"Come me to be a sojer man."
"Nein!"
"Yaw, come. It be so nice!"
"Nein! I gets shoots."
"Nix. Py tam! it is better as good. It been foon all de vile. You
enlists mit me, you gets nine hundred dollars bountish."
"So?"
"Yaw. And you gets such nice clothes as never vas. Shust look at me."
"So?"
"Yaw. And in the morning, ven de trum peets, dat ish de gurnel's
gompliments to come an' git your schnapps mit him."
"So?"
"Yaw. And purty soon, bime by, de trum peets again, and dat ish de
gurnel's gompliments to come eat some sourkrout un sausage mit him, py
dam!"
"So, mynheer?"
"Yaw, it ish so. Den purty soon, bime by, de trum peets, an' dat ish
de gurnel's gompliments to ride mit him in der carriage to see your
vrou or your Katrina. And den you rides mit him all over de city mit
him, and no costs you one tam cent. And bime by de trum peets, and dat
ish de gurnel's gompliments to come and schmoke a bipe mit him! And
den bime by, purty soon, right away, de trum peets de tuyful, and dat
ish de gurnel's gompliments to come and get you nine hundred tollars
bountish, I tinks, but guess not, py tam!"
"Yaw! So goot?"
"Yaw! And den de General and Bresident shake hands mit you, and you
eat krout mit de Bresident's vrou, and shust live like one fighting
rooster, by tam! And den in a little wile you say der Bresident be
one nice man, and you gets another hundred tollars bountish; and de
Bresident makes one grand general mit you, purty soon I guess, but I
tink not. You go mit me?"
"Yaw!"
DOT BABY OFF MINE.
Mine cracious! mine cracious! shust look here und see
A Deutscher so habby as habby can pe!
Der beoples all dink dot no prains I haf got;
Vas grazy mit trinking, or someding like dot:
Id vasn't pecause I trinks lager und vine;
Id vas all on aggount off dot baby off mine.
Dot schmall leedle vellow I dells you vas qveer;
Not mooch pigger roundt as a goot glass of peer;
Mit a bare-footed hed, und nose but a schpeck;
A mout dot goes most to der pack off his neck;
Und his leedle pink toes mit der rest all combine
To gif sooch a charm to dot baby off mine.
I dells you dot baby vas von off der poys,
Und beats leedle Yawcob for making a noise.
He shust has pecun to shbeak goot English too;
Says "Mamma" und "Papa," und somedimes "Ah, goo!"
You don'd find a baby den dimes oudt off nine
Dot vas qvite so schmart as dot baby off mine.
He grawls der vloor ofer, und drows dings aboudt,
Und poots eferyding he can find in his mout;
He dumbles der shtairs down, und falls vrom his chair,
Und gifes mine Katrina von derrible sckare.
Mine hair shtands like shquills on a mat borcubine
Ven I dinks off dose pranks off dot baby off mine.
Dere vas someding, you pet, I don'd likes pooty vell,--
To hear in der nighdt dimes dot young Deutscher yell,
Und dravel der ped-room midout many clo'es,
Vhile der chills down der shpine off mine pack quickly goes:
Dose leedle shimnasdic dricks vasn't so fine
Dot I cuts oup at nighdt mit dot baby off mine.
Vell, dese leedle schafers vas going to pe men,
Und all of dese droubles vill peen ofer den:
Dey vill vear a vhite shirt-vront inshtead off a bib,
Und vouldn't got tucked oup at nighdt in deir crib.
Vell, vell, ven I'm feeble, und in life's decline,
May mine oldt age pe cheered py dot baby off mine!
DOT LEETLE TOG UNDER DER VAGON.
"Coom, vife," says goot oldt farmer Gray,
"Git on your tings: dot's markets-tay.
Ve'll go so quick vot ve can to town,
Und pack again 'fore dot sun coomes down.
_Shpot!_ No: ve'll leave oldt Shpot behint."
But Shpot he parked, und Shpot he vhined,
Und soon made out his toggish mind
To shteal avay under dot vagon.
Avay dey vent at a merry pace;
But some sad coomes into dot farmer's face;
Und he said, "Poor Shpot! he did vant to come,
But maype dot's petter he's leaved at home.
He'll vatch de parn, und he'll vatch de cot,
Und keep dose cattles out of de lot."
"I'm not so sure of dot," growled Shpot,
On a dog-trot under dot vagon.
So soon as all dose tings vas sold,
Und he gits his pay in silber und gold,
He shtarted home, a quarter past dark,
Across a lonesomely forest. _Hark!_
A robber shumps from pehind a tree:
"Your money or your life!" says he.
It's a cross-eyed moon, so he don't can see
Dot leetle tog under de vagon.
Den Shpot parked vonce, und vonce he vhined,
Und he grapped dot tief py de pants pehind;
He dragged him down in de mud und dirt;
He teared his coat, likevise his shirt;
Und dot tief in de mud got nearly drowned,
Und he don't could rise pooty kvick off de ground;
So his lecks und arms de farmer bound,
Und histed him into dot vagon.
So Shpot he safed de farmer's life,
Also his money, likevise his vife;
Und now a hero grand und gay,
A silber necktie he vears to-day.
He goes verefer his master goes;
Und you bet he holds pooty high his nose,
Mit lots of frients, und not any foes,--
Dot leetle tog under de vagon.
SCHNITZERL'S VELOCIPEDE.
Hans Schnitzerl made a velocipede,
Vone of dot newest kind;
It didn't hafe no vheel before,
Und der vasn't none pehind.
Aber dere vas vone in de middle, dhough,
Dat's shust as sure as eggs;
Und he shtraddled across dot axle,
Mit de vheel between his legs.
Und vhen he vants to shtart it off,
He paddled mit his feet,
Und soon he made it gone so fast
Dat eferytings he beat.
He took it out on Broadway vonce,
Und shkeeted like de vind.
Phew! how he passed dot fancy schaps!
He leafed dem all pehind.
Dem fellers on dose shtylish nags
Pulled up to see him pass;
Und der Deutschers, all ockstonished, cried,
"Potz tauzand! Vas ist das?"
But faster shtill Herr Schnitzerl flew,--
On, mit a ghastly schmile:
He didn't touch de ground, py Jinks,
Not vonce in half a mile.
So vas it mit Herr Schnitzerl
Und his velocipede:
His feet both shlipped right inside out
Vhen at its extra shpeed.
He falled upon dot vheel, of course:
Dot vheel like blitzen flew;
Und Schnitzerl, he vas schnicht in vacht,
Dot schliced him grode in two.
_Hans Breitmann._
THE LATEST BARBARIE FRIETCHIE.
Id was droo der sdreeds of Fredericksdown;
Der red-hot zun he vas shine him down.
Bast der zaloons all filt mit bier,
Der rebel vellers valked on deir ear.
All day droo Fredericksdown so fast,
Horses, und guns, und sozers bast.
Der rebel flags he shone him out so bridt,
As if, by Jinks! he got some ridt.
Vere vas der Onion flag? Der zun
He look him down not on a vun.
Up jumped dot olt Miss Frietchie den,
Zo oldt by ninescore years and ten.
She grabbed up der old flag der men haul down,
And fasen'd id quick by her nidtgown.
Den she sot by der vindow ver all could see,
Dere vas none vot lofe dot flag so free.
Purty soon come ridin' up Stonewall Jack,
Sittin' from der mittle of his horse's back.
Under him brow he squint him's eyes.
Dot flag! Dot make him great surprise.
Halt! each feller, make him sdill!
Fire! vas echoed from hill do hill.
Id busted der sdrings from dot nidtgown,
But Barbarie Frietchie, she vas around.
She grabbed the flag again so guick,
Und oud of the vindow her arms did sdick.
"Obuse if you would dis olt bald head,
But leave alone dot flag!" she said.
Zo soon, so guick as Jack could do,
He holler him oud mit a face so blue:
"Who bulls a hair oud of dat bald head
Dies awful guick. Go aheat!" he said.
Und all dot day, und all dot nite,
Till efery rebel vas oud of site,
Und leave behind him dot Fredericksdown,
Dot flag he vas sthicken by dot nidtgown.
Dame Barbarie Frietchie's vork is done,
She don't forever get some fun.
Bully for her! und drop a tear
For dot old vomans midout some fear.
MR. HOFFENSTEIN'S BUGLE.
"Mr. Hoffenstein," said Herman, as he folded up a pair of pants, and
placed them on a pile, "if you don't haf any objections, I vould like
to get from de store avay von efening, und go mit de soldiers to de
Spanish Fort."
"Vell, Herman, I dinks you had better keep avay from de soldiers,"
replied Hoffenstein, "und stay mit de store, because, you know, you
don't can put any confidence mit de soldiers--I vill tell you vhy. Von
day, vile I vas in Vicksburg during de var, a cock-eyed soldier came
in my store mit an old bugle in his hand, und he looks around. I asks
him vat he vants, und he buys a couple of undershirts; den he tells
me to keep his bundle and his bugle behind de counter until he comes
back. After de cock-eyed soldier vent de store out, some more soldiers
come in und valk all around, vile dey look at de goods. 'Shentlemens,'
I says, 'do you vant anydings?'--'Ve are shust looking to see vat you
haf,' said one of dem; und after avile anodder says, 'Bill, shust look
dere at de bugle! de very ding de captain told us to get. You know ve
don't haf any bugle in de company for dree months.--How much you ask
for dot bugle?' I dells dem dot I don't can sell de bugle, because it
belongs to a man vat shust vent oud. 'I vill gif you fifty dollars for
it,' says de soldier, pulling his money oud. I dells him I don't can
sell it, because it vasn't mine. 'I vill gif you one hundred dollars,'
he said. Mine gr-r-acious! Herman, I vants to sell de bugle so bad dot
I vistles. De soldiers dells me, vile dey vas leaving de store, dot if
I buy de bugle from de man vot owns it, dey vill gif me one hundred und
dwendy-five dollars for it. I dells dem I vill do it. I sees a chance,
you know, Herman, to make some money py the oberation. Ven de cock-eyed
soldier comes back he says, 'Gif me my bundle und bugle; I got to go
to de camp.' I says, 'Mine frent, don't you vant to sell your bugle?'
He dells me no, und I says, 'My little boy, Leopold, vot plays in de
store, sees de bugle, und he goes all around crying shust so loud as
he can, because he don't get it. Six times I takes him in de yard und
vips him, und he comes right back und cries for de bugle. It shows, you
know, how much drouble a man vill haf mit a family. I vill gif you den
dollars for it, shust to please little Leopold.' De soldier von't dake
it; und at last I offer him fifty dollars, und he says, 'Vell, I vill
dake fifty dollars, because I can't vaste any more time: I haf to go
to de camp.' Afder he goes avay, I goes to de door, und vatches for de
soldiers vat vanted de bugle. I sees dem passing along de street, und
I says, 'My frents, I haf got de bugle;' und dey say, 'Vell, hang it!
vy don't you blow it?' Mine gr-r-acious! Herman, vat you dink? All dem
soldiers belong to de same crowd, und dey make de trick to swindle me.
Levi Cohen, across de street, he finds it out, und efery day he gets
boys to blow horns in front of mine store, so as to make me dink how I
vas swindled. Herman, I dink you had better stay mit de store."
FRITZ AND HIS BETSY FALL OUT.
Draw oop dem bapers, lawyer, und make 'em shtrong and lawful.
My house vas getting oopside oudt, und Baitsy she vas awful.
Dere's no use talkin', ve can't agree. Sooch aickshuns I naifer saw;
To tell you der troot, between you und me, she vas vorse as a
mudder-in-law.
Ven I virst got married mit Baitsy, I liked her pooty vell,
But now she vas got more stubborn vot nopody can dell;
I've talked mit her togedder, vor two veeks aifery tay,
Und der furder we vas togedder, der nearer ve vas avay.
Dot all gommenced aboudt der Pible: I youst took it down vrom der
shelf,--
Dot's a ding I naifer look into mooch: you know how dot vas,
yourself,--
Und I vas a-reading 'boudt Daniel, how he shoomped in der lion's den,
Und youst a leedle farder along, I vas reading dem lines den
Vere it says, "Und Daniel got hees back oop--righdt oop against der
vall;
Bud der lions don'd vas shkared--dey didn't do none notting at all."
Und ven I read dot shapter dru, ve both vas a goot deal puzzled;
Und I says, "Baitsy, now I see how t'vas, dem lions must bin muzzled."
She told me I vas lyin'; dot vas not vot it meant.
I said she vas anudder, und dot's youst der vay it vent;
Und den she vas got awful mad, und dold me to my vace,
"I vish, py shinks! dot Dan vas oudt, und you vas een hees blace."
"Vell," I says, "I'm villings to shange mit Daniel; let heem comb und
lif mit you,
Und I'll go and shoomp een der lion's den, und enshoy myself better'n
I do!"
Bud vot een der dooce vould Daniel dink ov I ashk heem to shange mit
me?
He vould say, 'Oh, no! I know Baitsy too vell. I vould rather shtay
vere I be.'
She shoomped righdt gwick vor der broomshtick, und vas goin' to gife
me a douse;
Bud ven she turned roundt to shtruck me, she vas all alonein der house;
Dot's der reason I comb to talk to you aboudt der varm und homeshtead.
Dere moosht no vone trust Baitsy on my aggount: she left my board und
bedshtead.
Vone day she vanted soam vater, und dold me to go oud und pump it.
I dold her I vouldn't do it, und ov she didn't like she could lump it.
She shoked me oop against der vall, und shut my vindpipe off;
I tell you I seen shtars dot time, und I dought my head vas off.
Py krashus! She's liable to kill me mit vatefer she gets her hands on,
Und I get mixed oop so, I can't tell vich endt my head shtands on.
She shtruck me vonce mit a cord-wood shtick, righdt on der shpine ov
my back.
I lefd her home, und vrom dot day till dees--vor dree veeks--I didn't
comb back.
I dell you, Meesder Lawyer, it beats all vot I've endoored,
Besides der money I've baid oudt to keeb my life enshoored.
Der more I dink ov dese dings, der less I vant to, sir,
Und der more I dink ov Baitsy, der less I dink ov her.
Der virst time I aifer met her, I vas shtruck mit her vinning vay;
Bud now a shange vas tooken blace--I get shtruck in a deafferent vay.
Dot time veil ve got married, she vas a lass een shkool,
Und I vas youst aboudt the same--alas! I vas a vool.
She alvays used to shmile so nice venefer I shanced to meet her,
I didn't dought she vould become sooch an orvul oogly creetur;
Bud shoore I vas meesdaken, und I got beat like der dooce;
Ov you could only hear her, you'd dink her jaw vas loose.
Vone day she says, "Shut oop your moudt! your blabbin' all der time!"
I says "I vouldn't do it"--dot's der kind ov a Dootchman I am.
Und den, bevore I knew it, she took me by soorbrise,
Und keeked me oudt der house, sir--righdt bevore my vace und eyes!
I tell you vat it vas, sir, I velt a goot deal put oudt,
To hafe my own belofed vife tell me to shut my moudt,
Und, because I dought I vouldn't, to keek me oudt der door.
Youst on aggount sooch aickshuns, dot's vy I veel so sore.
I've yelled und shkolded at her until my droat vas hoarse;
Bud dot naifer didn't do no goot--she's gettin' vorse und vorse;
Und I've made oop my mind oudt, dot vas my only course
To comb here und get your adwice--und also a diworce.
* * * * *
You talk 'boudt bein' henpecked, und ruled by voman's tongue,
I tell you vat it is, sir, I'm vorse off den Prigham Young.
So wrode oop dot baper, lawyer, und draw it righdt avay,
Und I'll take it home to Baitsy, und see vot she vill say.
Und den to-morrow morning I vill sell aiferyding I own,
Und bid Baitsy und our shild goot-by, und go oudt een der vorld alone.
Und ven I dink ov Baitsy a dousand milse avay,
I'll baed she'll vant to hafe me comb righdt back home und shtay.
Bud I naifer vill comb back again, unless she's tooken sick,
Ov she is, you tailegraf me to comb back pooty gwick.
Remaimber vot I tell you, und don'd keeb me in soosbense;
Youst bay the tailegrafer, und sharge to my oxbense.
Dot puts me een mind ov someding dot I can't dink ov now;
I can't remaimber vot I vorget--dot beats all, ainyhow!
Oh! now I've got it--wrode it down, dot ven I'm dead und gone,
Baitsy'll bring back me to her, und bury me een der lawn.
Und on my tombstone let it read, in ledders large und blain,
"Here lies Shon Shtuffenheimer, and hees vife she is to blame."
Und I hope dot in a veek or two, righdt after I hafe died,
Baitsy und I vill both ov us be laying side by side.
Und ven Gabreel blows hees drumpet oop, und all der dead shall rise,
Baitsy und I vill both shoomp oop, and vipe our veeping eyes;
Und den, if it looks doubtful, ve'll shtand righdt dere und vait,
Und ven no vone vas lookin', ve'll shkweeze dru der Golden Gate.
GEORGE M. WARREN.
CUT, CUT BEHIND.
Vhen shnow und ice vas on der ground,
Und merry shleigh-bells shingle;
Vhen Shack Frost he vas peen around,
Und make mine oldt ears tingle--
I hear dhose roguish gamins say,
"Let shoy pe unconfined!"
Und dhen dhey go for efry shleigh,
Und yell, "Cut, cut pehind!"
It makes me shust feel young some more,
To hear dhose youngsters yell,
Und eef I don'd vas shtiff und sore,
Py shings! I shust vould--Vell,
Vhen some oldt pung was coomin' py,
I dink I'd feel inclined
To shump right in upon der shly,
Und shout, "Cut, cut pehind!"
I mind me vot mine fader said
Vonce vhen I vas a poy,
Mit meeschief alvays in mine head,
Und fool of life und shoy.
"Now, Hans, keep off der shleighs," says he,
"Or else shust bear in mind,
I dake you righdt across my knee,
Und cut, cut, cut pehind!"
Vell, dot vas years und years ago,
Und mine young Yawcob too,
Vas now shkydoodling droo der shnow,
Shust like I used to do;
Und ven der pungs coom py mine house,
I shust peeks droo der plind,
Und sings oudt, "Go id, Yawcob Strauss,
Cut, cut, cut, cut, pehind!"
_Charles Follen Adams, in Harper's._
TICKLED ALL OAFER.
The Chief of Police yesterday had a visit from an old farmer living out
on the Center Line road, who had a story to tell. After two or three
efforts, he began:--
"I vhas goin home, last night, ven I overtakes two men on der roadt.
Dose fellers dey laft, und saidt would I gif 'em a ride? I laft, too,
und say, 'shump in.'"
"Yes, I understand."
"Pooty queek one feller laft, und saidt he likes Dutchmens, 'cause his
uncle vas a Dutchmans. Dot vhas all right, und so I laft, too. I vhas
real tickled, und I shakes all oafer."
"Yes."
"In a leetle vhile one feller vhants me to shange a seven-tollar bill,
so as he could gif some money to der orphan assylums; und he lafts, ha!
ha! ha! Dot tickled me some more, und I lafts too. Den de odder feller,
he grabs me py der collar und pulls me down behind, und says dey looks
in my pockets for a shteampoat dot vos stolen from Detroit. Dot makes
us all laff, like some goot shoke."
"It must have been funny."
"It vhas. Dose fellers took out my wallet and counted oop der monish.
I had shust ten tollar; und dey laft, und said dot dey must go on some
trips to der seashore mit dot. Dot tickled me some more, und I laft,
too."
"Well, what then?"
"Vhell, den dey shumped oud, und put deir fingers on der noses,
und says, 'Goot-py, old Dutchmans,' und avhay dey goes like some
horse-races."
"And you didn't laugh at that?"
"Vhell, not pooty much. I vhas all ready to, but I shtopped. If dem
fellers vhas up to shokes, it was all right; but if they vhas robbers,
I vhants you to catch 'em, und gif 'em some pieces of my mind, like
dunder. I doan' like somepody to laff at me vhen they doan' feel
tickled all oafer."
AN ERROR O' JUDGMENT.
We are a quiet, law-abiding people doon here in Saltcoats. Indeed, I
havna seen a polisman for sax weeks, an' trooly when I think o' hoo
happy we a' are I'm aye reminded o' the hundred and thirty-third Saum.
Being orderly folk, an' in oor beds at a proper oor, the street-lamps
are a' screwed oot every nicht at twal o'clock--an' quite late eneuch
tae, for if folk are no hame by that time they should be. Oor gas,
I may remark, is cheaper and better than the Glasgow thing; altho'
we don't make a great wark aboot it bein' equal ta sae mony "caunle
po'er," an' ither nonsense o' that kin'. Bein' savin' folk, moreover,
on nichts when the mune's up the lamps are no lichtit at a'. It wad be
o' nae use, you see, an' a perfect throwin' awa o' gas. But that brings
me to what I was goin' tae say.
The ither nicht, though it wis vera dark, no a lamp was lichtet, a
matter that rather bothered the inhabitants. By-an'-by a few o' the
principal folk cam' doon tae my place jist as I wis closin', an' after
a bit crack we made up oor mind tae gie a ca' on the lamplighter. The
reg'lar man wis through at Kirkliston--he's East country himsel', if
I don't mistak he belangs tae Manuel--buryin' his wife's auntie; so it
wis jist, as ye micht say, a depute-proxy that wis daein' the wark.
Weel, we daunnert up tae this depute-proxy's hoose; bit he wis in bed,
on' a' oor chappin' at the door couldna rouse him. Seein' this, we
borrow't a lether, frae a slater that steys next door, an' twa o' the
ithers steadin' it, I crept up the rungs an' twirlt at the window wi'
my fingers, singin' a' the time--
O are ye sleeping, Wullie!
O are ye sleeping, Wullie!
O are ye----
"Whit ye oh-in' at?" cries Wullie, comin' tae the window: "a body wid
think it wis some lass you were serenadin'."
"Wullie," says I solemnly, "what's this ye hae been daein' at a' at a'?"
"I've been daein' naething but sleepin': it's you that's kicking up the
row."
"But ye hivna lichtet the lamps the nicht."
"This is no my nicht: it's the mune the nicht."
"Surely ye've made a mistak, Wullie: there's nae mune that I see."
"I've made nae mistak, for I lookit the almanac."
"But will ye no listen tae reason? Put yer heid oot an' see for
yersel'."
Wullie put his heid oot. "Woel," he says, "there's nae mune, certainly;
but ye surely widna hae me responsible for that. I go by the almanac;
an' if it says there's to be a mune, it's a' one tae me whether there's
nae mune or a million o' munes, not a lamp will I licht."
"That's quite richt, Wullie: nae doot ye maun hae some rule to go
by--Gentlemen," I cries doon, "he has the best o' the argument: what am
I tae dae noo?"
"Haul him oot the window," they cried up.
"Oh! if ye're goin' tae begin fechtin' I'll come doon," I replies, "and
let some o' the rest o' ye up." But they cried, that I'd better jist
settle it when I wis there, so I says, "Wullie, whit almanac d'ye go
by? Is't Orr's, or the Belfast?"
"Here it's up on the mantlepiece, ye can see it for yersel';" and he
took it doon, an' held it oot tae me, giein' me a cannle at the same
time to read it by. One look, hooever, explained the hale affair.
"Gracious guidness, Wullie," I cries, "this is last year's!"
"Eh! what! last year's?"
"It is that," says I.
"Mr Kaye," says Wullie, "don't say another word. Wait a minute, an'
I'll put on my troosers, an' in hauf an oor every lamp'll be shinin'
sae that ye wid think it wis a general illumination."
He wis as guid as his word; an' we a' accompanied him on his rounds,
an' the cheers the laddies gied as each lamp wis lichtet wid 'a' dune
yer hert guid. We had a meetin' in the coalree afterwards; an' I
proposed that Wullie, for his strict attention tae duty--it was only an
error o' judgment he had made, very different frae carelessness--should
get the first vacant place we had, at a guid wage; an' the motion wis
carried, an' Wullie an' us a' went hame happy.
SOCKERY KADAHCUT'S KAT.
Oh! I had de vorst dime lasd veek dot you effer saw. Katrina (dot vos
mine frau) vent avay to make a liddle bicnic, und as I vas been hafin'
de shake und agers und didn't feel pooty goot, I shtayed to home.
Vell, as I vas valkin' arount de parn yart, I saw dot same olt plue hen
coom out from unter der parn sayin': "Kut, kut, ka-dah-kut; kut, kut,
ka-dah-kut," und dot puts me in mint of a shoke dot Katrina mait on me
von tay: she sait dot I autto vas bin a olt rooster, cos de hens called
me effery dime ven day lait a aigs. Dot vas a pooty goot shoke on me.
Vell, as I vas saying, I saw dot olt plue hen coom out from unter de
parn, und I tought to myself, meppy dere vas a nest of aigs unter dere;
so I pull oud half a tozzen more sdones, und mait a hole so pig as I
can crawl unter, und den as I vas crawlin' arount unter a lookin' for
some nest mit aigs, all at once I spiet de pootiest liddle kat vat I
effer seen; he vas all plack mit vite shtripes, und vas shnuggled ub in
a little pall fahst asleeb.
Vell, ve vas bin vantin' a kat because dere vas so many mouses in de
house, und I tought uf I kin git dot von I'll make Katrina a little
surbrise barty; so I krawl along so sdill as never vas, till I got ub
close to him, den I mait a grab und I ketched him by the neck so dot
he dont kin pite me; but ach, mine gootness, vat shmell, vorse as a
huntred parrels of limburgher! _I tought I had stepped on someding dot
vas deat, und proke him mit my knees._ I vas most shoke mit dot shmell;
but I held dot liddle kat up close to me und klimb oud so kwick as I
can. Ven I got oud in de parn yart, dere vas pig Chake Moser goin' py,
und ven he seen me, he sait, "Sockery, you olt deutch fool, vot are you
doin' mit dot skunk?"--"Shkunk!" I sait, "I tought dot vas a liddle
kat;" und I drop him so quick like he was hot.