_He discovers the subtlety of some Citizens he had to do
withal by Broking for them, relating his own craft and
cunning; and what the consequent was, the ruine of young
Gentlemen._
Like an Hawk as I told you, I flew at all Game, not confining my self to
any one thing particularly: where I could abuse the Law, I did; and if I
had an opportunity to Trepan, I seldome failed, _&c._ Some part of my
time I spent in the enquiry of what young Heirs were arrived, into whose
society I was sure by one means or other to insinuate my self. These
Country Wood-cocks I knew how to catch with a City Spring; whom I very
well understood, had rather be out of the world than out of the fashion,
who would be brave for the present time, though their Gallantry cost
them all their future Fortunes. I commonly laid my plot thus: Sir, you
undervalue your self by the meanness of your Habit, it being so
unsuitable to your quality: if you want money, you cannot want credit,
having a fair promising estate in reversion; if you are willing, I will
find you out a believing Mercer. Returning me many thanks, it may be he
would be in such hast as to send me presently. He could not be so eager
to have his gaudy desires satisfied, as I forward to accomplish them. I
knew where to go readily to one, with whom I went snips; in so saying, I
would not have any think I throw dirt upon that noble profession. If I
discover the fraud of any particular person, as long as I name him not,
I do him no wrong; but if I detect by what deceitful and sinister means
he worketh upon the infirmity of the youth of a green-witted Gallant, it
may serve for an _use of instruction_. In the most famous Universities
there are some Dunces resident, that by disgracing themselves, disgrace
also their fellow Students. In the most virtuous Courts there will be
some Parasites. So in the most goodly and glorious City under Heavens
Canopy, there are some Asps lurking, that sting the reputation of their
Brethren by their poysonous and corrupt dealings. There are knaves in
all _Trades_ but _Book-selling_.
But to my purpose: a young Gentleman coming out of _Norfolk_ to see the
City, and finding so many (beneath him in estate) gallant it so much
above him, he grew very melancholy: hapning to be in his company, and
indifferently well acquainted with him, I askt him the cause of his
sadness? after I had prest him very much, he ingeniously confest the
true original of his pensiveness. Pish, said I, is that all? let me
alone to effect what you desire; neither shall you wait longer than the
morrow. Leaving my Gentleman, away I went to a person fit for my
purpose, and gave him an account of my business: glad he was, thankt me
for my pains, promising me a reward, and would needs have me to a Tavern
to consult this affair. Having concluded every thing, I repaired the
next day to my Gentleman, who over-joyed to see me was impatient to know
whether his wishes were consummated. Come along with me, said I, and we
will try what we can do. I have bin very importunate with the Mercer,
but as yet I cannot mollifie him; it may be your presence may do much.
Finding him in the shop, I called him aside, and told him this was the
Gentleman. My young Gentleman, that would be a Gallant presently, fell
aboard him, and (with much fervencie and protestations) he woo’d the
Mercer to credit him for 30 _l._ worth of Commodities. I call’d him
aside, saying, What will 30 _l._ worth do? take up 100 _l._ worth; and
what you use not, I’ll dispose by sale, to furnish your Pockets with
money. He thankt me kindly for my advice, and returned to the Mercer,
who askt him, If he should credit him with so much, what security would
he propound? This struck my young Gentleman as mute as a Cods-head. The
Mercer perceiving he had nothing to say, plaid the _Rope-maker_, being
extreme _backward_ to trust him: Bonds he refused, Judgements he would
not hear of, Statutes he scorned: for, said he, Gentlemen of late have
found out so many tricks to cozen their Creditors, (I by the same means
having had several Collops cut from the body of my estate) that I will
not credit any more: whereas he spake this only to grinde the blunt
appetite of my _Commodity-taker_ into a _sharper edge_, and make him
more greedy of his own ruine; imitating in this a cunning and deceitful,
though petulant and wanton Curtezan, who is nice when a sick-brain’d
young Gallant importunes her to admit of his amorous kindness, only to
make him more fierce upon his own confusion: holding him off like a
Fencer, a month or two, that he may come up the more roundly to her
purpose. But to the matter. My Gentleman being as it were denied, I
seconded him thus: Sir, you know not what you do in refusing to credit
this Gentleman; he is his fathers heir, a man of a vast estate, and very
aged: This his son is about a very great Match, a rich heiress; and
though he hath not money for the present, yet let him have an hundred
pounds worth of _Commodities_, you need not doubt your payment; and it
will do him at this present a thousand pounds worth of good. The Mercer
began to hearken to this, and protested to my _Green-goose_ that he
would be glad to do any a pleasure, so as not to injure himself; that if
he could but possess him with a belief that he should have his money in
six months, he would freely let him have 100 _l._ worth of what he
pleased. The yong Gentleman protested it, and I warranted it; and the
Mercer (though seemingly loth) condescended, upon this Proviso still,
that he should procure some man else to be bound with him, as good as
himself: for, said he, we are all mortal, and not having a lease of our
lives, we may die before to-morrow; where then is my 100 _l._? Signior
Unthrift is once more put to his _non-plus_; but at length he fell to
intreat me to do it, who would not by any means; and so we parted. He
would not let me rest for two or three days together; so that at last,
provided he would give me 10 _l._ I agreed; and so we went again to the
Mercer, and entring into Bonds, we had the _Commodities_. Having made my
yong Gentleman an absolute Gallant, I went to sell what was left, of
which I made 40 _l._ but I made my Gallant to be contented with 30.
alledging, that when goods came once to be sold, they will not yeild the
moiety of what they cost, though new: and out of that 30_l._ I had my 10
_l._ for suretyship. Thus I perswaded him to be very well satisfied. He
revels about, whilst I was contriving to leave him as bare of means as
brains. Now doth my Mercer dream of nothing but his pay-day, which he
hoped would be broken. The time being expired, and my young Novice not
minding it, the Mercer invited him to a dinner in _Fish-street_. Dinner
being almost ended, for a third course came up a couple of _Sergeants_
stewed with _Mace_, who arrested him at the suit of the founder of the
feast. Not procuring Bail, he was carried to the Counter, where he lay
some time. His friends hearing of it, endeavour’d to get him out, by
suing out an _Audita querela_. My Mercer hearing of that, advised with
me what was best to be done. Agree, said I, with some Officer in the
Exchequer, and turn the debt over to the King, pretending you owe him so
much money: for the Chancery will not or cannot allow any thing in such
a case against his Majesty. He so doing, did his business for the
present. Thus have I read, when Jews have bought a red-hair’d boy, at
first they cloath him in silks, ravishing him with all the delights that
can be thought on, never have Musick from his ears, or Banquets from his
taste; and thus use him, till they see he is plump, fat, & fit for their
purpose: but when the poor boy least thinks of his imminent ruine, he is
taken by a brace of slaves, and tyed up by the heels, so beaten by
degrees to death with Cudgels, purging the rankest poyson out of his
mouth, and making Mumy of his flesh. I shall leave it to the Reader to
make application. In short, I perswaded the Mercer to take a Bond of
500_l._ of his prisoner, to be paid after his fathers decease. This
Widgeon being in the nets, sealed to any thing for his liberty. He was
not the first so served, by thousands: and that is the reason there are
so many Crested Citizens: for Gentlemen being begger’d by their
Extortion, they have no other means then to _fall in_ with their wives,
_purchasing_ from them a supply. This is it that makes the road every
where so full of High-way-men, who will borrow of men when they have
little minde to lend, but not without giving them _Bonds_. This makes
_Tyburn_ the Metropolitan, and other petty Gallowses, have so many
_hangers on_; and this is the cause so many such Citizens sons are
plagued after their fathers deaths, as their fathers when living have
plagued others. These are the Boars that plow up whole acres, nay fields
of Gentlemens lands with their snouts: these are the Swine that eat up
whole Orchards; and these are they, whose fiery consciences drink up
whole Fishponds at a draught; and lastly, they are the _Hurricanes_ that
root up the trees of whole Woods together. From such _libera nos
Domine_.
To conclude, take this as an infallible Maxime, that the worst of
Creditors are either very rich, or very poor men. The rich man can stay
for his money, and so will have all or none; the poor will have no pity,
nor indeed can he, since the debt may be all he is worth.