When I entered Mrs. Brahan's drawing-room, I was in a kind of
somnambulism,--moving, walking, seeing, yet hardly conscious of what I
was doing, or what was passing around me. She was the president of the
association, and a very charming woman.
"We feared we were not going to see you this morning," she said,
glancing at a French clock, which showed the lateness of the hour; "but
we esteem it a privilege to have you with us, even for a short time. We
know," she added, with a smile, "what a sacrifice we impose on Mr.
Linwood, when we deprive him of your society."
"Yes!" cried a sprightly young lady, with whom I was slightly
acquainted, "we all consider it an event, when we can catch a glimpse of
Mrs. Linwood. Her appearance at the theatre last night created as great
a sensation as would a new constellation in the zodiac."
These allusions to my husband's exclusive devotion brought the color to
my cheeks, and the soft, warm air of the room stole soothingly round me.
I tried to rouse myself to a consciousness of the present, and
apologized for my delay with more ease and composure than I expected.
When the treasurer received the usual funds, I was obliged to throw
myself on her leniency.
"I have disposed of my purse since I left home," said I, with a guilty
blush, "but I will double my contribution at the next meeting."
"It is no matter," was the reply. "You have already met your
responsibilities,--far more than met them,--your reputation for
benevolence is already too well established for us to doubt that your
will is equal to your power."
Whenever I went into society, I realized the distinction of being the
wife of the rich and exclusive Ernest Linwood, the mistress of the
oriental palace, as Mrs. Brahan called our dwelling-place. I always
found myself flattered and caressed, and perhaps something was owing to
personal attraction. I never presumed on the distinction awarded me;
never made myself or mine the subjects of conversation, or sought to
engross the attention of others. I had always remembered the obscurity
of my early life, the cloud upon my birth, not abjectly, but _proudly_.
I was too proud to arrogate to myself any credit for the adventitious
circumstances which had raised me above the level of others,--too proud
of the love that had given the elevation, to exalt myself as worthy of
it.
"I think you must be the happiest being in the world, Mrs. Linwood,"
said the sprightly young lady, who had taken a seat by my side, and who
had the brightest, most sparkling countenance I ever saw. "You live in
such a beautiful, _beautiful_ place, with such an elegant husband, too!
What a life of enchantment yours must be! Do you know you are the envy
of all the young ladies of the city?"
"I hope not," I answered, trying to respond in the same sportive strain;
and every one knows, that when the heart is oppressed by secret anxiety,
it is easier to be gay than cheerful. "I hope not; as I might be in
danger of being exhaled by some subtle perfume. I have heard of the art
of poisoning being brought to such perfection, that it can be
communicated by a flower or a ring."
"It must be a very fascinating study," she said, laughingly. "I intend
to take lessons, though I think throwing vitriol in the face and marring
its beauty, is the most effectual way of removing a rival."
"I thought you were discussing the wants and miseries of the sewing
sisterhood," said Mrs. Brahan, coming near us. "What started so horrible
a theme?"
"Mr. Linwood's perfections," said the young lady, with a gay smile.
"He has one great fault," observed Mrs. Brahan; "he keeps you too close
a prisoner, my dear. I fear he is very selfish. Tell him so from me; for
he must not expect to monopolize a jewel formed to adorn and beautify
the world."
She spoke sportively, benignantly, without knowing the deep truth of her
words. She knew that my husband sought retirement; that I seldom went
abroad without him. But she knew not, dreamed not, of the strength of
the master-passion that governed his actions.
Gradually the company dispersed. As I came so late, I remained a little
behind the rest, attracted by a painting in the back parlor. I suppose I
inherited from my father a love of the fine arts; for I never could pass
a statue or a picture without pausing to gaze upon it.
This represented a rocky battlement, rising in the midst of the deep
blue sea. The silvery glimmer of moonlight shone on the rippling waves;
moonlight breaking through dark clouds,--producing the most dazzling
contrast of light and shade. A large vessel, in full sail, glided along
in the gloom of the shadows; a little skiff floated on the
white-crested, sparkling, shining tide. The flag of our country waved
from the rocky tower. I seemed gazing on a familiar scene. Those wave
washed battlements; that floating banner; the figures of soldiers
marching on the ramparts, with folded arms and measured tread,--all
appeared like the embodiment of a dream.
"What does this represent?" I asked.
"Fortress Monroe, on Chesapeake Bay."
"I thought so. Who was the artist?"
"I think his name was St. James. It is on the picture, near the frame.
Yes,--Henry Gabriel St. James. What a beautiful name! Poor fellow!--I
believe he had a sad fate! Mr. Brahan could tell you something of his
history. He purchased this house of him seventeen years ago. What is the
matter, Mrs. Linwood?"
I sank on the nearest seat, incapable of supporting myself. I was in the
house where I was born,--where my mother passed the brief period of her
wedded happiness; whence she was driven, a wronged, despairing woman,
with me, an unconscious infant, in her arms. It was my father's glowing
sketch on which I was gazing,--that father whom I had so recently
met,--a criminal, evading the demands of justice; a man who had lost all
his original brightness,--a being of sin and misery.
Mrs. Brahan rang for water; but I did not faint.
"I have taken a long walk this morning," I said, "and your rooms are
warm. I feel better, now. And this house belonged to the artist? I feel
interested in his story."
"I wish Mr. Brahan were here; but I will tell you all I recollect. It
was a long time ago; and what we hear from others of individuals in whom
we have no personal interest, is soon forgotten. Do you really feel
better? Well, I believe St. James, the artist, was a highly
accomplished, gifted man. He was married to a beautiful young wife, and
I think had one child. Of course he was supremely happy. It seems he was
called away from home very suddenly, was gone a few months, and when he
returned, he found his wife and child fled, and a stranger claiming her
name and place. I never heard this mystery explained; but it is said,
she disappeared as suddenly as she came, while he sought by every means
to recover his lost treasure, but in vain. His reason at one time
forsook him, and his health declined. At length, unable to remain where
every thing reminded him of his departed happiness, he resolved to leave
the country and go to foreign climes. Mr. Brahan, who wished to purchase
at that time, was pleased with the house,--bought it, and brought me
here, a bride. He has altered and improved it a great deal, but many
things remain just as they were. You seem interested. There is something
mysterious and romantic connected with it. Oh! here is Mr. Brahan
himself; he can relate it far better than I can."
After the usual courtesies of meeting, she resumed the subject, and told
her husband how much interested I was in the history of the unfortunate
artist.
"Ah yes!" cried he; "poor fellow!--he was sore beset. Two women claimed
him as wives,--and he lost both. I never heard a clear account of this
part of his life; for when I knew him, he was just emerging from
insanity, and it was supposed his mind was still clouded. He was very
reserved on the subject of his personal misfortunes. I only know it was
the loss of the wife whom he acknowledged that unsettled his reason. He
was a magnificent looking fellow,--full of genius and feeling. He told
me he was going to Italy,--and very likely he died of a broken heart,
beneath its sunny and genial skies. He was a fine artist. That picture
has inspiration in it. Look at the reflection of the moon in the water.
How tremulous it is! You can almost see the silver rippling beneath that
gliding boat. He was a man of genius. There is no doubt he was."
"I should like to show Mrs. Linwood the picture which you found in the
closet of his studio," said Mrs. Brahan. "Do you know, I think there is
a resemblance to herself?"
"So there is," exclaimed Mr. Brahan, as if making a sudden discovery.
"Her face has haunted me since I first beheld her, and I have just
discovered where I have seen its semblance. If you will walk up stairs,
I will show it to you."
Almost mechanically I followed up the winding stairs, so often pressed
by the feet now mouldering side by side beneath the dark coffin lid,
into the room where my now degraded parent gave form and coloring to the
dreams of imagination, or the shadows of memory. The walls were arching,
and lighted from above. Mr. Brahan had converted it into a library, and
it was literally lined with books on every side but one. Suspended on
that, in a massy gilt frame, was a sketch which arrested my gaze, and it
had no power to wander. The head alone was finished,--but such a head! I
recognized at once my mother's features; not as I had seen them faded by
sorrow, but in the soft radiance of love and happiness. They did not
wear the rosy brightness of the miniature I had seen in my father's
hand, which was probably taken immediately after her marriage. This
picture represented her as my imagination pictured her after my birth,
when the tender anxieties of the mother softened and subdued the
splendor of her girlish beauty; those eyes,--those unforgotten eyes,
with their long, curling lashes, and expression of heavenly
sweetness,--how they seemed to bend on me,--the child she had so much
loved! I longed to kneel before it, to appeal to it, by every holy and
endearing epithet,--to reach the cold, unconscious canvas, and cover it
with my kisses and my tears. But I could only gaze and gaze, and the
strong spell that bound me was mistaken for the ecstasy of admiration,
such as genius only can awaken.
"There is a wonderful resemblance," said Mr. Brahan, breaking the
silence. "I shall feel great pride henceforth in saying, I have an
admirable likeness of Mrs. Linwood."
"I ought to feel greatly flattered," I answered with a quick drawn
breath; "it certainly is very lovely."
"It has the loveliest expression I ever saw in woman's countenance,"
observed Mr. Brahan. "Perhaps, after making such a remark, I ought not
to say, that in that chiefly lies its resemblance to yourself, but it is
emphatically so."
"She must be too much accustomed to compliments to mind yours, my dear,"
said Mrs. Brahan. "I think Mrs. Linwood has the advantage of the
picture, for she has the bloom and light of life. No painting can supply
these."
"There is something in the perfect repose of a picture," said I,
withdrawing my eyes from my mother's seraphic countenance; "something in
its serene, unchanging beauty, that is a type of immortality, of the
divine rest of the soul. Life is restless, and grows tremulous as we
gaze."
"O that that picture were mine!" I unconsciously uttered, as I turned to
take a last look on leaving the apartment.
"I do not know that it is mine to give," said Mr. Brahan, "as I found it
here after purchasing the house. The one below was presented me by St.
James himself. If, however, you will allow me to send it to Mr. Linwood,
I really think he has the best right to it, on account of its remarkable
resemblance to yourself."
"Oh no, indeed," I exclaimed; "I did not mean, did not think of such a
thing. It was a childish way of expressing my admiration of the
painting. If you will give me the privilege of sometimes calling to look
at it, I shall be greatly indebted."
I hurried down stairs, fearful of committing myself in some way, so as
to betray the secret of my birth.
"I wish you would come and see us often, Mrs. Linwood," said Mrs.
Brahan, as I bade her adieu. "We are not very fashionable; but if I read
your character aright, you will not dislike us on that account. A young
person, who is almost a stranger in a great city like this, sometimes
feels the want of an older friend. Let me be that friend."
"Thank you, dear madam," I answered, returning the cordial pressure of
her hand; "you do not know how deeply I appreciate your proffered
friendship, or how happy I shall be to cultivate it."
With many kind and polite expressions, they both accompanied me to the
door, and I left them with the conviction that wedded happiness might be
perfect after the experience of seventeen years.
When alone in the carriage, I tried to compose my agitated and excited
mind. So much had been crowded into the space of a few hours, that it
seemed as if days must have passed since I left home. I tried to
reconcile what I had _heard_ with what I had _seen_ of my father; but I
could not identify the magnificent artist, the man of genius and of
feeling, with the degenerate being from whom I had recoiled one hour
ago. Could a long career of guilt and shame thus deface and obliterate
that divine and godlike image, in which man was formed? He must have
loved my mother. Desperation for her loss had plunged him into the
wildest excesses of dissipation. From my soul I pitied him. I would
never cease to pray for him, never regret what I had done to save him
from ruin, even if my own happiness were wrecked by the act. I had tried
to do what was right, and God, who seeth the heart, would forgive me, if
wrong was the result.