THE CHURCH WEDDING
THERE is about a church wedding a formality that is dispensed with at
a home ceremony. The cards of invitation may be engraved in the same
form as those described in the last chapter, but the church at which
the marriage is to take place is mentioned instead of the residence
of the bride’s parents. If in a large city where curiosity seekers
are likely to crowd into the edifice, it is customary to enclose with
the card of invitation a small card to be presented at the door.
Only bearers of these bits of pasteboard are admitted. With the
invitations may be cards for the reception or the wedding-breakfast to
follow the ceremony. These cards demand acceptances or regrets, which
should always be addressed to the mother of the bride, never to the
bride-elect.
* * * * *
The decorations for a church wedding may be elaborate. As a rule, one
color scheme is chosen, and carried out through all the arrangements.
For example, the coloring is pink and white, and if the wedding is in
the autumn, chrysanthemums may be the chosen flowers, if in the summer,
roses. The matter of decorations is usually put into the hands of a
florist.
White satin ribbon is stretched across the pews to be occupied by the
members of the two families or, more courteously, large bows of it are
fastened at the end of each, and to these pews the destined occupants
are conducted by the ushers a short time before the bridal party enters
the edifice. A list of the persons entitled to sit in these pews should
be given to the chief usher.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: DUTIES OF THE USHERS]
At a large and elaborate wedding six or eight ushers are often needed.
Sometimes an usher follows the older custom of giving his arm to a
lady, but he may be less formal if he choose and merely precede her
down the aisle. There is an equal number of bridesmaids, a maid of
honor and a best man. The best man, the bridegroom, and the clergyman
enter the church by the vestry door, and await at the altar the coming
of the bride and her attendants. The organ, which has been playing for
some moments, announces the arrival of the wedding party by the opening
strains of the wedding march.
[Sidenote: THE WEDDING CEREMONY]
When the carriages containing the party arrive at the church door the
ushers go down the canopy-covered walk and help the girls to alight,
convey them into the vestibule and close the outer doors of the church
while the procession forms. Then the inside doors are thrown open and
as the organ peals forth the wedding march, the procession passes up
the aisle at a dignified pace, but not, let us hope, at the painfully
slow gait some persons think necessary. First, come the ushers, two by
two, next, the bridesmaids in pairs, then the maid of honor, walking
alone, and the bride on the arm of her father, or other masculine
relative if her father is not living. As the altar is reached the
ushers divide, half the number going to the right, the other half to
the left, then the bridesmaids do the same, passing in front of the
ushers and forming a portion of a circle nearer the altar. The maid
of honor, who is sometimes now, instead, a matron of honor, stands
near the bride, on her left hand, and the best man stands near the
bridegroom’s right. The bridegroom, stepping forward to meet the bride,
takes her hand and leads her to their place in front of the clergyman,
the father remaining standing a little in the rear of the bride and
to one side until that portion of the service is reached when the
clergyman asks, “Who giveth this woman to be married to this man?”
He then takes his daughter’s hand, and laying it in the hand of the
bridegroom, replies, “I do.” After this he steps quietly down from
the chancel and takes his place in the pew with his wife, or the other
members of the family. If the bride’s father is dead his place may be
taken by any middle-aged man relative or family friend.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: DUTY OF THE BEST MAN]
During the ceremony the best man stands at the right of the bridegroom,
and a trifle behind him, taking charge of his friend’s hat and
handing him the ring when it is needed. It is he, also, who pays the
clergyman and if a register is to be signed, he signs it. The final
responsibility for a ceremony without an awkward hitch rests on his
shoulders and on those of the maid of honor.
The maid of honor, standing near the bride, holds her bouquet and
takes her glove when the ring is put on, and continues to hold them
until after the benediction, which the bridal pair kneels to receive.
Then the organ again sounds the wedding march, and the guests remain
standing as the party assembled at the altar moves down the aisle.
First, comes the bride on her husband’s arm, then the best man and
the maid of honor together, then the ushers and the bridesmaids, each
girl on the arm of an usher. After that the families of the bride and
bridegroom leave. The bridal party is driven directly to the home of
the bride’s parents, where the wedding-breakfast is served or, if a
reception follows the wedding, where the bride awaits the arrival of
her guests.
[Sidenote: THE ARTISTIC BRIDE]
The conventional dress for the bride married in daylight is the same
as for an evening wedding, a trained white gown with lace or tulle
veil. The same is true of the costumes of the bridesmaids and maid of
honor. These are selected by the bride. At one pink-and-white wedding
the bridesmaids wore pink dresses with pink picture-hats, while the
maid of honor wore a gown of palest green with hat to match,—hers
being the only touch of any color but pink in the assembly, and
serving to accentuate the general rose-like scheme. The bridesmaids’
bouquets are of flowers to harmonize with their costumes. The bride’s
bouquet is always white, bride roses being favorites for this
purpose. Brides with artistic natures who find white satin and orange
blossoms unbecoming, sometimes arrange a softer costume that is still
sufficiently bride-like to satisfy sentiment. Often little children
are used as attendants for the bride. They precede the maid of honor
and may scatter flower petals down the aisle as they go. The effect is
charming. A matron of honor must wear a colored costume.
At a day wedding the bridegroom wears a frock coat, light gray
trousers, white waistcoat, white satin or silk tie and patent leather
shoes. Of course, the only hat permissible with a frock coat is a high
silk one. The gloves are white, or pale gray. The ushers’ dress is the
same except that their ties need not be white.
At an evening wedding full dress is, of course, necessary. Then the
bridegroom wears his dress suit, white waistcoat, white lawn tie and
white gloves. The ushers are dressed in the same manner.
[Sidenote: GIFTS TO BRIDESMAIDS]
It is customary for the bride to give her bridesmaids some little gift.
This may be a stick-pin or brooch bearing the intertwined initials
of the bridal pair. This pin is usually worn by the recipient at the
wedding.
* * * * *
The bride and the bridegroom with the bridesmaids stand together at
the end of the drawing-room to receive the guests. An usher meets
each guest at his, or her arrival, and offering his arm, escorts the
newcomer to the bridal pair, asking for the name as he does so. This
name he repeats distinctly on reaching the bride, who extends her hand
in greeting, and receives congratulations. The bridegroom is then
congratulated, and the guest straightway makes room for the next comer.
One is often asked what should be said to the newly-married pair,—what
form congratulations should take, and so on. Stilted phrases are
at all times to be avoided, and the greeting should be as simple
and straightforward as possible. It is good form to wish the bride
happiness, while the bridegroom is congratulated. Thus one says to the
bride, “I hope you will be very happy,—and I am sure you will.” And to
the bridegroom one may say,—“You do not need to be told how much you
are to be congratulated, for you know it already. Still I do want to
say that I congratulate you from my heart.”
A pretty custom followed by some brides is that of turning, when
half-way up the stairs, after the reception or breakfast is over,
untying the ribbon fastening the bouquet together, and scattering the
flowers thus released among the men waiting in the hall below. This
disposes of the wedding bouquet which one has not the heart to throw
away, and yet which one can not keep satisfactorily.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: DISPLAYING GIFTS]
If gifts are displayed at a reception, it should be in an upper room,
and all cards should be removed. The bride may keep a list of her
presents and of the donors, but to display cards gives an opportunity
for invidious comparisons. More and more the custom of showing gifts,
except to intimate friends in private, is going out.
* * * * *
The tables for the wedding-breakfast may be placed about the
drawing-rooms, and the guests are seated informally at them. The only
exception to this rule is the bride’s table at which the bridal party
sits. As artificial lights are usually used at elaborate functions,
even at high noon, pretty candelabra are upon each table. Or, if
preferred, fairy lamps may take the place of the candelabra.
[Sidenote: THE WEDDING BREAKFAST]
The menu for the wedding-breakfast may consist of grapefruit with
Maraschino cherries, or of oyster cocktails, or of clams on the
half-shell, as a first course; next, hot clam bouillon (unless clams
have already been served) or chicken bouillon; fish in some form, as
fish croquettes with oyster-crab sauce; sweetbread pâtés with green
peas; broiled chicken or French chops with potato croquettes or with
Parisian potatoes; punch frappé; game with salad; ices, cakes, coffee.
If wines are used, champagne is served with the breakfast. Slices of
the wedding-cake packed in dainty satin-paper boxes are given to the
guests as they leave.
The breakfast over, the bride slips away quietly, to change her dress
for the wedding journey, and departs as after a home wedding.
* * * * *
The guests at a wedding-breakfast must call on the mother of the bride
within three weeks after the marriage. They will, of course, call on
the bride on one of her “At Home” days, the dates of which are given
with the wedding invitations or with the announcement cards.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: ANNOUNCEMENT CARDS]
Announcement cards are issued immediately after the wedding, so must be
addressed and stamped ready to be mailed at once. The text usually used
is this:
“Mr. and Mrs. William Edwin Burnham announce the
marriage of their daughter, Eleanor Fair, to Mr. John
Langdon Morse, on Tuesday, the eighth of December,
one thousand nine hundred and five, at St. Michael’s
Church, Davenport, Iowa.”
Another form that is sometimes seen is the following:
“Married, Wednesday, October eleventh, 1903;
Florence Archer and John Staunton, 1019 Penn Street,
Philadelphia.”
This last form is seldom used except in cases where the bride is so
unfortunate as to have no relatives in whose names she may announce her
marriage.
With the announcement cards may be enclosed another card bearing the
dates of the bride’s “At Home” days, and the hours at which she will
receive. Announcement cards are usually issued after a small or private
wedding to which only a limited number of guests have been invited. If
the wedding has been large or was followed by a large reception to
which all one’s calling acquaintances may be bidden, the announcement
cards are unnecessary and the “At Home” cards are issued with the
invitations to the marriage, or are sent out after the bride returns
from her trip.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE DRESS FOR A WIDOW]
The dress for a widow at her second marriage should be made of some
elegant colored fabric and she should wear a hat if the ceremony is
performed in a church. There should be no attendants except the father
or brother or an intimate friend.
A young girl without parents and of limited income may quite properly
be married in her traveling costume and with the utmost simplicity. If
she have a proper sense of the delicacy and solemnity of the occasion
she will not, however, go to the house of a strange clergyman for the
ceremony but have it performed in the parlor of her nearest friend or
relative. In this way she shows her own good breeding and protects
herself from any idle remarks. For a girl to join her fiancé in a
distant city and marry him there is a step seldom taken in wisdom,
whatever the circumstances.
Notes to all who have sent gifts must be written by the bride before
she leaves home.