room and asked me
if she should walk with me down to tea. I thanked her, and I was waited
upon down into a large room where there was a large table set with all
kinds of refreshments. The company presented a strange appearance,
the peculiarity of their dress, and many things did not look right. I
wondered how my brother came to place me among such creatures, in my
weak state. I drank a cup of tea and left the room, thinking it was no
place for me, for I had longsince left balls and parties, and scenes
of mirthfulness. Miss Barber, the same one that had waited upon me up
into the gallery, asked me where I was going. I told her I wished to
retire to my room. She waited on me up into the same gallery. I went
into one of the rooms and knelt down and asked God to deliver me from
that place, and to return me to the people of God. Soon Mary Brigham,
the attendant, came into the gallery, I asked her many questions to
find out where I was, and what kind of boarders they kept there; but
she would make me no reply. I asked her if the hourly went into Boston
from there, but she made me no reply: she had the marks of a methodist.
I thought if she loved God, if I talked of the love of God, I should
draw her towards me. I told her how I loved God, and said many things
about sanctification, but she made me no reply. I thought this was very
strange treatment. I then asked her for something to take. She said the
Doctor never gave anything under two days. I told her it was necessary,
and that I wanted some valerian tea; but she said I could not have any
thing that night, and when the bell rang nine, she said it was the hour
for the ladies to retire. I went to my room and asked Miss Brigham if
my door fastened; she said yes. I asked her for the key; she said she
locked the door and kept the key. After I had retired she came into
my room and took my clothes out. I asked her what that was for; she
said it was the rule of the house, and she locked me in alone. I did
not sleep any all night, from the excitement of the day, and wondering
what my brother should place me with such characters for. I came to the
conclusion that it was a place where females of ill-fame boarded, with
physicians to get help in time of trouble. In the morning when Mary
Brigham came and unlocked my door, I told her I had not slept any all
night.--She said, well, _that's nothing_. I asked her to let me see
the Doctor as soon as possible, for I wished to return in the first
hourly. She made me no reply. I rose and went to the upper end of the
gallery and asked Miss Brigham to excuse me from going to the table, as
my dress was not adjusted, and had not brought my combs and hair brush
with me, and asked her to let me have a cup of coffee there. She threw
a hair comb into my lap and commanded me to come to the table; upon
which I adjusted my dress as soon as possible and went to the table.
Every thing presented a strange appearance. Great tin lid pots and a
wooden waiter and broken dishes. A plate of crackers set on the end of
the table where I sat; I went to take one, and one of the ladies spoke
and said they were hers, but I might have one; I asked her to excuse
me, and took a piece of bread. After breakfast I went to go into my
room, as I had not slept any all night, and found my door locked; I
went and sat down and asked if there was any christians there, when
one lady said she was a baptist, and she knew a Mary Stone in Boston.
I told her it was my sister. I asked her to be my friend, and she said
she would, and that I might lay down in her room. Accordingly she went
into her room with me and covered me up in her bed and shut the door;
just as I had got into a sweet sleep, Mary Brigham came in and ordered
me up. I rose and asked her to let me lay down in my room, as I had
not slept any all night.--She said the ladies were not allowed to lay
down in the day time. One of the ladies told me to ask the supervisor
to let me have my room door open. What it meant to have a supervisor in
a ladies' boarding house I knew not; but when she came in I found it
was the same one that had waited upon me into the gallery. I asked her
to be my friend, and told her she did not know how I did love God; she
said she would be my friend, but she did not want any silly fancies.
What she meant I did not know, for I did not know there was any fancy
about christianity. I asked her if I could have a bowl of valerian tea
and have my door open to lay down. She said yes, and told Mary Brigham
to open my door; just as I had got into a sleep again, Mary Brigham and
Miss Barber came and threw off the clothes. I being weak and excited
got up and asked if my brother had come, for he said he would come and
see me the next day. I wanted to get with some one that knew me, for
such treatment as this I did not know what to make of. Miss Barber
immediately left the room and they would give me no answer. I went to
my room to lay down, but found my door locked and I could not have the
privilege of laying down again that day. About 11 o'clock Dr. Fox, the
assistant physician, came in and began to converse with me; I told
him it was not my reason that was effected, or any distress of mind,
but I had undergone a cleansing or purifying by being washed in the
blood of the Lamb; that I had tasted of the good word, and the powers
of the world to come, and that I was weak and wanted some valerian
tea, or something to calm me; he said that I must not think I was so
filled with the spirit; any minister would laugh at me. I repeated some
passages of the Scriptures to him; one was that St. Paul says, "Be ye
filled with the fullness of God." He said it was because St. Paul saw
the Lord Jesus. I told him that made no difference, all had got to
go the same way to heaven; that I stood upon the Gospel, but I never
disputed about religion. He said he would give me something to calm
and strengthen me; but nothing was brought me until night, nor did my
brother come to see me. After I had retired, Mary Brigham came into my
room and said she had got some medicine for me. _I_ rose up and took
it, thinking it was something to do me good. It was a pill and a little
mug of mixture, and Mary Brigham went out and locked the door; but O,
alas how little did I know where I was and what I was put into that
house for. Such a crime I never read of, and it is covered up under
the garb of derangement, and I am the poor sufferer. As soon as I took
it I was thrown into most violent pain and distress, beyond the power
of language to describe, neither can I give any one an adequate idea.
The medicine effected my brain, the back part of my head, hardened or
petrified it, and the brain is the seat of the nerves, and any one can
conceive of the distress that I must be thrown into all over in my
body, every nerve in me drawing and straining convulsively. Sometimes I
was almost drawn back double and then forward, rolling in the bed from
one side to the other in the greatest agony. When my door was unlocked
in the morning I rose. I had wept bitterly all night. The thoughts
of my situation, and for so strange a thing as it may appear, that
medicine can be given to destroy the work of Grace in a person, even so
it can be done, and Dr. Bell and Dr. Fox both possess that knowledge of
giving medicine to accomplish this awful outrage upon Christianity; and
it is done under the garb of derangement, and they are screened from
public censure, and it is a greater crime than that they had tortured
me to death any way that I ever read of. As I come out of my room a
young lady asked me what made me weep; so I took her hand and asked
her to tell me where I was, and what kind of people I was with. She
asked me if I did not know, and I told her no. She then told me that
I was in the Insane Assylum. I then knew that I was betrayed into the
hands of the wicked to be destroyed. I told her that the medicine that
they had given me was killing the spirit of Christ in me; and that I
was lost. I began to lose all idea of holiness. But I knew it would be
covered up under the garb of derangement, and then I recollected what
my brother Stephen's wife said, "that God had nothing more for me to
do." Of course, if any one has not the spirit of Christ, they cannot
serve God. It is not only a belief, but they must have the spirit.
Dr. Fox came in about 10 o'clock; while I was laying on the bed he
stood looking at me, with Miss Barber. My jaws were unlocked. He made
the remark to Miss Barber that he did not know whether it was the
fulfillment of the prophecy, "there shall be knashing of the teeth," or
whether it was hallooing "glory to God," so much. Oh, how little they
knew of the reason of my losing my ballance. It was my exerting myself
so much after I had become a spiritual being, having no kind friend to
do for me. But I said nothing; I asked for the privilege of writing,
which was granted. I wrote to brother Stephen's wife, and asked her
to come and see me that afternoon, as soon as she got the letter, for
I could not believe that a female could be accessory to such a crime,
although I well recollect how angry she appeared to be every time I
spoke of what God had done for me. The Doctor said he would send it.
That day, Saturday, passed away without bringing any one to see me. I
thought of my kind christian friends, my loved friend Nancy Sanborn;
but now forever separated from her, no more could we fondly anticipate
going to the far West together, to be the instruments, in the hands of
God, of expanding the immortal mind in knowledge, and teach the way of
salvation to poor sinners. But now taken by the cunning craftiness of
my relations, I was enclosed within bolted doors and grated windows,
where I could not make my escape, nor my friends prevent the brutal
outrage that they were committing upon me.--Reader, for a moment
imagine yourself in my situation. If you are not a christian you do not
wish to undergo pain, neither do you desire to be miserable, nor to
be separated from your friends, with entire strangers that you never
saw before, for it is contrary to the laws that God has written in
your nature. But I was a poor factory girl, without any rich father
to protect me, or pious mother to plead my cause, and I could say
with David, I was an alien from my mother's womb, to my mother's
children, and in my weakness they sprang upon me. They would not let my
christian friends do for me, neither would they do for me themselves.
I had friends that would have gladly done for me; long and dear
acquaintances, both christians and unconverted, who would have opened
their doors to me before they would have seen me the third day of my
illness turned out of doors by Miss Lufkin, in my weakness, because I
wished to serve God in spirit and in truth, according to my profession,
and carried off into a hospital or a devil's den here upon earth, for I
call these Insane Assylums nothing less. But it is not the imprisonment
or the cruel treatment that I received there that I speak of, for I
would have borne that without a murmur. But it is the medicine they
gave me that racked and tortured and killed the spirit of Christ within
me. It is that spirit that gives a person a hatred to sin, supports
them up under any torture. Christian reader, whatever name you may
bear, it is you and you only that can truly feel for my distressed
situation, deceived into that house in such an unlawful manner, even if
I had been deranged. I had property, and I ought to have had a guardian
appointed, and kind steps taken with me. But to return to my subject:
a table was spread, and a party, the Doctor being one of the number,
sat down to play cards. The most unqualified language came out of their
mouths. I could hear the groans of the distressed all around me, some
weeping to see their friends, some for one thing, and some for another;
and I in the most awful distress, without one kind friend to speak to
me; an involuntary groan came with my breath. Again the medicine was
brought to me; I told the attendant it was destroying me, hardening my
brain, and taking the spirit of Christ from me; she said I must take
it. I did not know what to do, I could not help myself; to resist I
knew would not do, and yet having partly the spirit of Christ, which
is non-resistant, I took it, which increased my distress. I was again
locked into my room and left to weep and roll in my bed all knight,
thinking of my dear friends, _not relations_.--But oh, they would not
have dared to have done the crime out of that house, under the pretence
of insanity, to screen my wicked relations, that have been incensed
against me ever since I met with a change of heart. Sunday morning
came, and thus, in one short week, was I brought to my sad fate, for
the want of a kind christian friend to step in between me and my cruel
persecutors, and wicked tyranical relations. This day passed away; the
medicine was brought me to take twice a day, pills and a little mug
of mixture; what it was I do not know, but I think I could tell the
different kinds that I took if I could see them. Monday, 29th, passed
away without any one coming to see me. Tuesday came, and I again asked
the privilege of writing, which was granted. I wrote to my brother S.
asked him to come and see me immediately, as he promised. The Doctor
said he would send it, but the day passed away without any one coming.
My distress became more violent. I told the Doctors they were taking
from me my eternal happiness, by taking from me the spirit of Christ.
I was informed by one of the patients that they did not send the
letters they gave me liberty to write. I conversed with Dr. Fox about
my situation, and of the knowledge of this medicine, and why the world
did not know it. He said that my brother knew all about it before I
was brought there, and what I had got to suffer, and what my situation
would be. Reader, can you imagine what my sufferings were? No, you
cannot. If you had witnessed them you might have then conceived of my
dreadful agony. Telling of my distress and lost condition, I was mocked
and ridiculed. This week passed away.