“Fold your tents like the Arabs,
And as silently steal away,”
is quite the thing. Do not make such a stir by your going as to call
attention to your departure, apparently wishing others to take notice
of it.
The Escort.
The escort of a young lady owes her attention beyond all others he
may meet in the ball-room. He should assist her from the carriage,
accompany her to the dressing-room door, and after due time return
to escort her to the reception-room. He must be her partner in the
opening dance and should also put his name down for the one immediately
preceding supper, since it is expected that the gentleman dancing with
a lady then will take her out to supper, and there see that all her
wants are anticipated. If, for any reason, he cannot do this, he must
see that she is suitably attended; a gentleman taking a lady into the
supper-room must also escort her back to the ball-room and leave her
wherever she may desire.
If there should be any seeming neglect he must see that she is provided
with partners for as many dances as she may desire; never dancing
himself unless she, too, is on the floor, or, if she prefer, sitting
out the dance with some pleasant companion. He may introduce other
gentlemen to her, after asking her permission.
It is his privilege to send her a bouquet for the occasion, and he
first asks what the lady’s costume is to be, in order to harmonize the
color of the flowers with the shade of the dress, since it would be
most annoying to send blue violets to be worn with a sea-green gown.
It is the lady’s privilege to suggest the hour of departure. After
seeing her safely within her own door he should leave; even if she asks
him to enter he should politely refuse, remembering, however, to call
upon her within two days.
[Illustration: A FRIENDLY GREETING]
Receiving Ladies.
Ladies called upon to assist in receiving are not to consider their
duties ended when they have supported the hostess through the trying
hours of standing to greet her guests, but are supposed (though they
too often fail in this) to mingle with the company, seeing that
strangers and timid or non-attractive girls are not allowed to remain
wall-flowers for any length of time. Bashful men, too, must not be left
without partners, and all should be provided with escorts to supper.
These things are a part of the hostess’ duty, but in a large
entertainment it is quite beyond her power to attend to all the claims
upon her time.
The sons of the house, and sometimes a few other especially deputized
young men, must sacrifice their own preferences in order to give
pleasure to others. If the number of ladies exceed that of gentlemen,
these aids frequently take two out to supper.
Daughters of the house, together with receiving ladies and the hostess,
do not go out to supper until the last guests are supplied with
partners. However, should the hostess be expected to accompany some
distinguished gentleman to the table, she will delegate her duties to
another.
General Rules for Observance.
Gentlemen may introduce other men to ladies of their own family or
to friends, first asking their permission or the permission of their
chaperons. In case of a chaperon, the introduction is made first to her
and then to the young lady, and the gentleman at close of the dance
returns his partner to her chaperon.
Where the gentleman is well acquainted with the lady, a short promenade
is often indulged in; but if the gentleman be a stranger to her, she
should not expect this, for he may have another engagement, and will
return her immediately to the side of her chaperon or some lady friend
she may designate. In Europe this promenading is not allowed, the young
lady being at once escorted back to her chaperon after dancing.
Supper being announced, a gentleman, having no other engagement,
offers his arm to the lady with whom he may be talking or dancing and
escorts her out, unless some previous partner arrives to claim her
before his invitation is given. Once given, a lady is not free (unusual
circumstances excepted) to decline it, even though she may have
expected another to offer her the same attention. If she be accompanied
by a chaperon, the elder lady is invited at the same time, and it is to
her that his arm is offered, the younger lady walking by her side. For
two ladies to each take an arm is not good form.
A gentleman requesting a lady for a certain dance, should never ask
if she is engaged for it. He may request the pleasure or honor of her
company for the next dance, and he will learn from her answer whether
she be free, without compelling her to acknowledge at the last moment
that she has been hitherto unsought.
Formality of Introductions.
The request for a dance should be accompanied by a bow on the part of
the gentlemen. At its close he should thank her for the pleasure, and
she should return this courtesy with a smile and bow, and a murmured
“Thank you.”
An introduction to a lady in the ball-room pre-supposes that the
gentleman will dance with her or walk with her through one dance.
In England, where introductions are rarely given to those invited to
an entertainment, a gentleman may ask any lady for a dance. She will
probably accept, but he must not take this as the prelude to an after
acquaintance. In America, however, it is necessary to ask some mutual
friend to first request the favor of the lady, and then, if granted,
give the introduction.
However, in case of any little accident, or sudden faintness, gentlemen
should be quick to assist, bringing an iced drink, aiding to the
dressing-room, or calling a carriage, as the case may be, without the
formality of an introduction. A gentleman may also ask an older lady
who seems left unattended at supper-time, if he may bring her some
refreshments, and this without an introduction.
It is very bad form for gentlemen to stand about the ball-room,
especially if there be a scarcity of dancing men present. Even if there
is no one in the room for whom they particularly care, they should be
unselfish enough to remember that dancing is almost the only active
form of amusement in which the majority of ladies may participate.
A young man should ask the young ladies, daughters or relatives of
the hostess, for their company in the dance early in the evening. A
married gentleman should be general in his attentions in the ball-room.
He should not dance more than once or twice with his wife, nor should
he take her out to supper; but he must keep a quiet outlook over her
comfort, and see that she is no wise lonely or neglected.
Attentions Paid to Ladies.
Neither should he confine his attentions in a marked manner to any one
lady. It is ill-breeding to excite the comment sure to follow such a
course. It is also bad form for any gentleman to confine his attentions
to any one lady, or, as a rule, to ask her for more than two dances.
Even engaged couples are not exempt from this law.
Gentlemen may put down their name on a lady’s program for certain
dances, and the engagement should never be forgotten. If, however, this
lapse should occur, the humblest apology should follow, which the young
lady, no matter how annoyed, should gracefully accept. Ill-humor is out
of place in the ball-room.
If a lady from weariness, or any other cause, should wish to stop at
any time in the dance, the gentleman must, without any comment, at once
lead her to a seat, and remain with her until the set is finished,
notwithstanding that she may, from a spirit of kindness, request him
to seek another partner. Should she show symptoms of weariness, and be
either too timid or too thoughtful for his enjoyment to ask him to take
her from the floor, he should be quick to see, and to suggest that she
rest for a moment.
Gloves form an important adjunct to a gentleman’s toilet for a dancing
party. Light colored gloves are always good form. Gentlemen are
expected to wear gloves while dancing, since their ungloved hands
would not only soil the delicate tints of the lady’s gloves, but the
slightest pressure of a warm, uncovered hand is liable to discolor the
frail gauzes, or pale silks of their ball-room toilet.
It is not amiss to be provided with an extra pair of gloves which will
be very useful should the first pair come to grief. Upon the same
principle, two fresh handkerchiefs should be carried.
If dancing is not formally announced in the invitation, gentlemen
will do well to provide themselves with gloves to be donned if that
amusement is introduced in the course of the evening. Notwithstanding
the royal indolence or whim of the Prince of Wales led him some time
back to discard the use of gloves at evening parties, an example which
many ultra-fashionables have followed, it still remains that gloves are
both proper and necessary. If a gentleman attempts to dance without
them he must hold his handkerchief in his hand in such a manner as to
prevent its contact with the bodice of the lady’s gown.
Loud talking and boisterous laughter are not to be tolerated.
Scrupulously avoid stepping upon the train of a lady’s gown. Apologize
if it accidentally occurs, and if serious damage ensue from the
awkwardness, beg the privilege of taking her to the dressing-room to
have the damage repaired.
For Ladies.
Young ladies must never refuse to dance with one gentleman, and
afterward give the same dance to a more favored suitor. Nothing so
quickly speaks of ill-breeding as this course. Ball-room engagements
should not be forgotten. Young ladies should never be so unwise as to
appear on the floor at every dance.
Daughters of the hostess should not repeatedly appear upon the floor
while other lady guests are neglected. Not their own pleasure, but the
pleasure of the company should be their first care.
Ladies should not cross the ball-room alone. It invites attention.
Ladies must not burden gentlemen (unless husband or near relative) with
bouquet or fan to hold while they dance. Young ladies should not refuse
a ball-room introduction to a gentleman without a sufficient reason,
since to do so is always an embarrassment to the one asking it. Still
a lady has the privilege of refusal and may not be pressed for a
reason. Young chaperons should never dance while their _protégés_ are
unprovided with partners.
A lady removes at least one glove while partaking of supper. But when a
cup of tea, or an ice, only is taken this is not necessary.