generally held that all the ladies of the Court and of Paris city were
not so virtuous of their body as they of the open countryside, and such
as never left their homes. There have been men known so scrupulous they
would never wed with girls or women which had travelled far afield,
and seen the world, be it ever so little. Thus in our native Guyenne,
in the days of my youth, I have heard not a few gallant gentlemen say
this and seen them swear to the same, that they would never wed girl
or woman which should ever have gone forth of the Port de Pille, to
journey away toward France. Poor silly creatures surely herein, albeit
wise and gallant men enough in other matters, to suppose that cuckoldry
did never abide in their own houses, at their hearths and in their
closets and bedchambers, just as readily,—or mayhap more so, seeing the
easy opportunities,—as in the Royal Palaces and the great Royal towns!
For could not lovers well enough come thither to suborn, win over,
court and undo their wives for them, when they were themselves away at
Court, at the wars, or the chase, attending their law business or on
their journeyings abroad? This they would never understand, but were
so simple as to think men would never dare to say one word of love to
their ladies, but speak only of their households, gardens, hunting and
hawking parties. And so by such blindness and rash confidence they did
get themselves cuckolded even more freely than elsewhere; for there is
no spot where a fair and clever woman, and an honourable and gallant
man, cannot find room and convenience for love-making. Poor fools and
idiots that they were! could they not realize how that Venus hath no
fixed and special place of abode, as of old in Cyprus, at Paphos and
Amathos, and see that she doth dwell everywhere, yea! even in the very
herdsmen’s cots and the lowly lap of shepherdesses the most simple
seeming?
Since some while now have they begun to abandon these silly prejudices.
For, having observed that in all parts was risk of this same unhappy
cuckoldry, they have of late taken wives wherever they have pleased or
been able. Nay! they have gone yet further; for they have sent them
or taken them with them to Court, to let their beauty be manifest and
have full appreciation, and so strike envy to the heart of all and
sundry,—as if for the very end of getting themselves a set of horns!
Others again do nowadays send their wives, or take the same along with
them, to plead and influence by their solicitations their suits at law;
whereof some really and truly have no law business at all, but do make
pretense they have. Or else, if they really have some case toward, they
will wilfully prolong the same, the better to prolong their amours.
Nay! sometimes husbands will actually leave their wives on duty at the
Courts, in the galleries and great Hall thereof, and so away to their
own homes, deeming these will better do their business for them, and
they will win their cause better so. And in truth I do know of several
which have so won them, more by the dexterity and delights of their
wives’ fore parts than by any claim of justice on their side. And so
many a time will the wives be gotten with child at this game, and then
to avoid scandal,—drugs having failed of their efficacy to preserve
them therefrom,—will speedily hie away home to their husbands, feigning
they are going thither to look up titles or documents of the which they
stand in need, or to institute some enquiry, or else that ’tis to await
Martinmas and the re-opening of the Courts, and that being unable in
vacation time to make any progress in their suit, they are fain to have
a bout of the male and see their households again and husbands. And so
they do in sooth, but they were well in child, ere ever they began!
I appeal to many a learned judge and presiding magistrate as to the
fine tit-bits these same have enjoyed from time to time of country
gentlemen’s wives.
’Tis no long while since a very fair, great and honourable lady, which
myself have known, going in this wise to forward her case at the Paris
Courts, one seeing it did say, “Why! what doth she think to do? She
will surely lose, for she hath no great claim of right and justice.”
But, tell me, doth not her right and justice lie in the beauty of her
fore part, even as Cæsar did bear his on the pommel and point of his
sword?[95*]
Thus are country gentlemen cuckolded by the men of the Law, in revenge
for the cuckoldries they themselves commit on judges’ and magistrates’
good ladies. And indeed some of these last I have seen who have been
a fair match, when all charms were displayed, for many wives and
daughters of Lords, Knights and high-born gentlemen of the Court and
other such.
I knew once a great lady, which had been very fair, but years had worn
out her beauty. Having a law case at Paris, and seeing her beauty was
no more meet to help her to forward and win her process, she did take
with her a certain neighbour of hers, a young and pretty woman. And to
this end she did supply her with a good sum of money, as much as ten
thousand crowns; and so what she could not herself do, willing as she
would have been, in this she did find her advantage, and the young lady
to boot, and both the twain were well pleased.
’Tis no long while since I saw a mother take thither one of her
daughters, albeit she was a married woman, to help her forward her
case, having no other business there at all. And truly she is a very
fair lady, and well worth a man’s while to listen to.
However ’tis high time I should make an end in this my grand discourse
concerning cuckoldry. For at the last would my long periods, tossed to
and fro in these deep waters and mighty torrents, be clean drowned;
and I should never have done, or have wit enough to get me out of the
thing, no more than out of that Labyrinth of yore, though I should have
the longest and strongest thread was ever in this world for guide and
safe conduct.
Finally I will conclude by saying this, that if we are the cause of
many ills, and do give torments, martyrdoms and evil times to the poor
cuckolds, still we do verily pay for the same through the nose, as the
saying is, and are mulcted in a triple interest. For verily the more
part of them that do them wrong and make unlawful love, the more part
of the same gallants, do endure quite as great ills as they inflict,
seeing all the jealousies they are liable to, not less from their
rivals in the pursuit than from the husbands themselves. Then consider
the anxieties and caprices they have to put up with, the risks they
run of danger and death, of maiming and wounds, of affronts, insults,
quarrels, terrors, pains and penalties of every kind. Think how they
must needs endure cold and wet, wind and heat. I say naught here of pox
and chancres, all the plagues and diseases they incur at this game, as
much with high-born dames as with those of low degree. Thus it is that
many and many a time they buy right dear what is granted them, and the
game is truly not worth the candle.
Yea! many such have we seen perish miserably, at the very time they
were set forth on their way to conquer a whole kingdom. Witness M. de
Bussi, the paragon of his day, and many another.
Of such I could cite an host more; but I will leave them unnamed, to
the end I may have done, only admonishing lovers and advising them
to practise the Italian proverb which saith, _Che molto guadagna chi
putana perde_! (He who loseth an harlot, gaineth much).
Amé, Count of Savoy, was often used to say:
En jeu d’armes et d’amours
Pour une joye cent doulours.
(“In the sport of arms and of love,
for one joy an hundred dolours.”)
using this quaint old word, the better to make out his rhyme. Another
saying of his was, that love and anger had this point of great
unlikeness one with the other, that whereas anger doth pass away soon
and very readily from the person affected, love doth so only with the
extreme of difficulty.
And this is why we should guard well against love of this sort for
that it doth cost us quite as much as it is worth, and doth often lead
to great ill fortunes. And to speak the real truth, the more part of
patient and contented cuckolds have an hundred fold better time, if
only they have the wit to recognise their position and come to an
agreement with their wives, than have the active agents. Yea! and many
an one have I seen, though his horns were in question, would make mock
at us and laugh at all the humours and pretty speeches of us gallants
in converse of love with the wife. The same again when we had perchance
to do with wily dames, who do make an understanding with their husbands
and so sell us. So I knew once a very brave and honourable gentleman,
who had long loved a certain fair and honourable lady and had had of
her the enjoyment he had been fain of for so long. But one day having
observed that the husband and she were making merry at some peculiarity
of his, he did take the thing in such dudgeon that he did leave her,
and for good; for taking a long journey for to divert his thoughts, he
did never speak to the lady again, so he told me. And truly suchlike
wily, cunning and fickle dames must be guarded against, as they were
savage beasts; for to content and appease their husbands, they will
quit their old lovers, and thereafter again take other ones, being in
no wise able to do without them altogether.
So too I have known a very honourable and great lady, which yet had
this ill fortune with her, that of five or six lovers I have seen her
have in my day, all died one after the other, not without sore grief
on her part therefor.[96] Wherefore did men say of her how that she was
Sejanus’ horse,[96] seeing all they which did mount her did die, and
scarce ever survived. Yet had she this good in her and this merit, that
whosoever it may have been, she was never known to change or abandon
any of her good friends and lovers while yet living, for to take others
instead. Only when they did come to die, she was ever eager to have a
new mount, to the end she might not go a-foot. Moreover, as the lawyers
themselves maintain, ’tis allowed to adopt any protector one may choose
for one’s estate and lands, whenas they are deprived of their first
master. Such constancy in this fair lady was much to be commended; but
albeit _she_ was so far firm in her good faith, yet have there ever
been an host of other dames that have been far from so constant.
Besides, to speak candidly, ’tis never advisable to grow old in one and
the same spot, and no man of spirit ever doth so. A man must be a bold
adventurer and ever be turning him this way and that, just as much in
love as in war and in other matters. For verily if a sailor do trust to
but one anchor in his ship, if he drag this, he is very likely to lose
his vessel, especially if it be in an exposed place and in a storm,
where squalls and tempestuous waves are more like to occur than in a
calm and in harbour.
And in what more dangerous and exposed waters could a man adventure
himself and sail forth than in making love to one fair lady only?
For though of herself she may not have been wily and cunning at the
beginning, yet we men do soon make her so and sharpen her wits by
the many strange tricks we play with her, whereby we do often hurt
ourselves, by making her able to carry the war into our own country,
having fashioned and trained her thereto. So is it better far, as
a certain gallant gentleman was used to say, to wed some fair and
honourable dame, albeit with the risk of having a touch of the horns
and suffering this misfortune of cuckoldry that is common to so many,
rather than to endure so many hardships and perils in the making of
other folks cuckold.
However this is all contrary to the opinion expressed by M. du Gua, to
whom one day I did make a proposition on the part of a certain great
lady which had begged me so to do, to marry him. But he did make this
answer only, that heretofore he had ever deemed me one of his best
friends, but that now I did make him think himself deceived in this,
by my holding such language to him, trying to hunt him into the very
thing he most did hate, that is to get him to marry and be cuckolded,
in lieu of his making other men so. He did further say he could always
wed plenty of women every year, speaking of marriage as an hidden
prostitution of a man’s repute and liberty, ordained by a specious law.
Moreover that the worst of it was, this, as myself also do see and have
noted to be the case, that the more part, nay! all, of them that have
thus taken delight in making other folks cuckold, when themselves come
to wed, infallibly do they fall into the married, I mean the cuckolded,
state. Never yet have I known it fall out otherwise, according to the
word, “As thou shalt do to others, so shall it be done unto you.”
Before making an end, I will say yet one word more,—how that I have
seen a dispute raised that is still undecided, to wit, in which
provinces and regions of our Christendom and Europe there be most
cuckolds and harlots? Men declare that in Italy the ladies are
exceedingly hot, and for that cause very whorish, as saith M. de
Bèze[97] in a Latin Epigram, to the effect that where the sun is hot
and doth shine with most power, there doth it the most heat women,
inditing a verse thus conceived;
Credible est ignes multiplicare suos.
(’Tis to believed he doth there multiply their fires.)
Spain is in the like case, though it lie more to the Westward; yet doth
the sun there warm fair ladies as well as ever it can in the East.
Flemish, Swiss, German, English and Scotch women, albeit they dwell
more to the Northward and inhabit cold regions, share no less in this
same natural heat; and indeed I have known them as hot as dames of any
other land.
The Greeks have good reason to be so, for that they are well to the
Eastward. So in Italy men do pray for _Greca in letto_,—or “a Greek
bedfellow.” And in sooth they do possess many attractive points and
merits, as is but to be expected, seeing in times of old they were the
delight of all the world, and have taught many a secret to the ladies
of Italy and Spain, from ancient times even to the present day,—so much
so that these do well nigh surpass their teachers, whether ancient or
modern. And verily was not the Queen and Empress of all harlots, which
was Venus, a Greek?
As for my fair countrywomen of France, in old days they were
notoriously very coarse and unrefined, contenting themselves with
doing of it in a coarse, rude fashion. But, beginning some fifty years
since, they have borrowed so much and learned from other nations so
many gentle ways, pretty tricks, charms and attractions, fine clothes,
wanton looks, or else themselves have so well studied to fashion
themselves therein, that we are bound to say that they do now surpass
all other women in every way. So, as I have heard even men of foreign
nations admit, they are better worth a man’s having than any others,
not to mention that naughty words in French are more naughty, better
sounding and more rousing, than in any other tongue.[98*]
Over and above all this, that excellent liberty we have in France, a
thing more to be esteemed than aught else, doth surely make our women
more desirable and lovable, more easy of access and more amenable,
than they of any other nation. Again adultery is not so constantly
punished as in other lands, by the good wisdom of our noble Councils
and French law-makers, which seeing abuses to arise by reason of such
harsh punishments, have something checked the same, and corrected the
rigorous laws of a former day, passed by men which herein did allow
themselves full license of merry disport, but deprived women altogether
of the same privilege. Thus was it not allowed to an innocent woman
to accuse her husband of adultery, by any laws imperial or canon, as
Cajetan doth assure us. But truly cunning men did make this rule for
the reasons named in the following Italian verses:
Perche, di quel che Natura concede
Cel’ vieti tu, dura legge d’honore.
Ella à noi liberal large ne diede
Com’ agli altri animai legge d’amore.
Ma l’huomo fraudulento, e senza fede,
Che fu legislator di quest’ errore,
Vendendo nostre forze e buona schiena,
Copri la sua debolezza con la pena.
(“Oh! over harsh law of honour, why dost thou forbid the thing
that Nature urges us to do? She grants us, as to all animals, the
enjoyment of love abundantly and liberally. But the base deceiver,
man, knowing only too well the vigour of our loins, has established
this mistaken law, so to conceal the weakness of the sexes.”)
In a word, ’tis good to love in this land of France. I appeal to our
authentic doctors in this science, and even to our courtesans, which
will be more apt than I to elaborate subtle details thereanent. And
to tell the very truth: harlots are there in all lands, and cuckolds
the same, as myself can surely testify, for that I have seen all the
countries I have named, and others to boot. Chastity abideth not in one
quarter of the earth more than another.
15.
Now will I further ask this one question only, and never another, one
which mayhap hath never yet been enquired into of any, or possibly
even thought of,—to wit, whether two ladies that be in love one with
the other, as hath been seen aforetime, and is often seen nowadays,
sleeping together in one bed, and doing what is called _donna con
donna_, imitating in fact that learned poetess Sappho, of Lesbos,
whether these can commit adultery, and between them make their husbands
cuckold.
Of a surety do they commit this crime, if we are to believe Martial
in Epigram CXIX of his First Book.[99*] Therein doth he introduce and
speak of a woman by name Bassa, a tribad, reproaching the same greatly
in that men were never seen to visit her, in such wise that folk
deemed her a second Lucretia for chasteness. But presently she came to
be discovered, for that she was observed to be constantly welcoming at
her house beautiful women and girls; and ’twas found that she herself
did serve these and counterfeit a man. And the poet, to describe this,
doth use the words, _geminos committere cunnos_. And further on,
protesting against the thing, he doth signify the riddle and give it
out to be guessed and imagined, in this Latin line:
Hic, ubi vir non est, ut sit adulterium,
(“a strange thing,” that is, “that where no man is, yet is adultery
done.”)
I knew once a courtesan of Rome, old and wily if ever there was one,
that was named Isabella de Luna,[100*] a Spanish woman, which did
take in this sort of friendship another courtesan named Pandora. This
latter was eventually married to a butler in the Cardinal d’Armaignac’s
household, but without abandoning her first calling. Now this same
Isabella did keep her, and extravagant and ill-ordered as she was in
speech, I have oft times heard her say how that she did cause her to
give her husbands more horns than all the wild fellows she had ever
had. I know not in what sense she did intend this, unless she did
follow the meaning of the Epigram of Martial just referred to.
* * * * *
’Tis said how that Sappho the Lesbian was a very high mistress in this
art, and that in after times the Lesbian dames have copied her therein,
and continued the practice to the present day. So Lucian saith: such
is the character of the Lesbian women, which will not suffer men at
all. Now such women as love this practice will not suffer men, but
devote themselves to other women and are called _tribads_, a Greek word
derived, as I have learned of the Greeks, from τρίδω, τρίδειν, that is
to say _fricare_. These tribads are called in Latin _fricatrices_, and
in French the same, that is women who do the way of _donne con donne_,
as it is still found at the present day.
Juvenal again speaks of these women, when he saith:[101*]
... frictum Grissantis adorat
talking of such a tribad, who adored and loved the embraces of one
Grissas.
The excellent and diverting Lucian hath a chapter on this subject, and
saith therein how that women do come mutually together. Moreover this
name of tribad, which doth elsewhere occur but rarely as applied to
these women, is freely employed by him throughout, and he saith that
the female sex must needs be like the notorious Philaenis, who was
used to parody the actions of manly love. At the same time he doth
add, ’tis better far for a woman to be given up to a lustful affection
for playing the male, than it is for a man to be womanish; so utterly
lacking in all courage and nobility of character doth such an one show
himself. Thus the woman, according to this, which doth counterfeit
the man, may well be reputed to be more valorous and courageous than
another, as in truth I have known some such to be, as well in body as
in spirit.
En un autre endroit, Lucien introduit deux dames devisantes de cet
amour; et une demande à l’autre si une telle avait été amoureuse
d’elle, et si elle avait couché avec elle, et ce qu’elle lui avait
fait. L’autre répondit librement: “Premièrement, elle me baisa ainsi
que font les hommes, non pas seulement en joignant les lèvres, mais
en ouvrant aussi la bouche, cela s’entend en pigeonne, la langue en
bouche; et, encore qu’elle n’eût point le membre viril et qu’elle fût
semblable à nous autres, si est-ce qu’elle disait avoir de coeur,
l’affection et tout le reste viril; et puis je l’embrassai comme un
homme, et elle me le faisait, me baisait et allentait (je n’entends
point bien ce mot), et me semblait qu’elle y prit plaisir outre mesure,
et cohabita d’une certain Jaçon beaucoup plus agréable que d’un
homme.” Voila ce qu’en dit Lucien.
Well, by what I have heard say, there be in many regions and lands
plenty of such dames and Lesbian devotees,—in France, in Italy, in
Spain, Turkey, Greece and other places. And wherever the women are kept
secluded, and have not their entire liberty, this practice doth greatly
prevail.
The Turkish women go to the baths more for this than for any other
reason, and are greatly devoted thereto. Even the courtesans, which
have men at their wish and at all times, still do employ this habit,
seeking out the one the other, as I have heard of sundry doing in
Italy and in Spain. In my native France women of the sort are common
enough; yet it is said to be no long time since they first began to
meddle therewith, in fact that the fashion was imported from Italy by a
certain lady of quality, whom I will not name.
Several others have I known which have given account of the same manner
of loves, amongst whom I have heard tell of a noble lady of the great
world, who was superlatively given this way, and who did love many
ladies, courting the same and serving them as men are wont. So would
she take them and keep them at bed and board, and give them whatever
they would. Her husband was right glad and well content thereat, as
were many other husbands I have known, all of whom were right glad
their wives did follow after this sort of affection rather than that
of men, deeming them to be thus less wild. But indeed I think they
were much deceived; for by what I have heard said, this is but an
apprenticeship, to come later to the greater one with men.
How many of these Lesbian dames have I seen who, for all their customs
and habits, yet fail not at the last to go after men! Even Sappho
herself, the mistress of them all, did she not end by loving her fond,
favourite Phaon, for whose sake she died? For after all, as I have
heard many fair ladies declare, there is nothing like men. All these
other things do but serve them but in the lack of men. And if they but
find a chance and opportunity free from scandal, they will straight
quit their comrades and go throw their arms round some good man’s neck.
I have known in my time two very fair and honourable damsels of a noble
house, cousins of one another, which having been used to lie together
in one bed for the space of three years, did grow so well accustomed
to this, that at the last getting the idea the said pleasure was but a
meagre and imperfect one compared with that to be had with men, they
did determine to try the latter, and soon became downright harlots. And
this was the answer a very honourable damsel I knew did once make to
her lover, when he asked her if she did never follow this way with her
lady friend,—“No, no!” she replied, “I like men too well.”
I have heard of an honourable gentleman who, desiring one day at Court
to seek in marriage a certain very honourable damsel, did consult one
of her kinswomen thereon. She told him frankly he would but be wasting
his time; for, as she did herself tell me, such and such a lady, naming
her, (’twas one I had already heard talk of) will never suffer her
to marry. Instantly I did recognize the hang of it, for I was well
aware how she did keep this damsel at bed and board, and did guard her
carefully. The gentleman did thank the said cousin for her good advice
and warning, not without a merry gibe or two at herself the while,
saying she did herein put in a word or two for herself as well as for
the other, for that she did take her little pleasures now and again
under the rose. But this she did stoutly deny to me.[102*]
This doth remind me of certain women which do thus and actually love
these friends so dearly they would not share them for all the wealth in
the world, neither with Prince nor great noble, with comrade or friend.
They are as jealous of them as a beggarman of his drinking barrel; yet
even he will offer this to any that would drink. But this lady was fain
to keep the damsel all to herself, without giving one scrap to others.
’Tis said how that weasels are touched with this sort of love, and
delight female with female to unite and dwell together. And so in
hieroglyphic signs, women loving one another with this kind of
affection were represented of yore by weasels. I have heard tell of a
lady which was used always to keep some of these animals, for that she
did take pleasure in watching her little pets together.