“Man is essentially a dining animal. Creatures of the inferior races
eat and drink; only man dines!” And he should do it properly.
“To invite a friend to dinner,” says Brillat Savarin, “is to become
responsible for his happiness so long as he is under your roof.”
If, therefore, any lady would entertain her friends in the best manner
that her means permit, it will be well for her to understand the
routine of the table herself, and never trust entirely to the skill
of an ordinary cook. It is hardly to be expected that she should
understand the preparation of each dish, but she must be capable of
judging it when served. If she distrusts her own power of arranging
a _menu_, and seeing it properly carried out, the dinner should be
ordered from the best of caterers. Then, with full assurance of perfect
cookery, and faultless service, one may prepare one’s list of favored
guests with a peaceful conscience and a mind free from care.
Invitations.
Forms of invitations suited to all classes of dinners, have been given
at length in the department devoted to that subject, and acceptances
and regrets for the same carefully explained, together with the
obligation upon every one to answer all such invitations at once,
either in the affirmative or negative. Since a dinner is, in all
respects, so important a social event that the least one can do is to
signify immediately one’s course of action, Sidney Smith was not so
far out of the way when he burlesqued the solemnity of the occasion,
and the aversion that all dinner-givers have to an empty chair, when
he wittily wrote: “A man should, if he die after having accepted an
invitation to dinner, leave his executors a solemn charge to fill his
place.”
Host and Hostess.
The hostess is expected to put her guests, as much as possible, at
their ease. She must encourage the timid, and watch the requirements of
all. No accident must ruffle her temper. In short, she must, for the
time, be that perfect woman who is—
“Mistress of herself though china fall.”
She must not seem to watch her servants; she must not scold them. Her
brow must remain smooth through all embarrassing hitches, her smile be
bright and quick, her attentions close and complimentary to her guests.
On the host devolves the duty of drawing out any of the guests with
whose particular specialties he is acquainted, and his manners, too,
must at least simulate ease, if he have it not. Let host and hostess
refrain from boasting of the price of any article of food upon the
table.
Whom to Invite.
All the tact and good breeding at the command of the hostess should
be exercised, first in choosing, then in arranging, the guests to be
present. Not too many are to be bidden to the ordinary dinner; six,
eight and twelve are desirable numbers, and four frequently forms the
cosiest party imaginable.
The reason of thus arranging for even numbers arises from the fact
that, in a mixed dinner party, it is well to have as many ladies as
gentlemen. The conversation will then be prevented from dropping
into long, or heated, discussions, both of which are destructive of
pleasure. It will also be found pleasant to invite the young, and those
of more advanced years, together for an occasion of this sort.
Large parties may be made very enjoyable, but where there are more than
eight or ten at table general conversation becomes impracticable.
Twenty-four, and even thirty, guests, however, when well selected,
may make a very brilliant and successful gathering. Too brilliant a
conversationalist is not always a desirable acquisition, since he may
silence and put in the shade the remainder of the company to an extent
that is hardly agreeable even to the meekest among them.
A small dinner of one’s most intimate friends is easily arranged. An
eminent artist, author, musician, to pose as chief guest, renders it
always easy to select among one’s other acquaintances a sufficient
number who would be pleased with, and pleasing to, this bright,
particular star. Or, if it be a bride, or a woman of fashion, to whom
the courtesy is to be extended, it is equally easy to find a sufficient
number of guests of similar social standing and aspirations to make the
occasion a success.
There is also the satisfaction of knowing that, as one cannot possibly
invite all of one’s dear five hundred friends to a little dinner, no
one can be offended at being left out, thus rendering it easy to choose
one’s list to fit the circumstances.
Do not invite more guests than there is room to comfortably seat.
Nothing so spoils a dinner as crowding the guests.
Seating the Guests.
Since, at no social entertainment are the guests so dependent upon one
another for mutual entertainment as at a dinner, both by reason of its
smallness and the compactness of arrangement, it will be seen that an
equal care devolves upon the hostess in seating as in inviting her
guests.
The most tedious of one’s friends can be tolerated at a party where it
is possible to turn to others for relief, but to be chained for two or
three hours, with the necessity upon you of talking, or trying to talk,
to the same dull or conceited individual that the fates have unkindly
awarded as your companion, is a severe social strain upon equanimity of
soul.
Hence, each hostess should strive to so arrange her guests that
like-minded people should be seated together, and people with hobbies
should either be handed over to those likewise possessed, or into the
hands of some sympathetic listener, thus securing the pleasure of all.
Known enemies should be seated as far apart as possible, and, in
reality, should never be invited to the same dinner. If this should
inadvertently happen, they must remember that common respect for
their hostess demands that they recognize one another with ordinary
politeness.
Laying the Table.
Much has been said upon this subject in the department of “Table
Etiquette,” and as laying the table formally for a state affair
approaches so nearly the proper setting of the home table, much will be
found there that is available upon this important topic.
The table, which, since the introduction of the extension, is no longer
the cosy round form which brought the guests so comfortably near one
another, should be first covered with heavy felting, or double Canton
flannel. Over this is to be laid the heaviest, snowiest damask cloth
that the linen closet affords. This should have been faultlessly
laundried, and is accompanied by large, fine napkins matching the cloth
in design. These should be very simply folded, and without starch, and
are laid just beyond the plate toward the center of the table. Square
is the best form for folding, and each should contain a small thick
piece of bread in its folds. This should be about three inches long and
at least an inch thick. This is to be eaten with the soup, not crumbed
into it. A roll sometimes takes its place. Some hostesses have the
bread passed in a silver basket.
A plate is furnished each place, large enough to contain the Majolica
plate for raw oysters. Of course a small plain plate may be used for
these, but those designed for the purpose are much more elegant. A
tiny, fancy salt is provided for each place (see farther in “Table
Etiquette”).
Two knives, three forks, and a soup spoon, all of silver, are placed at
each plate. Some dinner-givers place the knives, forks, and spoon, all
on the right side of the plate, excepting the small, peculiarlyshaped
oyster fork, which is placed at the left, it having been decided that
raw oysters shall be eaten with the fork in the left hand, prongs down.
Still other hostesses place the knives and spoon at the right hand, the
forks at the left, the oyster fork diagonally, with the prongs crossing
the handles of the others, the law of their arrangement being nowise
immutable in its nature.
Silver, glass, and china, should all be of the brightest. At the right
hand of each guest should be placed an engraved glass for water. To
make certain that these are in line all around, it is well to measure
with the hand from the edge of the table to the tip of the middle
finger and there place the glass; following this rule around the entire
circumference. This glass, if wine is used, gives a center, round which
the vari-colored wineglasses may be grouped.
A Well-Furnished Sideboard.
The sideboard should contain relays of knives, forks, and spoons,
in rows; glasses, dinner plates, finger bowls standing on the fruit
plates, as well as any other accessories that may be needed. At another
sideboard, or table, the head waiter, or the butler, does the carving.
If the room is small, this last may be relegated to hall or pantry.
In luxurious houses the sideboards are often devoted to bewildering
displays of rare china, and cut glass, but in more modest domiciles
they are used simply for the needs of the hour.
Water carafes (water bottles) are placed between every two or three
guests. The table should be laid in time,—thus, if the dinner is to be
at seven, all things should be in readiness on table and sideboard at
six o’clock; this course preventing the slightest confusion. If the
dinner napkins are to be changed for smaller ones, these also should be
laid in readiness. All the cold dishes, salads, relishes, condiments,
etc., should also be on hand.
The most elegant tables frequently have a long mat, or scarf, of ruby,
or some other colored plush, with fringed and embroidered ends, laid
the entire length down through the center of the table. This affords a
charming contrast to the snowy napery, and sets the keynote of color
for the floral decorations. The center decorative pieces are now no
longer high, thus rendering a glimpse of the person opposite almost
impossible, but are low and long.
A mirror, framed in silver, may be set in the center of one of these
plush mats; and upon this artistically arranged floral decorations are
placed to be reflected in its polished depths. Where massive silver
table-wares are heirlooms in the family, they are used, despite their
height. Center pieces that are recent purchases, are usually of glass,
cut and jewelled, until their brilliancy is a marvel in the lamplight.
Table Decorations.
Where the resources of the dinner-giver are limited, the simple
decoration of a few flowers arranged in a fanciful basket, or a rare
old bowl filled with roses, is sufficient, and is far more indicative
of taste and breeding than many of the set floral pieces fresh from the
florist’s hand, and speaking more eloquently of the size of his bill,
than of taste or appropriateness.
The fancy of the hour, and a pretty one it is, is for massing one
variety of flower for decorative purposes. Banks of crimson roses down
the center of the snowy cloth, or great clusters of vivid red flowers,
can be very effectively employed. Shells may be filled with flowers and
used as a table decoration. A large one in the middle, and a smaller
one on each side, has a pleasing effect. At each plate a small bouquet
of flowers may be laid, those for the gentlemen arranged as buttonholes.
In choosing the flowers for decorations, avoid those blossoms having
a heavy fragrance, such as the tuberose, jasmines, syringas, as
their penetrating odor is productive of faintness in some, and is
disagreeable to many, while roses, lilies, lilacs, and many other
delicately-scented blossoms, are pleasant to all.
Naturalness is to be aimed at in these decorations, and set floral
pieces are in bad taste at a private dinner. Though hundreds of
dollars may have been spent in the fleeting loveliness of flowers, the
effect to be aimed at is naturalness rather than display. A border of
holly, or ivy leaves freshly gathered, may be sewed around the plush
scarf through the center of the table, and is a beautiful decoration,
far outshining gold embroidery and lace.
Harmonize the color of this scarf with the decorations of the
dining-room. Blue, however, or green, does not light up well, while
ruby, or some other red, brings out the effect of glass, china, and
silver to the best advantage. Old gold, or olive-brown, is also very
pretty. The dining-room should be carpeted to deaden the sound of
footsteps.
Lighting the Table.
Gas is, perforce, the most common, but not by any means the most
æsthetic means of table illumination, because of its heating and
glaring qualities. Wax candles are extremely pretty with tissue
shades to match the prevailing tint of the other decorations, besides
giving an opportunity for displaying all manner of pretty conceits in
candelabra. About twenty-six candles will, all other conditions being
favorable, light a table for twelve guests. Much depends, however,
on whether the dining-room is finished in light or dark woods as to
the number of candles required. Very carefully filled and carefully
cared-for lamps of pretty designs are also, especially in country
places, an admirable method of lighting the table.
Serving the Dinner.
There are two methods of performing this most important function of
the entire dinner, namely, service _a la Russe_, and the American
service. The first named, the Russian service, is universally adopted
in all countries at dinners where the requisite number of sufficiently
well-trained servants are to be had.
This service, which consists in having all articles of food carved, and
otherwise prepared, and brought to the guests separately by waiters,
or footmen, as they are called in England at private tables, has the
advantage of leaving the host and hostess free to converse with their
guests. It also has another advantage of presenting the table, as the
guests enter the room, free from dishes, save the oyster plates, glass,
silver, flowers, and perhaps at the two ends of the board, Bohemian
glass flagons, of ruby-red, containing such decanted wines as do not
need icing.
The table also, being so carefully cleared at the end of each course,
should present about the same faultless appearance at the close of the
feast as at its beginning. The guests being seated at their respective
places, Majolica plates containing raw oysters on the half-shell, or
otherwise, with a piece of lemon in the center are, if not already
in place, immediately put before each guest. The roll, or piece of
bread, should be at once removed from the folds of the napkin, and the
servants, when all are seated, pass red and black pepper. The oyster
plates are then removed and plates of soup follow, dished from a side
table by the head waiter, and served by two others, who pass down
opposite sides of the table carrying each two dishes. Where two kinds
of soup are provided, each guest is given the choice.
How the Dishes are to be Passed.
The servants, in passing the dishes, begin with the guest upon the
right hand of the master on one side of the table, ending with the
mistress of the house. Upon the other side they begin with the guest
upon her right and end with the host. As one servant passes the meat or
fish, another should follow, bearing the appropriate sauce or vegetable
that accompanies it.
The servants should wear thin-soled shoes, step lightly, be ungloved,
and always have a small-sized damask napkin wrapped around the thumb of
the right hand, as dexterity in handling the dishes requires that they
should extend the thumb over the edge of the dish.
They should pass all dishes at the left of the guests, that their right
hand may be free to take them. Wines only are excepted, these being
always poured at the right. Servants should never lean across any guest
at table in order to reach or pass an article.
In passing an _entrée_ (ongtray), which is simply a dish served in
the first course after fish, the dish should be supplied with a
silver spoon and fork and held low enough so that the guests can help
themselves easily. _Entrées_ follow the roasts sometimes, as well as,
or instead of, coming after fish. Sweetbreads and croquettes come under
this head. These require hot plates.
The soup removed, which should be done quickly as possible, fish
should be immediately served, together with whatever vegetables form
the accompaniment. When these plates are removed the roast meats are
served on hot plates. One vegetable is usually served with each meat
course, and occasionally some vegetable forms a course by itself. This,
however, only lengthens out the repast, and is not to be recommended.
A fresh plate is served with each course, it being the rule that no two
meals should be eaten from the same plate.
Serving the Different Courses.
Game forms the next course, with such sauces and accompaniments as
are desired. The salad follows and usually forms a course by itself,
accompanied by crackers, or thinly buttered half slices of brown bread.
These are usually passed in a silver breadbasket.
Roman punch, when it is served, comes between the roasts and the game,
thus preparing the palate for the new flavor. Cheese follows the salad
sometimes, and sometimes accompanies it. Then the ices and sweets. When
the ices are removed, the desert plates, overlaid with a dainty doily,
upon which is set a finger-bowl, are passed, and the fruits appear.
Confections are then served, to be followed with black coffee in tiny
after-dinner coffee-cups, which are passed on a salver, together with
lump sugar, and small gold or silver spoons; no cream. The strong,
French _Café et noir_, or black coffee, is always used.
If liquors are served they come in here, a decanter of Cognac being
frequently handed around with the coffee.
Jellies for the meats, relishes such as olives, celery and radishes,
all the sharp sauces and condiments which are to be used during the
meal, are on a sideboard, together with a silver breadbasket containing
a reserve of bread.
The butler should have some means of signalling for anything wanted by
means of a bell that rings in the kitchen, also of letting the cook
know when it is time to send up another course.
Guests, while not expected to ask for second helpings of any course,
are always permitted to ask for renewed supplies of bread, water or
champagne when wished.
All dishes are to be removed quietly, and either placed in a
dumb-waiter or given in charge of a maidservant just outside the door.
If it is necessary to have any dishes or silver used again, they must
be cleansed out of sight and hearing of the guests, as also no odor
of cookery must reach the dining-room. Large, flat baskets must be in
readiness to transport the china and silver to the kitchen.
To wait at a large dinner the attendants should average one to every
three people: hence, it will be well for the small household to
engage outside attendance. Very skilful servants have been known to
successfully attend to as many as six guests, but one must be sure of
this beforehand.
The Menu.
It will be seen after a perusal of this that the order of the formal,
modern dinner _à la Russe_, is very much as follows: Oysters, soup,
fish, roast, entrées, Roman punch, game, salad and cheese, dessert,
fruits, sweets, coffee. To make this clearer, one bill of fare will
be given as an example, always remembering that the number of courses
may be lessened in order to suit the taste or purse of the host. Many
courses are not a necessity, but the finest quality and the best of
cookery should mark each dish served.
Every dinner should begin with soup, to be followed by fish, and
include some kind of game. To this order there is no repeal, since
“soup is to the dinner,” says De la Regnier, “what the portico is to
the building or the overture is to an opera.” From this there is never
any deviation.
A standard bill of fare for a well-regulated dinner is as follows;
Oysters on the Half-shell. Mock Turtle Soup.
Salmon with Lobster Sauce. Cucumbers. Chicken Croquettes.
Tomato Sauce. Roast Lamb with Spinach.
Canvas-back Duck. Celery. String Beans served on Toast.
Lettuce Salad. Cheese Omelet.
Pineapple Bavarian Cream. Charlotte Russe.
Ices. Fruits. Coffee.
Each course may be served on dishes different from the other courses;
also fancy dishes, unlike any of the rest, may be used to pass
relishes, such as olives, and add greatly to the beauty of the table
service. Suitable sets for fish and game, decorated in accordance, are
greatly to be admired.
Menu holders are frequently very pretty, and upon the menu card
itself much taste and expense are sometimes lavished. Still it is not
considered good taste to have them at every plate, for the reason that
it savors too much of hotel style. The guests are expected to allow
their glasses to be filled at every course. If it is something for
which they do not care, they may content themselves with a few morsels
of bread and a sip or two of water until the next course is served. The
host should always have a menu at his plate, that he may see if the
dinner is moving properly in its appointed course.
Favors.
Very pretty favors besides flowers are frequently laid at the ladies’
plates to serve as souvenirs of the occasion. The location card or
name card may be very beautifully painted. Other articles, such as
decorated Easter eggs of plush, velvet, or satin handkerchief holders,
fans, painted satin bags, etc., are all in good taste. Each of them,
if possible, is made to open and disclose some choice confection. They
may be ordered in quantity from some house dealing in such articles, or
many of them can be prettily and inexpensively devised at home by any
one having sufficient time and taste. Baskets of flowers, with bows of
broad satin ribbon tied on one side the handle, are also suitable for
both ladies and gentlemen.
Gentlemen’s favors are usually useful, such as scarf pins, sleeve
buttons, small purses, etc.
Wines, and How to Serve Them.
Fortunately, since more than once the first lady in our land, for the
time being, has proven to us by example that the stateliest of dinners
may be wineless, it is far from necessary that wine should be served.
Still, if wines are to be used, they should be brought on correctly,
each wine having its proper place in the varied courses of a dinner, as
each note has its fit position in a chord of music.
By long-established custom certain wines have come to be taken with
certain dishes. “Sherry and Sauterne,” as given by a very good
authority, “go with soup and fish; Hock and Claret with roast meats;
Punch with turtle; Champagne with sweet breads or cutlets; Port with
venison; Port or Burgundy with other game; sparkling wines between the
meats and the confectionery; Madeira with sweets; Port with cheese;
Sherry and Claret, Port, Tokay and Madeira with dessert.”
Red wines should never be iced, even in summer; Claret and Burgundy
should always be slightly warmed (left in a warm room is sufficient).
Claret-cup and Champagne are iced (some epicures object to this). Cool
the wines in the bottles. To put clear ice in the glasses is simply to
weaken the quality and flavor of the wine, and, as a matter of fact, to
serve wine and water.
The glasses for the various wines are usually grouped at the right of
the plate, and as different styles and sizes are used for different
wines, it is well for the novice to be accustomed to these in order
to avoid the awkwardness of putting forward the wrong glass. High and
narrow, also very broad and shallow glasses, are used for Champagne;
large, goblet-shaped glasses for Burgundy and a ruby-red glass for
Claret; ordinary wine glasses for Sherry and Madeira; green Bohemian
glasses for Hock; and large, bell-shaped glasses for Port.
Port, Sherry and Madeira are decanted. Hock and Champagne appear in
their native bottles. Claret and Burgundy are handed around in a claret
jug. In handing a bottle fresh from the ice-chest the waiter wraps a
napkin around it to absorb the moisture.
Coffee and liquors should be handed around when the dessert has been
about a quarter of an hour on the table. After this the ladies usually
retire, a custom that has happily fallen into disrepute, the coffee
being served without the liquors, and ladies and gentlemen partaking of
it together. Roman punch is served in all manner of dainty conceits as
to glass, imitations of flowers, etc.
Never allow servants to overfill the wine glasses. Ladies never
empty their glasses, and usually take but one kind of wine. This is
especially true of young ladies, who, very often, do not taste their
one glass.
Gracefully Declined.
If wine is not desired from principle, merely touching the brim of the
glass with the finger-tip is all the refusal a well-trained servant
needs. A still better plan is to permit one glass to be filled and
allow it to stand untasted at your plate. In responding to a health, it
is ungracious not to, at least, lift the glass and lets its contents
touch the lips.
Never make your refusal of wine conspicuous. Your position as guest in
no wise appoints you a censor of your host’s conduct in offering wine
at his table, and any marked feeling displayed on the subject would
simply show a want of consideration and good breeding.
A dinner given to a person of known temperance principles is often
marked, in compliment, by an entire absence of wine.
If there is but one wine served with a simple dinner, it should be
Sherry or Claret, and should be in glass decanters on the table. The
guests can help themselves; the hostess can offer it immediately after
soup.
The announcement of dinner is given as quietly as possible. The
butler, or head waiter, who should be in full evening dress, minus
gloves, quietly says, “Dinner is served,” or, as in France, “Madame
is served.” Better still, he catches the eye of the hostess and simply
bows, whereupon she immediately rises, and the guests following her
example, the order of the procession to the dining-room is formed at
once. The waiters, aside from the head one, are usually in livery.
Order of Precedence.
In the matter of going out to dinner the host takes precedence, giving
his right arm to the most honored lady guest. If the dinner is given in
honor of any particular guest, she is the one chosen, if not, any bride
that may be present, or the oldest lady, or some visitor from abroad.
The other guests then fall in line, gentlemen having had their partners
pointed out to them, and wherever necessary, introductions are given.
The hostess comes last of all, having taken the arm of the gentleman
most to be honored. In the dining-room no precedence is observed after
the host, save that the younger couples draw back and allow their
elders to be seated. Precedence of rank is not as common here as in
Europe.
On entering the door, if it is not wide enough to permit of two
entering abreast, the gentleman falls back a step and permits the lady
to enter first. All remain standing until the hostess seats herself,
when the guests find their places, either by means of name cards at
their plates, or by a few quiet directions, the gentlemen being seated
last. The highest place of honor for gentlemen is at the right of the
hostess, the next, at her left, and for ladies at the right and left of
their host.
The hostess should never eclipse her guests in her toilet, and neither
host nor hostess should endeavor to shine in conversation. To draw out
the guests, to lead the conversation in pleasant channels, to break up
long discussions, and to discover all possibilities of brilliancy in
the company around their board, should be their aim.
The hostess must never press dishes upon her guests, but they are
permitted, if they wish, to praise any viand that has pleased them. The
hostess must appear to be eating until all the company have finished,
and her watchful eye must see that every want is supplied. At the
close of the repast the hostess slightly bows to the lady at the right
of the host, when all the guests rise and return in order to the
drawing-room.