AN INN—DEBTS PAID IN ADVANCE, AND A SINGULAR TOUCH OF HUMAN NATURE
FOUND CLOSELY INCORPORATED WITH MONIKIN NATURE
We soon secured rooms, ordered dinner, brushed our clothes, and made
the other little arrangements that it was necessary to observe for the
credit of the species. Everything being ready, we left the inn, and
hurried towards the “Palais des Arts et des Sciences.” We had not got
out of sight of the inn, however, before one of its garçons was at our
heels with a message from his mistress. He told us, in very respectful
tones, that his master was out, and that he had taken with him the key
of the strong-box; that there was not actually money enough in the
drawer to furnish an entertainment for such great persons as ourselves,
and she had taken the liberty to send us a bill receipted, with a
request that we would make a small advance, rather than reduce her to
the mortification of treating such distinguished guests in an unworthy
manner. The bill read as follows:—
No. 1 parti-color and friends,
To No. 82,763 grape-color. Dr.
To use of apartments, with meals and lights, as per
agreement, _p.p._ 300 per diem--one day, _p.p._ 300
By cash advanced, 50
----
Balance due, _p.p._ 250
“This seems all right,” I observed to Noah; but I am, at this moment,
as penniless as the good woman herself. I really do not see what we are
to do, unless Bob sends her back his store of nuts—”
“Harkee, my nimble-go-hop,” put in the seaman, “what is your pleasure?”
The waiter referred to the bill, as expressing his mistress’s wants.
“What are these p. p. that I find noted in the bill—play or pay, hey?”
“Promises, of course, your honor.”
“Oh! then you desire fifty promises, to provide our dinner.”
“Nothing more, sir. With that sum you shall dine like noblemen—ay, sir,
like aldermen.”
I was delighted to find that this worthy class of beings have the same
propensities in all countries.
“Here, take a hundred,” answered Noah, snapping his fingers, “and make
no bones of it. And harkee, my worthy—lay out every farthing of them in
the fare. Let there be good cheer, and no one will grumble at the bill.
I am ready to buy the inn, and all it holds, at need.”
The waiter departed well satisfied with these assurances, and
apparently in the anticipation of good vails for his own trouble.
We soon got into the current that was setting towards our place of
destination. On reaching the gate, we found that we were anxiously
expected; for there was an attendant in waiting, who instantly
conducted us to the seats that were provided for our special reception.
It is always agreeable to be among the privileged, and I must own that
we were all not a little flattered, on finding that an elevated tribune
had been prepared for us, in the centre of the rotunda in which the
academy held its sittings, so that we could see, and be seen by, every
individual of the crowded assembly. The whole crew, even to the negro
cook, had preceded us; an additional compliment, that I did not fail to
acknowledge by suitable salutations to all the members present. After
the first feelings of pleasure and surprise were a little abated, I had
leisure to look about me and to survey the company.
The academicians occupied the whole of the body of the rotunda, the
space taken up by the erection of our temporary tribune alone excepted,
while there were sofas, chairs, tribunes, and benches arranged for the
spectators, in the outer circles, and along the side-walls of the hall.
As the edifice itself was very large, and mind had so essentially
reduced matter in the monikin species, there could not have been less
than fifty thousand tails present. Just before the ceremonies
commenced, Dr. Reasono approached our tribbune, passing from one to
another of the party, saying a pleasant and encouraging word to each,
in a way to create high expectations in us all as to what was to
follow. We were so very evidently honored and distinguished, that I
struggled hard to subdue any unworthy feeling of pride, as unbecoming
human meekness, and in order to maintain a philosophical equanimity
under the manifestations of respect and gratitude that I knew were
about to be lavished upon even the meanest of our party. The Doctor was
yet in the midst of his pointed attentions, when the king’s eldest
first cousin of the masculine gender entered, and the business of the
meeting immediately began. I profited by a short pause, however, to say
a few words to my companions. I told them that there would soon be a
serious demand on their modesty. We had performed a great and generous
exploit, and it did not become us to lessen its merit by betraying a
vainglorious self-esteem. I implored them all to take pattern by me;
promising, in the end, that their new friends would trebly prize their
hardihood, self-denial, and skill.
There was a new member of the academy of Latent Sympathies to be
received and installed. A long discourse was read by one of this
department of the monikin learning, which pointed out and enlarged on
the rare merits of the new academician. He was followed by the latter;
who in a very elaborate production, that consumed just fifty-five
minutes in the reading, tried all he could to persuade the audience
that the defunct was a loss to the world, that no accident or
application would ever repair, and that he himself was precisely the
worst person who could have been selected to be his successor. I was a
little surprised at the perfect coolness with which the learned body
listened to a reproach that was so very distinctly and perseveringly
thrown, as it were, into their very teeth. But a more intimate
acquaintance with monikin society satisfied me, that any one might say
just what he pleased, so long as he allowed that every one else was an
excellent fellow, and he himself the poorest devil going. When the new
member had triumphantly established his position, and just as I thought
the colleagues were bound, in common honesty, to reconsider their vote,
he concluded, and took his seat among them with quite as much assurance
as the best philosopher of them all.
After a short pause, and an abundance of felicitations on his excellent
and self-abasing discourse, the newly admitted member again rose, and
began to read an essay on some discoveries he had made in the science
of Latent Sympathies. According to his account of the matter, every
monikin possessed a fluid which was invisible, like the animalcula
which pervade nature, and which required only to be brought into
command, and to be reduced into more rigid laws, to become the
substitute for the senses of sight, touch, taste, hearing, and
smelling. This fluid was communicable; and had already been so far
rendered subject to the will, as to make it of service in seeing in the
dark, in smelling when the operator had a bad cold, in tasting when the
palate was down, and in touching by proxy. Ideas had been transmitted,
through its agency, sixty-two leagues in one minute and a half. Two
monikins, who were afflicted with diseased tails, had during the last
two years, been insulated and saturated, and had then lost those
embellishments, by operations; a quantity of the fluid having been
substituted in their places so happily, that the patients fancied
themselves more than ever conspicuous for the length and finesse of
their caudce. An experiment had also been successfully tried on a
member of the lower house of parliament, who, being married to a
monikina of unusual mind, had for a long time been supplied with ideas
from this source, although his partner was compelled to remain at home,
in order to superintend the management of their estate, forty-two miles
from town, during the whole session. He particularly recommended to
government the promotion of this science, as it might be useful in
obtaining evidence for the purposes of justice, in detecting
conspiracies, in collecting the taxes, and selecting candidates for
trusts of a responsible nature. The suggestion was well received by the
king’s cousin, more especially those parts that alluded to sedition and
the revenue.
This essay was also perfectly well received by the savans, for I
afterwards found very little came amiss to the academy; and the members
named a committee forthwith, to examine into “the facts concerning
invisible and unknown fluids, their agency, importance, and relations
to monikin happiness.”
We were next favored with a discussion on the different significations
of the word gorstchwzyb; which, rendered into English, means “eh!” The
celebrated philologist who treated the subject, discovered amazing
ingenuity in expatiating on its ramifications and deductions. First he
tried the letters by transpositions, by which he triumphantly proved
that it was derived from all the languages of the ancients; the same
process showed that it possessed four thousand and two different
significations; he next reasoned most ably and comprehensively for ten
minutes, backwards and forwards, using no other word but this, applied
in its various senses; after which, he incontrovertibly established
that this important part of speech was so useful as to be useless, and
he concluded by a proposition, in which the academy coincided by
acclamation, that it should be forever and incontinently expunged from
the Leaphigh vocabulary. As the vote was carried by acclamation, the
king’s cousin arose, and declared that the writer who should so far
offend against good taste, as hereafter to make use of the condemned
word, should have two inches cut off the extremity of his tail. A
shudder among the ladies, who, I afterwards ascertained, loved to carry
their caudae as high as our women like to carry their heads, proved the
severity of the decree.
An experienced and seemingly much respected member now arose to make
the following proposal. He said it was known that the monikin species
were fast approaching perfection; that the increase of mind and the
decrease of matter were so very apparent as to admit of no denial;
that, in his own case, he found his physical powers diminish daily,
while his mental acquired new distinctness and force; that he could no
longer see without spectacles, hear without a tube, or taste without
high seasoning; from all this he inferred that they were drawing near
to some important change, and he wished that portion of the science of
Latent Sympathies which was connected with the unknown fluid just
treated on, might be referred to a committee on the whole, in order to
make some provision for the wants of a time when monikins should
finally lose their senses. There was nothing to say against a
proposition so plausible, and it was accepted nemine contradicente,
with the exception of a few in the minority.
There was now a good deal of whispering, much wagging of tails, and
other indications that the real business of the meeting was about to be
touched upon. All eyes were turned on Dr. Reasono, who, after a
suitable pause, entered a tribune prepared for solemn occasions, and
began his discourse.
The philosopher, who, having committed his essay to memory, spoke
extempore, commenced with a beautiful and most eloquent apostrophe to
learning, and to the enthusiasm which glows in the breasts of all her
real votaries, rendering them alike indifferent to their personal ease,
their temporal interests, danger, suffering, and tribulations of the
spirit. After this exordium, which was pronounced to be unique for its
simplicity and truth, he entered at once on the history of his own
recent adventures.
First alluding to the admirable character of that Leaphigh usage which
prescribes the Journey of Trial, our philosopher spoke of the manner in
which he had been selected to accompany my lord Chatterino on an
occasion so important to his future hopes. He dwelt on the physical
preparations, the previous study, and the moral machinery that he had
employed with his pupil, before they quitted town; all of which, there
is reason to think, were well fitted to their objects, as he was
constantly interrupted by murmurs of applause. After some time spent in
dilating on these points, I had, at length, the satisfaction to find
him, Mrs. Lynx, and their two wards, fairly setting out on a journey
which, as he very justly mentioned, proved “to be pregnant with events
of so much importance to knowledge in general, to the happiness of the
species, and to several highly interesting branches of monikin science,
in particular.” I say the satisfaction, for, to own the truth, I was
eager to witness the effect that would be made on the monikin
sensibilities, when he came to speak of my own discernment in detecting
their real characters beneath the contumely and disgrace in which it
had been my good fortune to find them, the promptitude with which I had
stepped forward to their relief, and the liberality and courage with
which I had furnished the means and encountered the risks that were
necessary to restore them to their native land. The anticipation of
this human triumph could not but diffuse a general satisfaction in our
own tribune—even the common mariners, as they recalled the dangers
through which they had passed, feeling a consciousness of deserving,
mingled with that soothing sentiment which is ever the companion of a
merited reward. As the philosopher drew nearer to the time when it
would be necessary to speak of us, I threw a look of triumph at Lord
Chatterino, which, however, failed of its intended effect—the young
peer continuing to whisper to his noble companions with just is much
self-importance and coolness as if he had not been one of the rescued
captives.
Dr. Reasono was justly celebrated, among his colleagues, for ingenuity
and eloquence. The excellent morals that he threw into every possible
opening of his subject, the beauty of the figures with which they were
illustrated, and the masculine tendencies of his argument, gave general
delight to the audience. The Journey of Trial was made to appear, what
it had been intended to be by the fathers and sages of the Leaphigh
institutions, a probation replete with admonitions and instruction. The
aged and experienced, who had grown callous by time, could not conceal
their exultation; the mature and suffering looked grave and full of
meditation; while the young and sanguine fairly trembled, and for once,
doubted. But, as the philosopher led his party from precipice to
precipice in safety, as rocks were scaled and seductive valleys
avoided, a common feeling of security began to extend itself among the
audience; and we all followed him in his last experiment among the ice,
with that sort of blind confidence which the soldier comes, in time, to
entertain in the orders of a tried and victorious general.
The Doctor was graphic in his account of the manner in which he and his
wards plunged among these new trials. The lovely Chatterissa (for all
his travelling companions were present) bent aside her head and
blushed, as the philosopher alluded to the manner in which the pure
flame that glowed in her gentle bosom resisted the chill influence of
that cold region; and when he recited an ardent declaration that my
lord Chatterino had made on the centre of a floe, and the kind and
amorous answer of his mistress, I thought the applause of the old
academicians would have actually brought the vaulted dome clattering
about our ears.
At length he reached the point in the narrative where the amiable
wanderers fell in with the sealers, on that unknown island to which
chance and an adverse fortune had unhappily led them, in their
pilgrimage. I had taken measures secretly to instruct Mr. Poke and the
rest of my companions, as to the manner in which it became us to demean
ourselves, while the Doctor was acquainting the academy with that first
outrage committed by human cupidity, or the seizure of himself and
friends. We were to rise, in a body, and, turning our faces a little on
one side, veil our eyes in sign of shame. Less than this, it struck me,
could scarcely be done, without manifesting an improper indifference to
monikin rights; and more than this, might have been identifying
ourselves with the particular individuals of the species who had
perpetrated the wrong. But there was no occasion to exhibit this
delicate attention to our learned hosts. The Doctor, with a refinement
of feeling that did credit, indeed, to monikin civilization, gave an
ingenious turn to the whole affair, which at once removed all cause of
shame from our species; and which, if it left reason for any to blush,
by a noble act of disinterestedness, threw the entire onus of the
obligation on himself. Instead of dwelling on the ruthless manner in
which he and his friends had been seized, the worthy Doctor very
tranquilly informed his listeners, that, finding himself, by hazard,
brought in contact with another species, and that the means of pushing
important discoveries were unexpectedly placed in his power; conscious
it had long been a desideratum with the savans to obtain a nearer view
and more correct notions of human society; believing he had a
discretion in the matter of his wards, and knowing that the inhabitants
of Leaplow, a republic which all disliked, were seriously talking of
sending out an expedition for this very purpose, he had promptly
decided to profit by events, to push inquiry to the extent of his
abilities, and to hazard all in the cause of learning and truth, by at
once engaging the vessel of the sealers, and sailing, without dread of
consequences, forthwith into the very bosom of the world of man!
I have listened with awe to the thunder of the tropics—I have held my
breath as the artillery of a fleet vomited forth its fire, and rent the
air with sudden concussions—I have heard the roar of the tumbling river
of the Canadas, and I have stood aghast at the crashing of a forest in
a tornado;—but never before did I feel so life-stirring, so thrilling
an emotion of surprise, alarm, and sympathy, as that which arose within
me, at the burst of commendation and delight with which this
announcement of self-devotion and enterprise was received by the
audience. Tails waved, pattes met each other in ecstasy, voice whistled
to voice, and there was one common cry of exultation, of rapture and of
glorification, at this proof, not of monikin, for that would have been
frittering away the triumph, but at this proof of Leaphigh courage.
During the clamor, I took an opportunity to express my satisfaction at
the handsome manner in which our friend the Doctor had passed over an
acknowledged human delinquency, and the ingenuity with which he had
turned the whole of the unhappy transaction to the glory of Leaphigh.
Noah answered that the philosopher had certainly shown a knowledge of
human natur’, and he presumed of monikin natur’, in the matter; no one
would now dispute his statement, since, as he knew by experience, no
one was so likely to be set down as a liar, as he who endeavored to
unsettle the good opinion that either a community or an individual
entertained of himself. This was the way at Stunin’tun, and he believed
this was pretty much the way at New York, or he might say with the
whole ’arth from pole to pole. As for himself, however, he owned he
should like to have a few minutes’ private conversation with the sealer
in question, to hear his account of the matter; he didn’t know any
owner in his part of the world, who would bear a captain out, should he
abandon a v’yage in this way, on no better security than the promises
of a monkey, and of a monkey, too, who must, of necessity, be an utter
stranger to him.
When the tumult of applause had a little abated, Dr. Reasono proceeded
with his narrative. He touched lightly on the accommodations of the
schooner, which he gave us reason to think were altogether of a quality
beneath the condition of her passengers; and he added that, falling in
with a larger and fairer vessel, which was making a passage between
Bombay and Great Britain, he profited by the occasion, to exchange
ships. This vessel touched at the island of St. Helena, where,
according to the Doctor’s account of the matter, he found means to pass
the greater part of a week on shore.
Of the island of St. Helena he gave a long, scientific, and certainly
an interesting account. It was reported to be volcanic, by the human
savans, he said, but a minute examination and a comparison of the
geological formation, etc., had quite satisfied him that their own
ancient account, which was contained in the mineralogical works of
Leaphigh, was the true one; or, in other words, that this rock was a
fragment of the polar world that had been blown away at the great
eruption, and which had become separated from the rest of the mass at
this spot, where it had fallen and become a fixture of the ocean. Here
the Doctor produced certain specimens of rock, which he submitted to
the learned present, inviting their attention to its character, and
asking, with great mineralogical confidence, if it did not intimately
resemble a well-known stratum of a mountain, within two leagues of the
very spot they were in? This triumphant proof of the truth of his
proposition was admirably received; and the philosopher was in
particular rewarded by the smiles of all the females present; for
ladies usually are well pleased with any demonstration that saves them
the trouble of comparison and reflection.
Before quitting this branch of his subject, the Doctor observed that,
interesting as were these proofs of the accuracy of their histories,
and of the great revolutions of inanimate nature, there was another
topic connected with St. Helena, which, he felt certain, would excite a
lively emotion in the breasts of all who heard him. At the period of
his visit, the island had been selected as a prison for a great
conqueror and disturber of his fellow-creatures; and public attention
was much drawn to the spot by this circumstance, few men coming there
who did not permit all their thoughts to be absorbed by the past acts
and the present fortunes of the individual in question. As for himself,
there was, of course, no great attraction in any events connected with
mere human greatness, the little struggles and convulsions of the
species containing no particular interest for a devotee of the monikin
philosophy; but the manner in which all eyes were drawn in one
direction, afforded him a liberty of action that he had eagerly
improved, in a way that, he humbly trusted, would not be thought
altogether unworthy of their approbation. While searching for minerals
among the cliffs, his attention had been drawn to certain animals that
are called monkeys, in the language of those regions; which, from very
obvious affinities of a physical nature, there was some reason to
believe might have had a common origin with the monikin species. The
academy would at once see how desirable it was to learn all the
interesting particulars of the habits, language, customs, marriages,
funerals, religious opinions, traditions, state of learning, and
general moral condition of this interesting people, with a view to
ascertain whether they were merely one of those abortions, to which, it
is known, nature is in the practice of giving birth, in the outward
appearance of their own species, or whether, as several of their best
writers had plausibly maintained, they were indeed a portion of those
whom they had been in the habit of designating as the “lost monikins.”
He had succeeded in getting access to a family of these beings, and in
passing an entire day in their society. The result of his
investigations was, that they were truly of the monikin family,
retaining much of the ingenuity and many of the spiritual notions of
their origin, but with their intellects sadly blunted, and perhaps
their improvable qualities annihilated, by the concussion of the
elements that had scattered them abroad upon the face of the earth,
houseless, hopeless, regionless wanderers. The vicissitudes of climate,
and a great alteration of habits, had certainly wrought some physical
changes; but there still remained sufficient scientific identity to
prove they were monikins. They even retained, in their traditions, some
glimmerings of the awful catastrophe by which they were separated from
the rest of their fellow-creatures; but these necessarily were vague
and profitless. Having touched on several other points connected with
these very extraordinary facts, the Doctor concluded by saying that he
saw but one way in which this discovery could be turned to any
practical advantage, beyond the confirmation it afforded of the truth
of their own annals. He suggested the expediency of fitting out
expeditions to go among these islands and seize upon a number of
families, which, being transported into Leaphigh, might found a race of
useful menials, who, while they would prove much less troublesome than
those who possessed all the knowledge of monikins, would probably be
found more intelligent and useful than any domestic animal which they
at present owned. This happy application of the subject met with
decided commendation. I observed that most of the elderly females put
their heads together on the spot, and appeared to be congratulating
each other on the prospect of being speedily relieved from their
household cares.
Dr. Reasono next spoke of his departure from St. Helena, and of his
finally landing in Portugal. Here, agreeably to his account, he engaged
certain Savoyards to act as his couriers and guides during a tour he
intended to make through Portugal, Spain, Switzerland, France, etc.,
etc., etc. I listened with admiration. Never before had I so lively a
perception of the vast difference that is effected in our views of
matters and things, by the agency of an active philosophy, as was now
furnished by the narrative of the speaker. Instead of complaining of
the treatment he had received, and of the degradations to which he and
his companions had been subjected, he spoke of it all as so much
prudent submission, on his part, to the customs of the countries in
which he happened to find himself, and as the means of ascertaining a
thousand important facts, both moral and physical, which he proposed to
submit to the academy in a separate memoir another day. At present, he
was admonished by the clock to conclude, and he would therefore hasten
his narrative as much as possible.
The Doctor, with great ingenuousness, confessed that he could gladly
have passed a year or two longer in those distant and highly
interesting portions of the earth; but he could not forget that he had
a duty to perform to the friends of two noble families. The Journey of
Trial had been completed under the most favorable auspices, and the
ladies naturally became anxious to return home. They had accordingly
passed into Great Britain, a country remarkable for maritime
enterprise, where he immediately commenced the necessary preparations
for their sailing. A ship had been procured under the promise of
allowing it to be freighted, free of custom-house charges, with the
products of Leaphigh. A thousand applications had been made to him for
permission to be of his party, the natives naturally enough wishing to
see a civilized country; but prudence had admonished him to accept of
those only who were the most likely to make themselves useful. The king
of Great Britain, no mean prince in human estimation, had committed his
only son and heir-apparent to his care, with a view to his improvement
by travelling; and the lord high admiral himself had asked permission
to take command of an expedition that was of so much importance to
knowledge in general, and to his own profession in particular.
Here Dr. Reasono ascended our tribune and presented Bob to the academy
as the Prince-Royal of Great Britain, and Captain Poke as her lord high
admiral! He pointed out certain peculiarities about the former, the
smut in particular, which had become pretty effectually incorporated
with the skin, as so many signs of royal birth; and ordering the
youngster to uncase, he drew forth the union-jack that the lad
carefully kept about his nether part as a fender, and exhibited it as
his armorial bearings—a modification of its uses that would not have
been very far out of the way, had another limb been substituted for the
agent. As for Captain Poke, he requested the academicians to study his
nautical air in general, as furnishing sufficient proof of his
pursuits, and of the ordinary appearance of human seamen.
Turning to me, I was then introduced to all present as the travelling
governor and personal attendant of Bob, and as a very respectable
person in my way. He added, that he believed, also, I had some
pretension to be the discoverer of something that was called the
social-stake system; which, he dared to say, was a very creditable
discovery for one of my opportunities.
By this prompt substitution of employments, I found I had effectually
changed places with the cabin-boy; who, instead of waiting on me, was,
in future, to receive that trifling attention at my hands. The mates
were presented as two rear-admirals at nurse, and the crew was said to
be composed of so many post-captains in the navy of Great Britain. To
conclude, the audience was given to understand that we were all brought
to Leaphigh, like the minerals from St. Helena, as so many specimens of
the human species!
I shall not deny that Dr. Reasono had taken a very different view of
himself and his acts, as well as of me and my acts, from those I had
all along entertained myself; and yet, on reflection, it is so common
to consider ourselves in lights very different from those in which we
are viewed by others that I could not, on the whole, complain as much
of his representations as I had at first thought it might become me to
do. At all events, I was completely spared the necessity of blushing
for my generosity and disinterestedness, and in other respects was
saved the pain of viewing any part of my own conduct under a
consciousness of its attracting attention by its singularity on the
score of merit. I must say, nevertheless, that I was both surprised and
a little indignant; but the sudden and unexpected turn that had been
given to the whole affair, threw me so completely off my centre, that
for the life of me, I could not say a word in my own behalf. To make
the matter worse, that monkey Chatterino nodded to me kindly, as if he
would show the spectators that, on the whole, he thought me a very good
sort of fellow!
After the lecture was over, the audience approached to examine us,
taking a great many amiable liberties with our persons, and otherwise
showing that we were deemed curiosities worthy of their study. The
king’s cousin, too, was not neglectful of us, but he had it announced
to the assembly that we were entirely welcome to Leaphigh; and that,
out of respect to Dr. Reasono, we were all promoted to the dignity of
“honorary monikins,” for the entire period of our stay in the country.
He also caused it to be proclaimed that, if the boys annoyed us in the
streets, they should have their tails curled with birch curling-irons.
As for the Doctor himself, it was proclaimed that, in addition to his
former title of F. U. D. G. E., he was now perferred* to be even M. O.
R. E., and that he was also raised to the dignity of an H. O. A. X.,
the very highest honor to which any savant of Leaphigh could attain.
[*sic]
At length curiosity was appeased, and we we’re permitted to descend
from the tribune; the company ceasing to attend to us, in order to pay
attention to each other. As I had time now to recollect myself, I did
not lose a moment in taking the two mates aside, to present a
proposition that we should go, in a body, before a notary, and enter a
protest against the unaccountable errors into which Dr. Reasono had
permitted himself to fall, whereby the truth was violated, the rights
of persons invaded, humanity dishonored, and the Leaphigh philosophy
misled. I cannot say that my arguments were well received; and I was
compelled to quit the two rear-admirals, and to go in quest of the
crew, with the conviction that the former had been purchased. An appeal
to the reckless, frank, loyal natures of the common seamen, I thought,
would not fail to meet with better success. Here, too, I was fated to
encounter disappointment. The men swore a few hearty oaths, and
affirmed that Leaphigh was a good country. They expected pay and
rations, as a matter of course, in proportion to their new rank; and
having tasted the sweets of command, they were not yet prepared to
quarrel with their good fortune, and to lay aside the silver tankard
for the tar-pot.
Quitting the rascals, whose heads really appeared to be turned by their
unexpected elevation, I determined to hunt up Bob, and by dint of Mr.
Poke’s ordinary application, compel him, at least, in despite of the
union-jack, to return to a sense of his duty, and to reassume his old
post as the servitor of my wants. I found the little blackguard in the
midst of a bevy of monikinas of all ages, who were lavishing their
attentions on his worthless person, and otherwise doing all they could
to eradicate everything like humility, or any good quality that might
happen to remain in him. He certainly gave me a fair opportunity to
commence the attack, for he wore the union-jack over his shoulder, in
the manner of a royal mantle, while the females of inferior rank
pressed about him to kiss its hem! The air with which he received this
adulation, fairly imposed on even me; and fearful that the monikinas
might mob me, should I attempt to undeceive them—for monikinas, let
them be of what species they may, always hug a delusion—I abandoned my
hostile intentions for the moment, and hurried after Mr. Poke, little
doubting my ability of bringing one of his natural rectitude of mind to
a right way of thinking.
The captain heard my remonstrances with a decent respect. He even
seemed to enter into my feelings with a proper degree of sympathy. He
very frankly admitted that I had not been well treated by Dr. Reasono,
and he appeared to think that a private conversation with that
individual might yet possibly have the effect of bringing him to a more
reasonable representation of facts. But, as to any sudden and violent
appeal to public opinion for justice, or an ill-advised recourse to a
notary, he strenuously objected to both. The purport of his remarks was
somewhat as follows:—
He was not acquainted with the Leaphigh law of protests, and, in
consequence, we might spend our money in paying fees, without reaping
any advantage; the Doctor, moreover, was a philosopher, an F. U. D. G.
E., and an H. O. A. X., and these were fearful odds to contend against
in any country, and more especially in a foreign country; he had an
innate dislike for lawsuits; the loss of my station was certainly a
grievance, but still it might be borne; as for himself, he never asked
for the office of lord high admiral of Great Britain, but as it had
been thrust upon him, why, he would do his best to sustain the
character; he knew his friends at Stunin’tun would be glad to hear of
his promotion, for, though in his country there were no lords, nor even
any admirals, his countrymen were always exceedingly rejoiced whenever
any of their fellow-citizens were preferred to those stations by
anybody but themselves, seeming to think an honor conferred on one, was
an honor conferred on the whole nation; he liked to confer honor on his
own nation, for no people on ’arth tuck up a notion of this sort and
divided it among themselves in a way to give each a share, sooner than
the people of the States, though they were very cautious about leaving
any portion of the credit in first hands, and therefore he was disposed
to keep as much as he could while it was in his power; he believed he
was a better seaman than most of the lord high admirals who had gone
before him, and he had no fears on that score; he wondered whether his
promotion made Miss Poke lady high admiral; as I seemed greatly put out
about my own rank, he would give me the acting appointment of a
chaplain (he didn’t think I was qualified to be a sea-officer), and do
doubt I had interest enough at home to get it confirmed; a great
statesman in his country had said “that few die and none resigned,” and
he didn’t like to be the first to set new fashions; for his part, he
rather looked upon Dr. Reasono as his friend, and it was unpleasant to
quarrel with one’s friends; he was willing to do anything in reason,
but resign, and if I could persuade the Doctor to say he had fallen
into a mistake in my particular case, and that I had been sent to
Leaphigh as a lord high ambassador, lord high priest, or lord high
anything else, except lord high admiral, why, he was ready to swear to
it—though he now gave notice, that in the event of such an arrangement,
he should claim to rank me in virtue of the date of his own commission;
if he gave up his appointment a minute sooner than was absolutely
necessary, he should lose his own self-respect, and never dare look
Miss Poke in the face again—on the whole, he should do no such thing;
and, finally, he wished me a good morning, as he was about to make a
call on the lord high admiral of Leaphigh.