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THEY have bin so jolly busy lately at the "Grand Hotel," and a reel
grand Hotel it is too, that they wanted sum assistence in the werry
himportant line of Waiters; so they werry naterally sent for me, and in
course I went, and a werry nice cumferal place it is for ewerybody, both
Waiters and Wisiters, and I can trewly say as I aint had not a singel
complaint since I have been here.
Well, one day a young Swell came a sauntering in, about 4 o'clock, and
wanted to know if he cood have a lunch for a gentleman, and in the
hansomest room as there was in the house. Of course I was ekal to the
ocashun, and told him, yes, he coud, and not only in the hansomest room
in that house but in the hansomest room in Lundon, and I at wunce showed
him into our Marble Pillow Room, which I coud see at a glarnce made a
werry deep impression on his mind, which I was not at all surprized at,
for it is about as near a approach to Paradise as you can resonably
expect so werry near the Strand.
So I sets him down at a sweet little round table, and I puts a lovely
gold candlestick on it, with two darling little cherubs a climing up it,
jest as if they was a going for to lite the candle, and then he horders
his simple luncheon, which it was jest a cup of our shuperior chocolate
and two xquisite little beef and am sandwitches, and wile he eat and
drank 'em he arsked me sech lots of questyuns as farely estonished me.
Such as, how much did the four Marbel Pillows cost? So I said, about 200
pound, for I allers thinks as an hed Waiter should be reddy to anser any
question as he is arsked, weather he knos anythink about it or not.
Then he wanted to know where we got all our bewtifool flowers from, and
I told him as we had 'em in fresh every morning from the South of France
along with our Shampane, which was made a purpose for us by the most
sellebrated makers, and consisted of two sorts, wiz.: dry for the
higneramuses and rich for the connysewers. So he ordered a bottle of the
latter, and drunk two glasses of it, and then acshally made me drink one
two, and sed as it was the finest as he had ewer tasted. He then asked
me what made us line all the room with such bewtifool looking glass, and
I told him as it was by order of most of the most bewtifoolest Ladys in
Lundon, who came to dine there wunce or twice every week. So he said as
how he shood drop in now and then to see 'em, for he thort as they gave
a sort of relish to a good dinner. He then got up, and saying as he
didn't want not no Bill, he throwed down a soverain and saying, "I shall
allus know where to cum to when I wants a reelly ellegant lunch, in a
reelly ellegant room, and to be waited on by a reelly respectful
Waiter," went away.
And now cums the strangest part of the hole affair, for presently in
rushes our most gentlemanly Manager, and he says, says he, "Do you know,
ROBERT, who that was as you've bin a waiting on?" "No, Sir!" says I.
"Why it's no other than the young ----" But wild hosses shan't tear the
name and title from me, as I was forbid to menshun it; but all I can say
is, that if it was known when he was a coming next time, there wood be
sich a crowd to see him as ewen our bewtifool Marble Pillow Room
wouldn't hold.