The guests were all gathered in the parlor laughing and talking, when
the host was suddenly summoned by his wife for a brief consultation in
the dining-room before dinner was served.
"Tom," said she, in evident alarm, "what shall I do? I have nothing for
dessert but brandied peaches, and there's Dr. Brown, the Methodist
minister, in the company. I never thought about him--you know he's such
a strict temperance person."
Tom said he was sorry, but it was evidently too late to change the
schedule, and that they would just have to trust to luck.
They did--and luck did not fail them. For when it came to the dessert,
the Rev. Mr. Brown evidently enjoyed the peaches very much, very much.
Dear innocent soul! he thought he had never tasted anything half so
good. And when the hostess sweetly asked him, "Could she not have the
pleasure of serving him with another peach?" he hesitatingly replied,
"No--thank you--thank you--but I believe I will take a little more of
the juice!"
"MOUNTED?"
Another darkey relates a dream he had during an exciting political
campaign down in Kentucky, only in this case his dream took an opposite
direction. "I dreamed," said he, "dat I died an' went up to de big gate
o' hebbin an' wanted to git in, an' Sent Petah he says to me, says he,
'Is you mounted?' an' I says, 'No.' An' he says, 'Den you can't come
in.' So I kum away, an' on de way down I met Kunnel White, de man wat's
runnin' fo' Congress, an' I told him 'twant no use: he couldn't git in
if he wasn't mounted. 'Better go back,' says I, 'an' mount de bay mare.'
But he says, 'No, I tell you, Sam, what we'll do. You'll be my hoss.
I'll git on your back, an' we'll ride up to de gate an' when Petah says,
"Is you mounted?" I'll say, "Yaas," an' I'll ride you right in.'
"So I got down on my han's an' feet an' he got up on my back, an' we
trotted up to de big gate, and de kunnel he knocked on de doo', an' Sent
Petah he open de gate a crack an' says, 'Who's dar?' an' de kunnel says,
'Kunnel White o' Kentucky, sah.' An' Petah says, 'Is you mounted?' an'
de kunnel says, 'Yaas, I is, sah.' An' Sent Petah he says, 'Mighty glad
to see you, kunnel. Jist tie your hoss on de outside de gate an' come
right in!'"
"DOLLARS TO DOUGHNUTS"
They say that the difference between an optimist and a pessimist is
this: The optimist looks on the doughnut, the pessimist looks on the
hole. Well, there once was a man up in a certain town in Eastern
Pennsylvania who did a very good business at the baker-trade. Everybody
knew and patronized the good German baker, Hans Kitzeldorfer. Hans was
industrious, frugal and thrifty, and was making money, until one
unfortunate day he turned pessimist and began to look on the hole in the
doughnut. The longer he looked at that hole the more he became persuaded
that he could make money much more rapidly by making the holes in his
celebrated brand of doughnuts larger than they had been. This happy
suggestion he at once proceeded to act on, and for two years he was
immensely tickled over his discovery. But by and by it seemed to him
that his receipts were not as large as formerly, especially in the
Doughnut Department, and he ordered an investigation, the result of
which Was that he discovered that by making the holes larger he had
unwittingly used more dough to go around the holes than when the holes
were less in diameter, whereupon he at once restored his earlier and
more profitable system--and Prosperity returned.