_He falls in love with a wealthy Widow, who is poetically
inclined; he courts her, and in a short time enjoys her,
and after that ingratefully leaves her, carrying away
what ready money she had._
Having gained so much money by my own industry and sole procurement, I
resolved neither to acquaint my Brethren therewith, nor associate my
self any longer with them, being so encouraged by this success, that I
concluded I might atchieve gallant things by my self: being belated one
night, & some miles from any town, I knockt at an house that stood in my
road, imagining it at first a publick house for entertainment; one of
the servants coming to the door, I found it no such thing: she demanded
my business: Prithee sweet heart (said I) acquaint your Master, that
there is a Gentleman requests the civility of a nights lodging: she goes
in and informs her Mistress what I said; who came to me with much
respect, telling me, She questioned not but I was a Gentleman, and
therefore should be welcome to the mean accommodation she was capable of
shewing. I rendred her many thanks, and so alighted; strict order was
given to the Groom, that he very carefully lookt after my horse: this
being done, I was conducted into a very fair room; there did I make my
apology in the best Rhetorick I had, for I perceived she was endued with
ingenuity, by the quaintness of her expressions; _Ex pede Herculem_:
Many things I forged, as that the ways being dangerous, I was fearful to
adventure any farther, having a great charge upon me. Such was her
urbanity, that laying aside all niceties, she bore me company till it
was time to go to bed, entertaining me all this while with what the
house afforded, which was beyond my expectation. Every glass of wine, or
bit almost, that I committed to my mouth, she ushered thither with some
Apothegm or other: the whole series, indeed, of her discourse, was
composed of nothing but reason or wit, which made me admire her; which
she easily understood, I perceived by her smiles, when she observed me
gaping, as it were, when she spoke, as if I would have eaten up her
Words. As her soul was beautiful, sparkling with celestial ornaments, so
was the caskanet that contained it very fair, and enricht with Natures
chiefest gifts: She was very clear skin’d, well bodied; a sharp piercing
eye, a proportionable face, an exceeding small and white hand; and then
she lispt a little, which became her so well, that methought it added a
grace to the rest of her internal and external qualifications. Being
about ten o’clock, she advised me to repose my self, supposing I was
weary. I condescended, though with much regret to leave her so soon; but
good manners would not permit me to do otherwise. She conducted me to my
Chamber, where bidding me good night, she betook her self to her own
Chamber. That night I could hardly sleep, not so much for pure love, as
the heat of lust; next morning, very early, I heard her stirring, which
made me wonder; but she told me afterwards, that she got up so soon,
fearing I should have gone away, and she not take her leave of me. About
eight in the morning, the Maid brought me up a Sack-posset; and a little
after, her Mistress came, courteously saluting me, and enquiring how I
slept: I return’d an answer, in as handsom terms I could utter: her eyes
plainly discovered to mine, that she had more then a common respect for
me. Having left me a while, I arose, and made my self ready for my
journey: after several discourses which she had ingaged me in, purposely
to delay time, with much gratitude I took my leave, she attending me to
the court: my horse being brought out, halted down-right (she had caused
him to be prickt in the foot, to the intent I might stay longer.) Not
knowing what to say or do, Well, Sir, said she, since the unhappy
accident hath fallen out so unexpectedly, make use of my house, & what
is in it, till your horse be recover’d of his lameness. This was a
proposition that my soul longed for; wherefore I could not but shew much
satisfaction in the acceptation of this proffer. We walkt in again, &
prosecuted for diversion sake our former discourse, interlining it with
some love-touches at a distance, which she would frequently descant on
pleasantly. We in this short time became intimately acquainted; which
need not be much wondred at, considering the greatness of sympathy
between us; so that now the conquest of her appeared not any ways
difficult. Having talkt ourselves weary, Come, said she in a very
familiar manner, I will shew you the product of some idle hours; and
with that brought me several Epitaphs, Elegies, Anagrams, Anacrosticks,
Epigrams, _&c._ of her own composition, too many here to relate; but for
their wit, deserved to have each line characterized in gold; some I
would here insert, were not the radiant lustre of her conceits so great
and glorious, that they would absolutely extinguish the dim-sightedness
of my fancy. Having viewed them, I could not but applaud them, as their
due merit; and I was glad I had this happy occasion to vent my own
thoughts, which I tacitly insinuated in these lines, reflecting on her
from what I had read.
_Sisters thrice three I’ve read of, and no more,
Till your quick wit compleated half a Score:
Since you are one, let me perswade you then,
Be kind to me, for they are kind to men.
Dearest, be like them, they are soft and blithe;
Let who will love the nine, give me the tithe._
These lines so powerfully wrought upon her, that she could not forbear
to tell me, that she was much obliged to me for what I had writ. You
cannot Madam, said I, cancel your obligation, till you have made some
recompence: with that, said she smilingly, What will content you? The
continuance of your favour Madam, is the utmost ambition of my desires.
You have it Sir; neither can I deny any deserving man a thing so
inconsiderable. By your favour Madam, love I mean. I never was so
uncharitable, said she, to be out of love with any. I was glad to hear
her reply so merrily: for a fort which so capitulateth, is half
surrendered. Since I had broke the ice, I was resolved to prosecute my
design; wherefore in plain English I told her, that I loved her from the
first interview, so ardently, that my constancy should prove the reality
of my affection: she desired me to leave that to the test of time; that
should she believe me suddenly before she had made tryal, she should not
only loose the good estimation she had gained by the prudent and
discreet management of her affairs, every one accusing her for too much
credulity, but thereby it may be involve her self in a Labyrinth of all
manner of troubles. Tryal, said I, you shall have: and knowing the
manner of courting a widow, a tryal I gave her, knowing that Parleys
operate little on a widow, and there is nothing sooner gains a conquest
then a storm or a resolute assault. This action made her so firmly mine,
that I durst not speak of leaving; which when I did at any time, her
Soul was ready to leave its ancient habitation to attend on me. Some two
months we spent in all manner of self-pleasing delights, till at last I
begun to be tyred with her too frequent invitations; the more I
endeavoured to satisfie her, the further I was from it. Not only by her,
but by others, this experiment I found, that the oftner I treated them,
the more eagerly and earnestly they desired it. Being now incapacitated
to hold out in this manner longer, I thought it high time to be gone,
but not without sufficient recompence for my service. She daily
sollicited me to marry her, which I promised her from time to time,
waiting an opportunity when I might become master of her treasure. One
day in a frollick, and the more to encourage me to make a speedy
consummation of our loves by marriage, she shewed me all her writings
which concerned her estate (by which I found her to be so wealthy a
fortune, that I often times curst my unhappy stars, that they had thus
debar’d me from the complement of so great a bliss.) After this, she
shews me a trunk wherein was contained her cash: then taking me about
the neck with such fervency of affection, that I thought she would have
strangled me, & with the repetition of kisses, she smiling, askt me,
whether these things satisfied me or not. I told her they did, but they
were not to stand in competition with her most affected self: with that
she gave me the keys of that trunk wherein her money was, and in
retaliation, I vowed to marry her in four days. In the mean time I
studied how I might be gone, but could not contrive a way, she not
induring me to be out of her sight. In fine, I feigned some
indisposition of body, and that I would ride two or three miles for the
benefit of the fresh air, and return: with much willingness she
consented. Just as I was about to take horse (having furnished my self
with as much mony as I could well carry without discovery) she wept
bitterly (as having I think a prophetick Spirit.) I ask’d her the cause
of her discontent: all bathed in tears, she answered me with a deep
sigh, I shall never see you more: Hard-hearted man: can you thus leave a
woman that loves you thus dearly, nay, that dotes on you? I made many
protestations to the contrary; which were not believed. Seeing that I
could not prevail on her belief, I bad her farewell, setting spurs to my
horse, and was out of sight in an instant. I could not but condemn my
self extreamly for this inhumane action: but considering that there is
no slavery greater then that of the smock, I soothed my self up in mine
own unworthiness; passing by a little Ale-house, I called in, and over a
pot of Ale I composed these ensuing lines, which I sent to her by a
messenger I procured in the house, directed thus:
_Deliver these to the fair hands of _Mrs. Pulcheria Tickleman_,
at her dwelling-house, near _Redding_._
The Contents were these, or to this purpose.
Madam,
_A Poetess you are, and Prophet too,
Thus to divine I’m gone from you
Eternally. ’Tis true: D’ye think that I can eat,
Though ne’re so choice, always one sort of meat?
No faith; I’d rather wear a Porters frock,
Then to be shrowded in one womans smock.
You say you are with child; Pish, don’t complain,
’Tis but the product of your fruitful brain:
Y’are only big with fancy, which may prove
A witty Brat, like _Pallas_ sprung from _Jove_.
And have you then conceiv’d? How can I chuse
But write _Encomiums_ on my fertile Muse?
Mind not the Father, nor his Brat, for it
Will like the Father live (no doubt) by wit:
Let _Pegasus_ be Godfather, the crew
Of the nine Muses, Gossips; so adieu._
I desired no answer, therefore stayed not till the return of the
messenger, but rid that night to _Maidenhead_.