make many men quickly immortall. What ist, what ist for a maide fayre
and freshe to spend a little lip salue on a hungrie louer. My master
beate the bush and kept a coile and a pratling, but I caught the birde,
simplicitie and plainnesse shall carrie it awaie in another world. God
wot he was _Petro Desperato_, when I stepping to hir with a dunstable
tale made vp my market A holy requiem to their soules that thinke to
wooe women with riddles. I had some cunning plot you must suppose, to
bring this about Her husband had abused her, and it was verie necessarie
she shoulde be reuenged. Seldome doe they proue patient martyrs who are
punisht vniustly. One way or other they wil cry quittance whatsoeuer it
cost them. No other apte meanes had this poore shee captiued _Cicely_,
to worke her hoddy peake husbande a proportionable plague to his
ielousie, but to giue his head his ful loding of infamie. She thought
she would make him complaine for some thing, that now was so hard bound
with an hereticall opinion. Howe I dealt with her, gesse gentle reader,
_Sub audi_ that I was in prison, and she was my Jailor.
Meanes there was made after a moneths or two durance by M. _Iohn
Russell_, a gentleman of king Henrie the eights chamber, who then lay
lieger at _Venice_ for England, that our cause should be fauorably
heard. At that time was Monsieur _Petro Aretino_ searcher and chiefe
Inquisiter for the colledge of curtizans. Diuerse and sundrie wayes was
this _Aretine_ beholding to the king of England, especially for by this
foresaid M. _Russell_ a little before he had sent him a pension of foure
hundreth crownes yerely during his life. Very forcibly was hee dealt
withall, to straine the vtmost of his credit for our deliuerie. Nothing
at his handes wee sought, but that the curtizan might be more narrowly
sifted and examined. Such and so extraordinarie was his care and
industrie heerein, that within few dayes after mistres _Tabitha_ and
her pandor cride _Peccaui confiteor_, and we were presently discharched,
they for example sake executed. Most honorably after our enlargement
of the state were we vsed, and had sufficient recompence for all our
troubles and wrongs.
Before I goe anie further, let me speake a word or two of this
_Aretine_. It was one of the wittiest knaues that euer God made. If out
of so base a thing as inke there may be extracted a spirite, he writ
with nought but the spirite of inke, and his stile was the spiritualtie
of artes, and nothing else, where as all others of his age were but
the lay temporaltie of inkhorne tearmes. For in deede they were meere
temporizers, & no better. His penne was sharpe pointed like ponyard. No
leafe he wrote on, but was like a burning glasse to sette on fire all
his readers. With more then musket shot did he charge his quill, where
he meant to inueigh. No one houre but he sent a whole legion of deuils
into some heard of swine or other. If _Martiall_ had ten muses (as he
sayth of himselfe) when hee but tasted a cup of wine, he had ten score
when he determined to tyranize. Nere a line of his but was able to make
a man dronken with admiration. His sight pearst like lightning into
the intrailes of al abuses. This I must needs saie, that most of his
learning hee gotte by hearing the lectures at Florence. It is sufficient
that learning he had, and a conceite exceeding all learning, to
quintescence euerie thing which he hard. He was no timerous seruile
flatterer of the commonwealth wherein he liued. His tongue and his
inuention were foreborne, what they thought they would confidently
vtter. Princes hee sparde not, that in the least point transgrest. His
life he contemned in comparison of the libertie of speech. Whereas some
dull braine maligners of his, accuse him of that treatise _de tribus
impostoribus Mundi_, which was neuer contriued without a generall
counsell of deuils, I am verily perswaded it was none of his, and of my
minde are a number of the most iudiciall Italians. One reason is this,
because it was published fortie yeeres after his death, and he neuer in
all his life wrote anie thing in Latine. Certainly I haue heard that one
of _Machiuuels_ followers and disciples was the author of that booke,
who to auoid discredite, filcht it forth vnder _Aretines_ name, a great
while after hee had sealed vp his eloquent spirit in the graue. Too much
gall dyd that wormwood of Gibeline wits put in his inke, who ingraued
that rubarbe Epitaph on this excellent Poets tombstone, Quite forsaken
of all good Angels was he, and vtterly giuen ouer to an artlesse
enuie. Foure vniuersities honored _Aretine_ with these rich titles, _Il
flagello de principe Il veritiero, Il deuino, & Lvnico Aretino_. The
French king Frances the first, he kept in such awe, that to chaine his
tongue, he sent him a huge chaine of golde, in the forme of tongues
fashioned. Singularly hath hee commented of the humanity of Christ
Besides, as Moses set forth his Genesis, so hath hee set forth his
Genesis also, including the contents of the whole Bible. A notable
treatise hath hee compiled, called _Il sette Psalmi ponetentiarii_.
All the _Thomasos_ haue cause to loue him, because he hath dilated so
magnificently of the life of Saint Thomas. There is a good thing that he
hath set forth _La vita della virgine Maria_, though it somewhat smell
of superstition, with a number more, which here for tediousnesse I
suppresse. If lasciuious he were, he may answere with _Ouid, Vita
verecunda est, musa iocosa mea est_, My lyfe is chast though wanton be
my verse. Tell mee who is most trauelled in histories, what good Poet
is or euer was there, who hath not had a little spice of wantonnes in
dayes? Euen _Beza_ himselfe by your leaue. _Aretine_ as long as the
worlde liues shalt thou liue. _Tully, Virgil, Ouid, Seneca_, were neuer
such ornaments to Italy as thou hast beene. I neuer thought of Italy
more religiously than England til I heard of thee. Peace to thy Ghost,
and yet mee thinkes so indefinite a spirite should haue no peace or
intermission of paines, but be penning Ditties to the Archangels in
another world. Puritans spue forth the venome of your dull inuentions.
A Toade swelles with thicke troubled poison, you swell with poisonous
perturbations, your mallice hath not a cleare dram of anie inspired
disposition.
My principall subiect pluckes me by the elbowe, _Diamante Castaldos_ the
magnificos wife, after my enlargment proued to bee with childe, at which
instant there grewe an vnsatiable famine in Venice, wherein, whether it
were for meere niggardise, or that _Castaldo_ still eate out his heart
with iealousie, Saint Anne be our recorde, he turnde vp the heeles verie
deuoutly. To master _Aretine_ after this, once more verie dutifully I
appeald, requested him of fauour, acknowledged former gratuities,
hee made no more humming or haulting, but in despite of her husbandes
kinsfolkes, gaue her her _Nunc dimittis_, and so establisht her free of
my companie.
Beeing out, and fully possest of her husbandes goods, she inuested mee
in the state of a Monarch. Because the time of childbirth drew nigh,
and shee coulde not remaine in Venice but discredited, she decreed to
trauell whether so euer I woulde conduct her. To see Italy throughout
was my proposed scope, and that waie if shee woulde trauell, haue with
her, I had wherewithall to relieue her.
From my master by her fulhand prouokement I parted without leaue, the
state of an Earle hee had thrust vppon me before, and nowe I woulde not
bate him an inch of it. Through all the Cities past I by no other
name but the yong Earle of Surrey, my pompe, my appareil, traine, and
expence, was nothing inferiour to his, my lookes were as loftie, my
wordes as magnificall. Memorandum, that Florence beeing the principall
scope of my masters course, missing mee, he iourneied thether without
interruption. By the waie as he went, he heard of another Earle of
Surrey besides himselfe, which caused him make more hast to fetch me in,
whom he little dreamed of, had such art in my budget, to separate the
shadowe from the bodie.
Ouertake me at Florence he did, where sitting in my pontificalibus with
my curtizan at supper, lyke _Anthonie and Cleopatra_, when they quafte
standing bowles of wine spiced with pearle together, he stole in ere
we sent for him, and bad much good it vs, and askt vs whether we wanted
anie guests. If he had askt me whether I would haue hanged my selfe,
his question had beene more acceptable. He that had then vngartered mee,
might haue pluckt out my heart at my hams.
My soule which was made to soare vpward, now sought for passage
downward, my blood as the blushing _Sabine_ maids surprized on the
sodain by the souldiers of _Romulus_, ran to the noblest of bloud
amongest them for succour, that were in no lesse (if not greater
daunger) so dyd it runne for refuge to the noblest of his bloude about
my heart assembled that stood in more need it selfe of comfort and
refuge. A trembling earthquake or shaking feauer assailed either of vs,
and I thinke vnfainedly, if he seeing our faint heart agonie, had not
soone cheered and refreshed vs, the dogs had gone together by the eares
vnder the table for our feare-dropped lims.
In stead of menacing or afrighting me with his swoord, or his frounes
for my superlatiue presumption, hee burst out into a laughter aboue Ela,
to thinke how brauely napping hee had tooke vs, and how notablie wee
were dampt & stroke dead in the neast, with the vnexpected view of his
presence.
Ah quoth he, my noble Lord, (after his tongue had borrowed a little
leaue of his laughter) is it my lucke to visite you thus vnlookt for, I
am sure you wil bid me welcome, if it be but for the names sake. It is
a wonder to see two English Earles of one house, at one time together
in Italy. I hearing him so pleasant, began to gather vp my spirits, and
replide as boldly as I durst Sir, you are welcome, your name which I
haue borrowed I haue not abused. Some large summes of money this my
sweete mistres _Diamante_ hath made me master of, which I knew not
how better to imploy for the honour of my country, than by spending it
munificently vnder your name. No Englishman would I haue renowmed for
bounty, magnificence and curtesie but you, vnder your colours all my
meritorious workes I was desirous to shroud. Deeme it no insolence to
adde increase to your fame. Had I basely and beggerly, wanting abilitie
to support anie parte of your roialtie, vndertooke the estimation of
this high calling, your alledgement of iniury had ben the greater, and
my defence lesse authorized. It will be thought but a policie of yours
thus to send one before you, who being a follower of yours, shall keepe
and vphold the estate and port of an Earle. I haue knowen many Earles my
selfe that in their owne persons would go verie plaine, but delighted to
haue one that belonged to them (being loden with iewels, apparelled in
cloth of golde and all the rich imbroderie that might bee) to stand bare
headed vnto him, arguing thus much, that if y greatest men went not more
sumptuous, how more great than the greatest was he that could command
one going so sumptuous. A noble mans glorie appeareth in nothing so much
as in the pompe of his attendants. What is the glorie of the Sunne, but
that the moone and so many millions of starres borrow their light from
him? If you can reprehend me of anie one illiberall licentious action I
haue disparaged your name with, heape shame on me prodigally, I beg no
pardon or pittie. _Non veniunt in idem pudor & amor_, hee was loth to
detract from one that he loued so. Beholding with his eies that I dipt
not the wings of his honor, but rather increast them with additions of
expence, he intreated me as if I had bin an Embassadour, he gaue me his
hand and swore he had no more hearts but one, and I should haue halfe of
it, in that I so inhanced his obscured reputation. One thing, quoth he,
my sweete Jacke I will intreate thee (it shalbe but one) that though
I am wel pleased thou shouldest be the ape of my birthright, (as what
noble man hath not his ape & his foole) yet that thou be an ape without
a clog, not carrie thy curtizan with thee. I tolde him that a king could
do nothing without his treasury, this curtizan was my purs-bearer, my
countenance and supporter. My earldome I would sooner resigne than part
with such a speciall benefactresse. Resigne it I will how euer, since I
am thus challenged of stolne goods by the true owner: Lo, into my former
state I returne againe, poore _Iack Wilton_ and your seruant am I, as I
was at the beginning, and so will I perseuer to my liues ending.
That theame was quickly cut off, and other talke entered in place, of
what I haue forgot, but talke it was, and talke let it be, and talke
it shall be, for I do not meane here to remember it. We supt, we got to
bed, we rose in the morning, on my master I waited, and the first
thing he did after he was vp, he went and visited the house where his
_Geraldine_ was borne, at sight wherof he was so impassioned, that in
the open street but for me, he would haue made an oration in praise
of it. Into it we were conducted, and shewed each seueral roome therto
appertaining. O but when he came to the chamber where his _Geraldines_
cleere Sunbeams first thrust themselues into this cloude of flesh, and
acquainted mortalitie with the puritie of Angels, then did his mouth
ouerflowe with magnificats, his tongue thrust the starres out of heauen,
and eclipsed the Sun and Moone with comparisons, _Geraldine_ was the
soule of heauen, sole daughter and heire to _primus motor_. The alcumy of
his eloquence, out of the incomprehensible drossie matter of clouds
and aire, distilled no more quintescence than woulde make his Geraldine
compleat faire.
In praise of the chamber that was so illuminatiuely honoured with her
radiant conception, he penned this sonet:
_Faire rootne the presence of sweet beauties pride,
The place the Sunne vpon the earth did hold,
When Phaton his chariot did misguide,
The towre where loue raind downe himselfe in gold.
Prostrate as holy groutid He worship thee,
Our Ladies chappell henceforth be thou nanid.
Heere first loues Queene put on mortalitie,
And with her beautie all the world inflamed.
Heatfns chambers harboring firie cherubines,
Are not with thee in glorie to compare,
Lightning it is not light which in thee shines,
None enter thee but straight entranced are.
O if Elizium be aboue the ground,
Then here it is where nought but ioy is found._
Many other Poems and Epigrams in that chambers patient alablaster
inclosure (which her melting eies long sithence had softned) were
curiously ingraued. Diamondes thought themselues _Dii mundi_, if they
might but carue hir name on the naked glasse. With them on it did he
anatomize these bodie-wanting mots, _Dulce puella malum est. Quod fugit
ipse sequor. Amor est teni causa sequendi. O infolix ego. Cur vidi,
curperii. Non patienter amo. Tantum patiatur amari_. After the viewe of
these veneriall monumentes, he published a proude challenge in the Duke
of Florence court agaynst all commers, (whether Christians, Turkes,
Canibals, Jewes, or Saracens), in defence of his Geraldines beautie.
More mildly was it accepted, in that she whom he defended, was a towne
borne child of that Citie, or else the pride of the Italian would
haue preuented him ere he should haue come to performe it. The Duke of
Florence neuerthelesse sent for him, and demanded him of his estate, and
the reason that drew him thereto, which when hee was aduertised of
to the full, he granted all Countries whatsoeuer, as wel enemies and
outlawes, as friendes and confederates, free accesse and regresse into
his dominions vnmolested, vntill that insolent triall were ended.
The right honourable and euer renowmed Lorde _Henrie Howard_ Earle of
Surrey my singular good Lorde and master, entered the listes after this
order. His armour was all intermixed with lyllies and roses, and
the bases therof bordered with nettles and weeds, signifieng stings,
crosses, and ouergrowing incumbrances in his loue, his helmet round
proportioned like a gardeners waterpot, from which seemed to issue forth
small thrids of water, like citerne stringes, that not onely did moisten
the lillies and roses, but did fructifie as well the nettles and weedes,
and made them ouergrow their liege Lordes. Whereby hee did importe thus
much, that the teares that issued from his braine, as those arteficiall
distillations issued from the well counterfeit waterpot on his head,
watered and gaue life as well to his mistres disdaine (resembled to
nettles and weedes) as increase of glorie to her care-causing beautie,
(comprehended vnder the lillies and roses.) The simbole thereto annexed
was this, _ex lachrimis lachrimæ_. The trappinges of his horse were
pounced and boulstered out with rough plumed siluer plush, in full
proportion and shape of an Estrich. On the breast of the horse were the
forepartes of this greedie birde aduaunced, whence as his manner is, hee
reacht out his long necke to the raines of the bridle, thinking they had
beene yron, and styll seemed to gape after the golden bit, and euer
as the courser dyd rayse or curuet, to haue swallowed it halfe in. His
winges, which hee neuer vseth but running, beeing spreaded full sayle,
made his lustie steede as proude vnder him as he had beene some other
_Pegasus_, and so quieueringly and tenderly were these his broade wings
bound to either side of him, that as he paced vp and downe the tilt-yard
in his maiestie ere the knights were entered, they seemed wantonly to
fan in his face and make a flickering sound, such as Eagles doe, swiftly
pursuing their praie in the ayre. On either of his winges, as the
Estrich hath a sharpe goade or pricke wherewith hee spurreth himselfe
forwarde in his saile-assisted race, so this artificiall Estrich, on the
imbent knuckle of the pinion of either wing, had embossed christall eies
affixed, wherein wheele wise were circularly ingrafted sharpe pointed
diamonds, as rayes from those eies deriued, that like the rowels of a
spurre ran deep into his horse sides, and made him more eager in his
course.
Such a fine dimme shine dide these christall eies and these round
enranked diamonds make through their bolne swelling bowres of feathers,
as if it had beene a candle in a paper lanterne, or a gloworme in a bush
by night, glistering through the leaues and briers. The taile of the
Estrich being short and thicke, serued verie fitly as a plume to tricke
vp his horse taile with, so that euerie parte of him was as naturally
coapted as might be. The word to this deuice was _Aculeo alatus_, I
spread my wings onely spurd with her eies. The morral of the whole is
this, that as the Estrich, the most burning sighted bird of all others,
insomuch as the female of them hatcheth not hir egs by couering them,
but by the effectual raies of hir eies as he, I saie, outstrippeth the
nimblest trippers of his feathered condition in footman-shippe, onely
spurd on with the needle quickning goade vnder his side, so hee no lesse
burning sighted than the Estrich, spurd on to the race of honor by the
sweete raies of his mistres eies, perswaded himselfe hee should outstrip
all other in running to the goale of glorie only animated and incited
by her excellence. And as the Estrich wil eat iron, swallow anie hard
mettall whatsoeuer, so would he refuse no iron aduenture, no hard taske
whatsoeuer, to sit in the grace of so fayre a commander. The order of
his shield was this, it was framed like a burning glasse, beset round
with flame colourd feathers, on the outside whereof was his mistres
picture adorned as beautifull as art could portrature, on the inside a
naked sword tied in a true loue knot, the mot, _Militat omtiis amans_.
Signifieng that in a true loue knot his sword was tide to defend and
maintaine the high features of his mistres.
Next him entered the blacke knight, whose beauer was pointed all torne
& bloudie, as though he had new come from combatting with a Beare, his
head piece seemed to bee a little ouen fraught full with smoothering
flames, for nothing but sulphure and smoake voided out at the cleftes
of his beauer. His bases were all imbrodered with snakes & adders,
ingendered of the abundance of innocent bloud that was shed. His horses
trappinges were throughout bespangled with hunnie spottes, which are no
blemishes, but ornaments. On his shield he bare the Sunne full shining
on a diall at his going downe, the word _sufficit tandem_.
After him followed the knight of the Owle, whose armor was a stubd tree
ouergrowen with iuie, his helmet fashioned lyke an owle sitting on the
top of this iuie, on his bases were wrought all kinde of birdes as on
the grounde wondering about him, the word, _Ideo mirum quia monstrunty_
his horses furniture was framed like a cart, scattering whole sheaues
of corne amongst hogs, the word _Liberalitas liberalitate perit_. On his
shield a bee intangled in sheepes wooll, the mot _Frontis nulla fides_.
The fourth that succeeded was a well proportioned knight in an armor
imitating rust, whose head piece was prefigured like flowers growing in
a narrowe pot, where they had not anie space to spread their roots or
dispearse their florishing. His bases embelisht with open armed handes
scattering golde amongst tranchions, the word _Cura futuri est_. His
horse was harnished with leaden chaines, hauing the outside guilt, or at
least saffrond in stead of guilt, to decypher a holie or golden pretence
of a couetous purpose, the sentence _Cani capilli mei compedes_, on his
target he had a number of crawling wormes kept vnder by a blocke, the
faburthen, _Speramus lucent_. The fift was the forsaken knight, whose
helmet was crowned with nothing but cipresse and willow garlands, ouer
his armor he had on _Himens_ nuptiall robe died in a duskie yelow, and
all to be defaced and discoloured with spots & staines. The enigma,
_Nosquoque floritnus_, as who shuld saie, we haue bin in fashion, his
stead was adorned with orenge tawnie eies, such as those haue that haue
the yellowe iandies, that make all things yellow they looke vpon, with
this briefe, _Qui inuident egent_. Those that enuie are hungrie. The
sixth was the knight of the stormes, whose helmet was round moulded like
the Moone, and all his armour like waues, whereon the shine of the Moone
sleightly siluerd, perfectly represented Mooneshine in the water, his
bases were the banks or shores that bounded in the streames. The spoke
was this, _Frustra picus_, as much to say, as fruitles seruice. On his
shield he set forth a lion driuen from his praie by a dunghill cocke.
The worde, _Non vi sed voce_, not by violence but by his voice.