"Croquettes a la D'Esprit."
"That's it exactly," I thought, "they get so desperate in these places
that they hash up all the leavings and call them by their right name."
When I passed the manager of the shebang, he says:
"What's the matter? Are you dissatisfied with what you've had?"
"Not a bit of it," says I, "it's what I haven't had that I am
dissatisfied with."
When I got outside of the restaurant, who should I run into but my dear
friend, Rufus Sage.
"Hello, Rufus," says I, "how's business?"
"Candidly," says he, "it's rotten. I made only three millions this
morning, and I've got to get a new suit this afternoon that will cost
all the way from ten to fifteen dollars."
"Too bad," says I.
[Illustration]
"Then, besides, I'm liable to be inconvenienced any time," he says,
"through an argument I had with a friend of mine this morning. He said I
was extravagant, and I said I wasn't."
"Well," says I, "did you succeed in getting him to think the same as
yourself?"
"Yes," says he, "but I may get arrested any minute for assult and
battery, and they'll fine me not less than five dollars."
I don't think I ever told you of the awful time I had, when I went
yachting with my friend Rufus Sage, did I?
Oh! It was a swell time, indeed.
It began to swell the minute we struck the swell outside the harbor, and
my poetic soul swelled up within me in great shape.
I was leaning over the rail looking at the beautiful green waves and the
reflection of my beautiful face in them (no, I wasn't doing anything
else), when my dear friend, Rufus, came to me and said:
"Cheer up, old man, things will get pleasanter, when the moon comes up."
"Darnation," says I, "it has come up, if I ever swallowed it."
Right after that, we encountered a most terrific gale. The wind blew,
the storm howled, the ship tossed, and the lightning flashed. In fact,
we were in a devil of a mess all around.
[Illustration]
I found my ear in the captain's mouth and he was telling me something I
didn't want to know.
The captain found my right boot exactly where it should have been under
the circumstances.
The last thing I saw was Rufus running to his cabin to get a
two-for-five collar button he had left in his trunk.
All hands got safely into the boat but me. There was so much of me
overboard already that I didn't care how soon my skeleton followed.
Finally the ship sank and I found myself astride a big hogshead. I was
in an awful situation.
Suddenly, I sighted a flagstaff with a flag attached, and within an hour
was in grabbing distance.
[Illustration]
"This," I says, "is all right. I'll put the staff in the bung-hole of
the barrel and fly a signal of distress."
It flew fine, until a gust of wind took it away. But, as you know, I am
a man of resource.