THE DINNER PARTY
THE dinner is the most important and the most delightful of social
functions. It is the most civilized of entertainments, and to say
of a town that it is a dinner-giving town means that it has arrived
socially. This flower of hospitality blooms slowly. In many western
places where the reception, the afternoon tea, the theater party and
the ladies’ luncheon flourish like a green bay tree, the dinner is
an unknown function. A young hostess is often afraid of attempting
it, as is also the unaccustomed diner-out. Yet it is not a formidable
entertainment, rightly considered, and when happily managed the return
it brings far outweighs the outlay of time and trouble.
The dinner, height of hospitality as it is, is yet within the reach of
most of us as far as expenditure is concerned. The cost of a dinner may
be much or little. The menu may be simple or elaborate. Five courses
is enough for a dainty satisfying meal, yet eighteen and twenty are
sometimes served. The table decorations may be of the most expensive
sort; yet a half-dozen roses and candles in keeping are sufficient to
give a properly festive touch.
The number of servants required depends, of course, upon the
elaborateness or simplicity of the menu and upon the number of guests
to be served. The size of the dinner party is elastic, though eighteen
at the table is usually regarded as the maximum.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE SMALL DINNER]
The little dinner party has the advantage of being in some ways a more
attractive function than the big one, as well as one in which people
of small incomes may safely indulge. When a dinner is so large that
general conversation is impossible, it defeats its own purpose. Eight
guests are a good number. Why it should be that ten guests are still so
few as to form a little dinner party and that twelve guests undoubtedly
make a big dinner party is one of those inscrutable truths that it
takes something more than arithmetic to explain. But so it is. If the
guests are properly chosen for a small dinner there should be in the
atmosphere a combination of pretty formality and agreeable familiarity
about this function that no other can give in so large a degree.
The choice of guests is, of course, the first and most important
consideration. Upon this more than upon any other consideration depends
the success of your party. It does not do to invite people together for
commercial reasons simply or from any other purely selfish motive. It
does not do to go through one’s list and invite people, by instalments,
straight through the alphabet. The hostess must exercise all the
tact and discrimination of which she is possessed. It is not always
necessary that the people chosen should be friends and acquaintances
but it is necessary that they have interests, broadly speaking, of
the same sort, that they have enough in common to make a basis for
easy informal talk. If the people chosen like one another or have the
capacity for interesting and diverting one another, the hostess should
feel that the weightiest business is off her hands.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: SENDING DINNER INVITATIONS]
Dinner invitations should be sent out at least a week before the
date of the function. In places where social life is of a strenuous
character and people are likely to have many engagements ahead, two
weeks should be allowed. In New York and Washington, invitations for
formal dinners are issued four weeks before the event. The invitation
to a dinner should be answered immediately. As the number of guests
invited in any case is small, the hostess should know as soon as
possible the intention of those invited, so that, in case of a regret,
she may fill the place so quickly that the person next chosen may not
realize that he is an alternate. The letters R. s. v. p. should not be
put on a dinner invitation. Any one who receives such a card or note is
supposed to understand that an answer is expected.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE DINNER MENU]
When the guests are selected, the invitations delivered and the proper
number of acceptances received, the hostess may then turn her attention
to the other arrangements. The important matter of deciding upon the
menu is next in order. If the hostess has an admirably trained cook or
is in a position to engage an expert cateress, a consultation with one
or the other settles the affair. In case she has not the one and is
not financially able to engage the other, she must depend upon her own
resources. She must select a menu which she and her maid can together
carry out successfully.
The composition of a dinner menu is an employment that gives scope
for talent and originality. The range of possible dishes is large,
the variety in the way of combination inexhaustible. To plan a dinner
that is at once palatable and pleasing to the eye requires no mean
ability. To a woman who has a genius for culinary feats, this sort of
accomplishment may be an exercise of the artistic faculties; and the
effect produced upon the partakers of the feast goes far beyond mere
physical satisfaction. If one is in the habit of studying cook-books,
which make more interesting reading than they are generally given
credit for, the opportunity afforded by a dinner party for the display
of one’s knowledge should be as eagerly welcomed as the opportunity
offered a violinist for the exhibition of his art. Novelties are to
be indulged in sparingly. Queer highly-colored dishes make the guests
nervous as to the hygienic results.
[Sidenote: ROUND OR SQUARE TABLES]
Sometimes fashion decrees that a square or oblong table is the
appropriate form. Again she approves the round table. At the present
time the round table has the preference and, as far as the present
writer can see, with reason. The round table puts all the diners on
an equal footing instead of establishing a sometimes embarrassing
distinction between guests and hosts. Its use makes it possible for
each guest to have a good view of every other guest and this promotes
general conversation. Added to these merits is another of importance,
namely, that a round table is more susceptible of attractive decoration.
Many people who employ a square table for family use, employ on formal
occasions a round top, capable of seating twelve or fourteen people,
which top can be placed above the table commonly in use. This top when
not in use folds together on hinges in the center. On occasion it can
be clamped to the table in ordinary so that it holds perfectly firm.
One should not ask more guests than the table will roomily accommodate.
A woman guest will often be glad of a footstool.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE SILVER AND CHINA]
On the morning of the dinner the silver and china necessary should be
looked over and later in the day properly placed. The table should be
arranged with cloth, the napkins, the various knives, forks and spoons,
the flowers, the candles, and the service plates, if such are used.
The china to be employed for the various courses should be placed,
before the dinner, in the butler’s pantry in a way to promote, as
far as possible, swift and deft service with the maid. She should be
instructed exactly where she can lay her hands on the dishes for each
item in the menu so that her attendance may be expert and noiseless.
For her benefit it is well also to make out in good legible writing,
the menu for the meal and hang it in the kitchen in full view of her
and any other servants employed for the occasion. In giving a dinner
nothing should be left to chance. Every emergency should be taken into
consideration and planned for. In small households where only one maid
is employed, a trained waitress may be hired at small expense to help
serve.
[Sidenote: FLOWERS AND CANDLES]
The flowers to be used should have some relation to the color of the
candles if candles are used. A few flowers skilfully arranged are
sometimes quite as effective as a profusion. A clear glass jar which
shows stems and leaves as well as blooms is a good investment for the
woman whose love of beauty goes further than her ability to pay. The
importance of foliage is not always appreciated. One of the cleverest
minor inventions for making a few blossoms appear to their best
advantage is the cross-bar of wire which one finds now in the shops, in
various sizes and fitted to the tops of various ornamental vases. By
the use of this device each flower stands out in individual beauty. The
effect of no single blossom is lost.
Avoid a centerpiece that is so high as to obstruct the view across the
table.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: LAYING THE TABLE]
The table-cloth and napkins should be of pure white and of the finest
napery that one can afford. Silk and lace contraptions that will not
stand washing are in bad taste. The table-cloth is not starched and
preferably is never folded by the laundress but rolled so that when
used it shows no creases except one down the center. First on the table
is laid a heavy felt cloth known as the silence cloth, which, besides
deadening sounds, serves to make the damask lie more smoothly and
gives it a richer, handsomer appearance than if it were spread on the
bare boards. If the game or joints are to be served from the table, a
carver’s square should be laid at the head of the table and beneath it
a thick mat for the protection of the table surface. Beside this square
are laid the carving knife and fork, a table spoon and a gravy ladle.
At each guest’s place, is set a “service plate,” insisted on by the
punctilious who choose to obey the unwritten rule of hospitality that
a guest once seated is never without a plate. This plate is exchanged
by the waitress for the one bearing the food when it is served. To the
left of this plate will be arranged the forks, tines upward. These will
ordinarily consist of two large forks for the main meat course and the
salad, then a third fork for the fish and outside of these a small
oyster fork if there is to be a course of raw oysters. At the right of
the plate will be two dinner knives with the edges of the blades turned
toward the plate, a fish knife, and the spoons, including first a small
spoon for the after-dinner coffee. The spoon that will be used first
is placed on the outside for obvious reasons. The soup spoon with the
bowl uppermost will be placed either at right angles to the knives or
from right to left back of the plate. The water glass and the glasses
for wine, if these are used, stand to the right and back, a little
beyond the knives. As butter is not served at formal dinners the bread
and butter plate and butter spreader are omitted. The folded napkin
containing the dinner roll is laid to the right of the knives or on the
service plate. Fancy foldings of the napkin are not approved.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE SKILFUL MAID]
When the waitress hands a dish from which the guest must serve himself
she offers it on the left so that he may use his right hand freely.
However, when she puts a plate before him, she should do it from the
right. Many hostesses decree that on clearing the table, the large meat
and vegetable dishes should be taken first and the soiled plates last.
A reversal of this procedure would seem to be an improvement as the
untidy plates are the least sightly things about the table. If the maid
is skilful she will notice whether any guest has by chance already used
the spoons or other silver required for the dessert course and supply
those without a request being made.
In clearing the table the maid must not stack the dishes. She should
take a plate in each hand and no more.
Avoid using heavily scented flowers on a dinner table.
Menu cards do not belong in private houses. They have the somewhat
vulgar effect of laying too much stress on the food. The ideal dinner
is, indeed, a delightful repast, but it should be first of all what has
been wittily described as “a feast of reason and a regular freshet of
soul.”
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE FRUIT CENTERPIECE]
A fruit centerpiece is not often seen but it is handsome. A large
silver plate or basket heaped with pink and white winter grapes or even
with rosy apples and “glove” oranges is most effective.
If candles are used these should be kept on ice until near the dinner
hour, then lighted and the wicks cut, to prevent smoking and dripping.
Many persons who like to put shades on their candles have difficulty
in preventing them from catching fire. It is worth knowing that this
is more likely to occur when the holders are fitted to the top of the
candle than where they clasp it below the heated part.
When a dessert dish is placed on a larger plate, or a finger-bowl is
set before the guest, a small lace paper mat may be laid between plate
and dish.
If the dining-room floor is of hard wood rubber tips may be bought at
any department store and put on the chair-legs to prevent the noise of
scraping.
The table should be carefully set so that the centerpiece is exactly in
the center and the guests’ places precisely opposite each other.
As a rule the china used throughout a dinner exactly matches, but if a
hostess prefers she may use different sets for different courses.
In serving soup be careful not to give too much. A half ladleful is an
“elegant sufficiency.”
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE TEMPERATURE OF WINES]
If a dinner is very formal and several wines are to be served, it is
correct to use white wine with the fish, sherry with the soup, claret
with the roast and champagne or Burgundy with the game. The white wine,
sherry and champagne should be kept cold; champagne, indeed, should
be very cold and is served from a bottle wrapped in a napkin. Claret
and Burgundy are most agreeable at a temperature of about seventy. All
these wines are served from the bottle except claret and sherry, which
are usually decanted, that is to say, they are poured from the original
bottle into a cut-glass bottle or decanter intended especially for
table use.
* * * * *
Much of the success of a dinner depends upon the serving. A
well-trained maid or man is indispensable, and it is not to be denied
that the training, for this purpose, of the average servant to be found
in the West is difficult. But with patience it can be done. If one is
in the habit, as one should be, of insisting that the home dinner be
served with proper formality, the extra duties involved in the service
of a larger number of people and of a greater range of dishes need not
be viewed with terror.
If there are ten or twelve guests the services of two maids or men
become necessary, lest the portions on the plates become cold before
the sauces and vegetables that are to accompany them can be passed. For
elaborate dinners the rule is one waiter to every three guests.
In punctilious households the unwritten law that a guest should never
be without a plate before him is observed, and this is known as the
service or place plate. At an informal meal this plate may be dispensed
with.
A maid should be taught to move quietly, to keep her eyes and thoughts
on what she is doing, and in an emergency to go directly to her
mistress for a quiet word of instruction. It is particularly important
that the domestic in the kitchen should also be as quiet as possible in
her movements. Nothing is more annoying during a dinner conversation
than a crash of crockery in the culinary regions.
[Sidenote: THE HOUR FOR DINNER]
As a rule dinner is served in most American cities at seven o’clock. In
New York, however, where long distance makes it difficult for men to
reach home, dress for the evening and arrive at any stated place, eight
o’clock is frequently the hour.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: SAYING GRACE]
In not a few houses the fine old fashion of saying grace is still
observed and the guest should carefully watch his hostess for a cue as
to how to conduct himself. A young woman who happened to be visiting in
one of the older New England families chanced to take her first meal at
the dinner hour. After a moment’s pause she was asked by her hostess
to start the meal, and with best intentions she did so by passing a
bread plate near her. To her dismay she afterward learned that she had
been expected to say grace. Of course, such an incident could occur
only at an informal dinner, but it serves to bring up the point that
many a hostess embarrasses a guest by directly asking him to perform
this service which a natural timidity or his being unaccustomed to it
may make an ordeal for him. If a clergyman is present, respect to his
position, whatever one’s own religious convictions or want of them,
demands that he be asked to say grace.
* * * * *
At informal dinners the roast may be carved at the table if the
hostess prefers this plan and if the host can be persuaded to do
the carving and is able to do it skilfully and quietly. This plan,
which is English in its origin, seems more hospitable in a way than
the more formal custom of serving everything from side-tables, _a la
Russe_. Undoubtedly there is a flavor of the hotel and restaurant
about the Russian style that is less agreeable, though simpler and
more expeditious. It may be remarked, however, that while it is of
first importance that a dinner service should move promptly and that it
should not at the outside take up more than two hours, anything that
actually suggests haste is contrary to the spirit of the occasion.
When the meats are carved at the table the vegetables should be passed
by the maid, as the guests may have a choice. For the person at the
head of the table to serve both meat and vegetables is permissible
only at a family dinner. In some households the host or hostess makes
a specialty of salad dressing, and this course, also, is served at the
table. As the salad bowl may be so arranged as to present a beautiful,
as well as a delicious sight, the custom has more than one reason to
recommend it.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: WHO IS SERVED FIRST]
As to who is served first there has been considerable discussion. The
plan has recently come into favor in some houses to hand the first
plate in each instance to the hostess in the thought that if there is
anything wrong with the dish she may detect it before the guests are
served. The usual plan, however, is to serve first the lady sitting at
the host’s right hand, then all the other ladies, and lastly the men.
Or, if two maids are serving, one may take one side of the table and
one the other. The maid should hand the dishes on the left side of the
guest. A clever maid can wait on eight people, provided the dinner is
not too elaborate.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: DRESS OF BUTLER AND MAID]
The dress of a maid waiting at dinner should be in winter of a plain
black stuff, in summer of plain white. Over this is worn a white bib
apron with bands going over the shoulders. The skirt of the apron
should be large so that the front of the dress is protected. A plain
white collar and white cuffs and a white cap without strings or crown
complete this costume. No ornaments of any sort are permissible.
A butler should wear the ordinary dress suit with a white tie. It is a
matter of wonder to the thoughtful why society has not yet found a way
to clothe her butlers and waiters in some manner that shall prevent
strangers from taking them for guests, but as yet no such way seems
to have been found. In default of a butler many families keep what
is known as a house-man, who performs the duties of both butler and
footman; that is to say, he opens the door and also assists at table.
Such a servant has a white linen jacket and dark trousers, though
some women who have negro house-men and a taste for the picturesque
prefer that they shall wear dark colored coats with brass buttons and
a scarlet or other bright colored waistcoat. While one sees in certain
nice houses white gloves on the hands of a house-man when he is waiting
at table, the best taste is against their use, as they undeniably
suggest that they are worn to hide dirty hands.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: WHAT TO WEAR AT DINNER]
At formal dinners a woman is expected to wear a dress cut moderately
low in the neck, while for men what is known as evening dress is
imperative. Sometimes an invitation contains the word “informal,” but
unless one has explicit direction to the contrary, no departure should
be made from the usual method of dressing.
When a dinner is hastily arranged for an out-of-town guest, who
is perhaps passing through the city for the day only, or for some
distinguished man or woman on a tour of lectures, the hostess may
particularly request the guests not to wear evening clothes out of
consideration for the guest of honor who, not expecting any social
courtesies, is not prepared so to dress himself. In such cases the men
will wear their day clothes, though a woman is always privileged to
make her evening toilet somewhat more dainty and elaborate than her
daytime one. Not to appear in one’s best when the occasion is suited to
happy raiment is to do both one’s self and the occasion an injustice.
Most people are at their best when they have the consciousness of being
attractively attired, and one may be sure that the hostess always
appreciates any effort made by her guests toward increasing the charm
of the social picture which she has composed. A dark or dowdy dress is
an ugly note in such a group and reveals in the woman who causes it an
insufficient sense of the compliment that has been extended to her.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE DINNER COAT]
The dinner coat, or Tuxedo, was designed to be worn only on the most
informal occasions, though there is a tendency to widen its field of
usefulness. The theory is that it should never be worn where there are
ladies, but the modern practise has broken the theory down so that at
small dinners, the theater, club affairs, etc., the dinner coat is worn
by men who give the subject of dress intelligent consideration. With
the dinner coat a black silk string tie should be worn; this the wearer
should tie in a bow, tightly drawn at the center. Gray ties have been
urged by the fashion makers, but they are not so good as the black. The
white lawn tie should never be worn with the dinner coat. Gold studs
and gold link cuff buttons, or the newer dark enamel should be used,
in shirts of plaits or tucks of various widths. These softer styles of
shirts are now in high favor and are a sensible and proper innovation.
Extremes of styles should be avoided, and many men of conservative
tastes still wear the stiff plain linen or piqué bosoms. A black
waistcoat of the same material as the coat is preferable to the fancier
forms.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE LOW-CUT GOWN]
It is gratifying to note that in the best houses neither the hostess
nor any woman guest is seen to appear with a dress improperly low.
A woman, not long used to the better social circle into which she
married, was once invited to meet an actress at a private dinner party.
To the amazement and distress of her hostess she appeared in a gown
that evidently carried out her idea of what is “Bohemian.” She had
quite clearly been determined not to be outdone by the actress. To her
chagrin she found this woman in a gown much higher than her own and
wholly modest in every particular. To govern one’s dress or conduct in
society by any notion of outdoing some one else is an indication of the
parvenu and likely to meet with dire results.
* * * * *
Those who entertain often soon learn to discriminate between the
guest whose presence helps to make a dinner a success and one who is
an undigested lump in the social leaven. The desirable guest is not
necessarily a wit or a beauty but she comes with a glad mind and heart,
arrayed in her prettiest and with the sincere intention of trying to
give pleasure. She realizes the compliment of her invitation and that
it can not be acknowledged merely by extending a similar one. She must,
as some one recently put it, “pay her scat” before she leaves the
house. If her dearest enemy is present nothing in _her_ manner will
betray that fact to the hostess.
The meal should be announced by the servant in charge opening the
door or doors leading into the dining-room and saying, “Dinner is
served.” It saves confusion even at a small dinner to mark the places
at table by cards inscribed with the appropriate name, but this is not
obligatory.
[Sidenote: THE DINNER PROCESSION]
The host, with the lady who is to sit at his right, is the first to
leave the drawing-room. The order of the other couples does not matter,
except that the hostess, with the man who is to sit at her right,
leaves last. The places of honor are those at the right of the host
and the hostess. If the President were a guest, the hostess would
lead the way to the dining-room with him, the President’s wife coming
immediately after with the host. If two ladies are entertaining, one
must play the part of host. At very large and formal dinners trays
on which are small envelopes are placed in the men’s dressing-room,
each envelope bearing the name of the woman the guest to whom it is
addressed is to take in, and indicating by the letter L. or R. in the
corner of the card on which side the two will sit.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: ARRIVING AT A DINNER]
A dinner party demands that the guest be not more than ten minutes
early, and ordinarily not a half-minute behind the time mentioned in
the invitation. In large cities, however, on account of the great
distances, ten or fifteen minutes’ grace is allowed. After that
interval has passed, the hostess—or her butler if she have one—should
see that the cover laid for this person is removed, and the usual
announcement made that “Dinner is served.” The servant at the door
directs the women to their dressing-room, the men to theirs. In the
dressing-room the women leave their wraps, but do not remove their
gloves. Each woman, accompanied by her escort, descends to the
drawing-room, greets the hosts, and the man who is to take her out to
dinner is then introduced to her.
* * * * *
Where there are many courses a guest may, if he wish, sometimes decline
one or more of these. He may also show by a gesture that he will not
take wine, or, if his glasses are filled, he may simply lift them to
his lips, taste the contents, then drink no more. As a glass will be
filled as soon as emptied, the guest may say in a low voice, “No more,
please!” when he has had enough. None of these refusals should be so
marked as to attract the attention of his entertainers. A wine-glass
should never be turned down.
After the ladies have removed their gloves and the dinner-roll or slice
of bread has been taken from the folded napkin and the napkin laid in
the lap, the dinner conducts itself. The chapter headed “At Table” will
answer any doubtful questions as to the manner of eating at home or
abroad.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: WHEN DINNER IS OVER]
After the dinner is ended, the hostess gives a slight signal, or makes
the move to rise. The gentlemen stand while the ladies pass out of
the room, then sit down again for their cigars, coffee and liquors.
The chairs, on rising from a dinner-table, should not be pushed
back in place. Coffee and cordials are served to the ladies in the
drawing-room, where they are soon joined by the gentlemen.
When the time for departure approaches it is the place of the woman who
goes first to rise, motion to her husband, and then as soon as she and
he have said good night to the host and hostess, they bow to the other
guests, and retire to the dressing-rooms. After this they go directly
from the house, not entering the drawing-room again. If there are
guests of honor they should be the first to go.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: SAYING GOOD NIGHT]
In saying good night it is perfectly proper, extremists to the contrary
notwithstanding, to thank the entertainers for a pleasant evening. Such
thanks need not be profuse, but may be simply—“Good night, and many
thanks for a delightful evening!” or “It is hard to leave, we have had
such a pleasant time!” One need never be afraid to let one’s hosts know
that the time spent in their presence has passed delightfully.
* * * * *
[Sidenote: THE SUCCESSFUL DINNER]
Given well-prepared food, whether simple or elaborate, proper service,
a room not too warm and a current of fresh air that does not blow on
any one, guests sympathetically chosen, the dinner can not fail to be
a success. A young married belle of a western city who was visiting
in a smart New York set was asked at her first dinner what people in
the West did for after-dinner entertainment. “They talk,” she said.
The people present looked at her as if they thought that a dull way
of spending the time, and to a query of hers regarding their methods
of entertainment, replied that they usually “had in” a professional
or professionals of some sort for the amusement of the guests after
the eating and drinking were over. To her taste this indicated an
unenviable mental poverty, as it will to most sensible people. The
best flavor of a successful dinner party lies not in the food, however
grateful that may be to the palate, but in the talk. A dinner is the
entertainment at which sprightly natural talk counts for the most;
and this is probably the reason that the world over the dinner is
considered the most elegant and distinguished form of entertainment.