That’s good.
Not so good, my wife’s got two children.
That’s bad.
Not so bad, she got $10,000.
That’s good.
Not so good, she wouldn’t give me the money.
That’s bad.
Not so bad, she built a house.
That’s good.
Not so good, the house burn down.
That’s bad.
Not so bad, my wife burn up in house.
* * * * *
Mark Twain, in his lecturing days, reached a small Eastern town one
afternoon and went before dinner to a barber’s to be shaved.
You are a stranger in the town, sir? the barber asked.
Yes, I am a stranger here, was the reply.
We’re having a good lecture here to-night, sir, said the barber. A Mark
Twain lecture. Are you going to it?
Yes. I think I will, said Mr. Clemens.
Have you got your ticket yet? the barber asked.
No, not yet, said the other.
Then, sir, you’ll have to stand.
Dear me! Mr. Clemens exclaimed. It seems as if I always do have to stand
when I hear that man Twain lecture.
* * * * *
Pompous Mistress—Who is that man at the door, Hannah?
New Girl—He says he’s the rent collector, ma’am.
Pompous Mistress—But, Hannah, we don’t pay rent.
New Girl—That’s what he says, ma’am.
* * * * *
Mrs. M.’s patience was much tried by a servant who had a habit of
standing around with her mouth open. One day as the maid waited upon
table, her mouth was open as usual, and her mistress giving her a severe
look, said:
Mary, your mouth is open.
Yessum, replied Mary, I opened it.
* * * * *
An English sailor was watching a Chinaman who was placing a dish of rice
by a grave.
When do you expect your friend to come out and eat that? the sailor asked.
Same time as your frien’ come out to smelle flowers you fellow put,
retorted Li.
* * * * *
She was a four-flusher, particularly as to her abilities in various
sports.
Do you golf? he asked.
Oh, I love golf, she answered. I play at least thirty-six holes twice a
week.
And how about tennis?