AUGUS. What the devil do you mean? Whose husband?
VAN. Your victim's! you heavy swell, you--you old rascal!
AUGUS. (_aside_) Good gracious! he can't be alluding to Mrs. Duval!
Who can have told him? (_aloud_) Do you mean, seriously to say that
you are the husband of--
VAN. (_taking him up_) The woman you have so basely turned from the
paths of virtue!--of that dear being who, next to myself, I loved best
in the whole world.
AUGUS. Interesting traveller! respectable individual! believe me, on
my honour, there is not one word of truth in all you have been told.
VAN. It's false, sir!
AUGUS. Sir, you are transported by rage. Your anger won't allow you to
listen to reason.
VAN. Rage! anger! I shall suffocate myself! Language falls
short--words are too weak--let's come to blows!
(_drives BOBBINS round the stage, until he gets on the left of the
table, L._
AUGUS. Keep your hands to yourself, can't you? Strike me in my own
home?
VAN. Ah! again! you dare call this your home, you rascally cabinet
maker? Do you think, because you have sent in your goods, you have any
right to the premises? What do I care for your mahogany? Look here!
D--n your mahogany! (_throws down arm chair_) D--n your mahogany!
(_takes all the furniture in succession, chairs, table, R.--at last
takes a bust from R. table, close to scene, and throws it out at back
of folding doors--crash is heard, while BOBBINS is speaking._
AUGUS. Be quiet, I say. Let the furniture alone. You are mad--yes, you
are gone out of your senses! Will you hear me?
VAN. (R.) No, I won't! Mark me! I give you one quarter of an hour--one
quarter of an hour to take your things away.
AUGUS. (L.) This is beyond all patience! What on earth do you mean?
VAN. Mark me! One quarter of an hour! (_taking out watch_) It now
wants exactly fifteen minutes to eleven. If they are not gone as the
clock strikes, out they go through the window.
AUGUS. Police! Police!
VAN. Oh! you want the whole thing to get into the papers, do you! To
be all over the town! Very well, with all my heart! I'm your man!
(_seizing BOBBINS_) Come along, to Bow Street! Come along, come along!
(_dragging him to C. D._)
_Enter REBECCA, C. D. from L._
REBECCA. Please, sir, the nurse has brought home the baby!
VAN. (_lets BOBBINS go--rushes into R. corner_) The baby! (_during
this, REBECCA puts the furniture in its place_) Miserable little
wretch! I'll destroy it on the spot! (_rushing to C. D._)
AUGUS. (_stopping him_) Hold! Hold! (_struggling_) You wouldn't commit
a murder in the house! My child! my child!
VAN. Stand off, I say--I'll destroy it on the spot!
AUGUS. (_still struggling with him_) Monster! Rebecca! come and help
your master! (_REBECCA seizes BROWN, R.--they struggle round till
REBECCA is in left hand corner_)
REBECCA. Murder! murder!
VAN. Stand off, or I shall do you a mischief! (_shaking BOBBINS off,
who flies to C. D._) Do you see this revolver? (_REBECCA screams_)
It's a thorough bred Colt! I've used this revolver with deadly effect
upon the enemy! I can snuff six candles with it at sixteen paces,
without putting them out! (_REBECCA puts her hand upon his arm_) Stand
off, I say, or I shall do you an injury!
AUGUS. Hold him fast, Rebecca--hold him fast--don't let him go for the
love of goodness! Hold him fast while I run over the way with the
baby!
(_BROWN rushes at BOBBINS, who closes the doors upon him, and
exits--BROWN sinks into arm chair, L.--REBECCA quietly takes pistol
from him and puts it on R. table_)
VAN. Oh, Rebecca--that's your name, isn't it?
REBECCA. (R.) Oh, sir, sir, sir! what does all this mean? You'll
frighten us all out of our senses!
VAN. Oh, Rebecca, did you but know the atrocities that have been going
on here!
REBECCA. What atrocities?
VAN. What atrocities! They're not fit to be told to a respectable
young woman like you. This is the very temple of wickedness. Talk of
the horrors of the Reign of Terror, or the Rump Parliament--they're
nothing to it.
REBECCA. What horrors, sir?
VAN. What horrors? French polished mahogany--a silk dress--and a child
out at nurse.
REBECCA. But what can master's little boy have to do with you, sir?
VAN. Rebecca, he is _not his son_--he's mine.
REBECCA. Your son?
VAN. My son, and yet not my son--he is my father, but I am not his
son. No, no--I am his son, and he is not. No, no, no! my head dances
the polka.
REBECCA. I can't understand him.
VAN. What I mean is, I am not his father, but his mother is my wife.
REBECCA. Mrs. Bobbins!
VAN. Bobbins! What, does she openly bear his name? Monstrous! The
whole history of crime, from the Heathen Mythology down to the Newgate
Calendar, has nothing to equal this!
REBECCA. Do you mean to say, then, that she is not his wife?
VAN. His wife! no more than you are.
REBECCA. What, they are not married?
VAN. Married!
REBECCA. Well, hang me, if I didn't half suspect it! Now it's all
out--it's all explained. Oh, sir, how I do pity you! What a shocking
bad woman! I never liked her--and since she has behaved so wickedly, I
think it becomes my duty to tell you all I know.
VAN. Yes, tell me everything--what is it?
REBECCA. Courage, sir--are you sure you can bear it?
VAN. Out with it!
REBECCA. Well, then, sir, do you know there's another besides Mr.
Bobbins.
VAN. Another!
REBECCA. Yes, he's always running after her--isn't it shameful?--a
young lawyer.
VAN. What's his name?
REBECCA. Fastman--a very handsome young man. It was only just before
you came that he gave me a letter for her.
VAN. Where is it? give it to me.