knowledge, to walk very stately, hand in hand with you, along the
streets, finically trickt up with powdered locks, and a laced Gorget
and Gown, and had commonly need of, at the least, three hours time,
before she, with the help of two serviceable assistants, could be put
to her mind in her dress; and then again all her discourse was of
walking or riding abroad, and of junketting and merriment; whereas now
on the contrary, seeing the small gain, she is sparing of all things,
and ordring it to the best advantage for the family; without so much
as setting one foot out of her House or Counter unnecessarily. Never
thinking more of gadding abroad, to take pleasure; but finds all her
delight by being busie in her houskeeping, amongst her children and
servants. Here you may behold her driving the maid forwards, and
setting her a spinning, to keep the sleep out of her eys; and with
this intent also that she may have the delight to get yarn enough
ready towards Winter, to let a brave Web of Linnen be woven for the
service of the Family. Yea, and here she shews you, that though before
she was but a Bartholomew Baby, that she is now grown to be a brave
houswife. And that, if need requires, she can put a hand to the plough
stoutly.
O happy man, who in such a sad and troublesom time, can find out so
many Pleasures of Marriage, and who art already so well instructed in
that most illustrious School!
'Tis true, you will meet with some jeering prattle-arses, that will
say, is this that brave couple, that there was such a noise made of
when they were married! Is this the Gentlewoman that used to go so
costly in her Gorgets and Gowns! Goes she now with a plain wastcoat!
alas and welladay! doth her feathers begin to hang thus! Well, is this
the Gentlewoman that used alwaies to keep two maids! Can she now make
a shift with a little wench that earns her wages with spinning, and
her diet with doing the house work? it must certainly ly very nastily
and sluttishly at her house.
'Tis very true, this might happen to you, and it would seem to eclipse
the Sun of your Pleasures of Marriage very much; if you had not now, O
well matcht Couple, through the instruction of the winged Time, gotten
such prudent eys that you can easily see through such vain and simple
Clouds.
But now you apprehend, to your great joy and comfort, that this arrow
comes out of the Quiver of such as are indebted to every body, and
suffer themselves daily to be durrid; who are continually pratling
with the Neighbors, and gadding along the streets; they take notice of
every dore that opens, and neglect their own houskeeping having no
understanding to govern it; the dishes, pots and pans are alwaies
standing in the middle of the flore; and Benches and Stools are all
covered and ly filled with the Childrens dirty clouts, and the Windows
are so thick with dirt, that the Sun can hardly shine through them.
Whose first word is, when any body comes into their house, What! by
reason of these sad times a body hath neither joy nor delight in their
houskeeping. If we wash the glass windows, they are in danger of
breaking, and at present we cannot bear with any losses. And these
ordinarily have more pratling and felling then any other women, and no
body knows any thing better then these sworn tittletattlers; they are
seldom to be found with a pin-cushion upon their laps; and are the
occasion that their houses, children and Maids stink of filth and
sluttishness, with their cloaths out at the elbous, and their stockins
out at the heels. Whilest their husbands sit in the Alehouses, and
seek by drinking, domineering and gaming to drive these damps of the
sad times out of theire brains; which continueth so long, till that
all is consumed, and they both fly damnably in debt to their
Creditors.
Well then, you worthy and faithfull Houskeepers, you see now the
unhappy state and condition of these venomous controulers of others:
And on the contrary, you may perceive how happy the bad times, like a
prudent Instructor, makes you; what a quantity of understanding and
delight it imparts unto you; whilest you both, with joint resolution,
diligent hands and vigilant eys, indeavor the maintenance and setting
up of your Family. Be assured, that this care and frugality will so
root it self in your very bones, that although the times changed and
grew better, you would reserve a stedfast delight in the promoting the
good and benefit of your houskeeping; and withall leave to your
children such riches and good examples, that they will follow your
footsteps of carefulness with delight, and lay a hand to the plough,
thereby to demonstrate that they were of a good extraction: which if
it so happen, you will inherit one of the greatest and desiredst
Pleasures that is to be found in the Married estate.
[Illustration: 151 _Published by The Navarre Society, London._]
THE EIGHTH PLEASURE.
_The Parents would bring up their son in their way of Trade, but he
hath no mind to't. He is put to School out of the City. Grows a
Scholler, commits much mischief. Is apprehended and informed what a
Schollerlike life is._
Uds life, now I thinke on't, amongst the Pleasures of Mariage, this is
none of the least, when one sees their children feed well, and grow up
healthfully and merrily; and their stomacks in a morning are as soon
open as their eys; then at noons they can claw it away at a good dish,
as well as persons of full growth and years; and about four of the
clock their appetites are again prepared for an afternoons lunchion;
insomuch that they can eat you into poverty, without making their
teeth bleed. O it is such a delight to see that they continually grow
up so slovenly and wastfully in their cloaths, that they must needs
have every half year almost a new suit, and that alwaies a little
bigger; whereby the Father sees that he shall in short time have a son
to be his man in the shop, and the mother a daughter to be her
caretakester and controulster of the Kitchin.
Thus we advance in the estate of Mariage, from one pleasure to
another. O how happy you'l be, if your children be but pliable and
courteous, and grow up in obedience, and according to your example!
But we see in the generality, that as their understanding increases,
that also their own wills and desires do in like manner not diminish.
Perhaps you meet with some such symptoms as these are in your own son;
for having been some years learning the Latine Tongue at Pauls or
Merchant Tailors School; he is then inveagled by some of the neighbors
sons to go with them to learn the Italian or French language; to which
purpose they know of a very delicate Boarding school a little way out
of the City; and then they baptize it with the name, that he hath such
a longing and earnest desire to learn it, that he cannot rest in the
night for it.
What will you do? The charge there of, the bad times, and the
necessity you have for him at home, makes you perswade him from it,
and to proffer him convenient occasions in the City; but what helps
it, the fear of drawing the child from that which he has so much a
mind to; and may be, that also, wherein his whole good fortune
consists, causes you to take a resolution to fullfill his desire. Away
he's sent then, and agreed for. And then there must be a Trunk
furnisht, with all manner of linnen and cloaths, with other toys and
sweet meats, and mony in his pocket to boot.
Having been some small time there he sends some letters for what he
wants. Which is, with recommendations of being saving and diligent,
sent unto him. And it is no small pleasure for the Parents, if they do
but see that he is an indifferent proficiant. All their delight and
pleasure is, when time will permit, to go to their son, and to shew
him their great love and affection.
But the Daughter, which goes along with her Mother, is kindled with no
small matter of jealousie to see that her Brother puts her Parents to
so much charge, gets what he pleases, and that their minds are never
at rest about him. When she, on the contrary, being at home, is thrust
by her Mother into the drudgery of the house, or kept close to her
needle. Yet these are pacified with a fine lace, a ring, or some such
sort of trinkom trankoms; and then with telling them into the bargain,
when your brother comes home he shall keep the shop.
This the Father is in expectation of. And the son being come home,
gives a great Pleasure to his Father and Mother, by reason he speaks
such good Latin and Italian, and is so gentile in his behaviour: but
to look to the shop, he hath no mind to. Say what they will, talk is
but talk. All his desire and mind is to go to the University either of
Oxford or Cambridge. And although the Father in some measure herein
yeelds and consents; the Mother, on the other side, can by no means
resolve to it; for her main aim was, that her son should be brought up
in the shop; because that in the absence, or by decease of her
husband, he might then therein be helpfull to her. Besides that, it is
yet fresh in her memory, that when her Brother studied at Oxford, what
a divellish deal of mony it cost, and what complaints there come of
his student-like manner of living. Insomuch that there was hardly a
month past, but the Proctor of the Colledge, or the Magistracy of the
City must have one or other penalty paid them.
Now they try to imploy the son in the shop, who delights in no less
melody then the tune of that song: letting slip no occasion that he
can meet with to get out of the shop; and shew himself, with all
diligence, willing to be a Labourer in the Tennis Court, or at the
Bilyard Table; and is not ashamed, if there be hasty work, in the
evening, to tarry there till it be past eleven of the clock. What a
pleasure this vigilance is to the Father and Mother, those that have
experience know best. Especially when they in the morning call their
son to confession, and between Anger and Love catechize him with
severall natural and kind reproofs.
'Tis but labour lost, and ill whistling, if the horse won't drink.
What remedy? turn it, and wind it so as you will.
_The son his mind to study is full bent,
Or else will live upon his yearly rent._
Here must be a counsell held by wisdom, prudence, love and patience.
Here also the imaginations of incapableness or want of monies must be
conquered; for to constrain a son to that he hath no mind to, is the
ready way to dull his genious, and perhaps bring him to what is
worser, to wit, running after whores or Gaming. And to teach him how
to live upon his yearly means, the tools are too damn'd costly. So
that now the Parents have true experience of the old Proverb.
_The Children in their youth, oft make their Parents smart,
Being come to riper years, they vex their very heart._
Nevertheless, after you have turn'd it and wound it so as you will,
the sending of him to the University of Oxford bears the sway; and
there to let him study Theology being the modestest Faculty, by one of
the learnedst and famousest Doctors. And verily, he goes forward so
nobly, that, in few months, before he half knows the needfull
Philosophy, he is found to be a Master of Arts in Villany. And
moreover, the Parents were by some good friends informed, that lately
he was acting the domineering student, and being catcht by the watch,
was brought into the Court of Guard; but through the extraordinary
intercession of his own and some other Doctors, they privately let him
go out again.
A little longer time being expired, he sends Post upon Post dunning
letters; his quarter of the years out, his Pockets empty, and the
Landlady wants mony; besides there are severall other things that he
wants, both of Linnen and Woollen; all which things yield an
extraordinary Pleasure, especially, if the mony which is sent, without
suffring shipwrack, be imploied and laid out for those necessaries.
For some students are so deeply learnt, that they consume the monies
they get in mirth and jovialty, and leave their Landladies,
Booksellers, Tailors, Shoomakers, and all whom they are indebted to,
unpaid. Nay, his own Cousin, that studied at Cambridge, knew very
learnedly how to make a cleaver dispatch, with his Pot-Companions, at
Gutterlane, of all the mony that was sent him by his Parents, for his
promotion; and under the covert of many well studied lies desired
more.
But who knows, what wonderfull students tricks, before he is half so
perfect, your son will have learnt, to make his Father and Mother
merry with; for, as I have heard, he hath gotten so much aquaintance,
that he hath the Bookseller to be his friend, who sets down the prizes
of the Books he delivers, three times as much again as they are worth;
and for the overplus, he, with some other students, are bravely merry
together.
Yea, he's come so far himself, that he doth, to get mony, know how to
sell his best Authors; and sets in place of them some Blocks very
neatly cut and coloured like gallant Books. And if any one comes that
will lay their hands upon them; he saith immediately, eat, drink,
smoke and be merry to your hearts content; but whatsoever you do,
touch not my books; for that's as a Medean Law and an inviolable
statute in my Chamber; as it doth, to the same purpose, stand written
thus before my Chamber of Books:
_Be jolly, sing, and dance; command me with a look,
One thing I do forbid, you must not touch a Book._
The old Proverb saith, it must bend well, before it can make a good
hook. But it is easie to be perceived by the beginning, what may be
expected from the flexibility of this precious twig. O extraordinary
and magnificent pleasure for the Parents, when they see that their
son, in so short a time, is so damnably advanced! And so much the
more, a little while after, there comes one and tells them by word of
mouth, that there were several Schollars, which were playing some
antick tricks in the night; and amongst some others both their Son and
their Cousin were apprehended, and at this very present sad
accusations were brought in against them. In the mean while, the
Chancellor, having heard that they are all persons of good Parentage,
and that there will be brave greasing in the case, laughs in his fist
because such things as those are generally moderated and assopiated
by the means and infallible vertue of the correcting finger hearb.
This brings the Parents a fine Bartholomew Baby to play with; and if
there ly loosely in a corner a fifty pound bag they will go nigh to
see how they may make use of it. And this gives a horrible
augmentation to the Pleasures of Marriage! But let them turn it and
wind it which way they will, the Parents must go thither, and seek by
all means possible according to their ability, to pacific the matter.
As they are upon their journy, they hear in every Town where they
come, how debauched and wicked lives the Students leads, not only
concerning that which was lately done at Oxford, but at other places
also. Which makes them be in no small fear, whether their son, perhaps
may not be guilty only of this, but some worser misdemeanor, and is
therefore at present clapt up.
Here Master Truetale begins to relate, that lately there were four
Students, who for some petulancy, had been at Confession by the Mayor,
and he with their vomiting up some Guinies, gave them their
absolutions; but they perceiving that hereby their purses were cruelly
weakned, and that the return of monies did not come according to
expectation, took a resolution to get some revenge of him for it. And
he having built a new house, caused it, by a curious Workman, to be
neatly painted on the outside: which these four Students seeing, they
took a good quantity of Tar, and did so damnably bedawb it, that it
looked as if old Nick had been there with his rubbing brush. Which the
Mayor seeing in the morning, seemed to be little troubled at it; but
said, certainly some body hath done this, that I have taken too little
mony of, and therefore in gratitude have, for nothing, thus bepainted
my delicately painted house.
But nevertheless the Mayor sends in the evening five or six Spies
abroad into those Taverns and Alehouses where the lightest Students
generally frequented; who were smoking and drinking there, and amongst
other discourses related, how it tickled their fancies, that the
covetous Mayor was served such a delicate trik, &c. Whereupon some of
them hearing that the action was so much commended, and that the Mayor
made no search about it, saies, that was my work with James Smith the
Londoner, Jack Dove the Kentishman, and Sanny Clow the Scotch man.
Upon this they were all four apprehended in the night, and very
cleaverly clapt by the heels, &c.
Hereupon Mistriss Credit, said, There are no such wicked inventers of
mischief, as moniless Students; of which we had lately a new example,
for some of those Blades wanting mony, were resolved to act this
trick, _viz._ Some few daies before there was a malefactor hanged,
and one of them between eleven and twelve of the clock at night, gets
hard by the Gallows where he hung, and feigned to be the spirit of the
malefactor; sometimes appearing, and then again vanishing; in the mean
while the rest of his companions, all separate from each other, as if
they had been strangers, placed themselves not far from it. Each of
them seemed to be frightned, and shewed unto all the passers by that
there was the spirit of the malefactor that was executed. This run
forward like wild fire, in somuch that the number of the spectators
increased abundantly. And whilest every one was so busie in beholding
it, the moniless Students were as serious in picking of their Pockets,
cutting the silver buttons off their cloaths, which no body perceived,
till the Spirit was vanished, and they were gotten home. So did I
know, saith Master Mouth, two necessitous Students, who at a
Fair-time, observed that a Country man, having sold some commodities
that he brought to Market, had received five or six Crown pieces for
them; and went amongst the Booths to buy somthing, but feared in the
throng one or another might steal them from him; therefore would not
trust them in his Pocket, nor with his Purse in the breast of his
doublet; but puts them in his mouth; saying, No body I'm sure can take
them from thence, and walks into the Booths, there cheapning a hat;
in the mean while, one of these Students goes to the very next Booth,
buies some pedling thing, and pulling mony out of his Pocket to pay,
saith what a pox is the meaning of this? Just now I had several Crown
pieces, and now I have nothing; and since that, there hath no body
else been near me, but this Country fellow; and begins to catch him by
the shoulders; saying, hark ye Squire, I miss several Crown pieces
which I had but just now. This so amazed the Country man, that he
began to mumble with the Crown pieces in his mouth; whereupon the
Student said, I verily beleeve the villain hath them in his mouth. The
Country man answered thereupon, those that I have in my mouth are my
own, I received them just now for some commodities; But let the
Country man say what he would, it was not beleeved; he was lamentably
beaten, his Crown pieces taken from him, and given to the Student.
By this you may perceive, saith Master Otherway, that the Proverb is
true, _Poverty is subtle_. I was lately told of some poor troublesom
Students, who had, a little way off the City, caused a dainty Feast to
be made ready for them; and knowing that the Landlord had a brother,
whom he extreamly loved, which lived about five and twenty miles off;
write a Letter to the Landlord, and therein acquaint him that his
Brother was very desperately sick, oftentimes calling for him;
therefore if he would see and speak with him alive, he must with all
possible speed immediately come thither, &c.
Then they found out such a cleaver contryvance to have this Letter
delivered into the hands of the Landlord, that he had not the least
distrust of a cheat; but away he rides immediately. In the mean while,
these Students committed much sauciness and wantonness with the
Mistriss and the Maid; till at last locking them both up in a Chamber,
away they went without paying.
To this a Miller that sate close by, relates, that lately, not far
from his house, two Students laid violent hands upon a woman, and
bound her to a Post.
'Tis a Wonder, saith Master Demure, proceeding forward, that since
they commit such wicked and so many base actions, more of these
Students are not apprehended. When I dwelt at my Country house, there
came a parcel of these drunken blades, that were expresly gone abroad
to play some mad tricks; they pulled down the pales of my neighbors
Garden; and one among them that served for Chief, commanded pull off
these planks, tear up this Post, &c.
In the mean time, a poor Country man coming by with his empty Wagon;
begs of this commander, that he would be pleased to bestow upon him
those old Planks and Posts for his winter firing, because he was so
poor, that he knew not where to get any: which this Gentleman granting
him, he laies on a lusty load upon his Wagon.
Being drove a pretty way of, the owner comes to the place, and sees in
what a lamentable condition his Garden lay; asks who had done it, and
understands that they were Students which had taken their march
towards some of the adjacent Country Towns, but that the Country man
with his Planks, must needs be got very far from the City, &c. Away
runs the owner with all speed, makes his complaint, and gets an order
to arrest the poor Country man, his horse and Wagon. Who coming to be
examined at his triall, was condemned to be set in the Pillory, with
two Planks set before him, upon which must be written in great white
Letters.
_Garden-Theef._
These wicked Students stood together to behold this, and laught till
they split, to see that this poor innocent Country man, must suffer
such shame and punishment for his winter firing.
Just in the same manner, not long ago, some divellish Students, had
taken a heavy rail from before a house which was newly set there, but
hearing that the Watch or Bell man approched; they presently whept it
before another mans dore, where there was none; and leaning all of
them over the rail; saluted the Watch with saying, Good night
Gentlemen, Good night; and the Watch the like to them again: But the
Watch was no sooner gone then they fell to breaking of it all in
peeces, and run away as fast as they could drive.
Those people are unhappy, saith Master Talkon, especially such as live
in Country Towns, that are near to Cities where there are
Universities; for many times one or another must be a sufferer from
these roguish natured Students; and they imagine in themselves that
all what the Country people possess must be at their pleasure and
disposition. Whereby it happens, in the Summer, that for their wicked
pastime, they go to rob the Orchards of the best fruit, and to steal
Hens, Ducks, and Pigeons; and then again to destroy the Fields of
Turnips, Carrots, Parsnips, Beans and Pease, &c. Tearing up such
multiplicities, that it would be incredible if we should relate it
all. But it is common for them to destroy ten times as much as they
can eat or carry away.
And when the Summer is past, that there are no fruits either in
Orchards or Fields; then their whole delight and recreation is to
commit insolencies in the Streets of the City by night; and if they
can but any waies put an affront upon the Watch; that is laught at,
and esteemed to be an heroick act.
It hapned lately, that some Students walking out of Town, saw a little
boy in the Fields, that was holding the cord of an indifferent Kite,
which was in the Air, in his hand; they laughing at him, said, The
Kite is bigger than the Boy; come let us ty the cord about the Boy,
then they will not lose one another. And immediately catching hold of
the Boy, they forced the cord from him, and bound it fast about his
middle in a great many knots, then went their way.
Whilest the Boy was very busie and indeavouring to unty the knots, the
Wind grew high, insomuch that the Boy used all his strength to hold
back the cord; but his strength failing him, he was with a furious
blast snatcht up by the Kite from the ground, and presently after let
fall again into a pretty deep ditch, where the poor innocent Boy was
unhappily drowned.
It would be sempiternal for us here to make a relation of all the
petulancy and wickedness of Students, whereof these and other Parents,
each in their particular, are miserably sensible of. For every one
acts his own part, but it tends altogether unto wickedness,
lavishness, and troublesomness.