exquisite waie to make glasse as hammer proofe as golde: shall I saie,
that the like experiment he made vppon glasse, we haue practised on the
Gospell? I, confidently will I, we haue found out a slight to hammer it
to anie heresie whatsoeuer, but those furnaces of falshood and hammer
heads of heresie must be dissolued and broken as his was, or els I feare
me the false glittering glasse of innouation will bee better esteemed of
than the ancient gold of the gospell. The fault of faults is this, that
your dead borne faith is begotten by to too infant fathers. _Cato_ one
of the wisest men Roman histories canonized, was not borne till his
father was foure score yeeres olde, none can be a perfect father
of faith and beget men aright vnto God, but those that are aged in
experience, haue many yeres imprinted in their milde conuersation, and
haue with Zaclteus sold all their possessions of vanities, to inioy the
sweet fellowshippe, not of the humane but spirituall messias. Ministers
and pastors sell awaie your sects and schismes to the decrepite Churches
in contention beyond sea, they haue bene so long inured to warre both
about matters of religion and regiment, that now they haue no peace of
minde, but in troubling all other mens peace. Because the pouertie of
their prouinces will allow them no proportionable maintenance for higher
callings of ecclesiasticall magistrates, they would reduce vs to the
president of their rebellious persecuted beggerie: much like the sect
of philosophers called cinikes, who when they saw they were borne to
no lands or possessions, nor had anie possible meanes to support their
desperate estates, but they must liue despised and in miserie doe what
they could, they plotted and consulted with themselues howe to make
theyr pouertie better esteemed of than rich dominion and soueraigntie.
The vpshot of their plotting and consultation was this, that they would
liue to themselues, scorning the verie breath or conipanie of all men,
they profest (according to y rate of their lands) voluntarie pouerty,
thin fare and lying hard, contemning and inueighing against al those
as brute beasts whatsoeuer whom the world had giuen anie reputation for
riches or prosperitie. _Diogenes_ was one of the first and fonnost of
the ringleaders of this rustie morositie, and he for all his nice
dogged disposition, and blunt deriding of worldly drosse, and the grosse
felycitie of fooles, was taken notwithstanding a little after verie
fairely coining monie in his cell: so fares it vp and down with our
cinicall reformed forraine Churches, they will disgest no grapes of great
Bishoprikes forsooth, because they cannot tell how to come by them, they
must shape their cotes good men according to their cloth, and doe as
they may, not as they woulde, yet they must giue vs leaue heere in
England that are their honest neighbours, if wee haue more cloth than
they, to make our garment somewhat larger. What was the foundation or
groundworke of this dismall declining of Munster, but the banishing of
their Bishop, their confiscating and casting lots for Church liuings,
as the souldiers cast lots for Christes garments, and in short tearmes,
theyr making the house of God a den of theeues. The house of God a number
of hungry church robbers in these dayes haue made a den of theeues.
Theeues spend loosely what they haue got lightly, sacriledge is no sure
inheritance, _Dionisius_ was nere the richer for robbing _Iupiter_ of
his golden coate, he was driuen in the end to play the schoolmaster at
Corinth. The name of religion, be it good or bad that is ruinated, God
neuer suffers vnreuenged, He say of it as _Ouid_ sayd of Eunuchs:
_Qui primus pueris genitalia membra recidit Vulnera qua fecit deduit
ipse pati._
Who first depriude yong boies of their best part,
With selfe same wounds he gaue he ought to smart.
So would he that first gelt religion or Churchliuings had bin first gelt
himselfe or neuer liued, Cardinall _Wolsey_ is the man I aime at, _Qui
in suas ponas ingeniosus erat_, first gaue others a light to his owne
ouerthrow. How it prospered with him and his instruments that after
wrought for themselues, Chronicles largely report, though not apply, and
some parcel of their punishment yet vnpaid, I doe not doubt but will bee
required of their posteritie.
To go forward with my storie of the ouerthrowe of that vsurper _Iohn
Leiden_, he and all his armie (as I saide before) falling prostrate on
their faces, and ferquently giuen ouer to praier, determined neuer to
cease, or leaue soliciting of God, till he had shewed them from heauen
some manifest miracle of successe. Note that it was a general receiued
tradition both with _I. Leiden_ and all the crue of Cnipper-dolings and
Muncers, if God at anie time at their vehement outcries and clamors did
not condiscend to their requests, to raile on him and curse him to his
face, to dispute with him, and argue him of iniustice, for not being
so good as his word with them, and to vrge his many promises in the
scripture against him: so that they did not serue God simply, but that
hee shoulde serue their turnes, and after that tenure are many content
to serue as bondmen to saue the danger of hanging: but he that serues
God aright, whose vpright conscience hath for his mot, _Amor est miki
causa sequendi_, I serue because I loue: he saies, _Ego te potius domine
quam tua dona sequar_, He rather follow thee O Lord, for thine owne
sake, than for anie couetous respect of that thou canst do for me,
Christ would haue no folowers, but such as forsooke all and follow him,
such as forsake all their owne desires, such as abandon all expectations
of rewarde in this world, such as neglected and contemned their liues,
their wiues and children in comparison of him, and were content to take
vp their crosse and folow him. These Anabaptists had not yet forsooke
all and followed Christ, they had not forsooke their owne desires of
reuenge and innouation, they had not abandoned their expectation of the
spoile of their enimies, they regarded their liues, they lookt after
their wiues & children, they tooke not vp their crosse of humilitie and
followed him, but would crosse him, vpbraid him, and set him at naught,
if he assured not by some signe their praiers and supplications.
_Deteriora sequuntur_, they folowed God as daring him. God heard their
praiers, _Quod petitur poena est_, It was their speedie punishment
that they praide for. Lo according to the summe of their impudent
supplications, a signe in the heauens appeard the glorious signe of the
rainbow, which agreed iust with the signe of their ensigne that was a
rainbowe likewise. Wherevpon assuring themselues of victorie, (_Miseri
quod volunt facile credunt_) that which wretches woulde haue they easily
beleeue. With shoutes and clamours they presentlie ranne headlong
on theyr well deserued confusion. Pittifull and lamentable was their
vnpittied and well performed slaughter. To see euen a Beare (which
is the most cruellest of all beastes) to too bloudily ouermatcht, and
deformedly rent in peeces by an vnconscionable number of curres, it
woulde moue compassion against kinde, and make those that beholding him
at the stake yet vncoapte with, wisht him a sutable death to his vgly
shape, now to recall their hard hearted wishes, and moane him suffering
as a mild beast, in comparison of the foule mouthed mastifes his
butchers: euen such compassion dyd those ouermatcht vngratious
Munsterians obtayne of many indifferent eyes, who now thought them
suffering, to bee as sheepe brought innocent to the shambles, when as
before they deemed them as a number of wolues vp in armes agaynst the
shepheardes. The Emperyalles themselues that were theyr executioners
(lyke a Father that weepes when he beates his child, yet still weepes
and still beates) not without much ruth and sorrow prosecuted that
lamentable massacre, yet drumms and trumpets sounding nothing but
stearne reuenge in their eares, made them so eager, that their hands
had no leasure to aske counsell of theyr effeminate eyes, theyr swords,
theyr pikes, theyr bils, their bows, their caleeuers flew, empierced,
knockt downe, shot thorough, and ouerthrew as many men euerie minute of
the battell, as there fais eares of corne before the sithe at one blowe,
yet all theyr weapons so slaying, empiercing, knocking downe, shooting
through, ouerthrowing, dissouleioyned not halfe so many, as the hailing
thunder of their great ordenance so ordinary at euerie footstep was the
imbrument of iron in bloud, that one could hardly discerne heads from
bullettes, or clottered haire from mangled flesh hung with gore. This
tale must at one time or other giue vp the ghost, and as good now as
stay longer, I would gladly rid my hands of it cleanly if I could tell
how, for what with talking of coblers, & tinkers, & roapemakers, and
botchers, and durt-daubers, the marke is cleane gone out of my muses
mouth, and I am as it were more than dunsified twixt divinitie and
poetrie. What is there more as touching this tragedie that you would be
resolued of? saie quickly, for now my pen is got vpon his feet again:
how _I. Leiden_ dide, is y it? he dide like a dog, he was hanged and the
halter paid for. For his companions, do they trouble you? I can tel you
they troubled some men before, for they were all kild, and none escapt,
no not so much as one to tel the tale of the rainbow. Heare what it is
to be Anabaptists, to bee puritans, to be villaines, you may be counted
illuminate botchers for a while, but your end wil be Good people pray
for me.
With the tragicall catastrophe of this munsterian conflict, did I
cashier the new vocation of my caualiership. There was no more honorable
wars in christendome then towards, wherefore after I had learned to
be halfe an houre in bidding a man _boniure_ in germane sunonimas, I
trauelled along the cuntrie towards England as fast as I could. What
with wagons & bare tentoes hauing attained to Middleborough (good Lord
see the changing chances of vs knight arrant infants) I met with the
right honourable Lord _Henrie Howard_ Earle of Surrey my late master,
Jesu I was perswaded.
I shoulde not be more glad to see heauen than I was to see him, O it was
a right noble Lord, liberalitie itselfe, (if in this yron age there were
anie such creature as liberality left on the earth) a prince in content
because a Poet without peere. Destinie neuer defames her selfe but
when she lets an excellent poet die: if there bee anie sparke of Adams
paradized perfection yet emberd vp in the breastes of mortall men,
certainely God hath bestowed that his perfectest image on poets. None
come so neere to God in wit, none more contemne the world, _vatis auarus
non temere est animus, sayth Horace, versus amat, hoc studet vnurn_.
Seldom haue you seene anie Poet possessed with auarice, onely verses he
loues, nothing else he delights in: and as they contemne the world, so
contrarily of the mechanicall worlde are none more contemned. Despised
they are of the worlde, because they are not of the world: their
thoughts are exalted aboue the worlde of ignorance and all earthly
conceits.
As sweet angelicall queristers they are continually conuersant in the
heauen of artes, heauen it selfe is but the highest height of knowledge,
he that knowes himselfe & all things else, knowes the means to be
happie: happy, thrice happie are they whome God hath doubled his spirite
vppon, and giuen a double soule vnto to be Poets. My heroicall master
exceeded in this supernaturall kinde of wit, hee entertained no grosse
earthly spirite of auarice, nor weake womanly spirit of pusillanimity
and feare that are fained to be of the water, but admirable, airie, and
firie spirites, full of freedome, magnanimitie and bountihood. Let me
not speake anie more of his accomplishments, for feare I spend al my
spirits in praising him and leaue my selfe no vigor of wit, or effectes
of a soule to goe forward with my history. Hauing thus met him I so much
adored, no interpleading was there of opposite occasions, but backe I
must returne and beare halfe stakes with him in the lotterie of
trauell. I was not altogether vnwilling to walke along with such a good
purse-bearer, yet musing what changeable humor had so sodainly seduced
him from his natiue soyle to seeke out needlesse perils in these parts
beyond sea, one night verie boldly I demaunded of him the reason that
moued him thereto.
Ah quoth he, my little Page, full little canst thou perceiue howe farre
metamorphozed I am from my selfe, since I last sawe thee. There is
a little God called Loue, that will not bee worshipt of anie leaden
braines, one that proclaimes himselfe sole king and Emperour of pearcing
eyes and chiefe soueraigtie of softe heartes, hee it is that exercising
his empire in my eyes, hath exorcized and cleane coniured me from my
content. Thou knowest stately _Geraldine_, too stately I feare for me to
doe homage to her statue or shrine, she it is that is come out of Italy
to bewitch all the wise men of England, vpon Queene _Katherine Dowager_
shee waites, that hath a dowrie of beautie sufficient to make her wooed
of the greatest kings in christendome. Her high exalted sunne beames
haue set the phenix neast of my breast on fire, and I my selfe haue
brought Arabian spiceries of sweete passions and praises, to furnish out
the funerall flame of my folly. Those who were condemned to be smothered
to death by sinking downe into the softe bottome of an high built bedde
of roses, neuer dide so sweete a death as I shoulde die, if her rose
coloured disdaine were my deathsman. Oh thrice emperiall Hampton court,
_Cupids_ inchaunted castle, the place where I first sawe the perfect
omnipotence of the Almightie expressed in mortalitie, tis thou alone,
that tithing all other men solace in thy pleasant scituation, affoordest
mee nothing but an excellent begotten sorrowe out of the chiefe
treasurie of all thy recreations.
Deare _Wilton_, vnderstand that there it was where I first set eie on my
more than celestiall Geraldine. Seeing her I admired her, all the whole
receptacle of my sight was vnhabited with her rare worth. Long sute and
vncessant protestations got me the grace to be entertained. Did neuer
vnlouing seruant so prentiselike obey his neuer pleased mistres, as
I dyd her. My lyfe, my wealth, my friendes, had all theyr destinie
depending on her command. Uppon a time I was determined to trauell, the
fame of Italy, and an especiall affection I had vnto Poetrie my second
mistres, for which Italy was so famous, had wholy rauisht mee vnto it
There was no dehortment from it, but needes thether I woulde, wherefore
comming to my mistres as she was then walking with other Ladyes of
estate in paradice at Hampton court, I most humblie besought her of
fauour, that shee would giue me so much gracious leaue to absent my
selfe from her seruice, as to trauell a yeare or two in Italy. She verie
discreetly aunswered mee, that if my loue were so hot as I had often
auouched, I dyd verie well to applie the plaister of absence vnto it,
for absence, as they saie, causeth forgetfulnesse, yet neuerthelesse
since it is Italy my natiue Countrie you are so desirous to see, I am
the more willing to make my will yours: _I pete Italiam_, go and seeke
Italie with Aenoas, but bee more true than _Aenoas_, I hope that kinde
wit-cherishing climate will worke no change in so wittie a breast. No
countrie of mine shall it be more, if it conspire with thee, in anie
newe loue agaynst mee. One charge I will giue thee, and let it bee
rather a request than a charge: When thou commest to Florence (the fayre
Citie from whence I fetcht the pride of my birth) by an open challenge
defende my beautie agaynst all commers.
Thou hast that honourable carryage in armes, that it shall bee no
discredite for mee to bequeath all the glorie of my beautie to thy well
gouerned arme. Faine woulde I be knowen where I was borne, fayne woulde
I haue thee knowen where fame sits in her chiefest theater. Farewell,
forget mee not, continued deserts will eternize me vnto thee, thy full
wishes shall bee expired when thy trauell shall be once ended.
Heere dyd teares steppe out before wordes, and intercepted the course
of my kinde concerned speech, euen as winde is allayed with raine: with
heart scalding sighes I confirmed her parting request, and vowed my
selfe hers, while liuing heate allowed mee to bee mine owne, _Hinc illo
lachrimo_ heere hence proceedeth the whole cause of my peregrination.
Not a litle was I delighted with this vnexpected loue story, especially
from a mouth out of which was nought wont to march but sterne precepts
of grauitie and modestie. I sweare vnto you I thought his companie
the better by a thousande crownes, because he had discarded those nice
tearmes of chastitie and continencie. Now I beseech God loue me so well
as I loue a plain dealing man, earth is earth, flesh is flesh, earth
wil to earth, and flesh vnto flesh, fraile earth, fraile flesh, who can
keepe you from the worke of your creation.
Dismissing this fruitlesse annotation _pro et contra_, towards Venice we
progrest, & tooke Roterdam in our waie, that was cleane out of our waie,
there wee met with aged learninges chiefe ornament, that abundant and
superingenious clarke _Erasmus_, as also with merrie sir _Thomas Moore_
our Countrieman, who was come purposely ouer a little before vs, to
visite the sayd graue father _Erasmus_: what talk, what conference we
had then, it were heere superfluous to rehearse, but this I can
assure you, _Erasmus_ in al his speeches seemed so much to mislike the
indiscretion of princes in preferring of parasites & fooles, that
he decreed with himselfe to swim with the streame, and write a booke
forthwith in commendation of folly. Quick witted sir _Thomas
Moore_ traueld in a cleane contrarie prouince, for hee seeing most
commonwealths corrupted by ill custome, & that principalities were
nothing but great piracies, which gotten by violence and murther, were
maintained by priuate vndermining and bloudshed, that in the chiefest
flourishing kingdomes there was no equal or wel diuided weale one with
another, but a manifest conspiracie of rich men against poore men,
procuring their owne vnlawfull commodities vnder the name and interest
of the commonwealth: he concluded with himselfe to lay downe a perfect
plot of a commonwealth or gouernment, which he would intitle his
_Vtopia_. So lefte wee them to prosecute their discontented studies, &
made our next iourney to Wittenberg.
At the verie point of our enterance into Wittenberg, wee were spectators
of a verie solemne scolasticall entertainment of the Duke of Saxonie
thether. Whome because he was the chiefe patrone of their vniuersitie,
and had tooke _Luthers_ parte in banishing the masse and all lyke papall
Jurisdiction out of their towne, they croucht vnto extreamly. The chiefe
ceremonies of their entertainment were these: first, the heads of their
vniuersitie, (they were great heads of certaintie) met him in their
hooded hypocrisie and doctorly accoustrement, _secundum formam statuti_,
where by the Orator of the vniuersitie, whose pickerdeuant was very
plentifully besprinkled with rose water, a verie learned or rather
ruthfull Oration was deliuered (for it raind all the while) signifieng
thus much, that it was al by patch and by peecemeale stolne out of
_Tully_, & he must pardon them, though in emptying their phrase bookes,
the ayre emptied his intrailes, for they did it not in anie ostentation
of wit (which they had not) but to shewe the extraordinarie good will
they bare the Duke, (to haue him stand in the raine tyll he was thorough
wet) a thousand _quernadmodums_ and _quapropters_ he came ouer him with,
euery sentence he concluded with _Esse posse videatur_: through all the
nine worthies he ran with praising and comparing him, _Nestors_ yeares
hee assured him off vnder the broade seale of their supplications, and
with that crowe troden verse in Virgil, _Dum iuga montis aper_, hee
packt vp his pipes, and cride _dixi_.
That pageant ouerpast, there rusht vpon him a miserable rabblement of
iunior graduats, that all crid out vpon him mightily in their gibrige
lyke a companie of beggers, God saue your grace, God saue your grace,
Jesus preserue your highnes, though it be but for an houre.
Some three halfe pennyworth of Latine here also had he throwen at his
face, but it was choise stuffe I can tell you, as there is a choise euen
amongest ragges gathered vp from the dunghill. At the townes end met
him the burgers and dunstical incorporationers of Wittenberg in their
distinguished liueries, their distinguished liuerie faces I mene, for
they were most of them hot liuered dronkards, and had all the coate
coulours of sanguin, purple, crimson, copper, carnation that were to be
had in their countenaunces. Filthy knaues, no cost had they bestowed
on the town for his welcome, sauing new painted their houghs & bousing
houses, which commonly are built fayrer than their Churches, and ouer
their gates set the town armes, which sounded gulping after this sort,
_Vanhotten, slotten, irk bloshen glotten gelderslike_: what euer the
wordes were, the sense was this, Good drinke is a medicine for all
diseases.
A bursten belly inkhorne orator called _Vanderhulke_ they pickt out to
present him with an oration, one that had a sulpherous big swolne large
face, like a Saracen, eies lyke two kentish oysters, a mouth that opened
as wide euerie time hee spake, as one of those olde knit trap doores, a
beard as though it had bin made of a birds neast pluckt in peeces, which
consisteth of strawe, haire, and durt mixt together. Hee was apparelled
in blacke leather new licourd, and a short gowne without any gathering
in the backe, faced before and behind with a boistrous Beare skinne,
and a red nightcap on his head. To this purport and effecte was this
broccing double beere Oration.
Right noble Duke (_ideo nobilis quasi nobilis_) for you haue no bile or
cholar in you, know that our present incorporation of Wittenberg, by
me the tongue-man of their thankfulnes, a townesman by birth, a free
Germane by nature, an oratour by arte, and a scriuener by education,
in all obedience & chastity, most bountifully bid you welcome to
Wittenberg: welcome sayde I? O orificiall rethorike wipe thy euerlasting
mouth, and affoord me a more Indian metaphor than that, forthe braue
princely bloud of a Saxon. Oratorie vncaske the hard hutch of thy
complements, and with the triumphantest troupe in thy treasurie doe
trewage vnto him. What impotent speech with his eight partes may not
specifie this vnestimable guift holding his peace, shall as it were
(with teares I speake it) do wherby as it may seeme or appeare, to
manifest or declare & yet it is, & yet it is not, & yet it may bee a
diminitiue oblation meritorious to your high pusillanimitie & indignity.
Why shoulde I goe gadding and fisgigging after firking flantado
Amphibologies, wit is wit, and good will is good will. With all the wit
I haue, I here according to the premises, offer vp vnto you the Cities
generall good will, which is a guilded Canne, in manner and forme
following, for you and the heires of your bodie lawfully begotten, to
drinke healths in. The scolasticall squitter bookes clout you vp
cannopies & footclothes of verses. Wee that are good fellowes, and liue
as merrie as cup and can, will not verse vpon you as they do, but must
doe as we can, and entertaine you if it bee but with a playne emptie
Canne. He hath learning inough that hath learnd to drinke to his first
man.
Gentle Duke, without paradox be it spoken, thy horses at your owne
proper costs and charges shall kneed vp to the knees all the while thou
art here in spruce beere & lubeck licour. Not a dog thou bringst with
thee but shall be banketted with rhenish wine and sturgion. On our
shoulders we weare no lamb skin or miniuer like these academikes, yet
wee can drinke to the confusion of all thy enemies. Good lambes-wooll
haue we for their lambe skins, and for their miniuer, large minerals in
our coffers. Mechanicall men they call vs, and not amisse, for most of
vs being _Mochi_, yt is, cuckolds & whooremasters, fetch our antiquitie
from the temple of _Mocha_, where Mahomet is hung vp. Three parts of the
world, America, Affrike and Asia, are of this our mechanike religion.
_Nero_ when he crid _O quantus artifex pereo_, profest himselfe of our
freedome. Insomuch as _Artifex_ is a citizen or craftsman, as wel as
_Carnifex_ a scholler or hangman. Passe on by leaue into the precincts
of our abhomination. Bony Duke, frolike in our bowse, and perswade thy
selfe that euen as garlike hath three properties, to make a man winke,
drinke, and stinke, so wee wyll winke on thy imperfections, drinke to
thy fauorites, & all thy foes shall stinke before vs. So be it Farewell.
The Duke laught not a little at this ridiculous oration, but that verie
night, as great an ironicall occasion was ministred, for he was
bidden to one of the chiefe schoolesto a Comedie handled by scollers.
_Acolastus_ the prodigall childe was the name of it, which was so
filthily acted, so leathernly sette foorth, as woulde haue moued
laughter in _Heraclitus_. One as if he had beene playning a clay floore
stampingly troade the stage so harde with his feete, that I thought
verily he had resolued to doe the Carpenter that sette it vp some vtter
shame. Another floung his armes lyke cudgelles at a peare tree, in so
much as it was mightily dreaded that hee woulde strike the candles that
hung aboue theyr heades out of their sockets, and leaue them all darke.
Another did nothing but winke and make faces. There was a parasite, &
he with clapping his hands and thripping his fingers seemed to dance
an antike to and fro The onely thing they did well, was the prodigal
childes hunger, most of their schollers being hungerly kept, and surely
you would haue sayd they had ben brought vp in hogs academie to learne
to eate acornes, if you had seene how sedulously they fell to them. Not
a iest had they to keepe their auditors from sleepe but of swill and
draffe, yes now and then the seruant put his hand into the dish before
his master, and almost choakt himselfe, eating slouenly and rauenously
to cause sport.