VAN. (_taking up morning gown and flinging it over his left arm as
drapery_) Don't trouble yourself to show me the way to the parlour!
(_crosses to D._) I know the way to the parlour! Look out for yourself
Bobbins!
_Exit L. D._
REBECCA. (R.) He must be some madman escaped from a lunatic asylum. I
don't like being left alone with him in the house--I wish master would
come home--oh, here he is!
_Enter BOBBINS, C. D. from L._
AUGUS. Has there been a parcel left here since I went out?
REBECCA. Yes, sir, there it is on the table. Were you expecting any
one to call this morning, sir?
AUGUS. No, no one--(_looking up_) why, has anybody been?
REBECCA. Yes, sir!
AUGUS. Who? a lady?
REBECCA. No, sir, a gentleman.
AUGUS. What name?
REBECCA. He wouldn't give any name, sir. He came in with a latch key,
without knocking.
AUGUS. With a latch key? How do you mean? How did he come by it?
REBECCA. I don't know, sir; he appears to be a very extraordinary
person, I hardly know what to make of him. He hadn't been five minutes
in the house before he asked me to get him some breakfast.
AUGUS. Some begging imposter, I dare say.
REBECCA. No, sir, I don't think that, he was very well dressed.
AUGUS. That's nothing, he might have been one of the swell mob for
anything you know to the contrary--the town swarms with well dressed
swindlers now-a-days.
REBECCA. He said he wanted to see mistress.
AUGUS. Well, and how did you get rid of him?
REBECCA. I didn't get rid of him at all, sir; he is in the house now.
AUGUS. Nonsense!
REBECCA. I thought he was some relation or friend of the family--he's
taking his breakfast in the parlour.
AUGUS. Taking his breakfast in the parlour! What? alone with the
silver spoons!
REBECCA. Good gracious, I never thought of that!
VAN. (_without, L. D._) I say, what's your name! Young woman! you
haven't put any salt upon the table--do you take me for a cannibal?
AUGUS. (_aside, and staring at VANDYKE, who is standing in the door,
L._) Why the fellow has got on my morning gown! Confound his
impudence! (_crosses to R._)
VAN. (_aside_) Who's this, I wonder? He looks like a tailor; he can't
be one of my creditors, scented me out already. (_aloud--politely to
BOBBINS_) Good morning, sir; did you wish to speak to me? (_to
REBECCA_) You needn't remain.
AUGUS. (_alarmed_) No, no, stay where you are.
VAN. (_to REBECCA_) Do you hear? Never mind the salt; I'll finish my
breakfast by and by.
AUGUS. (_aside--alarmed_) He's actually sending her out of the way.
I'm getting very uneasy.
(_BOBBINS watches, and starts at every action of VANDYKE'S, throughout
the scene._
REBECCA. (_aside_) I am glad to get out of the room. I'll go and see
if I can find a policeman.
_Exit, C. D. to L._
VAN. (_with marked politeness_) Don't stand--pray be seated.
(_offers BOBBINS a chair, and takes one himself._
AUGUS. (_alarmed_) You are very kind, sir. (_aside_) I hope he don't
see that I'm afraid of him.
(_they sit, BOBBINS R., VANDYKE BROWN L._
VAN. (_after a pause of confusion on both sides_) You were observing,
I think, that you had called to--to--
AUGUS. (_aside_) I must mind what I'm about. I musn't provoke him.
VAN. I believe I understood you to say that you had called to-- Sir,
will you permit me to ask you one question? I throw myself entirely
upon your generosity. Did you--frankly--did you expect to find me
here?
AUGUS. No, sir, frankly, I did not--certainly not.
VAN. Sir, I thank you; you have removed a weight from my mind. I could
scarcely believe otherwise, only just arrived, as I am, from abroad.
AUGUS. Only just arrived from abroad--oh, indeed, sir. (_aside_)
Confound the fellow, I wish I could get rid of him. (_aloud, after a
pause of confusion on both sides_) May I inquire what part?
VAN. Oh certainly, sir--certainly. Russia, sir, Russia.
AUGUS. (_aside_) All a lie, I suppose. (_aloud_) Indeed, sir. (_after
another pause_) Pray, sir, what may be your opinion of the Russians in
general?
VAN. Very nice people, sir--very nice people.
AUGUS. Indeed, sir.
VAN. (_rising, after a long pause, during which they have been staring
at each other, not knowing what to say_) Sir, I am very happy to have
met you. Your conversation betokens great intelligence, and I regret
extremely that I have not more time to improve the acquaintance, but
unfortunately an unlucky engagement--
AUGUS. (_taking him up_) Pray don't mention it, sir--pray don't
mention it. (_aside_) Thank goodness he is going at last. (_each puts
his chair back, and, fancying the other gone, they meet in the centre,
and stare at each other_) Well, sir?
VAN. Well, sir, you have the advantage of me. To whom have I the
honour of speaking?
AUGUS. Before I answer that question, I must know what right you have
to ask it.
VAN. This is mere evasion, sir. I must request the favour of your
name. I have no wish to be personal, but, really, there are so many
vagabonds going about now--
AUGUS. (_taking him up_) Exactly, that's just it; what you say is so
perfectly true, that I don't feel safe with you, although I am in my
own lodgings.
VAN. What do you mean by presuming to call these lodgings yours.
(_aside_) A horrible suspicion! (_aloud_) Who are you, sir? I insist
upon knowing your name this instant!
AUGUS. (_alarmed_) Bobbins, sir, Bobbins!
VAN. (_starting_) Ah, you villain!
AUGUS. Why do you insult me like this?