_After Supper they enter in Discourse, wherein she giveth
him a short account of her Life, and the cause of her
undertaking such an extravagant and dangerous course;
relating how notably she revenged her self on her
Husband for his unworthy and base carriage towards her._
Having refresht ourselves with what the House afforded, and Bottles and
Pipes had supplied the place of Dishes; we dialogu’d as familiarly, as
if our acquaintance had bore equal date with our nativities. And now it
was she laid her self open to me, not concealing any thing, having
before made my self acquainted with her greatest Secret. Frankly she
called for Bottles of Wine, which we smartly drank together out of
Beer-glasses: had not Supper been speedily provided, which required a
cessation for some time, I should not have been in a condition to
discern the Dish, nor him that brought it to the Table. Having taken
some repast, I began to be refresht, she not in the least disturbed all
this while.
I prest her to tell me what she was, and what manner of life she led.
Sir, said she, I cannot deny your request; wherefore to satisfie you,
know that I was the Daughter of a Sword-Cutler. In my younger days my
Mother would have taught me to handle a Needle; but my Martial spirit
gain-said all perswasions to that purpose. I could never endure to be
among the Utensils of the Kitchin, but spent most of my time in my
Fathers shop, taking wonderful delight in handling those Warlike
Instruments: to take a Sword in my hand well mounted and brandish it,
was reckoned by me among the chief of my recreations. Being about a
douzen years of age, I studied all wayes imaginable how I might make my
self acquainted with a Fencing-Master. Time brought my desires to their
complement, for such a one as I wisht for, casually came into our Shop
to have his blade furnisht; and Fortune so ordered it, there was none to
answer him but my self. Having given him that satisfaction he desired,
though not expecting it from me: Amongst other talke I demanded of him
whether he was not a Professor of the Noble Science? (for I guest so
much by his Postures, Looks, and expressions.) He told me he was a
well-willer thereunto. Being glad of this opportunity, desiring him to
conceal my intentions, I requested him the favour as to give me some
instructions how I should manage a Sword: at first he seemed amazed at
my proposal, but perceiving I was in earnest, he granted my petition,
allotting me such a time to come to him as was most convenient. I became
so expert at Back-sword and Single-Rapier in a short time, that I needed
not his assistance any longer; My Parents not in the least mistrusting
any such thing.
I shall wave what Exploits I did by the help of a disguise, and only
tell you that when I arrived to fifteen years of age, an Inne-Keeper
Married me, and carried me into the Country. For two years we lived very
peaceably and comfortably together, but at length the insolent and
imperious temper of my Husband made me begin to show my Natural humour.
Once a week we seldom mist of a Combat between us, which frequently
proved so sharp, that it was well if my Husband came off with a single
broken pate, by which means the gaping wounds of our discontents and
differences being not presently salved up, they became in a manner
incurable.
I never was much inclined to love him, because he was of a mean
dastardly spirit, and ever hated that a Dunghill-Cock should tread a Hen
of the Game. Being stinted likewise of Money, my life grew altogether
comfortless, and I lookt on my condition as insupportable: Wherefore as
the only remedy or expedient to mitigate my vexatious troubles, I
contrived a way how I might sometimes take a Purse. I judged this
resolution safe enough, (if I were not taken in the very fact) for who
could suspect me to be a Robber, wearing abroad upon such designs mans
Apparel, but at home onely that which was suitable and agreeable to my
own Sex? Besides, none could have better encouragement and conveniency
then my self; for, keeping an Inn, who is more proper to have in custody
what charge my Guests brought into my house then my self? or if
committed to my Husbands tutelage, I could not fail to inform my self of
the richness of the Booty. Moreover, the Hostess is the person whose
company is most desired, before whom they are no ways scrupulous to
relate which way they are going, and frequently what the affair was that
led them that way.
Courage I knew I wanted not, (be you my impartial Judge, Sir) what then
could hinder me from being successful in such an enterprize? Being thus
resolved, I soon procured necessary Habiliments for these my
contrivances; and never miscarried in any of them till now. Instead of
going to Market, or riding five or six miles about such a business, (the
usual pretences with which I blinded my Husband) I would when out of
sight ride a contrary road to this House (wherein we now are) and here
Metamorphose my self, and being fitted at all points; Pad
uncontroulably, coming off alwayes most Victoriously. Not long since my
Husband had about one hundred pounds due to him some twenty Miles from
his habitation, and designed such a day for its reception: Glad I was to
hear of this, resolving now to be revenged of him for all those injuries
and churlish outrages he had committed against me: I knew very well
which way he went, and knew the time of his coming home; wherefore I
way-laid him at his return. And happily as I would have it, he did not
make me wait above three hours for him. I let him pass me, knowing that
by the swiftness of my Horse I could easily overtake him, and so I did,
riding with him a mile or two before I could do my intended business. At
last (looking about me) I saw the coast clear on every side: Wherefore
riding up close to him, and laying hold of his Bridle, I clapt a Pistol
to his breast, commanding him to deliver, or he was a dead man. My
imperious Don seeing death before his face, had like to have saved me
the labour by dying voluntarily without compulsion, and so amazed at his
suddain surprizal, that he lookt like an Apparition, or one lately risen
from the dead. Sirrha (said I) be quick: but a dead Palsie had so seized
every part of him, that his eyes were incapable of directing his hands
to his Pocket. But I soon recalled his lost spirits by two or three
smart blows with the flat of my Sword, which so wakened him out of that
deep Lethargy he was in, that with much submissiveness he delivered me
his moneys. After I had dismounted him and cut the Reins of his Bridle
and Girts, I basted him soundly, till that I had made jelly of his
bones, and that his flesh lookt like _Egyptian_ Mummy. Now you Rogue
(said I) I am even with you; have a care the next time how you strike a
Woman (your wife I mean) for none but such as dare not fight a man, will
lift up his hand against the weaker Vessel. Now you see what it is to
provoke them; for if irritated too much, they are restless till they
have accomplisht their satisfactory revenge: I have a good mind to end
thy wicked courses with thy life, but that I am loath to be hanged for
_nothing_, such a worthless man. Farewell; this money shall serve me to
purchase Wine to drink healths to the confusion of such Rascally and
mean-spirited things. And so I left him.
She was about to have proceeded in such agreeable relations of her
rencounters, when word was brought her up, two Gentlemen below desired
to speak with her: craving my excuse, she went down, and in a little
time returned with them: She made an Apology to me for so doing, adding
that if she had committed a crime herein, my future knowledge of those
persons would extenuate it. By their effeminate countenances I could not
miss of judging rightly what they were, _viz._, Females. After several
discourses we grew so familiar, that the longest continued friendship
could not boast of more freedom.
Having talkt and drank ourselves weary, we concluded to lye all in one
chamber, there being two beds: what our Nocturnal passages were, I’le
give the Reader leave to imagine.