personality--sociability, conformity, tranquillity, dependability,
stability, idealism, steadiness, flexibility, and seriousness. A
personality trait has two extremes, just as height has the two
extremes of tallness and shortness. These are the opposite poles
for the nine traits just listed:
Reserved--Sociable Bold--Fearful
Agreeable--Nonconforming Broadminded--Idealistic
Tranquil--Irritable Calm--Emotional
Dependable--Evasive Rigid--Flexible
Thoughtful--Frivolous
Let’s consider these nine traits, and their significance when found
in a mate. (You can also apply them to yourself.)
* * * * *
TRAIT I. IS HE RESERVED OR SOCIABLE? Another way to put it is
this: “Is he introverted or extroverted?” The reserved person is
usually quiet, ambitious, serious, agreeable with intimates and
confines his socializing to close friends. Sociable or extroverted
people are extremely social and aggressive. They are talkative
and carefree and sometimes show little regard for other people’s
rights. They are the “glad-handers.” Perhaps the man is a salesman,
or the girl is a sorority president.
The Penn State investigators found, surprisingly, that the happily
married men tended to be just a bit more impulsive, to be more
sociable, to be more talkative and to have broader interests than
did unhappily married men. Women on the other hand could tend to
be either reserved or sociable and still be happy, as long as they
were not extreme introverts or extreme extroverts.
* * * * *
TRAIT II. IS HE AN AGREEABLE SORT, OR IS HE AN “INDIVIDUALIST”? The
agreeable person tends to conform to the norms set by society. He
is usually poised, coöperative, can concentrate easily and tends to
wholesome recreations. The individualist enjoys the idea of being
“different,” is apt to hurt people’s feelings by his brusqueness
and impatience with things that bore or irritate him. In extreme
cases he is bullheaded and argumentative.
* * * * *
TRAIT III. IS HE TRANQUIL OR IRRITABLE? The tranquil person has an
even disposition, works methodically, is patient, gets along well
with folks. The irritable person tends to “fly off the handle,” to
be easily annoyed, to find fault, to be erratic and peevish.
For men tranquillity is a _crucial_ trait, the Penn State
investigators found. The happily married man is less easily
annoyed, less irritable, less peevish, less critical than the
unhappily married man. To a girl this means she should be careful
about marrying a man who is irritable. While it is desirable for
the girl to be even-tempered too, this trait is not as important
for a girl as for a man. However, it was found that when one of the
two mates tends to be irritable and annoyed it is highly desirable
for the other mate to be even-tempered. When you get two irritable
persons under the same roof the explosions soon force one to beat a
retreat, sometimes into divorce.
* * * * *
TRAIT IV. IS HE FRANK OR EVASIVE? This is probably the most crucial
trait for marriage happiness that we know. The dependable person is
frank and truthful and conscientious. He gets along harmoniously
with others, is willing to accept responsibility, is stable and
coöperative. The evasive person is unwilling to face reality or to
accept responsibilities. He “passes the buck” or projects the blame
for things onto others. He exaggerates and often lies. He is easily
depressed and lacks integrity.
Persons who rate high in dependability consistently are the ones
who are happiest in both marriage and their work. This one trait is
at least as crucial to happiness in marriage for a girl as is the
entire complex of traits measured by Terman’s Prediction Scale.
While it is most crucial for girls in marriage, it is also crucial
for men. For a girl it is unquestionably the most crucial trait we
know.
This means that in considering any possible mate you should be
particularly careful to notice whether he or she is dependable or
not dependable. Does he keep appointments, tell the truth and work
conscientiously?
* * * * *
TRAIT V. IS HE BOLD OR FEARFUL? The “bold” person is confident
to the point of cocksureness. He is willing to carry out
responsibilities, usually is carefree, stable, self-sufficient,
and a bit dominant. The unstable, or fearful, person is shy and
changeable. He may seem withdrawn and rarely evinces qualities of
leadership.
This trait is crucial for women and fairly important for men. A
woman, to have a happy marriage, needs to show strong indications
of stability, because in running her household alone she must be
self-assured and independent in emergencies when outside help isn’t
available. A man should beware a woman who is exceedingly nervous
or fearful, jittery or afraid. For the man it is important that he
be fairly stable, but without being reckless.
* * * * *
TRAIT VI. IS HE BROADMINDED OR IDEALISTIC? The broadminded person
is tolerant, flexible, practical, realistic. His temperament tends
to be pleasant and smooth. The idealistic person shows strong
attitudes. Prejudice, often disguised as “high” standards, may be
present. Inferiority and peevishness are often found here.
Stop and think. The girl you want to marry is the one you hope will
be the mother of your children. You want her to instill reasonably
high standards and ideals in the children. You want her to be
conventional and not do things that will bring criticism. The
happiest marriages are those in which the wife has high standards
and ideals but not ones that are so stiff and unyielding that she
can never see any justification for a slip-up now and then. Unhappy
marriages are those where the wives have standards that are very
low and who behave in unconventional or questionable ways. Our
society encourages higher standards and ideals for women than it
does for men. The man can be tolerant and easygoing but should have
standards sufficiently high so that he considers it important to
be faithful to his wife, and does not waste his money in drink or
gambling.
* * * * *
TRAIT VII. IS HE CALM OR EMOTIONAL? Calm persons have “normal” ways
of thinking. Their feelings are not intense. Persons whose work
requires objectivity and courage--such as surgeons and military
leaders--score high at this level. Emotional people, in contrast,
usually think in unorthodox ways. They are usually sensitive. Their
feelings are volatile and deep-seated. Interests in writing, drama,
arts, literature are often found here. Individualistic, creative
work is preferred, and the person may appear temperamental or
eccentric to others. Repression and sexual conflicts are common.
Since the emotional person is intense and usually not too well
adjusted, marriage may not prove too satisfactory. The trait of
coolness or steadiness is much more crucial for men than for women.
The happiest married men seem to be those who are steady and free
of excess emotion. This enables them to be objective in their work.
A girl should be wary of selecting a mate who is very emotional,
who is too much interested in sex or who works in the movies or
other work where there is a great deal of glamour and excitement.
* * * * *
TRAIT VIII. IS HE RIGID OR FLEXIBLE? This is more important in
men than in women, and the man’s age determines whether he should
score high in rigidity or in flexibility. If the man is under
twenty-five it is well for the couple’s future happiness if he
scores quite high in flexibility because marriage requires a great
deal of adjusting and a certain amount of trying out new jobs is
healthy for a young man. However, flexibility in a man past thirty
should make a girl seriously question the advisability of marriage
to him because he is apt to be permanently a “will-o’-the-wisp”;
his characteristics are pretty well set. A man in his thirties
who changes jobs frequently, who is not “settled,” is not a good
matrimonial bet.
* * * * *
TRAIT IX. IS HE THOUGHTFUL OR FRIVOLOUS? Beware of the girl who
is frivolous. She will be shallow and discontented; she will have
many unsettled problems; she will be worrying about her past as
well as her future; she will have trouble making up her mind and
will seem to be at loose ends. She may nag and complain. For women,
thoughtfulness ranks second only to dependability in importance to
marriage happiness.
There you have the nine traits. As you have probably noticed, it is
much more crucial for women to have the right personality traits
than for men. This is due largely to the fact that marriage looms
much larger in a woman’s life than it does in a man’s. A wife has
to do the larger part of the “adjusting” to marriage. She usually
has to give up her name, her job, her residence, and many of her
friends. The man can go on pretty much the same as he did before
marriage. The wife must spend the greatest part of her day being
a wife (homemaker) whereas the man serves actively in the role of
husband only a few hours a day.
In summing up, what advice would we give the young man in order
that he can select a mate who will be happy in marriage and
contribute to his happiness in marriage? Ideally, he might well
look for a girl:
Who is frank and dependable,
Whose family background has been such that she was reared in
a happy home,
Who is thoughtful and not beset by conflicts revolving around
her adjustments to the opposite sex,
Who is stable and self-sufficient and free from neuroticism,
Who is objective and free from excessive sensitiveness,
Who is friendly, kindly and considerate,
Who is coöperative in her relations with others,
Who is flexible and adaptable,
Who is steady and free from emotional behavior,
Who is tranquil and not easily irritated,
Who has average to high standards and ideals,
Who can be influenced by people who have sound ideas,
Who is somewhat extroverted and carefree.
All of these traits of course are not vital but it is advisable
that she fit into the general pattern outlined above.
Next, what should a girl look for in a young man? Ideally, he
should be a man:
Who is tranquil and not easily irritated,
Who is dependable and frank,
Who is objective and has feelings that are not easily hurt,
Who gets along easily with others,
Who is coöperative in group projects and likes to help people,
Who is cool and free from emotionality,
Who is concerned about what other people think of him,
Who was reared in a happy home,
Who is free of cares and has broad interests,
Who is fairly well contented with his lot in life,
Who can be influenced by others when their reasoning is sound.
The big question is how you can know if you and any prospective
mate have qualities that make you good marriage risks. You will
find in the next chapter ten tests that should provide the answer.
They will record your rating on the nine traits we have just
discussed, plus a rating on your family background.
_Chapter XI_
Test Your Mate and Yourself
Now you are going to take ten tests that will record how well
qualified you are to marry. Your over-all score will indicate your
chances of achieving a happy marriage, with whomever you may marry.
These tests can be taken by either men or girls. And we suggest
that after you take the tests you have your favorite date take them
too. Then in the next chapter you can see how well you are matched.
In addition to scoring your desirability as a mate, the tests will
help unveil for you your own personality. They will present you as
you appear to other people. Be honest with yourself. There are no
catch questions.
If you wish you can get a piece of paper to write your answers on.
If you do this you will not mark up the book, nobody will know how
you answered, and any other person taking the tests will not be
influenced by your answers.
Don’t look up the correct answers until you have finished all the
tests. After you have completed all ten tests you can then see how
they should be scored. Some of these traits are more important to
marriage happiness than others, and some are more important for one
sex than the other. Be sure not to talk over any of the questions
with anyone until after you have taken all the tests. Now go ahead,
and work rapidly.
TRAIT I (Sociability)
Indicate the degree of your liking for each of the following
activities by drawing a circle around _M_ if you would like
it a great deal, around _S_ if you would have some liking for
it, around _L_ if you would have a little liking for it,
around _N_ if you would have practically no liking for it.
1. Introducing strangers at a party. M S L N
2. Entertaining a group of friends. M S L N
3. Raising money for a charity. M S L N
4. Taking part in some athletic contest. M S L N
5. Going on a picnic. M S L N
6. Playing games like golf, tennis, croquet, or darts. M S L N
7. Reading the sporting section of the newspaper. M S L N
8. Playing games like bridge, pinochle or Monopoly. M S L N
9. Keeping a pet, such as a cat or dog. M S L N
10. Attending a masquerade party. M S L N
11. Performing on the radio. M S L N
12. Being a delegate to a convention. M S L N
13. Making long-distance telephone calls to friends. M S L N
14. Preparing for an examination by studying with classmates. M S L N
15. Helping a stranded motorist change a tire. M S L N
TRAIT II (Conformity)
Fifteen experts, each of whom had won success in a different
field, were asked to give an opinion of the statements below.
At least eight or more of the experts marked each statement
below as true. Read each statement, and if you agree with the
experts that the statement is true, draw a circle around _A_.
If you agree but only with reservations, draw a circle around
_R_. If you disagree with the experts, draw a circle around
_D_.
1. Shows with scantily dressed performers should not be
permitted. A R D
2. No cultured person would ever use profanity. A R D
3. The right to vote should be given to persons of 18
years of age. A R D
4. No person except a law officer should be permitted to
own a pistol. A R D
5. No acceptable excuse can ever be made for suicide. A R D
6. Children owe their parents more than their parents
owe them. A R D
7. Few people would be better off dead than alive. A R D
8. Rich people are no happier than poor people. A R D
9. Natural resources should belong to individuals rather
than to the government. A R D
10. Parents can decently support and educate two children
in a city of 5000, with a total income of less than
$200 per month. A R D
11. Parents should be permitted to punish or whip their
children. A R D
12. Stealing cannot be excused on any grounds. A R D
13. Anything injurious to the human body, such as tobacco,
should be outlawed. A R D
14. Highly intelligent people are just as happy as average
people. A R D
15. The average person needs more mathematics than the
eighth grade provides. A R D
TRAIT III (Tranquillity)
Below is a list of the common annoyances which affect most
people to some extent. Indicate your degree of annoyance for
each of them by drawing a circle around _M_ if it annoys you
much, around _S_ if it annoys you some, around _L_ if it
annoys you a little, and around _N_ if it never annoys you.
1. To have stop light turn red as you drive up to it. M S L N
2. To drop an article when you have your arms full. M S L N
3. To have to stand up in a streetcar or bus. M S L N
4. To have to talk when you don’t feel like it. M S L N
5. To be interrupted when reading a very interesting story. M S L N
6. To have a casual visitor outstay his welcome. M S L N
7. To be detained when you are in a hurry. M S L N
8. To listen to radio when static is bad. M S L N
9. To have someone break an engagement at the last minute. M S L N
10. To be interrupted when you are talking. M S L N
11. To have someone read over your shoulder. M S L N
12. To miss a streetcar or bus. M S L N
13. To have movie film break at an exciting point. M S L N
14. To burn your mouth or tongue with hot food or beverage. M S L N
15. To be accidentally locked out of your car or home. M S L N
TRAIT IV (Dependability)
Of the statements below, draw a circle around _T_ for the
ones you believe to be usually true; draw a circle around _D_
for the ones whose truth you doubt; and draw a circle around
_F_ for the ones usually false.
1. Prohibition encouraged many people to drink who had
never drunk before. T D F
2. An unpopular person could often become popular by
lowering his standards of conduct. T D F
3. People who date a great deal before marriage often make
poor marriage mates. T D F
4. Students who are always taking the lead in class discussions
are usually trying to get attention. T D F
5. Policemen “bawl out” people largely to satisfy their own
sense of importance. T D F
6. People of high ideals usually have fewer friends than
individuals whose ideals are not of the highest. T D F
7. A person is often a failure because of very high ethics. T D F
8. The very pretty girl with little ability often is more
successful than the plain girl who has real ability. T D F
9. What you know is not so important to success as whom you
know. T D F
10. Getting the breaks is more important to success than being
well qualified. T D F
11. Few employees would loaf on the job if they were paid
sufficient wages. T D F
12. Man is powerless in the hands of fate. T D F
13. People often try to impress others by saying that they are
very fond of “highbrow” music and books. T D F
14. The law is harder on the poor man than on the rich man. T D F
15. The good “bluffer” succeeds nearly as well as the person
who can deliver the goods. T D F
TRAIT V (Stability)
Below is a list of the common fears that most people experience
to some extent. Indicate your degree of fear for each of these
things by drawing a circle around _M_ if you would usually have
considerable fear, around _S_ if you would usually have some
fear, around _L_ if you would have a little fear, and around
_N_ if you would usually feel no fear.
1. Being buried alive. M S L N
2. Being bitten by a snake while walking alone in the woods. M S L N
3. Being drowned at sea or while swimming. M S L N
4. Friends losing confidence in you because of untrue rumors. M S L N
5. Walking past graveyards alone late at night. M S L N
6. Having friends learn about your worst faults. M S L N
7. Touching mice, rats, worms, or lizards. M S L N
8. Losing your wife or sweetheart to somebody else. M S L N
9. Getting too deeply in debt or having financial misfortune. M S L N
10. Looking down from the edge of a precipice. M S L N
11. Being punished in the next world. M S L N
12. Elevator falling while descending from the top of a
skyscraper. M S L N
13. Losing your mind or becoming insane. M S L N
14. Losing your eyesight. M S L N
15. Listening to radio horror story late at night while
alone. M S L N
TRAIT VI (Standards and Ideals)
Indicate the degree of your dislike for each of the following
activities or things by drawing a circle around _M_ if you
would dislike it a great deal, around _S_ if you would
dislike it some, around _L_ if you would have a little
dislike for it, and around _N_ if you would have no dislike
for it.
1. A person who brags about his achievements. M S L N
2. Individuals who always put the blame on somebody else. M S L N
3. Storekeepers who never make mistakes except in
their favor. M S L N
4. Extreme pessimists or people who always expect the
worst. M S L N
5. A girl who is a gold-digger. M S L N
6. The person who “forgets” to pay his share of the check. M S L N
7. People who are never on time for appointments. M S L N
8. People who have little control over their tempers. M S L N
9. The girl who uses excessive make-up. M S L N
10. People who cheat on examinations. M S L N
11. Individuals who are careless and indifferent about
dress. M S L N
12. Radicals or reactionaries who impose their views upon
you. M S L N
13. Individuals who are always bored and never have a good
time. M S L N
14. A person who gambles for money. M S L N
15. Listening to scandalous gossip. M S L N
TRAIT VII (Steadiness)
Each word in capitals is followed by four words. Draw a
circle around the word that seems to you to go most naturally
with the word in capitals. Mark only one word in each line.
-------
For example: TRAVEL boat ship train | car |
-------
Here _car_ has been encircled. There are no right or wrong
answers. Work rapidly.
1. PAST yesterday forget sorrow hidden
2. SLEEP rest dream need together
3. IMMORAL vulgar person vile criminal
4. DREAM vision night trance romance
5. LOVE adore esteem worship yearn
6. BABY home future unwanted cost
7. LONELY solitary friendless miserable forsaken
8. DEBT obligation weight necessary nightmare
9. SWEETHEART love engaged wistful lost
10. MONEY currency pay lack urgent
11. ENEMY foe hated dangerous destroyed
12. FILTHY dirty disgusting mind body
13. PARENT home love depend strict
14. SIN wrong vice guilt black
15. REVOLTING distasteful repulsive loathsome degrading
TRAIT VIII (Flexibility)
Below is a list of activities or things. If you feel about
the same way toward them now that you did three or four years
ago, draw a circle around _S_. If you have partly changed
your feelings toward them, draw a circle around _P_. If your
feeling now is considerably different from your feeling three
or four years ago, draw a circle around _D_.
1. Pacifism. S P D
2. Labor unions. S P D
3. Less governmental supervision of business. S P D
4. Old-age pensions. S P D
5. Sit-down strikes. S P D
6. Socialization of medicine. S P D
7. Emphasis that colleges place upon activities. S P D
8. The Soviet Union. S P D
9. Distribution of wealth. S P D
10. Capital punishment. S P D
11. Sterilization of the feeble-minded. S P D
12. “Work-or-starve” relief legislation. S P D
13. Need for polls like the Gallup or _Fortune_ polls of
public opinion. S P D
14. Basing taxation on the ability to pay. S P D
15. Preferences for styles of homes. S P D
TRAIT IX (Seriousness)
Below is a list of topics which people consider to some
extent at one time or another. Will you indicate the degree
of thinking you have given each of them during the past
year by drawing a circle around _M_ if you have done much
thinking; around _S_ if you have done some thinking; around
_L_ if you have done a little thinking; and around _N_ if you
have done no thinking.
1. Responsibilities that parents and children should share. M S L N
2. Proper training of children. M S L N
3. Immoral influences of movies on children. M S L N
4. Smoking of cigarettes by girls and women. M S L N
5. Importance of regular saving of part of income. M S L N
6. Use of the atomic bomb in warfare. M S L N
7. Regular attendance of religious services. M S L N
8. The way or place to spend your vacation. M S L N
9. Stricter censorship of books and magazines. M S L N
10. Learning to dance, ski, skate, etc. M S L N
11. Punctuality on a job or regular class attendance. M S L N
12. Getting better grades at school or working for a
promotion. M S L N
13. The cost of living. M S L N
14. Life after death. M S L N
15. Automobile accidents caused by reckless driving. M S L N
TRAIT X (Family Background)
Be absolutely truthful in taking this test; try to be
objective and honest with yourself. Answer _Yes_ or _No_ if
possible; if you can’t decide _Yes_ or _No_, then circle the
question mark.
1. Were your own parents quite happily married? YES ? NO
2. Did you have a happy childhood? YES ? NO
3. Did you have a great deal of love and affection for
your mother? YES ? NO
4. Did you have a great deal of love and affection for
your father? YES ? NO
5. Did you get along well with your mother without any
serious conflict? YES ? NO
6. Did you get along well with your father without any
serious conflict? YES ? NO
7. Was your home discipline firm but not harsh? YES ? NO
8. Was the punishment that you received both mild and
infrequent? YES ? NO
9. Is your present attitude toward sex free from disgust
or aversion? YES ? NO
10. Was at least one of your parents easy to talk to, and
frank, about matters of sex? YES ? NO
11. Were you reared in either the country, a small town,
or the suburbs of a city? YES ? NO
12. Do you go to church three or four times (or more) every
month? YES ? NO
13. Are you regularly employed? YES ? NO
14. Do you have many friends of your own sex? YES ? NO
15. Do you belong to three or more social organizations? YES ? NO
_Directions for Scoring Your Tests_
Do _not_ read these scoring directions until after you have
taken the tests. When you have marked the tests according to the
directions, then you are ready to score them. Because all the
tests are not scored in the same way, be sure you score them
very carefully. After having done so, then turn to the _further_
directions, some of which apply to a man, some of which apply to a
girl.
* * * * *