of one very great nobleman, with regard to their daughters. For herein
are they said to have shown no more conscience than the Cock in Aesop’s
Fable. This last, when he was met by the Fox, who did threaten him and
declare he purposed to kill him, did therefore proceed to rehearse all
the benefits he wrought for mankind and above all else the fair and
excellent poultry that came from him. To this the fox made answer, “Ha,
ha!” said he, “that is just my quarrel with you, sir gallant! For so
lecherous are you, you make no difficulty to tread your own daughters
as readily as the other hens,” and for this crime did put him to death.
Verily a stern and artful judge!
I leave you then to imagine what some maids may do with their
lovers,—for never yet was there a maid but had or was fain to have a
lover,—and that some there be that brothers, cousins and kinsfolk have
done the like with.
In our own days Ferdinand, King of Naples,[51] knew thus in wedlock
his own aunt, daughter of the King of Castile, at the age of 13 or 14
years, but this was by dispensation of the Pope. Difficulties were
raised at the time as to whether this ought to be or could be so given.
Herein he but followed the example of Caligula, the Roman Emperor, who
did debauch and have intercourse with each of his sisters, one after
the other. And above and beyond all the rest, he did love exceedingly
the youngest, named Drusilla, whom when only a lad he had deflowered.
And later, being then married to one Lucius Cassius Longinus, a man of
consular rank, he did take her from her husband, and lived with her
openly, as if she had been his wife,—so much so indeed that having
fallen sick on one occasion, he made her heiress of all his property,
including the Empire itself. But it fell out she died, which he did
grieve for so exceedingly sore that he made proclamation to close the
Courts and stay all other business, in order to constrain the people
to make public mourning along with him. And for a length of time he
wore his hair long and beard untrimmed for her sake; and when he was
haranguing the Senate, the People or his soldiers, never swore but by
the name of Drusilla.
As for his other sisters, when that he had had his fill of them, he
did prostitute them and gave them up to his chief pages which he had
reared up and known in very foul fashion. Still even so he had done
them no outrageous ill, seeing they were accustomed thereto, and that
it was a pleasant injury, as I have heard it called by some maids on
being deflowered and some women who had been ravished. But over and
above this, he put a thousand indignities upon them; he sent them into
exile, he took from them all their rings and jewels to turn into money,
having wasted and ill guided all the vast sums Tiberius had left him.
Natheless did the poor girls, having after his death come back from
banishment, and seeing the body of their brother ill and very meanly
buried under a few clods of earth, have it disinterred and burned and
duly buried as honourably as they could. Surely a good and noble deed
on the part of sisters to a brother so graceless and unnatural!
The Italian, by way of excusing the illicit love of his countryman,
says that _quando messer Bernardo, il buciacchio sta in colera et in
sua rabbia, non riceve legge, et non perdona a nissuna dama_,—“when
messer Bernardo, the young ox, stand up in anger and in his passion, he
will receive no laws and spare no lady.”
We can find plenty of examples amongst the Ancients of such as have
done the same. However to come back to our proper subject, I have heard
a tale of one who having married a fair and honourable damsel to one
of his friends, and boasting that he had given him a right good and
noble mount, sound, clean and free from knots and malanders, as he put
it, and that he lay the more under obligation to him therefor, he was
answered by one of the company, who said aside to one of his comrades:
“That is all quite true, if only she had not been mounted and ridden so
young and far too soon. For it has made her a bit _foulée_ in front.”
But likewise I would fain ask these noble husbands whether, if such
mounts had not often some fault, some little thing wrong with them,
some defect or blemish, they would make the match with others who are
more deserving than they, like horse-dealers who do all they can to get
rid of their blemished horses, but always with those that know naught
of the matter. Even so, as I have heard many a father say, ’tis a very
fine riddance to be quit of a blemished daughter, or one that doth
begin to be so, or seems by her looks like to be.
How many damsels of the great world I know who have not carried their
maidenhood to the couch of Hymen, but who have for all that been well
instructed of their mothers, or other their kinswomen and friends,
right cunning pimps as they are, to make a good show at this first
assault. Divers are the means and contrivances they do resort to with
artful subtleties, to make their husbands think it well and convince
them never a breach has been made before. The most part resort to the
making of a desperate resistance and defence at this point of attack,
and do fight obstinately to the last extremity. Whereof there are
some husbands much delighted, for they do firmly believe they have
had all the honour and made the first conquest, like right determined
and intrepid soldiers. Then next morning they have fine tales to tell,
how they have strutted it like little cocks or cockerels that have eat
much millet-seed in the evening, making many boasts to their comrades
and friends, and even mayhap to the very men who have been the first to
invade the fortress, unwittingly to them. Whereat these do laugh their
fill in their sleeves, and with the women their mistresses, and boast
they did their part well too, and gave the damsels as good as they got.
Some suspicious husbands there be however who hold all this resistance
as of bad augury, and take no satisfaction in seeing them so
recalcitrant. Like one I know who asked his wife why did she thus play
the prude and make difficulties, and if she disdained him so much as
all that; but she thinking to make excuse and put off the fault on
something else than disdain, told him ’twas because she was afraid
he would hurt her. To this he retorted, “Now have you given proof
positive, for no hurt can be known without having been first suffered.”
But she was wily, and denied, saying she had heard tell of it by some
of her companions who had been married, and had so advised her. And,
“Hum! fine advice truly and fine words!” was all he could say.
Another remedy these women recommend is this,—next morning after their
wedlock to show their linen stained with drops of blood, the which the
poor girls shed in the cruel work of their deflowering. So is it done
in Spain, where they do publicly display from the window the aforesaid
linen, crying aloud, “Virgen la tenemos,”—“we hold her for a maid.”
Likewise of a surety I have heard say that at Viterbo[52] this custom
is similarly observed. Moreover, seeing such damsels as have previously
affronted the battle cannot make this display of their own blood,
they have devised the plan, as I have heard say, and as several young
courtesans at Rome have themselves assured me, the better to sell their
maidenhood, of staining the said linen with pigeon’s blood, which is
the most meet of all for the purpose. So next morning the husband doth
see the blood and doth feel a great satisfaction thereof, and doth
believe firmly ’tis the virginal blood of his wife. He thinks himself a
gallant and happy man, but he is sore deceived all the while.
Hereanent will I repeat the following merry tale of a gentleman who
had his string tied in a knot the first night of his wedlock; but the
bride, who was not one of the very fair and high-born sort, fearing
he would be sore enraged thereat, did not fail, by advice of her good
comrades, matrons, kinswomen and good friends, to have the bit of linen
stained as usual. But the mischief for her was that the husband was so
sore tied that he could do naught at all, albeit she thought no harm
to make him a very enticing display and deck herself for the assault
as well as ever she could, and lie conveniently without playing the
prude or making any show of reluctance or deviltry. At least so the
lookers-on, hid near by according to custom, did report; and indeed she
did so the better to conceal the loss of her maidenhood elsewhere. But
for all the red linen, he had really done naught whatever.
At night, by established custom, the midnight repast having been
carried in, there was as usual a worthy guest ready to advise that in
the customary wedding scramble they should filch away the sheet, which
they did find finely stained with blood. This was instantly displayed
and all in attendance were assured by loud cries she was no longer a
maid, and here was the evidence her virgin membrane had been deforced
and ruptured. The husband, who was quite certain he had done naught,
but who nevertheless was fain to pose as a brave and valiant champion,
remained sore astounded and wot not what this stained sheet might mean.
Only after sufficient pondering, he did begin to suspect some knavish,
cunning harlot’s trick, yet never breathed a word.
The bride and her confidantes were likewise sore troubled and astounded
for that the husband had so missed fire, and that their business was
not turning out better. Nothing however was suffered to appear till
after a week’s time, when lo! the husband found his knot untied, and
did straight let fly with might and main. Whereat being right glad and
remembering naught else, he went forth and published to all the company
how in all good conscience he had now given proof of his prowess and
made his wife a true wife and a proper married woman; but did confess
that up till then he had been seized with absolute impotence to do
aught. Hereupon those present at the time did hold diverse discourse,
and cast much blame and scorn on the bride, whom all had deemed a wife
by her stained linen. Thus did she bring scandal on herself,—albeit she
was not properly speaking an altogether cause thereof, but rather her
husband, who by feebleness, slackness and lack of vigour did spoil his
own wedding.
Again, there are some husbands that do know at their first night as to
the maidenhood of their wives, whether they have won it or no, by the
signs they find. So one that I know, who did marry a wife in second
wedlock; but the wife was for making him believe her first husband had
never touched her, by reason of his impotence, and that she was virgin
and a maid, as much as before being married at all. Yet did he find her
of such ample capacity that he exclaimed, “What ho! are _you_ the maid
of Marolles, so tight and small as they told me you were?” So he had
just to take it as it was, and make the best of it. For if her first
husband had never touched her, as was quite true, yet many another man
had.
8.
But what are we to say of some mothers who, seeing the impotence of
their sons-in-law, or that they have the string knotted or some other
defect, are procuresses to their own daughters. Thus to win their
jointures, they get them to yield to others, and often to become with
child by them, to the end they may have offspring to inherit after the
death of the father.
I know one such who was ready enough to give this counsel to her
daughter, and indeed spared no effort to bring it about, but the
misfortune for her was that never could she have a child at all. Also I
know a husband who, not being able to do aught to his wife, did yield
his place to a big lackey he had, a handsome lad, to lie with his wife
and deflower her as she slept, and in this way save his honour. But
she did discover the trick and the lackey had no success. For which
cause they had a long suit at law, and finally were separated.
King Henry of Castile[53] did the like, who as Fulgosius[53] relates,
seeing he could make no children with his wife, did call in the help of
a handsome young gentleman of his Court to make them for him. The which
he did; and for his pains the King gave him great estates and advanced
him in all honours, distinctions and dignities. Little doubt the wife
was grateful to him therefor, and did find the arrangement much to her
liking. This is what I call an accommodating cuckold!
As to these “knotted strings” spoken of above, there was lately a law
process thereanent in the Court of the Parliament of Paris, between
the Sieur de Bray, High Treasurer, and his wife, to whom he could do
naught, suffering as he did from this or other like defect, for which
the wife, once well married, did call him to account. It was ordered
by the Court that they should be visited, the two of them, by great
doctors expert in these matters. The husband did choose his, and the
wife hers. And hereon was writ a right merry sonnet at the Court, the
which a great lady read over to me herself, and gave me, whenas I was
dining with her. ’Twas said a lady had writ it, though others said a
man. Here it is:
SONNET
Entre les médecins renommés à Paris
En sçavoir, en espreuve, en science, en doctrine,
Pour juger l’imparfait de la coupe androgine,
Par de Bray et sa femme ont esté sept choisis,
De Bray a eu pour lui les trois de moindre prix,
Le Court, l’Endormy, Piétre: et sa femme plus fine,
Les quatre plus experts en l’art de médecine,
Le Grand, le Gros, Duret et Vigoureux a pris.
On peut par là juger qui des deux gaignera,
Et si le Grand du Court victorieux sera,
Vigoureux d’Endormy, le Gros, Duret, de Piètre.
Et de Bray n’ayant point ces deux de son costé,
Estant tant imparfait que mari le peut estre,
A faute de bon droict en sera débouté.
(Among all the great doctors of Paris, famed for knowledge, skill,
science and learning, seven were chosen out by de Bray and his wife,
to judge of the defect in the cup of man and wife.—De Bray has on
his side the three of lesser price, Le Court, l’Endormy, Piètre
(Drs. Short, Sleepy, Puny); his wife has been cleverer and taken
Le Grand, Le Gros, Duret and Vigoureux (Drs. Tall, Stout, Hardy
and Vigorous).—From this it may be guessed which of the pair will
gain the day, and if Le Grand will give a good account of Le Court,
Vigoureaux, of Endormy, Le Gros and Duret of Piètre.—So de Bray not
having these two on his side, and being as ill-dowered as a husband
can well be, for lack of a good case will surely be nonsuited.)
I have heard speak of another husband, who did hold his new-made wife
in his arms the first night; and she was so ravished with delight and
pleasure that quite forgetting herself she could not refrain from a
slight turning and twisting and mobile action of the body, such as
new wed wives are scarce wont to make. At this he said naught else,
but only, “Ha, ha! I know now,” and went on his way to the end. These
be our cuckolds _in embryo_, of the which I could tell thousands of
tales, but I should never have done. And the worst thing I see in them
is when they wed cow and calf at once, as the saying is, and take them
when already great with child. Like one I know, who had married a very
fair and honourable damsel, by the favour and wish of their Prince and
feudal Lord, who was much attached to the said gentleman and had made
the marriage. But at the end of a week it became known she was with
child, and she did actually publish it abroad, the better to play her
part. The Prince, who had always suspected some love-making between
her and another, said to her, “My lady! I have carefully writ down
on my tablets the day and hour of your marriage; when folk shall set
these against the time of your bringing to bed, you will have bitter
shame!” But she at this word only blushed a little, and did naught else
thereanent, but only kept ever the mien and bearing of a _donna da ben_
(virtuous lady).[54*]
Then again there are some daughters which do so fear their father and
mother they had rather lose the life out of their bodies than their
maidenhood, dreading their parents an hundred times more than their
husbands.
I have heard speak of a very fair and honourable damsel, who being
sore tempted by her lover to take her pleasure of his love, did answer
“under this cloak of marriage which doth cover all, we will take our
joy with a right good will.”
Another, being eagerly sought after by a great nobleman, she said to
him, “Petition our Prince and put some pressure on him, that he wed me
soon to him that is now my suitor, and let me quickly make good my
marriage that he hath promised me. The day after my wedding, if we meet
not one another, why! the bargain is off!”
I know a lady who was wooed to love but four days before her bridal
by a gentleman, and kinsman of her husband; yet six days after he did
enjoy his will,—at any rate he did make boast to the effect. Nor was
it hard to believe, for they did show such familiarity the one to the
other, you would have said they had been brought up together all their
lives. Moreover he did even tell sundry signs and marks she had on her
body, and further that they did continue their merry sport long while
after. The gentleman always declared the familiarity that did afford
them opportunity to come so far was, that in order to carry out a
masquerade they did change clothes with one another. He took the dress
of his mistress and she that of her admirer, whereat the husband did
nothing but laugh, though some there were did find occasion to blame
them and think ill of the thing.
There was made a song about it at Court,—of a husband who was married
o’ Tuesday and cuckolded o’ Thursday, a fair rate of progress in sooth!
What shall we say of another damsel who was long while wooed by a
gentleman of a good house and rich, but for all that niggardly and not
worthy of her? So being hard pressed at the instance of her family
to marry him, she made answer she had liever die than marry him, and
that he should be spoken thereof to her or to her kinsfolk. For, she
declared, if they did force her to marry him, she would only make him
cuckold. But for all that it behooved to go by that road, for so was
she constrained by the urgency of all the great folk, men and women,
who had influence and authority over her, as well as by her kinsfolks’
orders.
On the eve of her bridal, her husband seeing her all sad and pensive,
asked her what ailed her; and she did answer him angrily, “You would
never believe me, and be persuaded to leave off your pursuit of me. You
know what I have always said, that if ever I were so unfortunate as to
become your wife, I would make you cuckold. And I swear I will do so,
and keep my word to you.” She was in no wise dainty about saying the
same before sundry of her lady companions and male admirers. Afterward
rest assured she was as good as her word, and did show him she was a
good and true woman, for that she kept her promise faithfully!
I leave you to judge whether she is to be blamed, for a man once warned
should be twice careful, and she did plainly tell him the ill plight he
would fall into. So why would he not take heed? But indeed he thought
little enough of what she said.
These maids which thus let themselves go astray straightway after being
married, but do as the Italian proverb saith: _Che la vacca, ché é
stata molto tempo ligata, corre più ché quella ché ha havuto sempre
piana libertá_,—“The cow that hath been long tied up, runs more wild
than one that hath ever had her full liberty.” Thus did the first wife
of Baldwyn, King of Jerusalem, whom I have spoken of before, who having
been forced to take the veil by her husband, brake from the cloister
and escaped out, and making now for Constantinople, behaved herself in
such wanton wise as that she did bestow her favours on all wayfarers by
that road, whether going or coming, as well men-at-arms as pilgrims to
Jerusalem, without heed to her Royal rank. But the reason was the long
fast she had had therefrom during her imprisonment.
I might easily name many other such. Well! they are a good sort of
cuckolds these, as are likewise those others which suffer their wives’
unfaithfulness, when these be fair and much sought after for their
beauty, and abandon them to it, in order to win favour for themselves,
and draw profit and wealth therefrom. Many such are to be seen at the
Courts of great Kings and Princes, the which do get good advantage
thereby; for from poor men as they were aforetime, whether from
pledging of their goods, or by some process of law, or mayhap through
the cost of warlike expeditions, they be brought low, are they straight
raised up again and enriched greatly by way of their good wives’
_trou_. Yet do they find no diminution whatever in that same place, but
rather augmentation!
Herein was the case different with a very fair lady I have heard tell
of, for that she had lost the half of her affair by misadventure, her
husband having, so they said, given her the pox which had eaten it away
for her.
Truly the favours and benefits of the great may well shake the most
chaste hearts, and are cause of many and many a cuckoldry. And
hereanent I have heard the tale related of a foreign Prince[55] who
was appointed General by his Sovereign Prince and master of a great
expedition of War he had ordered to be made, and left his wife behind,
one of the fairest ladies in all Christendom, at his Master’s Court.
But this last did set to and make suit to her to such effect that he
very soon shook and laid low her resolve, and had his will so far that
he did get her with child.
The husband, returning at the end of twelve or thirteen months, doth
find her in this state, and though sore grieved and very wroth against
her, durst not ask her the how and why of it. ’Twas for her, and very
adroit she was, to frame her excuses, and a certain brother-in-law of
hers to help her out. And this-like was the plea she made out: “’Tis
the issue of your campaign that is cause of this, which hath been taken
so ill by your Master,—for indeed he did gain little profit thereby.
So sorely have you been blamed in your absence for that you did not
carry out his behests better, that had not your Lord set his love on
me, you had verily been undone; and so to save you from undoing, I have
e’en suffered myself to be undone. Your honour is as much concerned as
mine own, and more, and for your advancement I have not spared the most
precious thing I possess. Reflect then if I have done so ill as you
might say at first; for without me, your life, your honour and favour
would all have been risked. You are in better case than ever, while the
matter is not so public that the stain to your repute be too manifest.
Wherefore, I beseech you to excuse and forgive me for that I have done.”
The brother-in-law, who was of the best at a specious tale, and who
mayhap had somewhat to do with the lady’s condition, added thereto
yet other good and weighty words, so that at the last all ended well.
Thus was peace made, and the twain were of better accord than ever
living together in all freedom and good fellowship. Yet, or so have I
heard tell, did the Prince their master, the which had done the wrong
and had made all the difficulty, never esteem him so highly as he had
done aforetime, for having taken the thing so mildly. Never after did
he deem him a man of such high-souled honour as he had thought him
previously, though in his heart of hearts he was right glad the poor
lady had not to suffer for the pleasure she had given him. I have known
sundry, both men and women, ready to excuse the lady in question, and
to hold she did well so to suffer her own undoing in order to save her
husband and set him back again in his Sovereign’s favour.
Ah! how many examples are to be found to match this; as that of a great
lady who did save her husband’s life, the which had been condemned to
death in full Court, having been convicted of great peculations and
malversations in his government and office. For which thing the husband
did after love her well all his life.
I have heard speak again of a great Lord, who had been condemned to
have his head cut off; but lo! he being already set on the scaffold,
his pardon did arrive, the which his daughter, one of the fairest of
women,[56] had obtained. Whereon, being come down off the scaffold, he
did say this word, and naught else at all: “God save my girl’s good
_motte_, which hath saved my life!”
Saint Augustine doth express a doubt whether a certain citizen of
Antioch, a Christian, did sin, when to acquit him of a heavy sum of
money for the which he was in strict confinement, he gave his wife
leave to lie with a gentleman of great wealth, who undertook to free
him from his debt.