I said nayther. I said ye had twenty minutes to ate, but that was
nineteen minutes ago. There’s yer train whistlin’ fur ye now.
* * * * *
Isaac had been drafted and sent to France. Jacob, his partner,
distracted, had begged Isaac to cable when he got over. Three weeks
elapse. No cable.
Jacob cables Isaac—Isaac! Woe is us! Our factory burned down ten days
ago. Why don’t you cable or write?
Three weeks more. No reply.
Jacob cables again—Isaac! Woe is us! Our storage warehouse burned down
last week. Total loss. Settled for $75,000. I am nearly crazy from grief.
Why don’t you cable? Are you dead?
Three weeks more. No reply.
Jacob cables again—Isaac! Woe is us! Our main office burned last week.
Settled insurance for $90,000. I will die if you don’t cable. Haven’t
heard from you at all. Where are you? Are you alive?
Answer comes next day—Jacob, stop that nonsense, spending all our money
for cables! I’m all right. You just keep the home fires burning!
* * * * *
The French soldier found as much cause to complain about English as she
is spoken as our lads did with the lingo over there. One of the tri-color
veterans chirped up one day by letting out—Ze English spoken, pas bon.
Here ze sentence—What color is ze blackberry when it is green? and I find
out he is red!
* * * * *
General W. W. Blackmar was talking to a group of soldiers in Boston when
a fakir came up and held out for inspection a rusty old sword.
Look at it, gents, he said, examine it close. It is the sword what Lee
surrendered to Grant. You can have it for $5.
Go along with you, said one of the soldiers sternly. Go along with you.
You can’t fool us.