A Pleasant Dream, the Philadelphia Convention being the Subject thereof.
CONFEDRIT × ROADS
(wich is in the Stait uv Kentucky),
July 28, 1866.
My dreams, uv wich I hev hed many doorin the past five years, hevent bin
overly pleasant; indeed, they hev taken more the shape uv hideous
nitemares than anything else--Linkin, Grant, Sherman, and armies dressed
in blue, figurin extensively therein. But last nite I hed a vision wich
more than repaid me for all I hev suffered heretofore. I hed bin at the
Corners assistin in inauguratin a new grocery. The proprietor wuz a
demoralized Ablishnist who hed sold likker surreptitiously in Maine,
among them Ablishunists, and consekently hed no idea uv the quantity a
full grown Kentucky Democrat cood throw hisself outside uv. His entire
capital with which he proposed to commence biznis wuz one barrel uv new
corn whiskey, and some other necessaries, and ez a starter, to make the
acquaintance uv his customers, he announced one free nite, and invited
the entire community. His invitashun wuz considered generous, and we met
it in the same noble sperit--in a more nobler sperit than the confidin
and ignorant man desired, in fact; for when we got through, in about 38
minits, there wuzn't a drop uv the whiskey left, and while the new
grocery keeper wuz a rollin uv us out, he wuz cussin hisself for a fool.
He didn't open agin; he consoomed his stock in trade in givin the
blow-out to sekoor customers. His stock, like A. Johnson's Unionism,
didn't survive an inaugerashen.