VAN. (_interrupting her_) I tell you I have no time for ceremony. Will
you go--will you leave my lodgings?
MRS. BOBBINS. Your lodgings? Good heavens! I hear somebody coming!
(_crosses to L._)
VAN. (_going to door_) It's my wife!--it's my wife, I'll be bound!
(_down, R._) Go--go, I say--be off with you. (_trying to push her off,
R._)
MRS. BOBBINS. (_aside_) Oh, if it should be my husband!
VAN. Here, run in here! quick, quick--hide yourself under the bed!
_He pushes her into room R., and locks the door._
_Enter REBECCA, with a parcel, C. D. from L._
REBECCA. (_reading the direction_) "For my dear wife." Another sop in
the pan for missus.
VAN. What have you there?
REBECCA. (L.) A present for missus.
VAN. (R.--_aside_) My wife receive presents in my absence!
REBECCA. (_peeping into parcel_) What a beauty! all silk! What a
lovely dress it will make.
VAN. Who can possibly have given her a silk dress?
REBECCA. What a question! Master, to be sure.
VAN. Master! What do you mean?
REBECCA. Why, sir, you know, when they have a quarrel, that's his way
of making it up again. He always gives her a present--sometimes one
thing, sometimes another.
VAN. (_dropping into a chair_) What--what's that you say?
REBECCA. You are not taken with a swimming in the head, are you, sir?
VAN. No, no--tell me--what sort of a fellow is he--what's his name?
REBECCA. Lor, sir, I thought you knew him. What, don't you know Mr.
Bobbins?
VAN. Bob--Bob--Bob--Bobbins! (_aside_) The name sticks in my throat as
if it were a fish bone.
REBECCA. I thought you were old friends, sir!
VAN. (_getting up_) No, I don't know him! He's a friend of my wife's!
(_aside_) That explains the French polish mahogany--a damned cabinet
maker! (_aloud, violently_) Give me hold of that parcel!
REBECCA. (_moving away with it_) Take care, sir, what do you want with
it? (_putting it on table behind her_)
VAN. Bobbins! eh! Bobbins! Do you hear, young woman! Tell me, at what
time does he generally come here?
REBECCA. Come here? Who do you mean, sir?
VAN. This Bobbins!
REBECCA. At what time--why, he's here all day.
VAN. What? and goes away at night, I suppose?
REBECCA. No he doesn't--what should he go away at night for?
VAN. You don't mean to say that he sleeps here?
REBECCA. Yes, but I do though!
VAN. (_aside_) Under the same roof! Preposterous! I'll bombard the
house! Blow it into the air! (_aloud_) Very well, I'll wait for him.
(_takes off morning gown, and throws it on table, R._)
REBECCA. Won't you take your breakfast, sir? it's all getting cold.
VAN. Don't talk to me of breakfast! Stay! on second thoughts I don't
know! I must keep up my strength! _Nourish_ my revenge! Not eat my
breakfast! I'll go into training like a prize fighter! eat raw
beefsteaks every day for a month, and then come down upon him like the
Gladiator! (_striking the attitude_) Or Alcides throwing Lychas into
the sea! (_attitude_) Look out for yourself, Bobbins! I feel as if I
had the thews of the Farnesian Hercules! Oh! for the apples of the
Hesperides, to hit him in the eye, and a club like a weaver's beam to
knock his brains out!--my breakfast, I say! my breakfast!