* * * * *
REPORTED ACCIDENT TO A COLONEL AND AN ALDERMAN.--Members of the Ancient
Corporation will do well to open their Royal Academy Guide very
cautiously, at least when they come to the Sculpture Department, as, if
come upon suddenly, their nervous system would receive a severe shock
from the following announcement:--"2023. Colonel W. H. WILKIN--bust." We
are glad to say that the worthy and gallant Alderman has pulled himself
together, and is uncommonly well. By the way, it is but fair to the
sculptor to state that his name is--ahem!--"WALKER."
* * * * *
[Illustration: AN ANTEDILUVIAN SURVIVAL.
_AEsthetic Party (looking over Furnished House)._ "A--I'M AFRAID, MY
LOVE, THAT THIS IS THE KIND OF DINING-ROOM--A--IN WHICH ONE WOULD FEEL
THAT ONE OUGHT TO DINE AT SIX O'CLOCK!!!"]
* * * * *
"NOT SUCH A FOOL AS HE LOOKS."
_Leo Britannicus, loquitur_;--
GOOD Gentlemen both, you're on opposite tacks!
Well, your plans you are perfectly welcome to try on.
They talk of the patience of lambs, or park hacks;
They're not in it, my lads, with an elderly Lion.
A Lion, I mean, of the genuine breed,
And not a thin-skinned and upstart adolescent.
Dear me! did I let everybody succeed
In stirring me up, or in making things pleasant,
By smoothing me down in a flattering style,
I'd have, there's no doubt, a delectable time of it.
You think I look drowsy, and smile a fat smile;
Well, what if I do? Where's the very great crime of it?
A Lion, you know, is not all roar and ramp,
So, STANLEY my hero, why worry and chivey?
Mere blarney won't blind me; I'm not of that stamp;
So don't hope to hypnotise _me_, good CAPRIVI.
Why, bless you, my boys, long before you were cubbed
I was charged, by your betters, with being too lazy;
But rivals have found, when outwitted or drubbed,
That a calm waiting game is not always so crazy.
In Indian jungles, American plains,
And far Eastern wilds, they have fancied me "bested,"
Because, when hot rivals were hungry for gains,
I kept my eyes open, and patiently rested.
A stolid and sleepy expression _will_ steal
At times, I'm aware, o'er my leonine features;
But, when the time's ripe, my opponents may feel
I'm _not_ the most easily humbugged of creatures.
In North as in South, in the East as the West,
Opponents _have_ planted their paws down before me.
But where are they now, boys? _J'y suis, j'y reste!_
Staying power is the thing; so don't bully and bore me.
I hear you, my STANLEY, I hear you and mark;
To snub you for patriot zeal were ungracious;
But--well, after all, on your Continent Dark
My footprints are plain, and my realm's pretty spacious.
I don't mean to say that a purblind content
My power should palsy, my policy dominate,
And Congos and Khartoums that pay cent. per cent.
Are tempting, but arrogant haste I abominate.
My "prancing proconsuls" not _always_ are right,
Whose first and last word for old Leo is "collar!"
I'm not going to flare up like fury and fight
Every time someone else wins an acre or dollar.
But if you imagine I'm out of the hunt
Every time I take breath, you are vastly mistaken:
I know you're a brick, and like language that's blunt;
Well, Lions sleep lightly, and readily waken!
For you, friend CAPRIVI, your manners are nice,
Your style of caressing is verily charming;
How soothingly sweet is your placid advice,
Your mild deprecation is almost disarming;
Almost, but not quite, for 'tis true Teuton law
That unfailing defence is the root of the matter;
And Leo is fully aware tooth and claw
Must not be _talked off_ e'en by friendlies who flatter.
Your prod, my good STANLEY, CAPRIVI, your pat,
Are politic both; I've an eye upon each of you.
The lids may look lazy, but don't trust to that;
I watch, and I wait, and I weigh the 'cute speech of you.
I do not mind learning from both of your books,
But though you may think Leo given to slumber,
He may not be quite such a slug as he looks,
As rivals have found, dear boys, times out of number!
* * * * *
AMONGST Cambridge cricketers Mr. GOSLING and Mr. HENFREY may be trusted
to avoid duck's eggs. Mr. ROWELL prefers to bat well; and Mr. LEESE
wishes he had a freehold when he is at the wickets. With WOODS, a HILL,
a (STREAT)FIELD, a (BERES)FORD and a (COTTE)RILL, there's plenty of
variety about FENNER'S ground at present.
* * * * *
[Illustration: "NOT SUCH A FOOL AS HE LOOKS!"