Nor did I get every thing my own way, for I was often thwarted in matters
of small account, and suffered from them greater disturbance and
molestation than things of such little moment ought to have been allowed
to produce within me; and I do not think that any thing happened in the
whole course of my public life, which gave me more vexation than what I
felt in the last week of my second provostry.
For many a year, one Robin Boss had been town drummer; he was a relic of
some American-war fencibles, and was, to say the God's truth of him, a
divor body, with no manner of conduct, saving a very earnest endeavour to
fill himself fou as often as he could get the means; the consequence of
which was, that his face was as plooky as a curran' bun, and his nose as
red as a partan's tae.
One afternoon there was a need to send out a proclamation to abolish a
practice that was growing into a custom, in some of the bye parts of the
town, of keeping swine at large--ordering them to be confined in proper
styes, and other suitable places. As on all occasions when the matter to
be proclaimed was from the magistrates, Thomas, on this, was attended by
the town-officers in their Sunday garbs, and with their halberts in their
hands; but the abominable and irreverent creature was so drunk, that he
wamblet to and fro over the drum, as if there had not been a bane in his
body. He was seemingly as soople and as senseless as a bolster.--Still,
as this was no new thing with him, it might have passed; for James Hound,
the senior officer, was in the practice, when Robin was in that state, of
reading the proclamations himself.--On this occasion, however, James
happened to be absent on some hue and cry quest, and another of the
officers (I forget which) was appointed to perform for him. Robin,
accustomed to James, no sooner heard the other man begin to read, than he
began to curse and swear at him as an incapable nincompoop--an
impertinent term that he was much addicted to. The grammar school was at
the time skailing, and the boys seeing the stramash, gathered round the
officer, and yelling and shouting, encouraged Robin more and more into
rebellion, till at last they worked up his corruption to such a pitch,
that he took the drum from about his neck, and made it fly like a
bombshell at the officer's head.
The officers behaved very well, for they dragged Robin by the lug and the
horn to the tolbooth, and then came with their complaint to me. Seeing
how the authorities had been set at nought, and the necessity there was
of making an example, I forthwith ordered Robin to be cashiered from the
service of the town; and as so important a concern as a proclamation
ought not to be delayed, I likewise, upon the spot, ordered the officers
to take a lad that had been also a drummer in a marching regiment, and go
with him to make the proclamation.
Nothing could be done in a more earnest and zealous public spirit than
this was done by me. But habit had begot in the town a partiality for
the drunken ne'er-do-well, Robin; and this just act of mine was
immediately condemned as a daring stretch of arbitrary power; and the
consequence was, that when the council met next day, some sharp words
flew from among us, as to my usurping an undue authority; and the thank I
got for my pains was the mortification to see the worthless body restored
to full power and dignity, with no other reward than an admonition to
behave better for the future. Now, I leave it to the unbiassed judgment
of posterity to determine if any public man could be more ungraciously
treated by his colleagues than I was on this occasion. But, verily, the
council had their reward.