How a Gallant should behaue himselfe in Powles walkes.
BEING weary with sayling vp and downe alongst these
shores of _Barbaria_, heere let vs cast our anchors, and
nimbly leape to land in our coasts, whose fresh aire
shall be so much the more pleasing to vs, if the _Ninny
hammer_ (whose perfection we labour to set forth)
haue so much foolish wit left him as to choose the
place where to sucke in: for that true humorous
Gallant that desires to powre himselfe into all fashions
(if his ambition be such to excell euen Complement
itselfe) must as well practise to diminish his walkes,
as to bee various in his sallets, curious in his Tobacco,
or ingenious in the trussing vp of a new Scotch-hose:
/ All which vertues are excellent and able to maintaine
him, especially if the old worme-eaten Farmer (his
father) bee dead, and left him fiue hundred a yeare,
onely to keepe an Irish hobby, an Irish horse-boy, and
himselfe (like a gentleman). Hee therefore that
would striue to fashion his leggs to his silke stockins,
and his proud gate to his broad garters, let him whiffe
downe these obseruations; for, if he once get to
walke by the booke (and I see no reason but he may,
as well as fight by the booke) Powles may be proud
of him, _Will Clarke_ shall ring forth _Encomiums_ in
his honour, Iohn in Powles _Church-yard_, shall fit his
head for an excellent blocke, whilest all the Innes of
Court reioyce to behold his most hansome calfe.
Your Mediterranean Ile, is then the onely gallery,
wherein the pictures of all your true fashionate and
complementall _Guls_ are, and ought to be hung vp:
into that gallery carry your neat body, but take heede
you pick out such an hour when the maine Shoale
of Ilanders are swimming vp and downe. And first
obserue your doores of entrance, and your _Exit_, not
much vnlike the plaiers at the Theaters, keeping your
_Decorums_, euen in phantasticality. As for example:
if you proue to be a _Northerne_ Gentleman, I would
wish you to passe through the North doore, more
often (especially) then any of the other: and so,
according to your countries, take note of your
entrances.
Now for your venturing into the Walke, be circumspect
and wary what piller you come in at, and take
heede in any case (as you loue the reputation of your
honour) that you auoide the _Seruing-mans_ logg, and
approch not within fiue fadom of that Piller; but
bend your course directly in the middle line, that the
whole body of the Church may appeare to be yours;
where, in view of all, you may publish your suit in
what manner you affect most, either with the slide of
your cloake from the one shoulder, and then you
must (as twere in anger) suddenly snatch at the
middle of the inside (if it be taffata at the least) and
so by that meanes your costly lining is betrayd, or
else by the pretty aduantage of Complement. But
one note by the way do I especially wooe you to, the
neglect of which makes many of our Gallants cheape
and ordinary, that by no meanes you be seene aboue
foure turnes; but in the fift make your selfe away,
either in some of the / Sempsters' shops, the new
Tobacco-office, or amongst the Booke-sellers, where,
if you cannot reade, exercise your smoake, and inquire
who has writ against this diuine weede, &c.
For this withdrawing your selfe a little, will much
benefite your suit, which else, by too long walking,
would be stale to the whole spectators: but howsoeuer
if Powles Jacks bee once vp with their
elbowes, and quarrelling to strike eleuen, as soone as
euer the clock has parted them, and ended the fray
with his hammer, let not the Dukes gallery conteyne
you any longer, but passe away apace in open view.
In which departure, if by chance you either encounter,
or aloofe off throw your inquisitiue eye vpon any
knight or Squire, being your familiar, salute him not
by his name of Sir such a one, or so, but call him
_Ned_, or _Jack_, &c. This will set off your estimation
with great men: and if (tho there be a dozen companies
betweene you, tis the better) hee call aloud to
you (for thats most gentile), to know where he shall
find you at two a clock, tell him at such an Ordinary,
or such, and bee sure to name those that are deerest:
and whither none but your Gallants resort. After
dinner you may appeare againe, hauing translated
yourselfe out of your English cloth cloak, into a light
Turky-grogram (if you haue that happinesse of shifting)
and then be seene (for a turne or two) to correct
your teeth with some quill or siluer instrument, and
to cleanse your gummes with a wrought handkercher:
It skilles not whether you dinde or no (thats best
knowne to your stomach) or in what place you dinde,
though it were with cheese (of your owne mother's
making) in your chamber or study.
Now if you chance to be a Gallant not much crost
among Citizens, that is, a Gallant in the Mercers
bookes, exalted for Sattens and veluets, if you be not
so much blest to bee crost as I hold it the greatest
blessing in the world, to bee great in no mans
bookes) your Powles walke is your onely refuge: the
Dukes Tomb is a Sanctuary, and will keepe you aliue
from wormes and land-rattes, that long to be feeding
on your carkas: there you may spend your legs in
winter a whole after-noone: conuerse, plot, laugh,
and talke any thing, iest at your Creditor, euen to
his face, and in the euening, euen by lamp-light,
steale out, and so cozen a whole couy of abhominable
catch-pols. Neuer / be seene to mount the steppes
into the quire, but vpon a high Festiuall day, to
preferre the fashion of your doublet, and especially
if the singing-boyes seeme to take note of you: for
they are able to buzze your praises aboue their
_Anthems_, if their voyces haue not lost their maiden-heads:
but be sure your siluer spurres dog your
heeles, and then the Boyes will swarme about you
like so many white butter-flyes, when you in the open
Quire shall drawe forth a perfumed embrodred purse
(the glorious sight of which will entice many Countrymen
from their deuotion to wondering) and quoyt
siluer into the Boyes handes, that it may be heard
aboue the first lesson, although it be reade in a voyce
as big as one of the great Organs.
This noble and notable Act being performed, you
are to vanish presently out of the Quire, and to
appeare againe in the walk: But in any wise be not
obserued to tread there long alone: for feare you be
suspected to be a Gallant casheerd from the society
of _Captens_ and _Fighters_.
Sucke this humour vp especially. Put off to
none, vnlesse his hatband be of a newer fashion then
yours, and three degrees quainter: but for him that
weares a trebled cipers about his hatte (though he
were an Aldermans sonne) neuer moue to him: for
hees suspected to be worse then a _Gull_, and not
worth the putting off to, that cannot obserue the
time of his hatband, nor know what fashioned block
is most kin to his head: for, in my opinion, ye
braine that cannot choose his Felt well (being the
head ornament) must needes powre folly into all the
rest of the members, and be an absolute confirmed
Foole in _Summâ Totali_.
All the diseased horses in a tedious siege cannot
shew so many fashions, as are to be seene for nothing,
euery day, in Duke _Humfryes walke_. If therefore
you determine to enter into a new suit, warne your
Tailor to attend you in Powles, who, with his hat in
his hand, shall like a spy discouer the stuffe, colour,
and fashion of any doublet, or hose that dare be seene
there, and stepping behind a piller to fill his table-bookes
with those notes, will presently send you into
the world an accomplisht man: by which meanes you
shall weare your clothes in print with the first edition.
But / if Fortune fauour you so much as to make you
no more then a meere country gentleman, or but
some three degrees remoud from him (for which I
should be very sorie, because your London-experience
wil cost you deere before you shall haue ye wit to
know what you are) then take this lesson along with
you: The first time that you venture into Powles,
passe through the body of the Church like a Porter,
yet presume not to fetch so much as one whole turne
in the middle Ile, no nor to cast an eye to _Si quis_
doore (pasted and plaistered vp with Seruing-mens
_supplications_) before you haue paid tribute to the top
of Powles _steeple_ with a single penny: And when you
are mounted there, take heede how you looke downe
into the yard; for the railes are as rotten as your
great-Grandfather; and thereupon it will not be
amisse if you enquire how _Kit Woodroffe_ durst vault
ouer, and what reason he had for it, to put his necke
in hazard of reparations. From hence you may
descend, to talke about the horse that went vp, and
striue, if you can, to know his keeper: take the day
of the Moneth, and the number of the steppes, and
suffer yourselfe to belieue verily that it was not a
horse, but something else in the likenesse of one:
which wonders you may publish, when you returne
into the country, to the great amazement of all
Farmers Daughters, that will almost swound at the
report, and neuer recouer till their banes bee asked
twice in the Church.
But I haue not left you yet. Before you come
downe againe, I would desire you to draw your knife,
and graue your name (or, for want of a name, the
marke, which you clap on your sheep) in great
Characters vpon the leades, by a number of your
brethren (both Citizens and country Gentlemen), and
so you shall be sure to haue your name lye in a
coffin of lead, when yourselfe shall be wrapt in a
winding-sheete: and indeed the top of Powles conteins
more names then _Stowes_ Chronicle. These
lofty tricks being plaid, and you (thanks to your
feete) being safely ariued at the staires foote againe,
your next worthy worke is, to repaire to my lord
_Chancellors Tomb_ (and, if you can but reasonably
bestow some time vpon ye reading of Sir
_Phillip Sydneyes_ briefe Epitaph; in the compasse of
an houre you may make shift to stumble it out. The
great dyal is, your last monument: there bestow /
some halfe of the threescore minutes, to obserue the
sawciness of the Jaikes that are aboue the man in
the moone there; the strangenesse of the motion will
quit your labour. Besides, you may heere haue fit
occasion to discouer your watch, by taking it forth,
and setting the wheeles to the time of Powles, which,
I assure you, goes truer by fiue notes then S. _Sepulchers_
Chimes. The benefit that wil arise from hence is
this, that you publish your charge in maintaining a
gilded clocke; and withall the world shall know that
you are a time-pleaser. By this I imagine you haue
walkt your belly ful, and thereupon being weary, or
(which rather I beleeue) being most Gentlemanlike
hungry, it is fit that I brought you into the Duke; so
(because he followes the fashion of great men, in
keeping no house, and that therefore you must go
seeke your dinner) suffer me to take you by the hand,
and lead you into an Ordinary.