Miss Tudor was a rider in a famous circus show;
For a pet she had an adder--and the adder loved her so!
She fed the adder dodder. It's a plant that live on air,
Could you find an odder fodder if you hunted everywhere?
Miss Tudor bought some madder. It's a color rather rare,
And it made the adder shudder when Miss Tudor dyed her hair.
Her hair was soft as eider when she tried her madder dye;
Then, it had an odder odor--and was redder than the sky.
The adder couldn't chide 'er. It could only idle stare,
But a sadder adder eyed 'er when the rider dyed 'er hair.
* * *
One of our readers was dozing in the lobby of a Boston hotel when he was
aroused by an altercation near the cigar stand. A was wagering B that
the name of the heroine of "The Scarlet Letter" was Hester Thorne, B
maintaining that it was Hester Prim. The manager of the hotel was about
to call the police, forgetting that there were none, when the
gum-chewing divinity behind the case awarded the decision to B, and the
crowd reluctantly dispersed.
We have on hand a column of favorite wheezes sent in response to our
invitation, and the only reason we have not printed them is the
preponderance of our own stuff. Naturally, or not, we are better amused
by the wheezes of contributors. Frexample the following evoked a smile:
"On the train running into Tulsa," wrote a gadder, "a native was fooling
with the roller curtain, when suddenly it flew up with a snap. He looked
bewildered, stuck his head out of the window, and finally said to
himself, 'Well, I reckon that's the last they'll see of _that_ derned
thing!'"
* * *
As we have been informed, and as we repeat for the benefit of the School
of Journalism, there is nothing to running a column except the knack of
writing more or less apt headlines. And so for the instruction of
students whose ambition may be vaulting in that direction we will reopen
a short court in head-writing. See what you can do with the divorce suit
of Hazel Nutt against John P. Nutt, filed in a Florida court.
* * *
As to the divorce suit of Hazel Nutt vs. John P. Nutt, M. M. C. offers,
"Shucks!"
* * *
Another happy headline for the Nutt vs. Nutt divorce suit, suggested by
Battle Creek: "Two Nutts Will Soon Be Loose."
* * *
The hand-painted baby-blue pencil for the best headline last week goes
to the artist on the San Francisco Chronicle for the following:
"Prehistoric Skulls Found Digging Wells."
* * *
We see by the paper--our favorite medium of information--that Duluth is
to have an evening of "wrestling and dance." A keen eye can probably
tell the difference.
* * *
The drawn-work decanter, prize for the best headline for the Nutt vs.
Nutt divorce case, is awarded to G. C. H. for his inspiration, "Nutts
for the Lawyers."
* * *