It was not till the next morning that I dared to read the contents of
the note. It was in the magnificent bathing-room, on whose retirement no
one ever intruded, that I perused these pencilled lines, evidently
written with a hasty and agitated hand.
"Can it be that I have found a daughter? Yes! in those lovely features I
trace the living semblance of my beloved Rosalie. Where is she, my
child? Where is your angel mother, whom I have sought sorrowing so many
years? They tell me that you are married,--that it is your husband who
watches you with such jealous scrutiny. He must not know who I am. I am
a reckless, desperate man. It would be dangerous to us both to meet.
Guard my secret as you expect to find your grave peaceful, your eternity
free from remorse. When can I see you alone? Where can I meet you? I am
in danger, distress,--ruin and death are hanging over me,--I must flee
from the city; but I must see you, my child, my sweet, my darling
Gabriella. I must learn the fate of my lost Rosalie.
"The curtain falls,--I dare not write more. Walk in the ---- Park
to-morrow morning at ten o'clock, where I will wait your coming. Come
alone,--I ask only a few moments. A father pleads with his child! As you
hope for an answer to your dying prayers, come, child of my
Rosalie,--child of my own sad heart."
Once,--twice,--thrice I read these lines,--the death-warrant of my
wedded peace. How could I resist so solemn an appeal, without violating
the commands of a dying mother? How could I meet him, without incurring
the displeasure of my husband? What possibility was there of my leaving
home alone, when Ernest scarcely ever left me; when, after his return,
if he chanced to go out, he always asked me how I had passed the time of
his absence? How could I preserve outward composure, with such a secret
burning in my heart? A sigh, involuntarily breathed,--a tear, forcing
its way beneath the quivering lash, would expose me to suspicion and
distress. What could I, should I do? I was alone, now; and I yielded
momentarily to an agony of apprehension, that almost drove me mad. On
one side, a guilty, ruined parent; on the other, a jealous husband,
whose anger was to me a consuming fire. No, no; I could never expose
myself again to that. I trembled at the recollection of those pale,
inflexible features, and that eye of stormy splendor. The lightning bolt
was less terrible and scathing. Yet, to turn a deaf ear to a father's
prayer; to disregard a mother's injunction; to incur, perhaps, the guilt
of parricide; to hazard the judgments of the Almighty;--how awful the
alternative!
I sank down on my knees, and laid my head on the marble slab on which I
had been seated. I tried to pray; but hysterical sobs choked my words.
"Have pity upon me, O my heavenly Father!" at length I exclaimed,
raising my clasped hands to heaven. "Have pity upon me, and direct me in
the right path. Give me courage to do right, and leave the result unto
Thee. I float on a stormy current, without pilot or helm. I sink beneath
the whelming billows. Help, Lord! or I perish!"
Before I rose from my knees, it seemed as if invisible arms surrounded
me,--bearing me up, above the dark and troubled waters. I felt as if God
would open a way for me to walk in; and I resolved to leave the event in
his hands. Had I applied to an earthly counsellor, with wisdom to
direct, they might have told me, that one who had been guilty of the
crime my father had committed, had forfeited every claim on a daughter's
heart. That I had no right to endanger a husband's happiness, or to
sacrifice my own peace, in consequence of his rash demand. No
instinctive attraction drew me to this mysterious man. Instead of the
yearnings of filial affection, I felt for him an unconquerable
repugnance. His letter touched me, but his countenance repelled. His
bold, unreceding eye;--not thus should a father gaze upon his child.
Upon what apparent trifles the events of our life sometimes depend! At
the breakfast table, Madge suddenly asked what day of the month it was.
Then I remembered that it was the day appointed for a meeting of the
ladies composing a benevolent association, of which I had been lately
made a member. After the conversation with Ernest, in which I had
expressed such an anxiety to do good, he had supplied me bountifully
with means, so that my purse was literally overflowing. I had met the
society once, and had gone _alone_. The hour of the meeting was _ten_.
What a coincidence! Was Providence opening a way in which my doubting
feet should walk? When I mentioned the day of the month, I added,
"Our Society for the Relief of Invalid Seamstresses meets this morning.
I had forgotten it, till your question reminded me that this was the
day."
"Do not your coffers need replenishing, fair Lady Bountiful?" asked
Ernest. "This is an association founded on principles which I revere. If
any class of females merit the sympathy and kind offices of the generous
sisterhood, it is that, whose services are so ill repaid, and whose
lives must be one long drawn sigh of weariness and anxiety. Give, my
Gabriella, to your heart's content; and if one pale cheek is colored
with the glow of hope, one dim eye lighted with joy, something will be
added to the sum of human happiness."
Ernest was unusually kind and tender. He watched me as the fond mother
does the child, whom she has perhaps too severely chided. He seemed to
wish to atone for the pain he had given, and to assure me by his manner
that his confidence was perfectly restored.
"I shall avail myself of your absence," said he, "to pay some of my
epistolary debts. They have weighed heavy on my conscience for some
time."
"And I," said Madge, "have engaged to spend the day with Miss Haven. You
can drop me on the way."
Madge had behaved unusually well during the morning, and did not harass
me at the breakfast table, as I feared she would, about the bold
stranger at the theatre. Perhaps my pale cheeks spoke too plainly of the
sufferings of the evening, and she had a heart after all.
As I went into my room to prepare for going out, my hands trembled so
that I could scarcely fasten the ribbons of my bonnet. Every thing
seemed to facilitate my filial duty; but the more easy seemed its
accomplishment, the more I shrunk from the thought of deceiving Ernest,
in this hour of restored tranquillity and abounding love. I loathed the
idea of deceiving any one,--but Ernest, my lover, my husband,--how could
I beguile his new-born confidence?
He came in, and wrapped me up in my ermine-trimmed cloak, warning me of
exposing myself to the morning air, which was of wintry bleakness.
"You must bring back the roses which I have banished from your cheeks,"
said he, kissing them with a tenderness and gentleness that made my
heart ache with anguish. I did not deserve these caresses; and if my
purpose were discovered, would they not be the last?
Shuddering, as I asked myself this question, I turned towards him, as if
to daguerreotype on my heart every lineament of his striking and
expressive face. How beautiful was his countenance this moment, softened
by tenderness, so delicately pale, yet so lustrous, like the moonlight
night!
"Oh, Ernest!" said I, throwing my arms around him, with a burst of
irrepressible emotion, "I am not worthy of the love you bear me, but yet
I prize it far more than life. If the hour comes when it is withdrawn
from me, I pray Heaven it may be my last."
"It can never be withdrawn, my Gabriella. You may cast it from your
bosom, and it may wither, like the flower trampled by the foot of man;
but by my own act it never can be destroyed. Nor by yours either, my
beloved wife. At this moment I have a trust in you as entire as in
heaven itself. I look back with wonder and remorse on the dark delusions
to which I have submitted myself. But the spell is broken; the demon
laid. Sorrow has had its season; but joy hath come in the morning.
Smile, my darling Gabriella, in token of forgiveness and peace."
I tried to smile, but the tears would gather into my eyes.
"Foolish girl!" he cried. A loud laugh rung under the silken arches.
Madge stood in the open door, her great black eyes brimming with mirth.
"When you have finished your parting ceremonies," she exclaimed, "I
think we had better start. One would think you were going to Kamschatka
or Terra del Fuego, instead of Broadway. Oh dear! what a ridiculous
thing it is to see people in love with each other, after they are
married! Come, Gabriella; you can carry his miniature with you."
As the carriage rolled from the gate, I was so agitated at the thought
of the approaching interview I could not speak. Madge rattled away, in
her usual light manner; but I did not attempt to answer her. I leaned
back in the carriage, revolving the best way of accomplishing my design.
After leaving Madge, instead of going to the lady's, at whose house the
society met, I ordered the coachman to drive to one of the fashionable
stores and leave me.
"Return in an hour," said I, as I left the carriage. "You will find me
at Mrs. Brahan's. Drive the horses out to the Battery for exercise, as
you usually do."
As I gave these orders, my heart beat so fast I could hardly articulate
with distinctness. Yet there was nothing in them to excite suspicion.
The horses were high-fed and little used, gay and spirited, and when we
shopped or made morning calls, the coachman was in the habit of driving
them about, to subdue their fiery speed.
I should make too conspicuous an appearance in the park, in my elegant
cloak, trimmed with costly ermine and bonnet shaded with snowy plumes. I
would be recognized at once, for the bride of the jealous Ernest was an
object of interest and curiosity. To obviate this difficulty, I
purchased a large gray shawl, of soft, yielding material, that
completely covered my cloak; a thick, green veil, through which my
features could not be discerned, and walked with rapid steps through the
hurrying crowd that thronged the side-walks towards the ---- Park.
It was too early an hour for the usual gathering of children and nurses.
Indeed, at this cold, wintry season, the warm nursery was a more
comfortable and enticing place.
The park presented a dreary, desolate aspect. No fountain tossed up its
silvery waters, falling in rainbows back to earth. The leafless branches
of the trees shone coldly in the thin glazing of frostwork and creaked
against each other, as the bleak wind whistled through them. Here and
there, a ruddy-faced Irish woman, wrapped in a large blanket-shawl, with
a coarse straw bonnet blown back from her head, breasted the breeze with
a little trotting child, who took half a dozen steps to one of hers,
tugging hard at her hand. It was not likely I should meet a fashionable
acquaintance at this early hour; and if I did, I was shrouded from
recognition.
I had scarcely passed the revolving gate, before I saw a gentleman
approaching from the opposite entrance with rapid and decided steps. He
was tall and stately, and had that unmistakable air of high-breeding
which, being once acquired, can never be entirely lost. As he came
nearer, I could distinguish the features of the stranger; features
which, seen by daylight, exhibited still more plainly the stamp of
recklessness, dissipation, and vice. They had once been handsome, but
alas! alas! was this the man who had captivated the hearts of two lovely
women, and then broken them? Where was the fascination which had
enthralled alike the youthful Rosalie and the impassioned Therésa? Was
this, indeed, the once gallant and long beloved St. James?
"You have come," he exclaimed, eagerly grasping my hand and pressing it
in his. "I bless you, my daughter,--and may God forever bless you for
listening to a father's prayer!"
"I have come," I answered, in low, trembling accents, for indescribable
agitation almost choked my utterance,--"but I can not,--dare not linger.
It was cruel in you to bind me to secrecy. Had it not been for the
mother,--whose dying words"--
"And is she dead,--the wronged,--the angel Rosalie? How vainly I have
sought her,--and thee, my cherub little one! My sufferings have avenged
her wrongs."
He turned away, and covered his face with his handkerchief. I saw his
breast heave with suppressed sobs. It is an awful thing to see a strong
man weep,--especially when the tears are wrung by the agonies of
remorse. I felt for him the most intense pity,--the most entire
forgiveness,--yet I recoiled from his approach,--I shrunk from the touch
of his dry and nervous hand. I felt polluted, degraded, by the contact.
"My mother told me, if I ever met you, to give you not only her
forgiveness, but her blessing. She blessed you, for the sufferings that
weaned her from earth and chastened her spirit for a holier and happier
world. She bade me tell you, that in spite of her wrongs she had never
ceased to love you. In obedience to her dying will, I have shown you a
daughter's duty so far as to meet you here, and learn what I can do for
one placed in the awful circumstances in which you declare yourself to
be. Speak quickly and briefly, for on every passing moment the whole
happiness of my life hangs trembling."
"Only let me see your face for the few moments we are together, that I
may carry its remembrance to my grave,--that face so like your
mother's."
"What can I do?" I exclaimed, removing the veil as I spoke,--for there
was no one near; and I could not refuse a petition so earnest. "Oh, tell
me quickly what I can do. What dreadful doom is impending over you?"
"You are beautiful, my child,--very, very beautiful," said he; while his
dark, sunken eyes seemed to burn me with the intensity of their gaze.
"Talk not to me of beauty, at a moment like this!" I exclaimed, stamping
my foot in the agony of my impatience. "I cannot, will not stay, unless
to aid you. Your presence is awful! for it reminds me of my mother's
wrongs,--my own clouded birth."
"I deserve this, and far more," he cried, in tones of the most object
humility. "Oh, my child, I am brought very low;--I am a lost and ruined
man. Maddened by your mother's desertion, I became reckless,--desperate.
I fled from the home another had usurped. I became the prey of villains,
who robbed me of my fortune at the gaming table. Another, and another
step;--lower and lower still I sunk. I cannot tell you the story of my
ruin. Enough, I am lost! The sword of the violated law gleams over my
head. Every moment it may fall. I dare not remain another day in this
city. I dare not stay in my native land. If I do, yonder dismal Tombs
will be my life-long abode."
"Fly, then,--fly this moment," I cried. "What madness! to linger in the
midst of danger and disgrace!"
"Alas! my daughter, I am penniless. I had laid aside a large sum,
sufficient for the emergency; but a wretch robbed me of all, only two
nights since. Humiliating as it is, I must turn beggar to my child. Your
husband is a Dives; I, the Lazarus, who am perishing at his gate."
"Ask him. He is noble and generous. He will fill your purse with gold,
and aid you to escape. Go to him at once. You know not his princely
heart."
"Never! On you alone I depend. I will not ask a favor of man, to save my
soul from perdition. Girl! have you no power over the wealth that must
be rusting in your coffers? Are you not trusted with the key to your
household treasures?"
"Do you think I would take his gold clandestinely?" I asked, glowing
with indignation, and recoiling from the expression of his eager,
burning eye. We were walking slowly during this exciting conversation;
and, cold as it was, the moisture gathered on my brow. "Here is a purse,
given me for a holier purpose. Take it, and let me go."
"Thank you,--bless you, my child! but this will only relieve present
necessity. It will not carry me in safety to distant climes. Bless you!
but take it back, take it back. I can only meet my doom!"
"I _will_ go to my husband!" I exclaimed with sudden resolution; "I
_will_ tell him all, and he, and he alone shall aid you. I will not
wrong him by acting without his knowledge. You have no right to endanger
my life-long peace. You have destroyed my mother; must her child too be
sacrificed?"
"I see there is but one path of escape," he cried, snatching a pistol
from his breast, and turning the muzzle to his heart. "Fool, dolt, idiot
that I am! I dreamed of salvation from a daughter's hand, but I have
forfeited a father's name, a father's affection. Gabriella, you might
save me, but I blame you not. Do not curse me, though I fill a felon's
grave;--better that than the dungeon--the scaffold."
"What would you do?" I whispered hoarsely, seizing his arm with
spasmodic grasp.
"Die, before I am betrayed."
"I will not betray you; what sum will suffice for your emergency? Name
it."
"As many thousands as there are hundreds there," pointing to the purse.
"Good heavens!"
"Gabriella, you must have jewels worth a prince's ransom; you had
diamonds last night on your neck and arms that would redeem your
father's life. Each gem is but a drop of water in the deep sea of _his_
riches. His uncle was a modern Cr[oe]sus, and he, his sole heir."
"How know you this?" I asked.
"Every one knows it. The rich are the cities on the hill-tops, seen afar
off. You hesitate,--you tremble. Keep your diamonds,--but remember they
will eat like burning coals into your flesh."
Fierce and deadly passions gleamed from his eye. He clenched the pistol
so tight that his nails turned of a purplish blue.
No one was near us, to witness a scene so strange and appalling. The
thundering sounds of city life were rolling along the great thoroughfare
of the metropolis, now rattling, shrill, and startling, then roaring,
swelling, and subsiding again, like the distant surf; but around us,
there was silence and space. In the brief moment that we stood face to
face, my mind was at work with preternatural activity. I remembered that
I had a set of diamonds,--the bridal gift of Mrs. Linwood,--a superb and
costly set, which I had left a week previous in the hands of the
jeweller, that he might remedy a slight defect in the clasps. Those
which I wore at the theatre, and which had attracted his insatiate eye,
were the gift of Ernest. He had clasped them around my neck and arms, as
he was about to lead me to the altar, and hallowed the offering with a
bridegroom's kiss. I could have given my heart's blood sooner than the
radiant pledge of wedded faith and love.
I could go to the jewellers,--get possession of the diamonds, and thus
redeem my guilty parent from impending ruin. Then, the waves of the
Atlantic would roll between us, and I would be spared the humiliation
and agony of another scene like this. I told him to follow me at a short
distance; that I would get the jewels; that he could receive them from
me in the street in the midst of the jostling crowd without observation.
"It is the last time," I cried, "the last time I ever act without my
husband's knowledge. I have obeyed my mother, I have fulfilled my duty,
at the risk of all my soul holds dear. And now, as you hope to meet
hereafter her, who, if angels can sorrow, still mourns over your
transgressions, quit the dark path you are now treading, and devote your
future life to penitence and prayer. Oh! by my mother's wrongs and woes,
and by my own, by the mighty power of God and a Saviour's dying love, I
entreat you to repent, forsake your sins, and live, live, forever more."
Tears gushed from my eyes and checked my utterance. Oh! how sad, how
dreadful, to address a father thus.
"Gabriella!" he exclaimed, "you are an angel. Pray for me, pray for me,
thou pure and holy being, and forgive the sins that you say are not
beyond the reach of God's mercy, I dare not, not here,--yet for one dear
embrace, my child, I would willingly meet the tortures of the
prison-house and the scaffold."
I recoiled with horror at the suggestion. I would not have had his arms
around me for worlds. I could not call him _father_. I pitied,--wept for
him; but I shrunk with loathing from his presence. Dropping my veil over
my face, I turned hastily, gained the street, pressed on through the
moving mass without looking to the right or left, till I reached the
shop where my jewels were deposited,--took them without waiting for
explanation or inquiry, hurried back till I met St. James, slipped the
casket into his eager hand, and pressed on without uttering a syllable.
Never shall I forget the expression of his countenance as he received
the casket. The fierce, wild, exulting flash of his dark sunken eye,
whose reddish blackness seemed suddenly to ignite and burn like heated
iron. There was something demoniac in its glare, and it haunted me in my
dreams long, long afterwards.
I did not look back, but hurried on, rejoicing that rapidity of motion
was too customary in Broadway to attract attention. Before I arrived at
the place of meeting, I wished to divest myself of the shawl which I had
used as a disguise; and it was no difficult matter, where poverty is met
in all its forms of wretchedness and woe.
"Take this, my good woman," said I, throwing the soft gray covering over
the shoulders of a thin, shivering, haggard looking female, on whose
face chill penury was written in withering lines. "You are cold and
suffering."
"Bless your sweet face. God Almighty bless you!" was wafted to my ears,
in tremulous accents,--for I did not stop to meet her look of wonder,
gratitude, and ecstasy. I did not deserve her blessing; but the garment
sheltered her meagre frame, and she went on her way rejoicing.