_An admiring group has collected before an enormous pin-cushion in the
form of a fat star, and about the size of a Church-hassock._
FIRST SOLDIER (_to his Companion_). Lot 'o work in _that_, yer know!
_Second Soldier._ Yes. (_Thoughtfully._) Not but what--(_becoming
critical_)--if I'd been doin' it _myself_, I should ha' chose pins with
smaller 'eds on 'em.
FIRST S. (_regarding this as presumptuous_). You may depend on it the
man who made _that_ 'ad his reasons for choosing the pins he did--but
there's no pleasing some parties!
SECOND S. (_apologetically_). Well, I ain't denying the _Art_ in it, am
I?
FIRST WOMAN. I _do_ call that 'andsome, Sarah. See, there's a star, and
two 'arps, and a crownd, and I don't know what all--and all done in pins
and beads! "Made by Bandsman Brown," too! [_Reading placard._
SECOND W. Soldiers is that clever with their 'ands. Four pounds seems a
deal to ask for it, though.
FIRST W. But look at the weeks it must ha' took him to do! (_Reading._)
"Containing between ten and eleven thousand pins and beads, and a
hundred and ninety-eight pieces of coloured cloth!" Why, the pins alone
must ha' cost a deal of money.
SECOND W. Yes, it 'ud be a pity for it to go to somebody as 'ud want to
take 'em out.
FIRST W. It ought to be bought up by Gover'ment, that it ought--they're
well able to afford it.
_A select party of Philistines, comprising a young Man,
apparently in the Army, and his_ MOTHER _and_ SISTER, _are
examining Mr. Gilbert's Jubilee Trophy in a spirit of puzzled
antipathy_.
THE MOTHER. Dear me, and _that's_ the Jubilee centrepiece, is it? What a
heavy-looking thing. I wonder what _that_ cost?
HER SON (_gloomily_). Cost? Why, about two days' pay for every man in
the Service!
HIS MOTHER. Well, I call it a shame for the Army to be fleeced for
_that_ thing. Are those creatures intended for mermaids, with their
tails curled round that glass ball, I wonder? [_She sniffs._
HER DAUGHTER. I expect it will be crystal, Mother.
HER MOTHER. Very likely, my dear, but--glass or crystal--_I_ see no
sense in it!
DAUGHTER. Oh, it's absurd, of course--still, this figure isn't badly
done. Is it supposed to represent St. George carrying the Dragon?
Because they've made the Dragon no bigger than a salmon!
MOTHER. Ah, well, I hope Her Majesty will be better pleased with it than
I am, that's all.
[_After which they fall into ecstasies over an industrial
exhibit consisting of a drain-pipe, cunningly encrusted with
fragments of regimental mess-china set in gilded cement._
_Before a large mechanical clock, representing a fortress,
which is striking. Trumpets sound, detachments of wooden
soldiers march in and out of gateways, and parade the
battlements, clicking for a considerable time._
A SPECTATOR (_with a keen sense of the fitness of things_). What--all
that for on'y 'alf past five!