_Of his forsaking the church of_ Rome.
A VARIETY of incidents contributed to this part of his conduct. He was
first deeply concerned about the weighty affair of his own salvation;
and then began to think seriously of the influence which his religious
connexions might have thereon, which prepared him for attending to
whatever he at any time either read, or had spoken to him on this head.
That which outwardly contributed most thereto was the instance of his
brother, of whom he had learned _Latin_. “A man (to use his own words)
of tolerable learning, and designed for a Popish priest. But seeing
many errors among them, he renounced popery.”
About the eighteenth year of his age, while he was a strict observer
of the Romish church, this brother (whose relinquishing it was some
years before) began frequently to discourse with him concerning the
principles of the _Romanists_. But “I strenuously (says he) though
ignorantly withstood him; alledging in my defence the traditions and
canons of the church, while he, on the contrary, appealed _to the law,
and to the testimony_. He often said to me, My brother why do you not
read God’s word? Lay aside prejudice, and let us reason together.”
“To the same purpose spake another person in the neighbourhood, one
Mr. _Philip Geyer_, a Protestant, and well versed in controversy. Mr.
_Walsh_, you are a sober young man (so indeed I was generally thought
to be, though God knows I was drunk with enmity against him) and what
pity it is that you do not read the holy scriptures? Why will you
suffer yourself to be deceived by the _Pope_ and his fraternity.”
Reasonings of this kind, which were occasionally made use of
with him from time to time, together with hearing the scriptures
frequently read in his brother’s school, put him at length upon
a diligent consideration of both sides of the question. But as it
generally happens in like cases, an attachment to old sentiments,
the prejudices of education, shame, or fear of man, with a variety of
other considerations, kept him for some time in strong suspense. His
breast was moved with contrary, and therefore conflicting passions.
He revolved in his mind, and rejected many a thought on the head, and
again resumed and embraced them. Thus halting _between two opinions_,
he complains of the “Corruption of his heart and prejudice of his
education, which were as smoke upon his soul, so dimming his
understanding that he could see nothing clearly.”
“I had (continues he) a custom of repeating frequently as I walked
by the way, some prayers, or articles of faith which I had learned in
my childhood. And walking one day in _September, 1748_, in a pleasant
field, I was ruminating deeply on what my opponents urged against the
doctrine of the church of _Rome_. I said in my heart――Perhaps all is
not right. Peradventure I have been imposed upon. But then how shall I
know? How can I be certainly assured whether the priest has led me in
the right way?――Immediately it ♦occurred to my mind, that on God alone,
I could safely venture my salvation, and that without doubt, he would
lead me by his counsel, if I asked wisdom of him.”
♦ “occurrd” replaced with “occurred”
“Then I cried unto the Lord God, and said――All things are known to
thee, and thou seest that I want to worship thee aright. Shew me the
way wherein I ought to go, nor suffer me to be deceived by men.”
The Lord who apprehended, and instructed _Saul_, when he enquired of
him in astonishment, _What wilt thou have me to do?_¹ Attended to, and
answered his prayer; which he did not cease then, to pour out before
him. _The Father of lights_, and the giver of wisdom to all that ask
it, did, according to the adorable methods of his working, instruct and
determine his choice in this particular.
¹ Acts ix.
To this time and occasion may be referred what he has more than once
told me, determined him with respect to the Popish doctrine of merit,
and had much influence on his entirely renouncing the communion of that
church: namely, the deep impression on his mind of those words of St.
_Paul_, _If righteousness come by the law, then |Christ| is dead in
vain_. This passage he assured me he had not remembered ever to have
read, or heard; and that afterwards, when he met with it (Galatians
ii. 21.) it was to him like life from the dead. Truly, O God, _Thy
word is a light_, and by taking heed thereto, this _young man’s way
was cleansed_.
Soon after this, he resolved to stand no longer in desponding
hesitation, halting between two opinions. “Therefore, (says he) going
to my brother and the other persons who used to converse with me on
this head, and providentially meeting the two principal ones together,
I determined now, once for all, either to convince, or be convinced by
them; for I had an unfeigned desire to save my soul.”
“Proposing therefore my design, they desired me to bring a bible,
and with it _Nelson’s feasts, and fasts of the church of England_.
Accordingly, we began reading, and conversing, and continued together
till midnight.” The result of which was, he now determined no longer
to resist conviction. “I was (says he) constrained to give place to the
light of truth. It was so convincing that I had nothing more to say.
I at length confessed the weakness of my former reasonings, and the
strength of those which were opposed to me!”
“About one o’clock in the morning I retired to my lodging, and
according to my usual custom went to prayer: but now, only to the God
of heaven, I no more prayed to any angel or spirit. For I am deeply
persuaded that _there is ♦but one_ God, _and one Mediator between_ God
_and man, even the man Christ Jesus_. Therefore I resolved no longer
to suffer any man to beguile me in a voluntary humility, in worshiping
either saints or angels.¹ These latter I considered as they are
represented, _Ministring spirits sent forth to minister for them who
shall be heirs of salvation_.² But with regard to any worship being
paid to them, one of themselves said, _See thou do it not, worship_
God.³ God only.
♦ “b” replaced with “but”
¹ Colossians ii. 18.
² Hebrews i. 14.
³ Revelation xix. 10.
“All my sophisms on this head were entirely overthrown by a few hours
candid reading the holy scriptures, which now became as _a lantern
to my feet, and a lamp to my paths_, directing me in the way wherein
I should go. I could see no manner of authority either in the old
Testament or the new for invocating any saint, or apostle whatsoever.
God, the triune God, is, alone, the proper object of prayer, and of
all divine worship.” He is likewise _a jealous_ God (Exodus xx. 5.)
and will not give his glory to another, before his glorious Majesty
the hosts of heaven, _angels and authorities, principalities and
powers, thrones and dominions_, vailing their faces, fall down in
lowly prostrations, while they adore him (whom all should adore!) that
sitteth upon the throne, and the Lamb, that liveth for ever ♦and ever.”
♦ omitted word “and” supplied
Not many days after, he fell into discourse with his father on the head,
and informed him, that he was minded to forsake the church of _Rome_,
being clearly convinced she was not that infallible, or pure church he
once esteemed her, “but rather (to use his words) an harlot, who had
committed spiritual and vile adultery. My father (adds he) was much
provoked, and produced his strong reasons to overthrow all I had said.
I dared not but listen to him, which I did with much attention. But the
more he argued, the more was I confirmed in my former resolution.”
Being now fully satisfied, and deliberately determined, he resolved to
omit no becoming method of testifying the same. And accordingly (having
no temporal interest to serve thereby, as may be undeniably plain to
every one) he, without farther delay, publickly and in form, renounced
his former communion; abjured the errors of the church of _Rome_,
and thence forward regularly attended the service of the church of
_England_.
He was greatly delighted with the prayers. (As was, St. _Austin_ at his
first attendance, with the service of the Church in general. _Confess._,
book 9, chapter 6. His heart melted with divine sweetness, and his eyes
flowed down with tears of love.) A certain providence seemed to direct
the very matter of the first sermon which he heard there. “The first
text (says he) I heard preached on at church, was _He that believeth
and is baptized, shall be saved: but he that believeth not, shall be
damned_, (Mark xvi. 16.)
“Yet, alas! How little did I know of believing? Being taught, and
accustomed to call by the name of faith, the peculiar principles of the
church of _Rome_. But I have now learned a better lesson, and know that
_rightly_ to believe, is one of the greatest things in the world.”
“And now that I have left the church of _Rome_, I nevertheless declare
that I think there are many sincere souls among them. For I bear them
witness, that they have a zeal for God, tho’ not according to knowledge.
Many of them have justice, mercy, and truth; and may (notwithstanding
many errors in sentiment, and therefore in practice, thro’ invincible
ignorance) since as is God’s majesty, so is his mercy, be dealt with
accordingly.”
There have been doubtless, and still are among them, some burning and
shining lights; persons who (whatever their particular sentiments may
be) are devoted to the service of Jesus Christ, according as their
light and opportunities admit. And in reality, whatever _opinions_
people may hold, they are most approved of God, whose tempers and
behaviour correspond most with the model of his holy word. This however,
can be no justification of avowed unscriptural tenets, such, as has
been often proved, are many of those of the church of _Rome_.
“It may be asked then, ‘Why did I leave their communion, since I
thought so favourably of them:’ I answer, because I was abundantly
convinced, that _as a church_, they have erred from the _right way_,
and adulterated the truths of God with the inventions and traditions
of men; which the scriptures, and even celebrated writers of themselves
abundantly testify. God is my witness herein, that the sole motive
which induced me to leave them, was an unfeigned desire to know the
way of God more perfectly, in order to the salvation of my soul. For
altho’ I then felt, and do yet feel my heart to be as the prophet
speaks, _deceitful, and desperately wicked_ with regard to God; yet I
was sincere in my reformation, having from the holy Spirit an earnest
desire to save my soul, and prepare to meet my God.
“If it should be still asked, ‘But could I not be saved, supposing
I had never left the church of _Rome_?’ I answer, If I had never
known the truth of the scriptures concerning the way of salvation,
nor been convinced that their principles were anti-scriptural, then
I think I might have been saved in her communion, the merciful God
making allowance for my invincible ignorance. But now, since God hath
enlightened my mind, and given me to see _the truth as it is in_ Jesus,
if I had still continued a member of the church of _Rome_, I could not
have been saved.
“With regard to others, I say nothing. I know that _every man must
bear his own burden, and give an account of himself to_ God. To their
own master, both they and I must stand or fall. But love however, and
tender compassion for their souls, constrain me to pour out a prayer to
God in their behalf.
“All souls are thine, O Lord God, and thou willest _all_ to come to
the knowledge of the truth and be saved. For this end thou did give thy
only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in him, might not perish,
but have everlasting life. I beseech thee therefore O eternal God, shew
thy tender mercies upon those poor souls who have been long deluded by
_the god of this_ world, the pope, and his _clergy_. Jesus, thou lover
of souls and friend of sinners, send to them thy light, and truth, that
they may lead them, and call those straying sheep, now perishing for
lack of knowledge, to the light of thy word, which is able to make them
wise to salvation through faith, which is in thee!”