many women, widows and maids, who to redeem their fathers, kinsmen,
yea! sometimes their husbands themselves, do surrender their gentle
body under stress of many and sundry trials that fall to their lot, as
imprisonment, enslavement, peril to life itself, assaults and takings
of cities, and in a word an host of other the like incommodities. Nay!
sometimes to gain over captains and soldiers, to cause them to fight
stubbornly and hold their ground, or to sustain a siege or retake a
place,—I could recount an hundred instances,—they will go the length of
fearlessly prostituting their chastity to gain their ends. What evil
report or scandal can come to them for this? None surely, but rather
much glory and advantage.
Who then will deny it to be a good thing on occasion to be cuckold,
forasmuch as a man may draw therefrom such advantages in the way of
life saved and favour regained, of honour, dignities and riches? How
many do I know in like case; and have heard speak of many more which
have been advanced by the beauty and bodies of their wives!
I wish not to offend any, but I will take upon me to say this much,
that I have it from not a few, both men and women, how ladies have
served their mates right well, and how the merits of some of them have
not availed them near so much as their wives’.
I know a great lady of much adroit skill who got the Order of St.
Michael bestowed on her husband, he being at that time the only one
that had it along with the two greatest Princes of Christendom. She
would oft tell him, and say out the same before everybody,—for indeed
she was of merry demeanour and excellent company: “Ha, ha! my friend,
you might have sweated yourself many a long day before you got this
pretty bauble to hang at your neck!”
I have heard speak of a great man,[57*] in the days of King Francis,
who having received the Order, and being fain to make boast thereof one
day before M. de la Chastaigneraie, my uncle, did say to him: “Ah! how
glad would you be to have this Order hanging at your neck like me!” My
uncle, who was ready of tongue and high of hand and hot-tempered, if
ever man was, straight replied: “I had rather be dead than have it by
the way you had it by!” The other answered never a word, for he knew
the man he had to deal with.
I have heard the story told of a great Lord, whose wife had begged
for him the patent appointing him to one of the great offices of his
district and did bring it to him in his house, his Prince having
bestowed it upon him only by favour of his wife. But he would in no
wise accept it, forasmuch as he was aware his wife had tarried three
months with the Prince in high favour, and not without suspicions of
something worse. Herein he did manifest the same nobility of spirit he
had shown all his life; yet at the last he did take it, after having
done a thing I had rather not name.[58*]
And this is how fair ladies have made as many knights as battles, and
more,—the which I would name, knowing their names as well as another,
were it not I desired to avoid speaking ill of any, or making scandal.
And if they have given them these honours, they have brought them much
riches as well.
I know one who was but a poor devil when he first brought his wife to
Court, the which was a very beautiful woman. And lo! in less than two
years they were in good ease and become very rich folk.
9.
Well! we must needs think highly of these ladies which do thus raise
their husbands in wealth and position, and make them cuckolds not
without compensation. Even as men say of Marguerite de Namur, who was
so foolish as to bind herself and give all ever she could to Louis,
Duke of Orleans, one who was so great and puissant a Lord already, and
brother to the King. To this end she did get from her husband whatever
she could, till at the last he became a poor man, and was forced to
sell his Earldom of Blois to the said M. d’Orléans.[59*] And this
latter,—to think of it!—did pay him therefore in the very same coin and
goods the man’s infatuate wife had given him. Foolish indeed she was,
for that she was giving to one greater than herself. And to think that
he did laugh at the pair of them, for in good sooth he was the very man
so to do, so fickle was he and inconstant in love.
I know a great lady who, having fallen deep in love with a gentleman
of the Court, did accordingly suffer him to have his joy of her. And
not being able to give him money, seeing her husband ever kept his
hoard hid like a priest, did give him the greater part of her precious
stones, the which did mount up to a value of thirty thousand crowns.
Whence men said at Court he might well begin to build now, since he
had plenty of stones laid up and stored away. Soon afterward, being
come into a great inheritance and having put her hand on some twenty
thousand crowns, she scarce kept any thereof, but her lover did enjoy
the greater part. And ’twas said that if this inheritance had not
fallen in to her, not knowing what else she could give him, she would
have given him the very clothes off her body down to her shift itself.
Wherein are suchlike scamps and scorners greatly to blame so to set
about it and distil and draw off all the substance of these poor
creatures, so hot-headed and infatuate with passion and caprice. For
their purse, being so oft visited, cannot stay always swelled out and
at its full capacity, like the purse in front, which is ever in the
same condition, and ever ready for whosoever wills to fish therein,
without the captives that have entered and come forth again of the same
finding a word to say against it. This worthy gentleman, whom I spoke
of as so well stocked with stones, came some time after to die. Then
did all his effects, as is the way at Paris, come to be cried and sold
at public auction, and so were in this wise reckoned up and known by
many persons as having belonged to the lady, not without bitter and
deep shame to the same.
There was a great Prince who loving a very honourable lady, did
purchase a dozen diamond studs, brilliants of the first water and
admirably set, with their Egyptian letters and hieroglyphics,
containing a secret and cabalistic meaning, the which he did make
a present of to his mistress. But she after looking at the same
attentively, said to him that at present she found no need of
hieroglyphic lettering, forasmuch as the writings were already done
and accomplished between them twain, even as they had been between the
gentleman and the fair lady spoken of just above.
I knew once a lady who was forever saying to her husband, how she had
rather make him criminal than cuckold. But truly the two words are
something equivocal, and mayhap more or less of both of these fine
qualities mated together in her and in her husband.
Yet I have known well plenty of fair ladies that have not done so at
all. Rather have they kept the purse of their crown-pieces far tighter
drawn than that of their fair body. For, albeit very great ladies,
never would they be giving but a ring or two, a few favours and such
other little compliments, muffs or scarfs, to wear for love of them to
enhance their repute.
Yet have I known one very great lady[60] which was exceeding free and
generous herein, for the least of her scarfs and the favours she was
used to give her lovers was worth five hundred crowns, a thousand
crowns, or even three, whereon was such abundance of embroidery, and
pearls, and cyphers, and cabalistic letters and pretty conceits,
nothing in all this world ever was richer and rarer to look on. And she
was right; for so her gifts, once made, were not hid away in chests or
in purses, like those of many other dames, but were displayed before
all men. For she deemed that her friends did manifest their worth
looking at them and showing them as tokens of her regard, whereas
such presents when made in coin did smack rather of common women that
give money to their bullies than of high-born and honourable ladies.
Sometimes again she would give beautiful rings of rich jewel-work,
forasmuch as favours and scarfs are not ordinarily worn, but only on
some great and high emprise, whereas a ring on the finger keeps better
company and more constant with the wearer.
Though, verily, a gentle and noble-hearted knight should be of this
generous complexion that he had rather serve his lady for the beauties
which do make her shine resplendent than for all the shining gold and
silver she may have.
For myself, I can boast of having served in my day honourable ladies,
and those of no low estate. But truly if I had been willing to take
all they gave me and extract from their generosity all I might have
had, why, I should be a richer man to-day, whether in goods or money
or plenishing, than I am by a good thirty thousand crowns; yet have I
alway been content to make evident my love rather by my generosity than
by my avariciousness.
Without doubt there is good reason for it, that inasmuch as the man
doth put somewhat of his own into the purse the woman hath, the woman
should likewise put something of hers in the man’s. Yet herein must due
proportion be kept; for just as the man cannot cast in and give as much
of his into the woman’s purse as she would fain have, so is the man
bound in fairness not to draw from that of the woman all he would. The
law of give and take must needs be observed and proper measure kept.
I have moreover before now seen many gentlemen lose the love of their
mistresses by reason of the importunity of their demands and their
inordinate rapacity. For these, seeing them such beggars and so eager
to have their pay, have quietly broke off the connexion and left them
in the lurch, and that notwithstanding the excellent service rendered.
Wherefore it is that every noble-minded lover were better to be guilty
of greed for his lady’s body than for her money; because supposing the
lady to be over generous of her goods, the husband finding his property
lessening apace, is more angered thereat ten times over than at a
thousand largesses she may have made of her person.
Further, some cuckolds there be that are made such in the way of
revenge. I mean that often men who have a grudge against some great
Lord or gentleman or other person, from the which they have received
injuries and affronts, do avenge their wrongs on them by making love
to their wives, whom they do debauch and make fine cuckolds of their
enemies.
I knew once a great Prince who had suffered from sundry attempts at
rebellion on the part of one of his subjects, a great Lord, yet was
all unable to revenge himself, seeing the offender did all he could to
escape him, so that the Prince could never lay hands on him. However,
his wife having one day come to Court to solicit her husband’s pardon
and the better ordering of his case, the Prince did appoint with her to
meet him to confer thereof in a garden and a chamber adjoining it. But
it was really to talk of love to her, wherein he won his triumph on the
spot, without much ado, for she was of very accommodating character.
Nor did he content himself with having her in his proper person, but
did likewise prostitute her to others, down to the very footmen of the
chambers. And in this wise would the Prince declare he did feel himself
well revenged on his unfaithful subject, having so debauched his
wife and crowned his head with a good coronal of horns. Albeit but a
subject, he had been fain to play petty king and sovereign; but instead
of winning a regal crown of fleurs-de-lis, he had gotten himself a fine
one of horns![61]
This same Prince did a like thing in another case at the instigation
of his mother, for he did debauch a Princess that was a maid, well
knowing she was to wed a certain Prince who had done him displeasure
and sore troubled his brother’s government. Thus he did deflower her
and had his will of her finely; yet after two months was she delivered
to the poor Prince as a virgin and to be his wife. The revenge herefor
was of the mildest,—pending other action that did ensue later, of a
harsh and violent enough sort.[61]
I knew once a very honourable gentleman who, being lover of a fair lady
and one of good belongings, did ask her for the recompense of his long
love and courtship; but she answered frankly, she would not give him so
much as a single doit’s worth, seeing she was quite assured he loved
her not for this, and bare her not such fond affection for her beauty’s
sake, as he alleged. His wish was rather, by having his will of her,
to avenge himself on her husband, who had done him some displeasure;
wherefore he was fain to win this consolation to his pride and to feel
for the future he had had the upper hand. But the gentleman, assuring
her of the contrary, continued to court her humbly for more than two
years longer, and this so faithfully and with such passion, that at the
last she did show such ample and full gratitude that she did grant him
all she had before refused, declaring that had she not, at the first
beginning of their courtship, supposed some idea of vengeance intended
to be in his mind, she would immediately have made him as happy a man
as she now did at the end, for that her natural bent was to love and
prefer him. Note how the lady was able wisely to command her passion
so that love did never carry her away to do what all the while she did
most desire, for that she wished to be loved for her own sake and not
merely as a means to a man’s vengeance on another.
The late M. du Gua, one of the truly gallant and perfect gentlemen of
the world in every way, did invite me to the Court one day to dine
with him. He had brought together a dozen of the most learned men of
the Court, amongst others the Lord Bishop of Dol,[62] of the house of
Espinay in Brittany, MM. de Ronsard, de Baïf, Des Portes, d’Aubigny
(the last two are still living, and could contradict me, if I lie),
and others whose names I forget. Amongst them all was no man of the
sword but only M. du Gua and myself. The discourse during dinner
turned on love, and the commodities and incommodities, pleasures
and displeasures, good and ill, it brought in its train. After each
guest had declared his opinion on the one side or the other, himself
did conclude that the sovereign good of its gratification lay in
this vengeance it made possible, and prayed each of all these great
personages to make a _quatrain_ thereon impromptu. This they all did,
and I would I had them to insert here; but his Lordship of Dol, whose
words were true gold, whether spoke or writ, did bear off the prize.
And doubtless M. du Gua had good reason to maintain this view, as
against two great Lords of my acquaintance, whom he did cause to wear
the horns for the hatred he bare them. Their wives were very fair
women, so in this case he did win double pleasures, satisfaction of
his vengeance and gratification of his passions. Many other folk have
so revenged themselves and taken delight herein, and accordingly have
shared in the same opinion.
Moreover I have known many fair and honourable ladies, who did say and
affirm that, when their husbands had maltreated or bullied them, rated
or censured them, beat them or otherwise ill-used and outraged them,
their greatest joy and delight was to give them a pair of horns, and
in the act, to think of them, and scoff and mock and make fun of them
with their paramours, going so far as to declare they did hereby have a
greater access of appetite and sure delight of pleasure than could well
be described.
I have heard speak of a fair and honourable lady who, being asked
once if ever she had made her husband cuckold, did make answer, “Nay!
why should I have made him so, seeing he hath never beat nor even
threatened me?” As though implying that, if he had done either one or
the other, her champion that she had in front would very soon have
revenged her.
And speaking of wit and mockery, I once knew a very honourable and fair
lady who, being in these gentle transports of pleasure, did chance by
dint of her wild caresses to break an earring she had in the shape
of a cornucopia, which was but of black glass, such as were worn in
those days. Whereupon she cried instantly to her lover, “Look you, how
provident Dame Nature is; I have broken one horn, but here I am making
a dozen others for my poor cuckold of a husband, to bedeck him withal
some fine feast-day, if he so will.”
Another, having left her husband a-bed and asleep, went to see her
lover before lying down herself. Then asked he her where her husband
was, and she did reply, “He is keeping his bed, guarding his cuckoo’s
nest for fear another come to lay therein. But ’tis not with his bed,
nor his sheets, nor his nest you have to do, but with me, who am come
to see you. I have left him there as sentinel, though truly he is but a
sleepy one.”
Talking of sentinels, I have heard a tale told of a certain gentleman
of consideration, whom I well knew, who one day coming to words with
a very honourable lady, whom also I knew, he did ask her, by way of
insult, if she had ever gone on pilgrimage to Saint Mathurin.[63] “Oh,
yes!” she replied, “but I could never get into the Church, for so full
and so well occupied was it with cuckolds, they would never suffer me
to enter. And you, who were one of the foremost, were mounted on the
steeple, to act sentinel and warn the others.”
I could tell a thousand other such tales, but I should never have done.
Yet do I hope to find room for some of them in some corner or other of
my book.
10.
Some cuckolds there be which are good-natured and which of their own
impulse do invite themselves to this feast of cuckoldry. Thus I have
known some who would say to their wives, “Such and such an one is in
love with you; I know him well, and he often cometh to visit us, but
’tis for love of you, my pretty. Give him good welcome; he can do us
much pleasure, his acquaintance may advantage us greatly.”
Others again will say to their wives’ admirers, “My wife is in love
with you, and right fond of you. Come and see her, you will give her
pleasure; you can chat and hold discourse together, and pass the time
agreeably.” So do they invite folk to feast at their expense. As did
the Emperor Hadrian,[64] who being one time in Britain (as we read in
his Life), carrying on War there, did receive sundry warnings, how that
his wife, the Empress Sabina, was making unbridled love with a number
of gallant Roman noblemen. As fate would have it, she had writ and
despatched a letter from Rome to a certain young Roman gentleman who
was with the Emperor in Britain, complaining that he had forgot her,
and took no more account of her, and that it must needs be he had some
intrigue in that region and that some affected little wanton had caught
him in the lakes of her beauty. This letter fell by chance into the
Emperor’s hands; and when the nobleman in question did some days after
ask leave of absence under colour of wishing to go to Rome immediately
for family affairs of his own, Hadrian said to him in mocking wise,
“Well, well! young sir, go there,—and boldly, for the Empress, my wife,
is expecting you in all affection.” But the Roman hearing this, and
finding the Emperor had discovered his secret and might likely play
him some ill turn, started the very next night, without saying by your
leave or with your leave, and took refuge in Ireland.
Still he had no need to be greatly afraid for all this. Indeed the
Emperor himself would often say, being regaled continually with tales
of the extravagant love affairs of his wife, “Why, certainly, were I
not Emperor, I should have long ago rid me of my wife; but I desire
not to show an evil example.” As much as to say, it matters not to
the great to be in this case, so long as they let it not be known
publicly. And what a fate for great men,—one which truly some of them
have consented to, though not for the same reason! So we see this good
Emperor suffering himself complacently to be made cuckold.
Another good Emperor, Marcus Aurelius,[65] who had as wife Faustina, a
downright harlot, replied on being advised to put her away, “If we give
her up, we are bound also to give up her dowry, which is the Empire.”
And who would not be cuckold like him for such a prize, or even a less
one?
His son, Antonius Verus, surnamed Commodus, though he grew up very
cruel, yet held the like language to such as advised him to have the
said Faustina, his mother, put to death. So madly in love was she and
so hot after a gladiator that she could never be cured of the fierce
malady, till at last they bethought them to kill the rascally gladiator
and make her drink his blood.
Many and many a husband hath done and doth the same as the good Marcus
Aurelius, for they do fear to kill their wives, whores though they
be, for dread of losing the great fortunes they have of them, and had
rather be rich cuckolds on these easy terms than cruel villains.
Heavens! how many of the sort have I known, who were forever inviting
their kinsmen and friends and comrades to come and visit their wives,
going so far as to make banquets for them, the better to attract them.
Then, when they were there, they would leave them alone with the lady
in bedchamber or closet, and so away, with the words, “I leave my wife
in your care.”
One I knew, a nobleman of the great world, of such behaviour you would
have said his whole happiness did rest in this only, to be cuckolded.
He seemed to make it his study to give opportunities therefor, and
especially never forgot to say this first word, “My wife is in love
with you; do you love her as well as she loves you, I wonder?” Many
a time when he saw his wife with her admirer, he would carry off
the company from the room to take a walk, leaving the twain of them
together, so giving them good leisure to discuss their loves. And if by
any chance he had to return of a sudden into the room, from the very
bottom step of the stairs he would begin shouting aloud, calling after
someone, spitting or coughing, to the end he might not catch the lovers
in the act. For commonly, even though one know of them and suspect
their coming, these peeps and surprises are scarce pleasant whether to
the one party or the other.
This same Lord was having a fine mansion built one time, and the
master mason having asked whether he would not have the cornices
_h_orn-amented, he made answer, “I don’t know what _h_ornamentation
means. Go and ask my wife who understands the thing, and knows
geometry; and whatever she tells you to do, do it.”
Still worse was it with one I know of, who one day selling one of his
estates to a purchaser for fifty thousand crowns, did take forty-five
thousand of the sum in gold and silver, and in lieu of the remaining
five accepted a unicorn’s horn. Huge laughter amid them that knew him;
“Ha, ha!” they said, “as if he had not enough horns at home already,
that he must fit in this one to boot.”
I knew a very great Lord, a brave and gallant man, who did greet a
certain honourable gentleman and profess himself his very good servant,
yet adding with a smile these words, “My dear Sir, I know not what
you have done to my wife, but she is so much in love with you that
day and night she doth nothing but speak to me of you, and is forever
singing your praises. For all answer I tell her I have known you
longer than she hath, and am well aware of your worth and deserts,
which are great.” Who more astonished than this same gentleman? for
he had but just taken in this lady on his arm to Vespers, which the
Queen was attending, and that was all. However, he at once regained his
countenance and replied, “Sir! I am your wife’s most humble servant,
and deeply grateful for the good opinion she hath of me, and do greatly
respect her. Yet do I not make love to her,” he went on in a merry
tone. “All I do is to pay her my court, herein following the good
advice yourself gave me quite lately, seeing she hath much influence
with my mistress, whom I may be enabled to wed by her help, and
therefore do hope she will give me her assistance.”