"I haf carry dot nose fordy year, unt he nefer freeze hisself before. I
no understand dis ting."
SQUIRE HOUSTON'S MARRIAGE CEREMONY.
You bromish now, you goot man dare,
Vot sthands ubon de vloor,
To hab dish vooman for your vife,
Und lub her ebbermore;
To feed her vell mit sourkraut,
Peens, putthermilks und scheese,
Und in all dings to lend your aid,
Dat vill bromote her ease?
"Yesh;" und you vooman sthandin dare,
Do bledge your vord dish tay,
Dat you vill took for your hoospand,
Dis man--und him obey;
Dat you vill ped und poard mit him,
Vosh, iron und mend his cloothes,
Laf ven he shmiles, veep ven he moorns,
Und chare his shoys und voes?
Vell, den, I now, viddin dese valls,
Mit shoy, und not mit kreef,
Bronounch you bote to pe one mind,
Von name, von man, von beef;
I pooblish here dese holy pands,
Dese matthermoonial ties,
Pefore Got, mine frow, Hans und Poll,
Und all dese gazin eyes.
Und, as de shacred Schripture says,
Vot God unites togedder
Let no man dare ashunder put,
Let no man dare dem sever.
Dare! britekroom, now schoost you sthop,
I'll hold tight fasht your collar,
Unteel you anshwer me dish ting,
Und dat's--_vare ish mine tollar_?
DOT DELEPHONE.
"I guess I haf to gif up my delephone already," said an old citizen
yesterday, as he entered the office of the company with a very long
face.
"Why, what's the matter now?"
"Oh, everyting! I got de delephone in mine house so as I could
shpeak mit der poys in der saloon down town, and mit my relations in
Springville; but I haf to give it up. I nefer haf so much droubles."
"How?"
"Vell, my poy Shon, in der saloon, he rings der pell, and calls opp,
und says an old frient of mine vants to see how she vorks. Dot ish all
right. I says, 'Hello!' und he say, 'Shtand back a leetle closer.' I
shtand back closer, und helloes again. Den he says, 'Shtand a leetle
off.' I shtand back a leetle off, und yells unce more; und he say,
'Shpeak louder!' I yells louder. It goes dat vhay ten minutes; und den
he says, 'Go to Texas, you old Dutchman!' You see?"
"Yes."
"And den mine brudder in Springville, he rings der pells und calls me
oop, und says how I vas dis efenings. I says I vhas feeling like some
colts; und he says, 'Who vants to puy some goats?' I says, 'Colts!
colts! colts!' Und he answers, 'Oh, coats! I thought you said goats.'
Ven I goes to ask him of he feels petter, I hears a voice crying oudt,
'Vot Dutchmans is dot on dis line, enyhow?' Den somepody answers, 'I
don't know, but I likes to punch his headt.' You see?"
"Yes."
"Vhell, somedimes my vife vhants to shpeak mit me ven I am down in der
saloon. She rings mine pell, und I says, 'Hello!' Nopody shpeaks to
me. She rings again, und I says, 'Hello!' like dunder. Den der central
office tells me to go aheads, und den tells me holdt on, und den tells
mine vife dot I am gone avay. I yells oudt, 'Dot is not so;' und
somepody says, 'How can I talk if dot old Dutchmans doan' keep shtill?'
You see?"
"Yes."
"Und ven I go in de bedt at night, somepody rings der pell like der
house vas on fire; und ven I shumps oudt, und says, 'Hello!' I hear
somepody saying, 'Kaiser, doan't you vhant to puy a dog?' I vants no
dog; und ven I tells 'em so, I hear some peoples laughing, 'Haw! haw!
haw!' You see?"
"Yes."
"Vell, you dake it oudt, dat ish all vhat it ish; und ven somepody
likes to shpeak mit me dey shall coom right avay by mine saloon. Oof
mine brudder ish sick, he shall got petter. Und oof somepody vhants to
puy a dog, apout two glock de morning, let him yust coom vere I can
tole him somedings, dat ish all."
THE UNITED ORDER OF HALF-SHELLS.
"My vhife all der time says to me, 'Carl Dunder, if you vhas to be kilt
by a butcher-cart or ice-wagon, or if some shteamboat plow you oop on
de river, I left mit no money. Vhy doan' you pe insured mit your life?'
"Vhell, I tinks about dot a good deal. It vhas my duty dot my vhife und
Katie doan' go mit der poorhouse if I can help it, und I tink it vhas
pest to get some insurance. I shpeak to my frendt, Shon Plazes, vhas
about it, und Shon he says,--
"'Of course you vhant insurance. You come into my lodge of der United
Order of Half-shells. Dot vhas an order which only cost one dollar a
year, und if you die your family puts on shtyle mit der ten thousand
dollar in greenpacks. I calls a meeting right avhay mit your saloon,
und we put you through like some streaks of greased lightning.'
"Vhell, I goes home and tells der old vhomans, und she says dot
vhas O. K. She doan's like to see me die; but if some shmall-pox or
yellow-fever comes to Detroit, und takes me avay, she likes to haf a
long funeral procession, und build me a grave-stone vhich reads dot
Carl Dunder vhas a goot husband, a kind fadder, und dot he vhas gone
to heaven only a leedle vhile before he vhas ready. I shpeak to my
daughter Katie, und she sheds some tears und dells me dot she looks as
cute as an angel in some mourning gloze for me. So it vhas all right,
und I sweep out my saloon, und about twenty men come in dot eafnings to
make me a Half-shell.
"Oxcuse me if I vhas madt, und use some words like a pirate. My frendt,
Shon Plazes, vas dhere mit a red cap on his head, und a voice so solemn
dot I feels chills go up my pack. He calls de meeting to order, and
says I like to shoine and become a Half-shell.
"'Does he like peer?' asks some mans in the gorner.
"'He does,' said Shon Plazes.
"'Und so do we!' yells all der meeting, and Shon says I was to come
down mit der peer. Dot was nineteen glasses.
"Den Shon Plazes, he reads from a pook mit a plue cover dot man vhas
dying efery day so fast dot you can't count 'em, or somedins like dot,
und he calls oudt,--
"'Vhat shall safe dis man?'
"Und eaferpody yells, 'Lager peer!' Dot means, I set him oop again, und
dot vhas nineteen glasses more. Den two men take me und vhalk me all
aroundt, und Shon Plazes he cries oudt,--
"'Ve vhas here to-day und gone to-morrow! In der midnight, when
eaferpody vhas ashleep, a tief comes und shteals our life away! Vhat
keeps dot tief afar off?'
"Und eaferpody groans oudt like he vhas dying, 'Cool lager!' Dot means
I was to set 'em oop again, und dot vhas nineteen glasses more. Den
Shon Plazes he leads me twice around und says,--
"'Carl Dunder, you tinks you vhas made a Half-shell already, but you
vhas mistaken. Put out your left handt. Dot vhas goot. Now, my frendt,
vhat vas der foundation stone of liberty, equality, und brotection?'
"Und eaferpody lifs oop his voice und groans out, 'All der lager a
man vhants!' Dot means, I vhas to tap a fresh keg; und I believe dot
growd drinks more as forty glasses. I doan' like it so previous like.
I didn't, but my frendt Shon Plazes tells me to lie down on der table
on my pack, und shut my eyes. Vhen I vhas in bosition he hit me three
dimes mit his fist in der stomach, und cries oudt,--
"'Vhen he vhas alife he vhas kind mit der boor; vhen he vhas death, we
forgot his faults. Brudders, vhat vhas der great brinciple dot leads to
charity und penevolence?'
"Und eaferpody shumps to his feet und yells out, 'Some more lager and
cigars!' Vhell, I set 'em oop once more, und den I vhas so madt dot I
take my glub und clean dot crowd oudt mit der street. I belief he vas
a fraud on me. I belief Shon Plazes tells all der poys, und it vhas a
put-up shob. I lose my peer and cigars, und somebody carries off more
as ten bottles of vhiskey from my par, und I vhas no more a Half-shell
as yoo are. If dot vhas some vhey to insure me so dat my vhife und
Katie haf some mourning goods, und puy me a grave-stone mit a lamp on
top, I go out of pollytics right avay. Oxcuse me dot I shed some tears,
und kick oafer der shairs und tables, for I vhas madt like some cats on
a gloze-line."
WHY NO SCOTCHMEN GO TO HEAVEN.
Long years ago, in time so remote that history does not fix the epoch,
a dreadful war was waged by the king of Scotland. Scottish valor
prevailed; and the king of Scotland, elated by success, sent for his
prime minister.
"Weel, Sandy," said he, "is there ne'er a king we canna conquer noo?"
"An it please your majesty, I ken o' a king that your majesty canna
vanquish."
"An' who is he, Sandy?"
The prime minister, reverently looking up, said, "The King o' heaven."
"The king of whaur, Sandy?"
"The King o' heaven."
The Scottish king did not understand, but was unwilling to exhibit any
ignorance.
"Just gang your ways, Sandy, and tell King o' heaven to gi'e up his
dominions, or I'll come mysel' and ding him oot o' them; and mind you,
Sandy, you dinna come back to us until ye ha'e dune oor biddin'."
The prime minister retired much perplexed, but met a priest, and,
re-assured, returned and presented himself.
"Weel, Sandy," said the king, "ha'e ye seen the King o' heaven? and
what says he to our biddin'?"
"An it please your majesty, I ha'e seen one o' his accredited
ministers."
"Weel, and what says he?"
"He says your majesty may e'en ha'e his kingdom for the axin' o' it."
"Was he sae civil?" asked the king, warming to magnanimity. "Just
gang your ways back, Sandy, an' tell the King o' heaven that for his
civility the de'il a Scotchman shall set foot in his kingdom."
YAWCOB STRAUSS.
I haf von funny leedle poy,
Vot gomes schust to mine knee;
Der queerest schap, der createst rogue,
As efer you dit see.
He runs, und schumps, und schmashes dings
In all barts off der house;
But vot off dot? he was mine son,
Mine leedle Yawcob Strauss.
He get der measles und der mumbs,
Und eferyding dot's oudt;
He sbills mine glass of lager bier,
Poots schnuff indo mine kraut.
He fills mine pipe mit limburg cheese:
Dot vas der roughest chouse;
I'd dake dot vrom no oder poy
But leedle Yawcob Strauss.
He dakes der milk-ban for a dhrum,
Und cuts mine cane in dwo;
To make der schtiks to beat it mit,--
Mine cracious, dot vas drue!
I dinks mine hed vas schplit abart,
He kicks oup sooch a touse:
But nefer mind; der poys vas few
Like dot young Yawcob Strauss.
He asks me questions sooch as dese:
Who baints mine nose so red?
Who vas it cuts dot schmoodth blace oudt
Vrom der hair ubon mine hed?
Und vhere der plaze goes vrom der lamp
Vene'er der glim I douse.
How gan I all dose dings eggsblain
To dot schmall Yawcob Strauss?
I somedimes dink I schall go vild
Mit sooch a grazy poy,
Und vish vonce more I gould haf rest,
Und beaceful dimes enshoy;
But ven he vas ashleep in ped,
So guiet as a mouse,
I prays der Lord, "dake anyding,
But leaf dot Yawcob Strauss."
C. F. ADAMS.
LEEDLE YAWCOB STRAUSS--WHAT HE SAYS.
Maype somedimes you don't half szeen
Mine fahder told vhen he vas peen
Szo vild almost as never vas
Mit me; hees Leedle Yawcob Strauss,
Und all apout thdose tings because
Vit me he wasn't haf szome ease,
Nor schmoke hees bipe, nor schleep in peese
Nor eats szome schmall limburger scheese;
Nor dakes hees peer nor saurkraout,
Yen Leedle Yawcob was apout.
Vell now! I shbiel hees lager peer?
Mine gootness! dot ish very queer;
Don't I haf seen him mit his handt,
Tdake vup some glass of lager, andt
Schoost ash he schmell him mit hees eye,
Shbiel him all in hees schtoomach? vy,
He shbiel more lager peer don I,
Andt thden he laff, und dance, und szing,
More like some poys don anythding.
I took der meezles; vell I shbose
Dot thdere vas blenty left of thdose;
I poots der schnuff inder hees kraout,
So it make him don't scheeze so loudt,
I haf der mumps; vot if I is?
Mine vace don't got szer far abart
Nor pe szo pig nor redt as his.
Und thden apout those limburg scheese;
Vell thdere I dhink dot I agrees
Mit him, dot it vos szomevat rouff,
But thden he szay vonce, dat enough
Vas schoost so petter nor a veest,
Und szo I think he kouldn't got
Enough, so scheap und quivck ash vot
He haf mit hees bipe full off dot.
Thdose milk-ban dot I learn to blay,
I get dot drouble in thdis way:
Poot pottom up across my knee,
Schoost ash I szeen him do to me,
I tumps upon him mit ter stdick,
Und make der music pooty qvick;
Vy ish it dot hees hed't vas shblit
Vith sooch a leedle noise, ven it
Don't preak oup mit der noise dot he
Make, ven he tump dot stdick on me?
Put ven I ask apout szome thdings,
Vot make hees nose szo redt, and prings
Der schoomth shbot oudt mitin his hedt;
I shbose dot I shall know apout
All of thdose thdings--ven I findt out,
Und szo I vait avhile, and szee
Vot der next drouble ish to pe,
Und if der meeschiefs thdake this blace,
I brays like vot dot fahder says
Tdake everyding dots in thdis house,
Put leave thdis leedle Yawcob Strauss.
ARTHUR DAKIN.
ISAAC ROSENTHAL ON THE CHINESE QUESTION.
Mr. Rosenthal, who was proprietor of a clothing store in Avenue A, had
been mentioned to me as an unusually intelligent German Hebrew, and I
met him at the door of his store looking out for customers. As I paused
for a moment, he addressed me thus:--
"Gome righd in, mein liebe Herr! Don'd mind dot leedle tog. He vill
not pide you. I geeb him to trive avay de bad leedle poy in de
sthreed. You like to puy zome very coot glothing? I can zell you dot
goat--for--Nein! _Teufel!_ Id is not dot? So! And you vand to speak to
me aboud de Shinamen? Vell, I dell you dot you gome yust to de righd
blace. You bedder don'd go no furder. You yust gome in de back shtore.
You take ein glas bier? you smoke ein gut zigar?--no, not dot--I call
him real Havana, bud I make him up-shtairs. I gif you a bedder one as
dot. So! I lighd him for you. Now I shpeag mit you aboud dem Shinamen,
und you put vat I say in de baber, pecause de bublic ought to know
vat bad beoples dey ish. I keeb last year ein kleine shop mit mein
bruder--hish name is Zolomon--and ve haf yust as coot glothes as dem
dot you zee dere; and von day dere gome in ein, zwei, drei Shinamen,
and zay to me, 'How do, John?' and I dell him dot my name ish not John;
but he only laugh. Den he zay, 'You got some coot glothes, John? S'pose
hab got, mi likee see.' I haf such vay of shpeaking nefer heard, but I
can a leedle undershtand, and I t'ink dot he vill not know a coot goad
ven he zee id, and I show him some dot ish not of the brime qualidy,
and vill not last so long as dot kind as I show you, and I sharge him a
coot brice; and he look at him, and dry him on, and I dell him dot id
vill him very vell fit. Und den dish great rasgal he say to me dot he
has not much money got, but some leedle box of very coot tea, und he
make a pargain and shwop mit me. Und I t'ink dot I make mit him a coot
drade, und I give him de goat, and dake de dea; and he say, 'Chin chin,
John,' and go out, and I don'd never see him no more. Und vat you tink?
ven I open dot dea, I find him one inch coot, and below dot, noding but
yust rubbish, and some schmall bieces of iron to make him heavy. Und
so, mein liebe Herr, you can de reason undershtand dot I like not to
have dot Shinese beobles gome to New York."
SCRIBNER'S MONTHLY.
"DER DOG UND DER LOBSTER."
(_From the New York Clipper._)
Dot dog he vos dot kind of dog
Vot ketch dot ret so sly,
Und squeeze him mit his leetle teeth,
Und den dot ret vos die.
Dot dog he vas onquisitive
Vareffer he vas go,
Und, like dot vooman, all der time
Someding he vants to know.
Vone day, all by dot market-stand
Vare fish und clams dey sell,
Dot dog vas poke his nose aboud
Und find out vat he smell.
Dot lobster he vas took dot snooze
Mit von eye open vide,
Und ven dot dog vas come along
Dot lobster he vas spied.
Dot dog he smell him mit his nose,
Und scratch him mit his paws,
Und push dot lobster all aboud,
Und vonder vot he vas.
Und den dot lobster he voke up,
Und crawl yoost like dot snail,
Und make vide open ov his claws,
Und grab dot doggie's tail.
Und den so quick as never vas
Dot cry vent to der sky,
Und, like dem swallows vot dey sing,
Dot dog vas homeward fly.
Yoost like dot dunderbolt he vent--
Der sight vas awful grand.
Und every street dot dog vas turn,
Down vent dot apple-stand.
Der shildren cry, der vimmin scream,
Der mens fall on der ground;
Und dot boliceman mit his club
Vas novare to pe found.
I make dot run und call dot dog,
Und vistle awful kind;
Dot makes no difference vot I say,
Dot dog don't look pehind.
Und pooty soon dot race vas end,
Dot dog vas lost his tail--
Dot lobster I vas took him home,
Und cook him in dot pail.
Dot moral vas, I tole you 'boud,
Pefore vas neffer known--
Don't vant to find out too much dings
Dot vasn't ov your own!
SAUL SERTREW.
"DER WRECK OF DER HEZBERUS."
(_Before Longfellow._)
It vas der goot shkiff Hezberus,
Dot paddled cross der pond;
Und dare vas dare der skibber's gal,
Of whom he vas so fond.
Green vos her eyes as summer peas,
Her cheeks I can't define,
Her boozum brown like pretzel cakes,
Her voice a vereful whine.
Mit pibe in mouth der skibber sat,
Wrabbed in an old pea koad,
Und vatched his daughter koff and shneeze
Ven schmoke got down hur throad.
Den up und spoke der paddle man,
"Look 'ere, let's turn ride back,
A schwan lives 'ere, der peebles say,
Vat likes to peck und hack.
So let's turn back, mein master dear,
Und from this voyage refrain,"
Der skibber blew schmoke oud his pibe,
Und schmiled mit grim dishdain.
Den near und near der shkiff did got
To vare dot schwan hung out;
Until at last, mit telesgope,
Dey shpied his head und snowt.
Vel, down it schwam und schmote der shkiff
Mit all its might und main,
Und made it shump dree times its length,
Und den shump back again.
"Come 'ere, come 'ere! mein leedle gal,
Und do not dremble so,
For I can lick der biggest schwan
Dot you to me can show."
He wrabbed her in his old pea koad,--
His joy, his life, his soul;
Und mit a piece of paper twine
He lashed her to a pole.
"Oh, dad, I hear der dinner bell!
I feel shust like grub-struck."
"Vel, hold yer tongue now, Mary Ann,
Und dry to bear your luck."
"Oh, dad, I see dot schwan again!
He'll eat both you und me;"
But dad he answered not a vord,
For stiff und frized vas he.
Den der goot girl she glasped her hands,
Und through her frost-bit nose
She said, "Now I avake to sleep,"
Dot she might not be froze.
Und dare, through rain and hurrycane,
Und through der schleet und schnow,
Der maiden prayed und begged der schwan
To pick up stakes und go.
But no; he schwam up to der wreck,
Und den der fun began;
He knocked der fellers off der deck,
But left shweed Mary Ann.
He picked und pecked der Hezberus,
Und lashed de pond to foam,
Und made de poor, wee, leedle shkiff
Look shust like honeycomb.
Den by der board der long bean-pole
Und Mary Ann did go;
Und shust like lead der shkiff went down.
Der schwan he roared, Ho! ho!
* * * * *
At break of day, beside der pond,
Poor Mary Ann vas found;
Her form vas cold un frozen stiff,
Und to a bean-pole bound.
SIGNS AND OMENS.
"Hans, what do you think of signs and omens?"
"Vell, I don't dinks mooch of dem dings, und I don't pelieve
averydings; but I dells you somedimes dere is someding in sooch dings
ash dose dings. Now, de oder night I sits und reads mine newspaper, und
mine frau she shpeak und say,--
"'Fritz, de dog ish howlin'.'
"Vell, I don't dinks mooch of dem dings, und I goes on und reads mine
paper, und mine frau she say,--
"'Fritz, dere is somedings pad is happen--de dog ish howlin'.'
"And den I gets oop mit mineself, and looks out troo de vines on de
porch; und de moon vas shinin', und mine leedle dog he shoomp right
up und down like averydings, and he park at the moon dat was shine so
prite ash never vas. Und as I hauled mine het in de winter de old voman
she say,--
"'Mind, Fritz, I dells you dere ish somedings pad ish happen. _De dog
ish howlin._'
"Vell, I goes to pet, und I shleeps: und all night long, ven I vakes
up, dere vas dat dog howl outside; und ven I dream, I hear dat
howlin' vorser ash nefer. Und in de mornin' I kits oop und kits mine
_freestick_ (breakfast),--und mine frau she look at me, und say fery
solemn;
"'Fritz, dere ish somedings ish happen. De dog vas howl all night.'
"Und shoost den de newspaper comes in, and I opens him; und, by shings!
vot you dinks? _Dere vas a man died in Philadelphia!_"
A DUTCHMAN'S ANSWER.
Bill Jones was going to get married a day or two ago, and he forgot
whar de minister libed; so he started to find him out, so as to hab him
come to de house an' perform de marriage ceremony. So, arter getting
along down de road for two or free miles, he became fearful ob gettin'
on de wrong track. So he says to a big Dutchman "I say, can you tell
me where Mr. Swackelhammer, de preacher, lives?" and de Dutchman said,
"Yaw. You just valk de road up to de creek, an' down de pritch over up
shtreme, den you just go on till you cum to a road what vinds de woots
around a schoolhouse; but you don't take dat road. Vell, den you go
on till you meet a pig-pen shingled mit straw, den you durn de road
round de field, and go on till you come to pig red house. Den you turn
dat house around de barn, and see a road dat goes up in de woots. Den
you don't take dat road too. Den you go straight on, and de fust house
you meet is a hay-stack, and de next is a barrack. Vell, he don't live
dere. Den you will get a little furder, and you see a house on top de
hill, about a mile; and you go in dere an' ax de old voman, an' she
will tell you bedder as I can."
THE VAY RUBE HOFFENSTEIN SELLS.
"Herman," said a Poydras street merchant clothier, addressing his
clerk, "haf ye sold all of dose overgoats vat vas left over from last
vinter?"
"No, sir; dere vas dree of dem left yet."
"Vell, ye must sell 'em right avay, as de vinter vill not last, you
know, Herman. Pring me one uf de goats and I vill show you somedings
about de pisness. I vill dell you how ve vill sell dem out, und you
must learn de pisness, Herman; de vinter vas gone, you know, und ve hav
had dose goats in de store more as seex years."
An eight-dollar overcoat was handed him by his clerk, and smoothing it
out, he took a buckskin money purse from the showcase, and, stuffing it
full of paper, dropped it into one of the pockets.
"How, Herman, my poy," he continued," vatch me sell dat coat. I haf
sold over dirty-fife uf dem shust de same vay, und I vant to deech you
de pisness. Ven de next gustomer comes in de shop I vill show de vay
Rube Hoffenstein, my broder in Detroit, sells his cloding and udder
dings."
A few minutes later a negro, in quest of a pair of suitable cheap
shoes, entered the store. The proprietor advanced smiling, and inquired:
"Vat is it you vish?"
"Yer got any cheap shoes hyar?" asked the negro.
"Blenty of dem, my frent, blenty; at any price you vant."
The negro stated that he wanted a pair of brogans, and soon his pedal
extremities were encased in them, and a bargain struck. As he was about
to leave, the proprietor called him back.
"I ain't gwine ter buy nuffin else. I'se got all I want," said the
negro, sullenly.
"Dot may be so, my dear sir," replied the proprietor, "but I shust
vants you to look at dis goat. It vas de pure Russian vool, und dis
dime last year you doan got dot same goat for dwenty-five dollars.
Mine gracious, clothing vos gone down to noding, and dere vas no money
in de pisness any longer. You vant someding dot vill keep you from de
vedder, und make you feel varm as summer dime. De gonsumption vas goin
round, und de doctors dell me it vas the vedder. More dan nine beoples
died roun vere I lif last veek. Dink of dot. Mine frent, dot goat vas
Russian vool, dick and hevy. Vy, Misder Jones, who owns de pank on
Canal streed, took that goat home mit him yesterday, and vore it all
day, but it vas a leetle dight agross de shoulders, und he brought it
pack shust a vile ago. Dry it on, my dear sir. Ah! dot vas all right.
Mister Jones vas a rich man, and he liked dot goat. How deep de pockets
vas, but it vas a leetle dight agross de shoulders."
The negro buttoned up the coat, thrust his hands in the pockets, and
felt the purse. A peaceful smile played over his face when his touch
disclosed to his mind the contents of the pockets, but he choked down
his joy and inquired:
"Who did you say wore this hyar coat?"
"Vy, Mister Jones vot owns de bank on Canal streed."
"What yer gwine to ax fur it?"
"Dwenty dollars."
"Dat's powerful high price fur dis coat, but I'll take it."
"Herman, here, wrap up dis goat fur the schentleman, and throw in a
cravat; it will make him look nice mit de ladies."
"Nebber mind, I'll keep the coat on," replied the negro, and pulling
out a roll of money, he paid for it and left the store.
While he was around the next corner moaning over the stuffed purse,
Hoffenstein said to his clerk:
"Herman, fix up anudder von of dose goats de same vay, and doan forget
to dell dem dot Mister Jones vot runs de pank on Canal streed vore it
yesterday."
A DUTCH RECRUITING OFFICER.
The reader must picture a stout, big-bellied, short-haired
recruiting-officer, with a blue cap, broad, stiff frontispiece, a
short sword, blue uniform a size too small, and a raw customer from
"Faderland," with wooden shoes and a long-tailed gray coat. The officer
was after recruits for a German regiment, and thus went for his
susceptible countryman:--
"Lo, dere, Hans! Be dat you?"