OPPORTUNITIES
'Draw through all failure to the perfect flower;
Draw through all darkness to the perfect light.
Yea, let the rapture of Thy spring-tide thrill
Through me, beyond me, till its ardour fill
The ungrowing souls that know not Thee aright,
That Thy great love may make of me, e'en me,
One added link to bind the world to Thee.'--_E. S. A._
We had a very enjoyable day up the river, Violet begged a holiday, and
came with us. We had only two boats--Constance, Violet, and Mr. Stroud
in one, and Nelly, Kenneth, Captain Gates, and I in the other. We took
our lunch with us, and landed in a wood that came down to the water's
edge. And after our meal was over Captain Gates asked me to come for a
stroll through the woods with him. I did not feel inclined to do this
at first, yet hardly liked to refuse, and it was not long before he
turned our conversation towards serious subjects.
'I looked into a Bible which was in my room last night, Miss Thorn, but
I couldn't see anything in it to make me wish to alter my life. It
seems to me that as long as we slip along, and live decent, respectable
lives, that is all that is required. God is merciful, isn't He? He
won't require too much of us.'
'"What doth the Lord thy God require of thee, but to fear the Lord thy
God, to walk in all His ways and to love Him, and to serve the Lord thy
God with all thy heart and with all thy soul?"'
I repeated this verse rather slowly, adding,--
'I don't think many of us can say we come up to God's requirements,
Captain Gates. "God will put up with a great many things in the human
heart, but there is one thing He will not put up with in it--a second
place." He who offers God a second place offers Him no place. I think
that has been very truly said; don't you think so?'
'Well, I must plead guilty, of course, when you bring up a verse like
that,' he responded lightly; 'but that is an impossible standard to set
up for us poor human mortals.'
'Yes,' I said, after a minute's silence, 'judging us from that
standard, we have all failed. We are "condemned already." I don't
believe, Captain Gates, that we can ever be in real earnest about
having our souls saved till we realize our condemnation. The verse
that made me miserable was this one: "He that believeth not the Son
shall not see life, but the wrath of God abideth on him."'
'Were you ever an unbeliever, then?' and Captain Gates looked at me
curiously as he spoke.
'Of course I believed _about_ Jesus Christ,' I replied in a low voice,
'but I didn't believe _in_ Him. I hadn't come to Him and accepted my
pardon at His hands. I didn't understand that, however good I might
try to be, I could never expect to enter heaven unless I was washed and
cleansed by Him.'
There was silence, and I was afraid I had been too outspoken. Then, as
we were passing a bush, with the most lovely honeysuckle at the top of
it, I stopped and asked him if he would get me some.
This he willingly did, and as he handed me some beautiful sprays of it
said,--
'There is no uncertain sound about your preaching, Miss Thorn. I
believe you could do something with me if you were to try, but your
doctrines are strange to me, and it will take me some time to get
reconciled to them. You must take me in hand; will you?'
I looked up, and our eyes met. Again I wondered if he were sincere.
'I think you will find all you need in the Bible,' I said; and then I
changed the conversation.
A few minutes after we met some of the others, and when we came down to
the river's side Violet seized hold of my arm.
'Hilda, you come in our boat. I had an awfully dull time of it coming
here. I think I was put in to act gooseberry, and I'm not going to do
it again. Do come!'
'I will, of course, if Constance likes.'
And that was the order in which we came home, for Mrs. Forsyth never
appeared at all. I was not surprised when Nelly came to me the last
thing at night, as she was so fond of doing, and announced,--
'Well, it is all settled. Constance and Mr. Stroud are engaged, and I
wish her joy of him. Mother is pleased, because he has a nice little
property; but I wouldn't have him for all the properties in creation.
He is a regular stick, and hasn't a spark of fun in him. I only hope
he won't stay on here after next week. Both he and Captain Gates said
they must go when the Walkers' theatricals are over.'
'Is Constance very happy about it?' I asked.
'She seems to be, in her way. Of course, everything is rose colour
to-night. Hilda, do you like Captain Gates?'
'Yes, I like him pretty well,' I said.
Nelly came up and put both hands on my shoulders.
'Now, look me straight in the face, and say that again.'
'I don't know what you mean,' I said, confronting her steadily.
'Sometimes I wonder if you are as innocent as you appear,' Nelly
continued, laughing. 'But let me warn you of this: he is a great
flirt, and tries it on with every girl he comes across. Kenneth asked
him to-night downstairs if he thought a saint would make any man a good
wife, and I never saw him so put out. He went off in a huff, and
Kenneth said he thought he was hit at last. What did you talk about,
Hilda, when you and he went off for your solitary ramble?'
I have always been told that I have an easy temper, but Nelly was never
nearer making me really angry than she was that night.
'I wish you would not speak so, Nelly,' I said, flushing a little as I
turned away from her; 'I cannot bear that kind of talk; as if you
cannot be friendly to any one without having such motives ascribed to
you. Captain Gates talks to me like any one else; he is a little more
polite to me than your brothers are, that is the only difference.'
'My dear, how your eyes are flashing! I shall begin to be quite
frightened of you. I didn't ascribe any motives to _you_, but I only
warned you to beware of Captain Gates. He told Kenneth you were a
bewitching little thing two days after he had first seen you, and I
think the fact of your being so different to the usual run of girls he
sees fascinates him for the time. I was going to advise you how to
deal with him, but really I hardly dare now.'
'I don't mean to be cross, Nelly; but I am tired, and I want to be left
alone.'
She laughed, gave me a kiss, and departed. I sat down to my Bible with
my thoughts in a tumult. I should have been stupid indeed if I had not
seen that Captain Gates liked to pay me little attentions, and his look
as he handed me the honeysuckle that afternoon in the woods had made me
shrink into myself, for I realized that he was not only interested in
the subject of our conversation, but in me myself. I had honestly felt
glad that he wished to talk on serious subjects, and I had been praying
for him a great deal that day. Now Nelly's chaffing words had left
their sting, and I felt humiliated by being discussed downstairs so
freely before them all. My desires for Captain Gates' welfare were at
an end. I felt I could never talk to him again.
But when I went down on my knees, and just spread the whole matter out
in prayer, and then waited in silence till the quiet and peace came
back into my heart, the case looked very different. And, turning over
the leaves of my Bible, I was guided to this verse, 'As every man hath
received the gift, even so minister the same one to another, as good
stewards of the manifold grace of God.' Yes; I resolved that when
opportunities were given to me of speaking a word for my Master, I
would take them gladly, yet at the same time I would not seek to make
them for myself, especially in connection with Captain Gates.
'Dwell deep!' I said to myself. 'I can let these little vexations and
misunderstandings pass unnoticed; they are like the breezes on the
surface of a lake. If I dwell below, I shall enjoy the calm.'
The next day was Sunday, and at three o'clock in the afternoon I found
myself waiting in the vestry for my scholars. They were not long after
me. First Roddy, with a shining face and a large bunch of asters from
his mother's garden, which he presented to me with great pride; then
two little girls in huge sun-bonnets, and very brown arms and legs,
named Hetty and Polly Tyke; a very heavy, sleepy-looking boy about four
years old, sucking a large piece of sugar-candy; and lastly Jim Carter
and a big girl about his own age, whom he held by the hand.
'We thought you'd like if Kitty was to come; she's blind, you see, and
has never been to no Sunday School, because no one will take charge of
her; they runs off after a time, and then she comes to grief, she do!'
I was a little nonplussed, as I had only expected quite an infant
class; but I made the best of it, and after singing a hymn that they
all seemed to know I had a short prayer, and then settled down to a
Bible story. I took Samuel's first call, made them each learn a little
verse about it, and then began to talk to them. They were very quiet
and listened almost breathlessly, but we had a few interruptions: Roddy
suddenly nodded his head very violently towards me, and burst forth in
the middle of my talk,--'I'll bring you a robin's egg to-morrer, a
booful little egg for your breakfus! I'll go in at the big gates all
by myself, and I'll knock at the big door with my stick, and then won't
you be very 'stonished!'
I hushed him, and a few minutes after little Tommy Evans dropped his
piece of sugar-candy, and in bending down to pick it up, overbalanced
himself and fell with a crash to the ground; of course he howled, and I
had to take him on my knee to pacify him. But these little incidents
did not lessen their interest in the Bible story, and when I gave them
each a little reward ticket at the close their delighted faces showed
their appreciation of it all. The hour over, I dismissed them, and
after promising to come again the next Sunday with several fresh
scholars, the little ones scampered off. Jim politely offered to put
the room tidy again, and whilst he was doing it I drew the blind girl
out into the church porch and had a little talk with her. She told me
her mother took in washing, and she helped her as much as she could.
'For father's been dead this five years, and grandfather's an old man,
and has rheumatics so bad in his knee he can't do no work, so mother
she keeps him; I wasn't always blind, I had scarlet fever when I was
just on three years old, but oh, I does wish for my sight in the
summer!'
'You poor child!' I said pityingly, 'you must long to see the flowers,
I feel sure.'
'Teacher,' she said earnestly, 'I like that about Samuel; I shall try
and say softly sometimes, "Speak, Lord, for Thy servant heareth." He
will speak, won't He? I should like to hear His voice.'
'You will, Kitty, I know you will. God wants to have you for His
servant. You give yourself to Him, and ask for His Holy Spirit to
teach you day by day.'
This short conversation sent me home with a happy heart. I felt
thankful that I had found some work, and I resolved to visit the
parents of each child during the week.
It was a very different atmosphere I came into a short time later. Tea
on Sunday afternoon was a time for visitors to drop in, and the
conversation seemed to me always on the most frivolous subjects.
Constance and Mr. Stroud had escaped and gone away into the garden by
themselves, and of course their engagement was being discussed as well
as the gaieties of the coming week.
I got into a quiet corner and took my tea in silence, hoping I might be
left unmolested, but this was not to be. A Miss Gordon, with a
magnificent voice, was singing as I entered, and when she had finished
Kenneth turned to me: 'Now, Goody Two-Shoes, give us something from
your violin.'
He invariably addressed me by that name now, and I knew how vain it
would be to protest against it.
'Oh yes, Miss Thorn,' said Miss Gordon, 'we have heard wonderful things
of your playing; you are quite a genius, aren't you?'
'No,' I said, colouring a little, 'I am certainly not that, though I am
very fond of it; I must ask you, I am afraid, to excuse my playing this
afternoon.'
'Oh, please play; why won't you oblige us?'
'I never use my violin on Sunday.'
There was dead silence; then a Mrs. Parker, a young widow who had come
with Miss Gordon, said, 'But, my dear Miss Thorn, play us something
sacred, of course. I always consider the violin quite a Sunday
instrument. In our village the chapel people have two going at every
service they hold. You surely cannot think it wicked to play it on
Sunday?'
No,' I said, 'I don't think it is _wicked_, but I would rather not do
it. I am sure you will not press me.'
'She has just come back from Sunday School,' said Kenneth, looking
across at me with a twinkle in his eye, 'and so she is doubly shocked
with our levity. I assure you, Mrs. Parker, her religious scruples are
such that I don't think she would pick a flower in the garden if you
were to ask her to on the Sabbath!
I rose from my seat, for I had finished my tea, and pointing to a
crimson rose in my waist-belt I said half laughing; 'I picked this as I
came in this afternoon,' and then I left the room and went upstairs,
where I had a nice quiet hour by myself. I felt quiet times alone were
quite essential to me now, otherwise I seemed to almost lose touch with
the unseen things that were so dear to me.