“’Tis only man can words create,
And cut the air to sounds articulate
By nature’s special charter. Nay, speech can
Make a shrewd discrepance ’twixt man and man.
It doth the gentleman from the clown discover;
And from a fool the great philosopher.
As Solon said to one in judgment weak:—
‘I thought thee wise until I heard thee speak.’”
And if we talk with flippancy and exaggeration, load our sentences
with slang phrases, and preface and punctuate them with oft-repeated
expressions of “Say!” “Well!” “You know,” “Do tell,” and so on, _ad
infinitum_, all wisdom, or propriety of speech will be lost.
It is difficult to believe in the refinement of a girl who permits her
fresh young lips to utter the slang of the bar-room hanger-on, the
gambler and the street gamin.
Equally difficult is it to believe in the absolute truthfulness of
one who declares to you that the heat of a lovely June day is “simply
awful” or “perfectly terrible,” from sheer wonder as to what terms she
would use to characterize the intense heat of some sweeping fire.
[Illustration: THE INDUSTRIOUS HOUSEWIFE.]
Again, it is hard to understand the taste of one who informs you
gravely that “the chicken salad was too lovely for anything!” or
the last evening’s sunset was “perfectly elegant!” The Websterian
definition of “elegant” being “polished, stylish, refined, etc.,”
it is to be wished that all perpetrators of like sins could meet
the punishment a young lady once dealt to a gentleman who remarked
with great effusion: “This moonlight is perfectly elegant!” To this
observation she answered with gravity, “Yes, it really _is_ very
stylish!”
Let, therefore, all who strive for the grace of good breeding, men and
women, boys and girls alike, “set a watch over their lips and keep the
door of their mouth,” for “words have wings, and so soon as their cage,
the mouth, is opened, out they fly and mount beyond our reach, and past
recovery.”
Some Do’s for Girls.
The following hints for girls, each prefaced by the auxiliary “Do,”
will prove a safe guide, not only for the girls but for any of their
elders who may choose to follow them.
Do answer your letters soon after they are received, and do try to
reply to them with some relation to their contents; a rambling,
ill-considered letter is a satire upon your education.
Do, when you talk, keep your hands still.
Do observe; the faculty of observation, well cultivated, makes
practical men and women.
Do attach as much importance to your mind as to your body.
Do be natural; a poor diamond is better than a good imitation.
Do try to remember where you put your gloves and cardcase; keep the
former mended and the latter filled.
Do recollect that your health is more important than your amusements;
you can live without one, but you’ll die early without the other.
Do try to be sensible; it is not a particular sign of superiority to
talk like a fool.
[Illustration: A CALL FROM BABY’S ADMIRERS.]
Do be ready in time for church; if you do not respect yourself
sufficiently to be punctual, respect the feelings of other people.
Do get up in time for breakfast.
Do avoid causes of irritation in your family circle; do reflect that
home is the place in which to be agreeable.
Do be reticent; the world at large has no interest in your private
affairs.
Do cultivate the habit of listening to others; it will make you an
invaluable member of society, to say nothing of the advantage it will
be to you.
Do be truthful; do avoid exaggeration; if you mean a mile say a mile,
not a mile and a half; if you mean one say one, and not a dozen.
Young Ladies, Take Heed.
Do, sometimes, at least, allow your mother to know better than you do;
she was educated before you were born.
Do sign your full name to your letters.
Do learn to say “No.”
Do, if you have brothers, try to gain their confidence, to be
interested in their sports, to cultivate their manners, not by censure,
but by the force of your own example.
Do laugh, girls, not boisterously, not constantly, but clearly and
pleasantly, but _don’t_ giggle. If girls from fourteen to eighteen
could only understand the vulgarity of continually putting their heads
together and giggling, as if the whole world was a supremely ridiculous
affair, about which they must chuckle, and whisper, when in truth their
own actions are the one thing ridiculous, they would refrain from such
unmitigated nonsense.
Do be exquisitely neat in your attire. Beware of the lawn dress, the
light kids, the collar, the laces that are worn once too often.
Do be careful about giving away your photographs, especially to men.
You would hardly like to hear the comments that are sometimes passed
upon them. If you cannot learn to say “No,” refrain from displaying
them to your gentleman friends.
Some Do’s for Boys.
As for boys, there are a few “Do’s” for them to consider if they would
become that noblest work of God, a true man, a gentleman.
Do respect your father and mother and give them their proper titles at
all times. To call them “the Governor” and “the old lady,” does not in
the least add to your supposed manliness, but rather displays a very
unmanly fear on your part that people might suppose you were in some
degree under their authority; not only an unmanly, but a foolish fear,
since no one is fit for authority until he has first learned obedience.
Do learn to respect women. Never speak slightingly of their worth, nor
trifle with their name. Learn the lesson now, and you will find its
value in your manhood.
Do treat your sisters and your girl schoolmates in a gentlemanly
manner. You have no idea how much it will add to your own appearance.
Do guard against a profusion of slang that would do credit to a
pickpocket.
Do be determined not to use profane expressions in the presence of
ladies, children, or ministers, or anywhere else.
Do keep your lips from uttering coarse and unclean things that you
would blush to have overheard by mother or sister. More than this, do
not listen to them from the lips of others. A pure-minded boy will be a
pure-minded man.
Do take care of your various belongings; do not expect mother or
sisters to pick up your necktie, your gloves, your schoolbooks, your
hat, from as many different places as there are articles, and put
them properly away. It is quite as necessary for boys or men to have
some neatness in their habits as for girls or women. Do learn to help
yourself occasionally. It is quite possible that you should be able
to arrange a necktie, comb your hair, or get the articles together
for a fresh toilet without calling some one to your assistance. Quite
possible and vastly convenient for other members of the household.
Do close the doors without slamming; don’t tear the house down.
Do lower your voice sometimes; everyone is not deaf.
Do be neat in personal appearance; collars, handkerchiefs and cuffs,
should be spotlessly clean, and hands and finger nails receive careful
attention.
Do not fail to use three brushes every day—the tooth-brush, the
clothes-brush and the blacking-brush.
Do break yourself of disagreeable personal habits. Do not yawn in
people’s faces, lounge in your chair, scratch head or person, or clean
finger-nails when others are present.
Do not forget to use your handkerchief, and that quietly as possible.
Do decide that temperate habits are more manly than intemperate ones,
and don’t think that it is one of your “rights” to smoke cigarettes.
Do learn to say “No,” to lead sometimes instead of always following.
Do be careful of your manners. Remember that as the twig is bent, so
the tree is inclined, and that the polished boy will be the polished
man. Polish, it is to be understood, is not inconsistent with strength,
but rather adds to it. The strongest machinery is of the finest polish,
and the Damascus blade is of the surest mettle.
Do be sure to give up your seat in omnibus or car to a lady. Even if
she be not sufficiently grateful, you have shown your good breeding.
Do remember to remove your hat when you enter a house, private office,
hotel elevator (if ladies are present), when you bow to a lady or when
you offer to assist a lady.
Do lay these “do’s” up in your memory and practice them in your lives.
Guard the Voice.
A harsh voice, or shrill, high-pitched tones, are a source of
discomfort to all who hear them. Nothing gives a more favorable
impression of good breeding than a voice, musical, clear, low in its
key, and careful in its articulation.
George Eliot, who had a face of extreme plainness, possessed a low
musical voice that had a perfect fascination for the listener. At
times such a voice is the gift of nature, but usually it requires
careful cultivation, and the earlier the age at which this cultivation
begins, the surer and the simpler is the price of success.
Children can be early taught not to raise their voices shrilly to
demand attention, but to speak softly and gently at home, and then
their “company voice” will possess a natural quality. Train the tones
softly and sweetly now, and they will keep in tune through life.
Those whose early education in this respect has been neglected will
win success only at the price of eternal vigilance. A few lessons in
voice culture will work wonders in training the ear to appreciate the
different keys, the voice to acquire lower and richer tones, and the
articulation to become clear and distinct.
Even where there are serious vocal defects, such as stammering,
lisping, etc., they can be relieved by some good teacher of
voice-culture. Indeed, some attention to the culture of voices ought
to become a necessary part of education. A low, sweet voice is like a
lark’s song in heart and home, and the self-control necessary to always
keep it at this harmonious level, exercises a most salutary influence
over mind and temper.
How to Treat Servants.
A large proportion of the domestic economy in many households is left
entirely in the hands of servants, and on the good or ill behavior of
these servants depends the comfort of the home, and the behavior of
the servants depends very greatly upon the behavior of their employers
toward them. The manner even of addressing servants in this country
is rather important, offense being so readily taken at what is deemed
disrespect.
Men servants may be addressed by their last name without any prefix. If
they have been in the family a long time the first name may be used,
if desired. In addressing servants that are perfect strangers it can
be generally managed without the use of any name. In writing to them
address without prefix, as, Robert Johnson.
Do not be insolent towards, or demand too much of, servants. They have
very much the same feelings of pride that the house-mistress has, and
the less those feelings are wounded the better help they will render.
Do not reprimand them before guests. Nothing so injures their
self-respect or so tends to make them careless. Whatever the blunder,
be apparently unmoved in the presence of your guests. Save all reproof
until their departure. Have a perfect understanding of the work
you would have them perform, if you would have them accomplish it
satisfactorily. Ignorance never yet made a good master or mistress, and
always puts a premium on incompetency on the part of employés.
Have Rules and Enforce Them.
Require all house servants to be quiet in their movements, not to slam
doors or rattle china. Impress upon them the importance of dressing
neatly. Teach them to treat all comers with politeness; to answer the
door-bell promptly and to thoroughly understand whatever rules you may
have about being “engaged” or “not at home.”
If reproof is to be administered or orders given, it is much better
that the servant be called upstairs to receive them, than for the house
mistress to descend to the kitchen. This will insure an opportunity
should dispute arise of dismissing the employé to the kitchen with but
loss of dignity on her part; while, if it is in the kitchen that the
difference of opinion may arise, the house-mistress must herself leave
the field.
Insist upon systematic arrangement of the week’s work, and punctuality
in carrying out its details. Explain carefully to all newly-engaged
servants the routine of the house and expect them to conform to it. Be
mild but firm in exercising authority, and servants will respect you
and your rules.
If there is a housekeeper, all these details will be committed to her
hands, and she has need to be competent, compelling respect, to be
fitted for the position. Teach servants not to expect fees from your
visitors.
Respect all their privileges. See that their evenings out, and their
precious Sunday afternoons are not encroached upon. Give them all the
needed opportunity to attend their own place of worship. See that
children of the family are respectful toward them, not disturbing them
at their work; prefacing their requests with “please,” and thanking
them for any favor.
Rights of Others.
Respect the rights of all members of the household. Remember that
each one has a perfect right to open his or her own correspondence.
No difference if one is ready to confide the contents of the letter
the moment it is read, there is still a pleasure in opening one’s own
correspondence.
Respect the belongings of another, no matter how close the
relationship. The careful member of the family suffers at seeing his
belongings misused and destroyed by the careless one. Discourage
borrowing among the members of a family. Teach each one to have all
necessary articles of their own and to care for them properly.
Guests in a family should also be very careful in this respect. Boxes,
drawers, or any repositories of any kind, should be scrupulously
respected. Private papers, even if not protected by lock and key,
should not be glanced at. A due observance of these rules, while making
home life pleasanter, might in after years lead to a little less
tampering with the larger rights of law and property, for “manners are
but the shadows of great virtues.”
[Illustration: Decoration]