[Illustration: Farmer Atkinson.]
MR. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., attending the American Methodist Conference, has
been supplying the United States with interesting illustrations of House of
Commons manners. Incidentally he observed that Primitive Methodists,
members of which body were largely represented in his audience, are
"impostors." This led to some misunderstanding, and Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON,
M.P., found it necessary to explain that he had used the term "simply in a
Parliamentary sense." We learn by special Zadkiel telegram that, on
emerging from the Hall after the meeting, the Rev. HERCULES EBENEZER
(Omaha), bringing down his clenched fist on the crown of the hat of Mr.
FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., altered its situation in a direction that
temporarily obscured the vision of the Hon. Member.
"What do you mean?" inquired Mr. FARMER-ATKINSON, M.P., struggling out of
the wreck of his hat.
"I mean it in a purely Pickwickian sense," said the Rev. HERCULES EBENEZER
(Omaha), with a seraphic smile that disarmed controversy.
* * * * *
The GERMAN EMPEROR has lately rearranged his scheme of work for weekdays.
From six A.M. to eight A.M. he gives lectures on Strategy and Tactics to
Generals over forty years old. From eight to ten he instructs the chief
actors, musicians and painters of Berlin in the principles of their
respective arts. The hours from ten to twelve he devotes to the compilation
of his Memoirs in fifty-four volumes. A limited edition of large-paper
copies is to be issued. From twelve to four P.M. he reviews regiments,
cashiers colonels, captures fortresses, carries his own dispatches to
himself, and makes speeches of varying length to all who will listen to
him. Any professional reporter found taking accurate notes of His Majesty's
words is immediately blown from a Krupp gun with the new smokeless powder.
From four to eight he tries on uniforms, dismisses Ministers and officials,
dictates state-papers to General CAPRIVI, and composes his history of "How
I pricked the Bismarck Bubble." From eight to eleven P.M. His Majesty
teaches schoolmasters how to teach, wives how to attend to their families,
bankers how to carry on their business, and cooks how to prepare dinners.
The rest of the day he devotes to himself. On Thursday next His Majesty
leaves Berlin on his tenth visit to the European Courts.
* * * * *
There is no truth in the report that the Lord CHANCELLOR is arranging a
Christmas party, to which shall be invited all the members and connections
of his family for whom he has found places during his term of office. It is
well known that the accommodation at Lord HALSBURY's town residence is
comparatively limited.
* * * * *
We regret to hear that Mr. JOHN O'CONNOR, M.P. (known in the House of
Commons as "Long JOHN"), has decided to retire from political life. His
personal experience during the Cork Election has convinced him that no man
over 5 ft. 8 in. can safely take part in active politics.
"Bricks, dead cats, sections of chimney-pots, which flew harmless over the
heads of the crowd, invariably struck me," said Mr. O'CONNOR, toying with
the bandage over his left eyebrow.
* * * * *
It is quite true, as reported in the newspapers, that Dr. GUTTERIDGE was
not present when the final result of the polling in the Strand was made
known, and that it was explained to the reporter he had been "called out to
see a patient." The suggestion that the undertaking of this hopeless
contest was designed solely to lead up to this incident, is one worthy only
of the diseased imagination of a professional rival, who has no patients to
call him out--even from Church.
* * * * *
It is stated (and has been denied) that Herr VON DER BLOWITZOWN-TROMP is
about to retire from his supervision of universal affairs exercised through
the Special Paris Wire of a contemporary. We are glad to learn that this
intention does not in any case imply absolute disappearance from the
European Stage. It is no secret in diplomatic circles that the Herr has
been approached on the question of his ascending the throne of Bulgaria.
His keen insight into European politics has convinced him that this
arrangement would afford a settlement of an ever-ruffled question. He has,
we understand, stipulated that the Principality shall be raised to the
status of a Kingdom. "I have," he said to the Emissary of the Powers who
approached him on the subject, "been so long accustomed to associate with
Crowned Heads, that in a Principality I should feel like a fish out of
water."
With his usual considerateness, Herr VON DER BLOWITZOWN-TROMP has
recognised the inconvenience that would be imposed on his subjects, if, in
daily use, they were obliged to refer to him by his full title. He will,
therefore, deign to be known on coins, postage-stamps, and in semi-official
communications, as TROMP THE FIRST.
* * * * *
There is no truth in the report that, on behalf of Mr. JOHN MORLEY, Sir
WILLIAM HARCOURT waited upon Mr. CHAMBERLAIN, and asked him to name a
friend; that the Right Hon. Gentleman "mentioned" Mr. JESSE COLLINGS; and
that the two seconds have arranged a meeting at Boulogne. The idle rumour
doubtless arose out of the fact that an acrimonious correspondence between
the two former friends has been carried on in the columns of the _Times_.
* * * * *
According to the newspaper reports, during the ceremony of acceptance by
the Prince of WALES, as President of Bartholomew's Hospital, of "the
portrait of Sir SYDNEY WATERLOW, the Treasurer," the portrait "occupied a
prominent position on the platform, and the Hon. Baronet sat immediately in
front of it." We learn that this arrangement led to some misunderstanding,
people, on entering, not at first knowing which was the portrait, and which
was Sir SYDNEY.
* * * * *