consider the husband as Captain, and the Wife as Lieutenant, is it not
in the highest degree necessary, that she should have also a part of
the masculine knowledge and authority? Besides, women must be silent
in Politick and Church-government, why should not they have somthing
to say in those places where they are houswives? We see certainly,
that the men, for the most part, cannot tarry at home, and will be
going hither or thither to take the air, or for his pleasure, or to
smoke a pipe of Tabacco; as is shew'd you in the Fifth Confession; if
then, in the mean while, the Woman, through occasion of some Customers
in the Shop, or in the government of the Men and Maid-servants should
not in some measure shew that she had in part the Breeches on, and
that she could in the absence of her Captain, take care of his
Command; how is it possible that the Trading should be kept in order,
and the Children and Servants well governed? I will not so much as
mention that there are several men, who are so dull-brain'd, and so
excessive careless, that if they had not had the good fortunes to get
notable sharp-witted young women to their Wives; they of themselves
would have been quickly out of breath, and might now perhaps be found
in the Barbado's or Bermoodo's planting Tabacco.
O stout Amazonians, who thus couragiously, take the Weapons in hand,
to defend and protect your Husbands, Children, Servants and
houskeeping; why should not you have as great commendations given you,
as those noble Souls of your Sex had in former times? and who would
not rather ingage in the imbracing of you, then any waies to affront
or bespatter you?
I know wel enough there will come some times a whiffling blade, that
will be relating one or other long-nosed story, how like a drunken
Nabal, he was well instructed by his prudent and diligent wife; and
how little that he would obey or listen to the commands of so brave a
Captain; but they will very seldom or never say any thing what grounds
or provocatives they have given her for so doing.
Nevertheless my intent is, not so much to flatter the evil or bad
natured women, as if their throwing out their ire upon their husbands,
had alwaies a Lawfull excuse or cause. Just as Xantippe did, who was
Socrates's wife, think that she had reason enough on her side to
scold, brawl at, and abuse that wise and good natured Philosopher, and
to dash him in the face with a whole stream of her hot Marish piss. Or
that it did any waies become that hot-ars'd whorish Faustina, to
govern that sage and understanding Emperor Marcus Aurelius. By no
means, for then that hot-spirited, and high minded sex would prick up
their Peacocks-tails so much the higher. But happy would all these
hair-brain'd houswives be, if they had such Tutors to their husbands,
as Aurelius was; 'tis most certain, that then that corrupt seed, would
be cropt in the very bud and not be suffered to come to perfection.
Yet you new married Couple, are both in heart and mind concordant, and
all your delight is to please each others fancy: you have no
difference about the Supremacy; for the Authority of the one is
alwaies submitted to the other; and so much the more because your
husband never commands you as if you were a Maid; but with the
sweetest and kindest expressions, saith, my Dearest, will you bid the
Maid draw a glass of Beer or Wine, or do this or that, &c. Oh if you
could but both keep your selves in this state and posture, how happily
and exemplarily would you live in this World! But it happens many
times, that the Women through length of time, do take upon them, and
grow to be so free, that they will be solely and totally Master; and
if their husbands through kind-heartedness have given them a little
more then ordinary liberty, they will have the last word in spight of
fate.
So have I seen one who could by no means keep her self in that first
and Paradice-like life; who observing her husbands good nature,
thought her self wise enough to govern all things, and to bring him to
her Bow; which, by degrees, to his great discontent, did more and more
increase in matters of the housekeeping.
But it hapned once that the good man, went to the Market, and having
bought a delicate Capon, meets with a friend, whom he invited to be
his guest; and going home with it, his wife powts, maunders and
mutters and looks so sowr that the guest saw well enough how welcome
he should be. The good man with fair and kind words sought to remove
this, which was in some measure done.
But a pretty while after, the goodman being in the market, buies a
couple of delicate Pullets, and sends them home with a Porter; but
the Wife told him she had made ready somthing else, and had no need of
them; therefore, let him say what he would, made him bring them back
again: The good man meeting with the Porter, and perceiving the
cross-grainedness of his wife, sends them to a Tavern to be made
ready, and gets a friend or two along with him to dispatch them, and
dript them very gallantly with the juice of Grapes. At this, when he
came home, his wife grin'd, scolded, and bawl'd; yet done it was, and
must serve her for a future example. And she on the contrary
persisting in her stif-necked ill nature, made a path-road for the
ruine of her self and family, because he afterwards, to shun his wife,
frequented more then too much Taverns and Alehouses, and gave the
breeches solely to his wife.
Not long ago, just in the like manner, there married an indifferent
handsom Gentlewoman, with a proper, handsom, honest and good natured
Gentleman; but the Gentlewoman imagining her self to be as wise as a
Doctor, acted the part of a Domineerer, controuling, grumbling and
chiding at all whatsoever he did; insomuch that all his sweet
expressions could no waies allay her; but rather augmented her rage;
yea insomuch that at last she saluted him with boxes and buffettings.
But he seeing that no, reasons or perswasions would take place, and
that she grew the longer the more furious, locks the dore to, and
catches her by the coif, instructing her with such a feeling sence,
that at last she got open a window and leaps out, thereby escaping the
remaining part of that dance. Away she flies immediately to her Father
and her Brother, but they, very well knowing her ill-natured
obstinacy, both denied her houseroom. Yet the next day, through the
intercession of others, there was a pacification made and a truce
concluded on, which did not long continue so. For she, beginning again
her former wicked actions, made him run to the Tavern there to allay
his disturbed sences, leaving her to wear the Breeches. But now they
are rid of mony, credit, respect, and every thing else.
Another Gentlewoman of late daies, seeing that she had married a good
mild-natured husband, that was not guilty of any vice, exercised her
authority and wickedness so much the more over him; yea so far, that
in the presence of several neighbors she oftentimes knockt, thumpt,
and cudgelled him; that at last she was called by every one _The
incarnate Divel_. But he, after some years of suffering this
martyrdom, hapning to dy, there comes another Lover very suddenly to
cast himself away upon this Hellish peece of flesh; but she had of
him, being a just punishment, such a beloved, that he thunderd her
three times as bad about, as she did her first husband; and then flew
Pots, Kans and Glasses ringling and gingling along the flore, and she
on the top of them, well and warm covered with good thumps and
fisty-cuffs, and somtimes traild over the flore by the hair of the
head. O miserable terrors of such a horrible State and condition! Who
can but shake and quiver, yea with fear start back, when they begin to
feel the least motion to the same in their bodies? and so much the
more, because that we see that this present World is so mightily
replenished with such numbers of monstrous, wicked and unhappy women,
who hide their wickedness and ill natures under their powdered locks,
and flattring looks; and like a Camelion, in their Maiden estate, will
be agreeable to all things that are propounded to them; but being
married, they abandon all rationality, make their own passions their
masters, and cannot understand by any means the pleasures of their
husbands. Though they certainly know, and have daily experience, that
there is nothing under the Sun, which hath a bewitchinger power upon
the hearts of their husbands, then the friendliness and kind
compliance of their Wives. This hath in ancient times done a thousand
wonders and is as yet the most powerfull to drive all stuborn and
ill-natured humors out of the heads of men; and can lead them, as it
were by the hand, in to the paths of Reason, Equity and Love.
O happy Women, who, in this manner have the hearts of men in your
hands, and can bring the same to your obedience where you will; what
means and waies ought you not to indeavour by dallyings and kind
actions to gain the same on your side! you certainly know, that the
main Butt which is aim'd at by all mankind, is to pass through this
short life of ours with pleasure and quietness: But alas! what life,
what rest, what pleasure can he possess in this World, who hath hapned
upon a scolding, and no waies friendly wife?
Oh if all Lovers knew this so well, they would never suffer themselves
to be led away captive by the jettish eys, and marble-like breasts, or
strangle themselves in the curled locks of women; but would imbrace
their kind naturedness to be the surpassingest beauty.
But the carnal desires, and covetousness of mony, blindeth the eys of
so many, that oftentimes for the satisfaction thereof, they will,
contrary to all exhortations, run headlong, and cast themselves into a
pit of infinite horrors and vexations of Spirit: chusing rather a
proud, finical, blockheaded Virgin with two thousand pound, then a
mean, kind-hearted, understanding one, with ten thousand Vertues.
This was that which the prudent King Lycurgus sought to prevent, when
he gave out his commands that no Parents should give any portions with
their Daughters in marriage, or might leave them any thing for an
inheritance; because he would not have them to be desired in marriage
by any, but for their beauty and vertues; in those daies the vitious
remained, just as now doth the poor ones, most of them unmarried, and
cast aside, and every Maid was hereby spur'd up, that her Vertues
might in brightness and splendor surpass others.
Happy are you, O Father of the Family, who without the least thoughts
of Lycurgus, have made so good a choice and have gotten a Wife that is
beautifull, rich, good natured, and vertuous; you learnt first to know
her well, that you might the better woe her, and so be happy in
marriage. Make this your example, O all you foolish and wandring
Lovers, who are so desirous to tast of the Pleasures and sweetness of
marriage; and are somtimes so disquieted and troubled till you cast
your selves upon an insulting, domineering Wife, who perhaps hath the
Breeches already on, and will vex you with all the torments imaginable
in the World. Do but use these few remedies for your squandered
brains, and be assured they will bring you to have good fortune and
tranquility.
Search not after great Riches, but for one of your own degree; for the
Rich are insulting, self-conceited, and proud.
Admire no outward beauty; because they are proud of their beauty, and
imagine themselves to be Goddesses, whom their husbands ought to
obey.
Shun those who are much lesser then your self: For when a mean one
finds her self promoted by a great Match, she is much prouder and
self-conceited then one of a good extraction; and will much sooner
than another indeavour to domineer over her husband.
Dissemble not in your wooing. For dissimulation deceives its own
Master.
Be not too hasty. For a thing of importance must be long and prudently
considered of, before a final conclusion can be made.
Follow the advice of understanding friends. For to be wise, and in
love, was not given to the Gods themselves.
Chuse no Country wench: For she'l want a whole years learning, before
she'l know how to shine upon a house or Office, and two years to learn
to make a cursie.
If you marry, arm your self with patience. For he that hath the yoke
of marriage upon his shoulders, must patiently suffer and indure all
the disquiets and troubles that that estate is subject to.
If these things be observed by you innocent and wandring Lovers, they
will much assist you in your choice, but not preserve you from being a
slave; because the Gentlewoman whom you have chosen, hath till this
time be past, had one or other ill condition, which she knew how to
hide and dissemble with, that you never so much as thought of, or
expected from her. Cornelius Agrippa knew this in his daies, when he
said, men must have and keep their wives, e'en as it chanceth; if they
be (saies he) merry humored, if they be foolish, if they be
unmannerly, if they be proud, if they be sluttish, if they be ugly, if
they be dishonest, or whatsoever vice she is guilty of, that will be
perceived after the wedding, but never amended. Be therefore very
vigilant, you wandring Lovers, and sell not your liberty at so low a
price, which cannot be redeemed again with a whole Sea of repentances.
And you, O silent Gentlewomen, methinks you long to know whether there
be no remedies for you to be had, that you may also be as well arm'd
against the rigid natured, subtle and dissembling Lovers, as well as
they have against the vitious Gentlewomen; take notice, that since you
have subjected your selves to that foolish fashion of these times,
never of your selves to go a wooing; but with patience will expect who
will come for you, that rule must be first observed, and regard taken
of him that cometh, then it is the time to consider, principally.
Whether he loveth you for your mony, or for your beauty.
Inquire whether he have a good method, or way, for the maintaining of
a Family. For if he have not that to build upon, the whole foundation
will tumble.
Search also whether he be of an honest, rather then great extraction.
For Vertue is the greatest Gentility.
Inquire also whether he be a frequenter of Alehouses; especially of
such as are of an evill reput.
_To be a lover of such houses,
Makes him to think of other Spouses._
If he be covetous of honour, he hath several other Vertues.
Hate a Gamester like the Plague; for they are consumers of all; nay
their very gain is loss.
Abhor a person of no imploy, or gadder along the streets; for they are
fit for nothing.
If you marry, shew all honour, respect, and love to your husband.
Indeavour not to Lordize over him; because that, both by Heaven and
nature is given unto him.
In so doing, you will have, as well as our new-married Couple, the
expectation of a happy match; which though it falls out well, yet is
subject to severall accidental corruptions; as you will perceive in
the further Confession of the insuing Pleasures, even as if they were
a Looking-glass.
THE SEVENTH PLEASURE.
_The bad times teaches the new married Couple. Makes them brave
housekeepers. They take in Lodgers, and give good examples to their
Children._
It was formerly very pleasant living, when Trading and Merchandizing
flourished so nobly, that every evening people were fain to carry a
whole drawer full of mony out of the Counter in to the Counting-house;
and then the good woman had alwaies two or three hours work to sort
it, before they could so much as think of going to bed: but it seems
that destructive War, as being a scourge from Heaven, for our
dissatisfied Spirits; hath so lamentably humbled the Land of our
Nativity, that there are very few who have not now just causes enough
to complain.
And you, O young people, shall be witnesses hereof, who have already,
in that short time that you have been married, experience that things
do not alwaies run upon wheels so merrily as was expected. 'Tis true
you possess the Pleasure of an indifferent Trade, as well as the rest
of your Neighbours; but it is not in any measure to be compared with
those golden daies that your Ancestors had, when they could lay up so
much wealth, and yet complained they had but little custom.
[Illustration: 135 _Published by The Navarre Society, London._]
Verily, when I rightly consider it, methinks you are happier then they
were. For at that time all their delight was, by a covetous frugality,
to reap much riches together, and though that hapned very well, yet
there was never enough; for mony is no impediment to a covetous soul
because it alwaies yearns for more. But now on the contrary, it is
esteemed to be very nobly done, and people take an absolute delight in
it, if they can but tell how to scrape so much together, that they may
keep the Dunners from their dores, bring up their children
indifferently well, and pay the taxations and impositions that are
imposed upon them. In good truth, they that can do this now, are
worthy of as much credit and reputation, as those were that prospered
much in former daies; and their Pleasure ought not to be lesser then
the others before was.
O happy Successors, who through the contentment of your minds, possess
now as great Pleasure, as your rich Parents formerly did, in their
plentifull daies. Verily, your gain is comparatively better then
theirs, because you are satisfied with so much less; and by
consequence when the hour of death approaches, you can so much the
easier depart from this World, by reason you shall not leave so many
knives behind you that may cut your childrens throats.
Therefore if your Trading should come to diminish more; and that you
can hardly tell how to keep both ends together; then comfort your
selves with this happiness; to the end that the Pleasures of your
marriage, may thereby not be eclipsed. For in bad times you must as
diligently search after the Pleasures of Marriage, as for gain and
good Trading.
But it seems, as you imagine, that this Pleasure rather decreases then
increases; because that the small trading, is accompanied with bad
paiment; and where ever you run or go to dun, you find no body at
home, but return back to your house with empty pockets. For there is
Master Highmind, and Squire Spightfull, who come every day in their
Velvet Coats to the Change, are not in the least ashamed that the
Goods, which they bought to be paid ready down, after the expiration
of a full year, are not yet paid. And Master Negligent, who is alwaies
in an Alehouse, and seldom to be found in his Counting-house or at the
Change, thinks it is abundance too early in July, so much as to look
upon the reckoning of last New-year, much less to pay it.
Nevertheless others have their Creditors also, and this Bill of
Exchange, and that Assignment must be paid at their due times; yea,
and the Winter is approaching, Wood and Coals must be bought, the
Cellar furnisht with Beer and Wine, and some Firkins of Butter, and
provision made for the powdring-tub to be filled, as well as several
other sorts of necessaries for the Family that will be wanting.
Insomuch that this affords but a very slight appearance of concluding
the year in Pleasure.
But, O carefull House Father, if you knew in what a happy age you
live, you would not go away so dissatisfied, but imbrace all these
affairs very joifully for extraordinary Pleasures.
Hitherto you have gone forward like one young and unexperienced, and
have meant with Master Dolittle, alias John the Satisfied, that things
were to be done with kissing, licking, dallying, and other fidle
fadles; but now you are come to a more sober, serious understanding,
and to have mans knowledge, and the same prudent conduct that your
Parents and Friends had, when they were assembled together about your
Contract of Marriage, and then thought of all these things. Now you
are grown to be a Master of Arts in the University of Wedlock. And
great Juno laught, that Venus hath so long hoodwink'd you.
Come on then, these films being now fallen, from your eys, do but
observe how prudent carefull Time hath made you, and how circumspect
and diligent you begin to be that you may get through the World with
honour, commendations, and good respect; how like a care taking Father
you are now providing for your Wife, Children, and whole Family. Oh if
your Father and Mother were now alive, how would they rejoice in this
your advancement; which are indeed the upright Pleasures of Marriage.
For all married people, draw the cares, here mentioned, along with
them; though they come with a bag full of mony about their necks in to
the World.
Do but see, till now you have had a brave and splendant house, paid
great rent, only for your self and family to live in; now you begin to
consider with understanding and Pleasure, whether a dwelling of less
price would not serve as well, in which you might have a Chamber or
two that you could let out to some civil Gentlemen, who might diet
with you; it would help to pay the rent, and bring some profit in
besides; and it is all one trouble for boiling, roasting, and going to
Market: the day goes about nevertheless, and the Maid suits her work
accordingly. And moreover, you have good company of them in your
house, and alwaies either one or another at dinner begins to relate
some kind of pretty discourse, that is continually very pleasurable
and delightfull to be heard.
Observe how glad your Wife is concerning this resolution! There hath
not been these three years any Proclamation published, which pleased
her fancy better: for now her husband will have some pastime, and good
company at home, so that he needs not go to seek it in the evening in
Alehouses or other places. Well who cannot but see here how one may
learn through honest Time and Experience, what Pleasures they are
accompanied with?
But stay a little, and to be serious with you, when you get such
guests, you'l see how they will plague you; for the general
imaginations of such Gentlemen are, that all the monies they spend, is
pure gain, and that the Landlord and Landlady alwaies ought to provide
such sort of diet as they have most a mind to: and though it be never
so well drest, yet there shall hardly come one dish to the Table, but
they will be finding fault that this hath too much pepper in it, and
that too much salt, &c. Besides all this, both Maids and Men, and all
what's in the house, must be at their commands; nay be readier and
nimbler to serve them then their Master and Mistriss. And that's more,
you are deprived of the whole freedom of your house and table. It
happens also many times, that they have so many visiters, and runners
after them, that they require more attendance; and the maid hath more
work with them alone, then the whole house-keeping besides.
This is the general course of all fellow Commoners; I will not say any
thing of a worser sort, which are many times amongst them; who run in
the mornings to Strong-water Shops, and in the afternoon to Taverns;
where they so disguise themselves, that one must be ashamed for honest
people who are in the Shop, or standing upon the flore, that sees
them either come in a dores or down from their Chambers, hardly able
to stand; besides they value not if they tarry out late at nights;
and, if it be possible, they will intice the good man of the house to
debauch with them. And then again they are seldom free from private
chatting and pratling with the Maid and Men servants.
But perhaps you may light of a better sort, which Time, who is the
mother of all things, will make appear. Let it be as it will, here is
alwaies pleasure and delight to be expected for the good man, because
the good woman by this means increaseth to more knowledge of
housholding affairs; and therefore is alwaies busie, like a prudent
mother, in educating, governing, and instructing her children.
Yea, if you, O Father of the Family, will go a little further, and
behold with clear eys, how far your wife, through these bad times, is
advanced in understanding and knowledge; I do assure you, you will
find your self as ravisht with joy; because this is as great a
transformation as ever Ovid writ of. For whereas at the beginning of
your marriage, all her cogitations were imploied for the buying of
large Venetian Looking-glasses, Indean Chainy, Plush Stools and
Chairs, Turkish Tapistry, rich Presses and Tables, yea and whatsoever
else was needfull for neatness and gallantry; we see now, that all her
sences are at work, where ever they may or can be, to save and spare
all things, and to take care that there may not so much as a match
negligently be thrown away.