_Wednesday._--Great Day everywhere. _Mr. Punch_ appears. Crowds in Fleet
Street. The Numbers up in the Office Window. Receptions, alarums, (eight
day) excursions (there and back) to meet H.M. STANLEY. Curfew at dusk.
No followers allowed.
_Thursday._--Crowds out to meet H. M. STANLEY. Mrs. NEMO'S sixth and
last dance to meet Mr. H. M. STANLEY, as he hasn't been to any of the
others.
_Friday._--Lecture by Mr. CHARLES WYNDHAM on "the block system," in the
time of CHARLES THE FIRST. Admission by entrances only.
_Saturday._--Centenary Celebration of a lot of things. Review of the
events of the past month in Hyde Park, by the Editor of the _Nineteenth
Century_, to meet Mr. STANLEY. Ceremony of conferring the Order of the
Adelphi on H. M. STANLEY, by Messrs. GATTI.
_Sunday._--Short services from Dover to Calais. No sermon. Collection in
Hyde Park. H. M. STANLEY goes to meet somebody else for a change.
_Monday._--Expedition to find H. M. STANLEY.
_Tuesday._--Readings of the Barometer, and lecture on hot-house plants
and French grapes, by Sir SOMERS VINE. At Tattersall's, Lecture on the
approaching "Eve of the Derby," and the female dark races.
* * * * *
It has been finally settled that Mr. PHIL GORMAN, who will be remembered
in connection with the catering department at all the public dinners
held of late years in Sloshfield, is to be the next incumbent of the
highest municipal office in that prosperous borough. Mrs. GORMAN is a
daughter of the celebrated local poet, JAMES POSH, whose verse still
occasionally adorns the _Sloshfield Standard_.
* * * * *
A remarkable incident is stated to have taken place at Lady B----'s
fancy dress ball. A gentleman, wearing the gorgeous costume of a
Venetian Senator of the _renaissance_ period, somewhat awkwardly
entangled his spurs in the flowing train of a beautiful _debutante_,
dressed to represent Diana the Huntress. Some of those in the immediate
vicinity of the ill-used goddess aver that she was distinctly heard to
say, "Pig!". Those who know her better declare, however, that, with her
usual politeness, she merely remarked, "I _beg_ your pardon." Hence the
misconception, which is certainly pardonable.
* * * * *
The trees in the Park are now assuming their brightest verdure. It is
interesting to note that the number of sparrows shows no signs of
diminution.
* * * * *
Excellent subject Sir ARTHUR has chosen for his serious
opera--_Ivanhoe_. It is now finally settled that the part of _Rowena_
will not be entrusted to Mr. HERBERT CAMPBELL. It is whispered that the
great effect will be the song of _Isaac of York_, magnificently
orchestrated for fifteen Jews' harps, played by lads all under the age
of twelve. They have already commenced practice under the eye of Sir
ARTHUR, who himself is no unskilled performer on the ancient lyre of
JUBAL.
* * * * *
[Illustration: THE MODERN PISTOL.
"BASE IS THE SLAVE THAT PAYS!"]
* * * * *