I AM HUMILIATED, LIFTED UP, AND LEFT CURIOUS
It had been my hope to be able to buy, exercising great economy, a new
store of crucifixes in Bologna, and to find a country beyond it where I
might, without scruple, sell them for the means of bare subsistence--for
I asked no more than that. But even that much was not to be: the city of
St. Dominick's last rest would not allow long resting-place to me.
I was delighted with the first view of it, as, following the brown
street of entry, it revealed itself to me. Its towers and arcades,
squares and fountains and spacious churches made a strong impression
upon my excited senses. Having found a modest lodging, I wandered from
shrine to shrine enraptured, and, believing myself fondly in a city of
believers as ardent as myself, I took no trouble either to conceal my
crucifix, a most conspicuous ornament, I must allow, or my sentiments of
hopeful devotion. I suppose that by degrees I excited remark. I was a
stranger in a thinly populated, very idle, curious city. I think that I
meditated aloud--I may certainly have done so, since I had no desire to
conceal my ambitions. If I struck my breast, the action was sincere,
becoming to a contrite sinner; if I was inspired--and I was--I believe
that I was about to prove a cause of inspiration in others. It is
indubitable that I spoke to the crowd which gathered about me and
followed me from church to church, and that, under the stimulus of their
plaudits, I was moved to what may be called eloquence. I spoke of
charity, I remember, upon the steps of San Petronio--charity of
interpretation in matters of faith and morals and private conscience;
and I ended by declaring, what was perfectly true, that Christian as I
was, a Jew had put me in my present way of salvation.
At this singularly inopportune moment I was rudely interrupted. The
crowd parted and fell this way and that without my perception, and a
hand clapped upon my shoulder brought me to earth from those middle
regions of the aether, where I had seemed to be afloat. It was as if,
looking up at the stars, I had stumbled on a knotty root.
An officer of the Inquisition stood beside me, a tall, keen-eyed man,
cloaked in black.
"I have been watching you, young man, for two hours," he said. "You
perform your devotions somewhat publicly, and seem to have a great deal
to say about your spiritual state. The Church has appointed ways and
means for the consolation of the faithful, some of which are no doubt
open to you. Only scandal can ensue these kind of practices."
I was highly indignant, as who would not have been? "Upon my word, sir,"
I exclaimed, "if a sinner may not proclaim, his repentance so near the
throne of pardon, nor a faithful believer record his sincerity within
this shadow of the truth---"
"Such excesses as you use," he stopped me, "savour of private conscience
following its own bent. The Church is distrustful of such excursions.
That crucifix which you carry, for instance---"
I clasped it with fervour. "Ah, it is my passport!"
"Sovereigns and rulers of States," said the officer, "will require more
particulars, and so, for that matter, will the police of Bologna. This
is useless for any such purpose, and your pretence only adds urgency to
my desire of you. I don't wish to be severe with you. I ask you in a
friendly and reasonable way to give me the crucifix."
"Never," said I. "Without it I am lost to Tuscany."
"With it," replied the officer, "you are lost to the world for some
time. This indecent profession of opinion--What! a wooden cross as big
as a dagger! Give it to me at once, and follow me to the tribunal of the
police."
I confess that I grew cold before such irrational tyranny. "You are
going the way to work, sir," I said, "to make me an atheist. I shall
yield only to force."
Vain protest! "Have it as you will," said the officer, and signed to the
sbirri, who came forward at once, cleaving the crowd with their drawn
swords. "This young man is illuminated," said the officer; "take him to
the tribunal, and look into his papers." I saw that submission was my
only course, and took it. The police led me away.
A much more severe scrutiny of my miserable passport than had taken
place at Ferrara followed upon this. Nothing but the "assured manner" of
Issachar was allowed to stand up for me. My nose was fatally straight,
my hair fatally out of curl. I was asked was I a Jew? and had I dared to
pretend it, I know not to what extremes they might not have proceeded.
But I had never learned to lie; I admitted at once that I had bought the
passport. Instant action was taken upon this. My crucifix was burnt, the
passport confiscated. I was given six hours in which to leave Bologna,
and did not take three. I departed in a towering rage, which perhaps did
me good, and devoured the leagues between the city and the mountains at
a pace which I am sure did me credit. The lengthening shadows of these
engulfed and sobered me. Late at night I reached a village at the foot
of the mountains, whose name I don't know, and sought out the only inn
the place boasted--if any place could have been assured enough to boast
of so miserable a shelter. By this time I had walked off my fury and a
great part of my piety. I shall only add of Bologna, which I have never
revisited, that, if it is the duty of a city of the Church to freeze the
faith out of the heart of a son of the Church, then that haughty seat
may boast of having fulfilled it.
My inn was full of French and Savoyard soldiers, recruiting, it was
evident, for their cause or their pockets. War was said to be
threatening between the Holy See and the Grand Duchy: these were the
Pope's allies, roaring, drinking, carding, wenching, and impressing all
travellers who could not pay their way out. Saturnian revels! The
landlord was playing Bacchus, much against his will; the landlady and a
tattered maid were Venus and Hebe by turns; for my own part, shunning to
be Ganymede, I slunk into an outhouse and shared its privacy with some
scared fowls and a drover of the Garfagnana, who, taking me at first for
a crimp, ran at me gibbering with a knife. I pacified him, luckily,
before it was too late, and crouched with him until daylight, expecting
discovery at every outcry. Not until then did the house seem asleep. But
about cockcrow there was a silence as of the dead, and that time was
judged favourable by my companion-in-hiding to get clear away. Knife in
mouth he crept out of cover and went tiptoe by the house. The poor
fellow was crimped at the corner by some wakeful sentry and tied up to
fight the Grand Duke. So I stayed with the fowls until the maid came in
for a victim, which was to supply the lieutenant's breakfast.
Here was my chance. "Madam," says I, and the girl gave a little shriek.
Being desperate, I put an arm round her waist and covered her mouth with
my hand.
"Madam," I said courteously, "I deplore the necessity of laying violence
upon you, but pray you to believe, if you can, in my sincere respect for
you. I am travelling to Florence, but alone. Help me to avoid these
guests of yours, and I shall be eternally grateful." When I was sure
that she had understood me I released her; she sighed.
"Forgive me, sir," she said, "but I thought you were going to make love
to me."
"God forbid it," said I, perhaps a little too devoutly, for she seemed
to be piqued.
She said, "It's as you please, sir, of course. He never forbids what you
gentlemen have a mind to."
"You are wrong, my dear," I replied. "He does forbid it--but we don't
know it until too late."
"Sir," said she, "it's not too late yet." It was now for me to sigh.
"If you knew, or could read, one page of my story," I told her, "you
would understand how late I am, and how pressed for time. Will you not
help me? I am in your hands." She looked kindly.
"Stay here, sir," said she. "I'll do my best for you."
What means she took cannot be told; but after a short absence she
returned with bread and a jug of wine under her apron, and beckoning me
to follow her, took me by a back way behind the houses, up a stair cut
into the rock, and so to the upper street of the little town. Towering
above me then, I saw the broad green side of the mountain, whose summit
was wreathed in white mist.
"You are free to go now, sir," said she. "There lies your honour's way."
I thanked her warmly, offering her my hand. But she put hers behind her.
"Is that all you are going to give me?" she asked me, and made me blush
for my poverty.
"I would give you something very handsome if I had it," I said, "for you
have done me a real service. It would have been impossible for me to
fight the Grand Duke, feeling as I do towards one of his subjects. You
have saved me from a painful dilemma and deserve more than I can offer
you." Such as they were, however, I held out to her in one hand my last
gold ducat, in the other my "Aminta." The maid looked all about her,
shaking her head at the choice. Nobody was near--the narrow street was
asleep. "I would much rather take a kiss from your honour," said she.
"No girl likes to be disappointed--and you have a smooth chin."
I could not but tell her that in accepting a salute of the kind she
little knew what risk she was running; to which she at once replied that
a girl in her situation, with a houseful of French soldiers, was
indifferent to common dangers. I told her I was sorry to hear it, and
felt obliged to add that I was peculiarly accursed.
"Why," says she, mighty curious, "whatever have you done, a pretty
gentleman like you?"
"My dear," said I, "I have injured a spotless lady." Her reply was to
throw her arms about my neck and give me some three or four resounding
kisses. "Bless your innocence," she cried warmly, "I wish I had been
your lady. Injuries indeed!"
I was moved. "You are a kind and charitable soul," I said, "and put the
religious of Bologna to shame. Except from you and a Venetian Jew I
promise you that I have met with no humanity upon my travels." At this
moment she heard herself called from below, and bade me kindly adieu. "I
suppose you are after your lady?" she asked as she turned to leave me.
"Yes," says I, "that is my pilgrimage--to make her amends." "Well," says
the maid, "be bolder with her than you were with me, or you'll never do
it. Adieu, sir!" I saw her no more.
I felt myself touched in a lively part--so quickly is our nature
responsive to kindness. "The embrace of that warm-hearted girl," I
thought as I went on my way, "has put heart into me. A generous
forgiving soul! And, by a figure, she may stand for that compassionate
Aurelia for whom I shall seek until I fall. Is there no offence which
women will not forgive? Yes, there is one--the great offence of all:
Pride. Ah, Beppo, Beppo!" I cried, "my venal Paduan, I was happily
inspired when I left thee my purple and linen!" I laughed aloud, and
footed the long hill bravely. It may seem trifling to establish one's
uplifting by the kiss of a poor wench--but who can explain the ways of
the soul? The wind bloweth where it listeth! And if that of hers were
the kiss of peace? At any rate, it was kindly meant, and so I kindly
received it. Unknown, lowly benefactress, I salute thee again from afar,
after many years.
Breasting the last green steep of the hill, picking my way amid black
rocks and dripping fern, I soon came upon the high road whose entry had
been barred to me by the soldiers. I ate my bread, finished my jug of
wine, and pushed on so vigorously that by noon I was in the heart of the
mountains. To cut the narrative short, after one cold night in the open
and one more day's march, having surmounted the watershed of Lombardy
and Tuscany, I found myself within view of the frontier, saw the guard-
house with the red and white posts of the Grand Duchy, and two sentries
with muskets walking up and down--a sharp reminder of difficulties
ahead. Beyond the frontier the road curved about a great bluff of rock
and skirted the edge of an abyss. I could see dimly a far-stretching
blue plain with rivers and white villages showing faintly upon it; my
heart leaped at the thought that there below me, within a day's travel,
was the land that held Aurelia and Redemption; but even in that same
moment there surged up that bitter something which chilled the generous
feelings and staled the fluttering hopes. Cruel and vexatious thought!
There was not a rill of water on these mossy stones which did not race
unimpeded, or, if impeded, gathering force and direction from the very
obstacle, towards Aurelia; yet here was I, sentient, adoring, longing,
who had travelled so far and endured so much, unable to move one step
beyond a painted post. Such thoughts make rebels of us. Is man, then,
the slave of all creation? Is his the one existence framed by the
Almighty that cannot follow his nature? Better then to be a beast of
chase, darting mouse or blundering mole, than a man, if the more erect
posture is to be the badge of a greater degradation. If the sole merit
of two legs be that they take less hobbling, better far to go upon four.
Needless to say that these were the mutinous reflections of the young
Francis who suffered--not of him who now writes them down, who pays
taxes, wears a good coat and bows to the police with the best citizens
in the country. But that Francis of nascent rebellion--miserably
irresolute, truly indignant, not daring to go forward, not able to
retire--asked himself such burning questions in vain as he paced the
brown length of a beechen glade, within sight but out of hope of his
promise.
I must have wandered further than I reckoned; for so it was that I
presently became aware of a companion in my solitudes. This was a
Capuchin of great girth and capacity, who sat under a chestnut tree,
secluded from observation, and was at that time engaged in dyeing his
beard.