_How he cozened a rich Usurer, and a young Tradesman._
Being resolved to go and look out some of my Consorts to rejoyce
together for my good successe in my advantagious revenge, I met with an
old comrade that had lately _heav’d a Booth, Anglice_ broken open a
Shop, who told me he had a quantity of good comodities, and desired me
to put them off for him, knowing that I dealt in Brokeage in goods
indirectly come by: I promised him I would. The next day he delivered
what he had into my hands, I instantly carried them to an old Usurer
that would grasp at any thing, telling him I only desired to Mort-gage
them for such a time, requesting to lend me fifty pounds thereon. He
looking upon them to be thrice the value of that sum, lent me freely the
quantity of mony propounded, and in my sight took the Goods and laid
them in a place next his Bed-chamber. The same day I met with this
friend, who demanded of me whether I had done his businesse? No, not yet
(said I) it will be to morrow first: However let us drink a glass of
wine, which he readily consented to. Having drank pretty smartly, he
could not contain himself (so powerful are the operations of Wine, as it
frequently makes a man divulge that which carrieth in it inevitable
ruine) I say he told me whose Shop it was he robb’d, and at what time. I
seem’d to take little notice then, though I intended to make good use of
it. Parting with him, I went straightway to the person rob’d, and told
him that accidentally I was inform’d of his late losse, and that my
intent of coming was out of a principle of honesty, to assist him in the
recovery of what was stollen from him. But before I acquainted him with
any thing, I required of him a Bond of 10 _l._ if I helpt him to his
Goods; which he granted me. I advised him to get the Lord Chief Justices
Warrant, which he did, and taking some friends with him, I directed them
where they should go, and in what place they should find them. He would
have had me gone with him, but that I excused my self, alledging it
would be inconvenient. Taking a Constable with them, they went & found
what they sought for according to my direction, which they seiz’d,
leaving the old man to condole his losse, which had been no great
matter, had not his life lain in his Purse.
Having thus carried on my mischievous contrivances with continued
impunity; the next I fell on was a young Merchant, to whom I went
gentily habited, with a foot-boy waiting at my heels. I lookt out
several Commodities, and laid them aside, assuring him that I would e’re
long lay out a considerable parcel of money with him. We discours’d upon
the price, and in the conclusion closed. The next day I appointed the
Goods to be sent home to my House, and in the interim desired him to go
along with me, and accept of what poor accommodation my habitation would
afford him, under the pretence of being better acquainted, but my design
was to raise in him a good opinion of me, for I had one room
(especially) very richly hung with costly Furniture. My motion was
entertained, and away we went, where I treated him nobly; the next day
the Commodities were sent in with his Servant, who expected his money,
but I pretended that my Cashier was abroad, and so desired him to call
the next morning; he did, but then I was not to be spoken with. Thus he
did so often till the young man was weary. At last the Master himself
came, who met me just as I was going out; who had not the patience to
ask for his money, but presently railed most bitterly, calling me cheat,
knave, _&c._ and that he would not put himself to the trouble of polling
me up, but would have a Warrant for me instantly.
Being gone, I was as nimble as himself, having a couple of my Emissaries
ready for him against his return. It was not long before he came
strutting with a Constable. Perceiving him coming, I sent my two friends
out with their Warrant, and putting it into the Constables hand, charged
him in the Kings name to execute it upon such a one, meaning the
Merchant; who dared not deny it, but carried him before a Justice,
before whom my two Rogues swore flat felony, and so was committed.
Sending for friends, they advised him to make an end thereof. Whereupon
I was much solicited; and upon consideration I consented to cause my
friends to forbear prosecution.
As yet I have not fully unbowell’d the huge bulk of my villany, that
hath proved so burdensome to the world, and destructive to so many
Families; wherefore give me leave a little farther to anatomize my own
vicious nature, and I shall so lay open the Ulcers and Sores of my
Impostumed Machinations, apparent to the sight of every one, that the
most Ospray and Owl-eyed spectator shall confesse there never was a more
necessary and commodious discovery revealed.
Brother, said I, for so I must call you now, your _flagitious_ deeds
claiming that title, and must be compell’d I see to give you
superiority, the upper-hand, for I am confident the line of other mens
inventions never sounded the Sea of a more deep and dreadful mischief.
When I consider how powerful and imperious vice is of late grown; and
what horrid facts are committed every where by licentious and wicked men
that swarm in all places: I admire that the Fabrick of the Earth is not
continually palsyed by Earth-quakes, since there is a Creator above that
oversees such actions. That the Earth her self (though an indulgent
Mother) doth not receive into her Womb her off-spring, and therein for
shame hide them: that the air is not choaked with Froggs, and that black
pitchy mists do not perpetually masque the face of Heaven, and leave the
world in obscurity; and that the Sun doth not hide his face from seeing
such enormous crimes, blacker than is the Eclipse of his countenance:
and lastly, that the Sea is not turned to blood to put us in mind of the
cruel and remorselesse usages of one another; our kindnesse being
commonly attended with discourtesies of a Vermilion hue. Thus Brother
you see I am sensible of my miscarriages, but want the power to regulate
my life. I would have proceeded, but that I found this discourse grated
in his ears; wherefore I desired him to prosecute his story, which he
did in this manner.