But although in the main I was considered by the events and transactions
already rehearsed, a prudent and sagacious man, yet I was not free from
the consequences of envy. To be sure, they were not manifested in any
very intolerant spirit, and in so far they caused me rather molestation
of mind than actual suffering; but still they kithed in evil, and thereby
marred the full satisfactory fruition of my labours and devices. Among
other of the outbreakings alluded to that not a little vexed me, was one
that I will relate, and just in order here to show the animus of men's
minds towards me.
We had in the town a clever lad, with a geni of a mechanical turn, who
made punch-bowls of leather, and legs for cripples of the same commodity,
that were lighter and easier to wear than either legs of cork or timber.
His name was Geordie Sooplejoint, a modest, douce, and well-behaved young
man--caring for little else but the perfecting of his art. I had heard
of his talent, and was curious to converse with him; so I spoke to Bailie
Pirlet, who had taken him by the hand, to bring him and his leather punch-
bowl, and some of his curious legs and arms, to let me see them; the
which the bailie did, and it happened that while they were with me, in
came Mr Thomas M'Queerie, a dry neighbour at a joke.
After some generality of discourse concerning the inventions, whereon
Bailie Pirlet, who was naturally a gabby prick-me-dainty body, enlarged
at great length, with all his well dockit words, as if they were on
chandler's pins, pointing out here the utility of the legs to persons
maimed in the wars of their country, and showing forth there in what
manner the punch-bowls were specimens of a new art that might in time
supplant both China and Staffordshire ware, and deducing therefrom the
benefits that would come out of it to the country at large, and
especially to the landed interest, in so much as the increased demand
which it would cause for leather, would raise the value of hides, and per
consequence the price of black cattle--to all which Mr M'Queerie listened
with a shrewd and a thirsty ear; and when the bailie had made an end of
his paternoster, he proposed that I should make a filling of Geordie's
bowl, to try if it did not leak.
"Indeed, Mr Pawkie," quo' he, "it will be a great credit to our town to
hae had the merit o' producing sic a clever lad, who, as the bailie has
in a manner demonstrated, is ordained to bring about an augmentation o'
trade by his punch-bowls, little short of what has been done wi' the
steam-engines. Geordie will be to us what James Watt is to the ettling
town of Greenook, so we can do no less than drink prosperity to his
endeavours."
I did not much like this bantering of Mr M'Queerie, for I saw it made
Geordie's face grow red, and it was not what he had deserved; so to
repress it, and to encourage the poor lad, I said, "Come, come,
neighbour, none of your wipes--what Geordie has done, is but arles of
what he may do."
"That's no to be debated," replied Mr M'Queerie, "for he has shown
already that he can make very good legs and arms; and I'm sure I shouldna
be surprised were he in time to make heads as good as a bailie's."
I never saw any mortal man look as that pernickity personage, the bailie,
did at this joke, but I suppressed my own feelings; while the bailie,
like a bantam cock in a passion, stotted out of his chair with the spunk
of a birslet pea, demanding of Mr M'Queerie an explanation of what he
meant by the insinuation. It was with great difficulty that I got him
pacified; but unfortunately the joke was oure good to be forgotten, and
when it was afterwards spread abroad, as it happened to take its birth in
my house, it was laid to my charge, and many a time was I obligated to
tell all about it, and how it couldna be meant for me, but had been
incurred by Bailie Pirlet's conceit of spinning out long perjink
speeches.