_He comes up to _London_, sends to a particular friend whom
he could confide in, to come to him, and requests him to
compound with his Creditors, which he did in a short
time; and in a short time after, he attempts the robbing
of an house, but is taken and clapt up in _Newgate_: The
miseries of an imprisoned estate, with the manner of his
escape out of that Prison._
The next day I rode towards _London_, and about twylight took up my
quarters in the Suburbs the day following, I sent for a friend whom I
could put confidence in, who came immediately upon the reception of my
Letter. I communicated to him my intentions, who was very glad to hear
of my resolution; yet I would not acquaint him how strong I was, nor by
what means procured: ’twas enough that I gave him commission how far
forth he should proceed, and no farther, which was half a Crown _per_
pound. He went (after I had given him a list of them all) to every one
particularly, and treated with them so cunningly, and they despairing of
ever recovering a farthing, condescended to his proposals; whereupon he
gets them all to subscribe, and then brings the Paper to me, which I
exceedingly well liked of. According to the day appointed, he carried
them the Money, which every one received proportionably, each man
respectively giving me his general release from the beginning of the
world: they to whom I had confest Judgements, filed according to Law
their discharges. But when my Creditors a little while afterward, saw me
walk the streets in so splendid a garb, some of them were ready to die
with anguish: but that which troubled them most, was my supercilious
looks when I met any of them, and my slighting salutations. What I did
in this respect, was only to have the freedome of walking the streets,
without the molestation of chargeable arrests. I kept such beboist
company, that the remaining part of my money grew low, and in a very
short time after, was all spent. All my drunken Companions failed me,
and I having nothing left me but my cloaths, necessity made me to
condescend to the enquiry after the kind-natured Gentlewoman my Wife:
her nearest relations could not give me any account of her, giving her
over for lost. I wandred up and down, imploying all the powers of my wit
and invention, in the search of what might conduce to supply my present
necessities. While I was thus hammering out some new design on the Anvil
of experience, I bethought my self where probably I might find my Wife:
First, I went to _Ratcliff_ high-way, and made enquiry of _Dammaris_,
&c. the Metropolitan Bawd of those parts, for a Gentlewoman of such a
complexion, stature, and age, (’twas but a folly to mention her name,
for those that follow that trade change their names as often as they do
their places of abode) but that cart-load of flesh could give me no
information, neither was it possible for me to have staid to hear it,
she so stunk of Strong-waters, stronger then that Cask that never
contained any thing else; I went down all along to the Cross, in my way
I saw many Whores standing at their doors, giving me invitation; but
being poor, they could not afford the charge of _Fucus_, so that their
faces lookt much like a piece of rumbled Parchment, and by their
continual traffick with Seamens Breeches, I could not come near them,
they smelt so strongly of Tarpawlin and stinking Cod; yet still no
tidings of her I sought for. From hence I went to _Fleet-yard_, but
there they were so dawbed or plaistered with paint, & botcht with
patches, that had I seen her there, it was impossible for me to have
known her. Away I went to _Luteners-lane_, _Sodom_, and _Dog_ and
_Bitch-yard_; but the Pox, it seemed, had not yet fitted her for those
places. From hence I went to _Whetstons-Park_, where I saw my Mad-dame
standing at the door: her frequent trading, and those many shots she had
received between wind and water in the service, had so altered her
countenance, and disproportioned her body, that I knew not whether this
Frigate was English or Flemish built: but at last, hailing whence she
was, I boarded her, and made her lawful prize: mistake me not, I
rummag’d not in her Hold, fearing she was a Fire-ship. The sight and
knowledge of me, made her shed some Babylonish tears, which I took
little notice of, knowing them to be either customary to that Sex, or
the effects of a moist brain. In we went together, where we had,
according to the custom of the house, Pint-black-pots of small Ale for
two pence, and quarterns of Strong-water half fill’d for six pence, with
Biskets; which as soon as brought, every one broken, though not a bit
afterwards eaten. We must be smoaking too, though the Pipe must be
thrown down carelesly, and often broken as soon as put to the lips: one
of the Plyers being gone down to draw some more drink, she begged me to
conceal my self for the present, and comply also with the cheating
customs of the house, and she would willingly pay all. I had hardly
smoakt two whiffs more, but that a fellow came where we were, swearing
_dam-me_, why do you stay with this fellow, and leave me thus, you
unconstant Quean? have I spent my estate on you, and must you now grow
weary of me? and with that drew his knife, making a proffer to cut her
nose off. I was so amazed at what I heard, and so irritated by passion,
that I knew not which of them to be revenged on first. Sir, said I, I
have been longer acquainted with her then you, and may justly claim a
better title and more priviledge; but as you have affronted me, so I
shall require satisfaction instantly, not referring our difference to be
decided by the field, an Umpire that Cowards frequently make choice of:
so drawing my knife also, and seizing on his nose, which I intended to
have divorc’d from his face, I was prevented, for it dropt off into my
hand. This accident so astonisht me, and withal being much affrighted at
the sight of his Deaths-head, I durst not meddle with him any further,
lest handling any Member, it would have dropt off in the same manner: he
made a blow at me, but instead of striking me, I expected when his fist
would have flown from his body into my face: he kickt at me, but that
leg being up, the other was incapable of supporting his body, and so he
fell down. The old Bawd hearing this disturbance, ran to us as fast as
the vast bulk of her body would give her leave, whose pace was not much
swifter then a snail in his full career, who having fasted too long, by
the constant repercussion of the Sun-beams on him in a misling morning,
forrageth a garden for pillage. From the place whence she started, to
that where we scuffled, was about six yards distance; and from the time
of her setting forward, to the time she came to us (not to belye the
woman) was about half an hour, and then too, out of breath, for the
haste she made. Sirrah, sirrah, said she, come you hither to breed
quarrels, and abuse civil Gentlemen, and it may be build a sconce too?
get you out of my house, you Rascal, or I’ll scald you out. By this time
the Pimp came to their assistance, and so they all conjoyned to shove
this poor fellow out of doors: and notwithstanding he had for two or
three years frequented the house, yet they neither pittied nor relieved
him as a maimed souldier, the marks whereof were a sufficient testimony,
besides the loss of a Member or two. Having discharged my reckoning, my
Wife appointed me a place where I should meet her. Having now
conveniency and privacy of discourse, we wav’d every thing that tended
not to my present design, which was the contrivance of some way to live.
At last we resolved to take an house and live together; I thought it was
as good to be Pimp to my own Wife, by which means the major part of the
gain would be mine, as Pimp to another for 12 pence a day and spunging.
What we had determined, we soon put in execution: what money she had was
laid out in utensils belonging to our Trade, as for bedding, linnen,
chairs and stools, &c. The Tally-man or Broker, who sells his goods to
be paid by 12 _d._ a pound _per_ week: the truth of it is, we found of
him, but more especially his servants, excellent customers; for they
would for a private favour, cut off a score, sometimes two or three from
the Tally. Our stock being but small, my Wife was forced to be both Bawd
and Whore; but our trade increasing, she goes frequently to the
Carriers, where at last she had pickt up a couple of very well-featured
Country-girls, and brings them home, entertaining them as servants; but
shewing as much kindness to them, as if they had been our nearest
kindred, purposely to induce them to stay: The Whore, my Wife, intended
to have sold their Maiden-heads at a dear rate; but in truth, I ever
lov’d such things too well to put them to sale, having them in my
possession. To be sure thereof, I gathered my Rose-buds the first night,
lest the infectious and contagious breath of some one _Suburbicarian_
should blast them: in four days time afterwards, I fitted them for their
occupations, leaving the instructive part thereof to my Wife to season
them withal. I never saw two young Jades understand their trade sooner
in my life; for in a Months time they could Cant indifferently, Wheedle
most cunningly, Lye confoundedly, Swear desperately, pick a Pocket
dexterously, Dissemble undiscernably, drink and smoak everlastingly,
Whore insatiately, and brazen out all their actions impudently. Now did
I begin to renew my acquaintance with the Tribe of Rogues, with whom I
grew so intimate, that I was seldom out of their company, either at home
or abroad. To relate all the tricks & rogueries we committed in one half
year, were an half years work: therefore to be short, we were grown so
notorious, and so generally taken notice of, that at last my Wife, and
her two Maids of dishonour, were apprehended by the Marshals men, and
carried to _Bridewel_; I my self narrowly escaping by flight: The next
day I boldly went to visit them; methought their beating of hemp became
them excellent well; and in troth I’ll say this for them, there hath not
been seen in that place a more serviceable strong-dockt Crew for many
years. Looking very earnestly upon that Hemp my Wife was beating, a deep
fit of Melancholy seized me, proceeding only from my imagination; for I
fancied that very Hemp would make that very Rope which should put a
period to my life. The time of my visiting them, fell out on the day of
their correction; understanding so much, I resolved to stay and see them
well lasht, I hop’d: My Wife being manacled, and the whip ready to
encircle her Waste; Hold, said I, and then directing my self to the
Masters of _Bridewell_; May it please your Worships, this woman now
under correction, is the most impudent brazen-fac’d Whore in the whole
Town; I have known her a long time, ever since, and some small time
before she undid her Husband, a very honest man indeed, and had the good
report of all his Neighbours; but this confident Slut could not then be
content without her Stallion, whom she maintained by what she purloin’d
from her Husband, and so utterly ruined him: since she hath been the
destruction of several, some in their estates, others in their bodily
health, and now so far from being penitent, that she glories in nothing
more, then in the relation of how many she hath undone here and
hereafter: wherefore I beseech your Worships, for my friend’s sake, that
good honest man, and for the good of her own soul, add one half-dozen
stripes to the number intended, and let them be laid home. I had no
sooner ended my speech, but I vanisht immediately. Just as I was out of
the gate, I met with two of my roguing friends, whom the Devil had sent,
I think, to way-lay me: they were going, it seems, to see some of their
Doxies, that had that day been committed. Being over-joy’d to meet me so
accidentally, they would needs have me go to the Tavern with them: over
a glass of wine we consulted about divers matters, no goodness to be
sure; the result whereof was, that I should go to such an house, and try
if by any means I could get into it unperceived, and abscond my self in
order to my opening the door for them about twelve a clock. According to
the time nominated I went, and with much facility conveyed my self into
a lower room, wherein there was a bed, under which I crept, being
confident I might lie there securely, till all the houshold were retired
to take their rest. After I had lain about some two hours on the ground,
there came into this room a servant; I peept out, and by the light of
his candle, saw that which I thought would have distracted me with fear;
it was the laying the cloth, by which I understood, the Master of the
house intended to sup there: suddenly after, meat was brought in and
served to the Table; then came five or six persons, who passing divers
complements (all which needless ceremonies at that time, I wisht with
their inventers were stark naked upon the top of the Snowy Alps) every
one took seats. Had not there been at that time some small pratling
children running up and down, and making a noise, the affright their
appearance had put me in, would have betrayed me; for my knees knockt so
hard one against the other, that they made a noise like a Mill-clack, or
the striking of two marrow-bones together: for my life I could not
prevent the Palsie from seizing every limb of me. My cruel fates had so
ordered it, that there was a small Dog in the room, and a Cat, both
dearly beloved by their Mistress; who would be continually flinging down
something or other, which they continually quarrelled about, as jealous
and envious upon the distribution of their Mistress favours: at length
she threw down a small bit; the Cat being somewhat a more nimble
servitor, and diligent waiter than the Dog, took it, & ran with it
underneath the Bed; the Dog ran after the Cat snarling, endeavouring to
affright her, that she might forsake the purchase: The Dog approaching
near, and too much intrenching upon her right, she puts him in mind of
his duty, by one scratch with her Claw, and chastiseth him for his
rashness with two or three more: this so angred him, that he made a
furious assault upon Puss, who defended her self as well as she could;
but at length they closed, and grappling each other, they made a most
hideous noise. The spot in which they fought this combat, was underneath
the bed upon my buttocks: The servant that attended being over-hasty to
quell the noise, by parting the fray, snatched up the fire-shovel, and
throws it underneath the bed; had it hit my nose with the edge, as it
did my breech with the handle, I should have had it pared off even with
my face. The Cat instantly provides for her safety by flight, but the
Dog still remained behind grumbling, and now and then barking with such
eagerness, that he became very offensive to the whole company. Wherefore
the servant was commanded to drag him forth, which he did, beating him,
and throwing him out of doors: in the mean time I was left in such a
condition, as if I had been breathing my last. As soon as the door was
open’d, the Dog came in underneath the bed with more fury than before:
this second alarm did my business (or as they vulgarly say, made me do
my business) for running fiercely on me, he had bit me by the nose, but
that I snatcht away my head from him: but not observing the bed-post
behind, I thought I had dashed my brains out against it; fear also
having bereft me of my retentive faculty, I did let flie at one and the
same time, which made so strange a noise together, that they all rose
from the table to see what was the matter: their noses quickly informed
them of some part, for the room was presently strongly scented; looking
underneath the bed, they could see poor _Jain Perus_ giving up the Ghost
(as dying persons usually evacuate their ordure before their departure)
they pulling me forth, and quickly revived me, they roughly handled me,
and then beat me, till I was ene dead again. Being taken in the present
offence, I could expect no other but to be subject to the rigour of
their vengeance; I could make no plea sufficient to stay their fury, or
satisfie their revenge; having fetcht a Constable, I was carried before
a Justice of Peace, who with little examination caused my _Mittimus_ to
be drawn, and so I was sent to _Newgate_. I was no sooner within, and
under lock and key, but fetters confined my legs from stragling, and
bracelets were clapt upon my arms. The Rogues came all flocking about me
for their Garnish, which I gave them: some of the gentiler sort added
more to it, so that we had abundance of drink. But never did I hear so
confused a din of _Dam-me_ and _Sink-me_: others singing so loud
(_alias_ roaring) that I thought my self in _Hell_, and that these were
damned souls that roared through extremity of torments. I thought none
had been so wicked as my self, till I came among these _Hell-hounds_.
Not a word come from any of their mouths, but what was seconded with an
Oath, cursing their bad Stars, and Blaspheming. The Misery of this, or
any other prison is sufficiently represented, if by nothing else than
want of liberty, that rich inheritance of living souls: as it is the
greatest of injoyments, next that imperial Gem of health, so the want
thereof next to sickness must needs be of all other the most bitter.
Since then to be confined to the confines of a Gaol, is to be in part
unman’d, entomb’d alive, what and how great is that wretchedness that is
occasioned not only by a want of liberty, but by a continual dread of
shameful death! The terror of this place full of torture is so
exasperated by the imagination of a noble mind, that Hell it self cannot
contain more exquisite woes and pains, a continuance whereof were
sufficient to punish all offences, if the Law dispenced with that debt
due to Justice, the life of the offender. Your companions are none but
licentious wretches, souls which daily surround you with their loathsome
persons overspread with scabs and lice. Here sighing is our air, our
comfort coldness, our food despair, our musick ratling of chains, our
recreation the destruction of vermin; lastly, our expectation death and
damnation. The keeper with the grim aspect of his stern countenance
makes us tremble, with fear of a new martyrdom, whilst the insulting
raskal on the tip-toes of his pride need not skrew his ill-favoured face
to a frown, for he knows not how to look otherwise; which so dejects the
spirits of we poor imprisoned slaves, that the contrition of our looks
seems to implore his smiles, whose flinty heart having renounced
remorse, casts a defiance in our sad and pitious faces. I might insist
much further, but that I am hastning to get out of the miserable and
soul-excruciating prison. One day after I had exonerated nature, I
chanc’d to view the seat, and found that it was no difficult matter to
go down the vault by the help of a Rope. A trusty friend coming to see
me, I told him what I had observed, and what I wanted: some three days
before the Sessions, he brought me Rope enough to have hanged us all.
Having a respect unto two more, which I honoured for their admirable
good parts, I informed them of what I intended; which presently we put
in execution. First I went down, but I could have wished my self up
again; for I was up to the neck, and knew not but I might be deeper, but
to my great comfort I found to the contrary; the rest descended after
me, with the like good success. Having gotten us to an house, in which
we could put confidence, we quickly freed our selves from our Iron
tackle.