_What devices he found out to Cheat his Master; and what
ways he had to spend it lavishly, at unseasonable hours,
on Wine, Wenches, _&c.__
The time being come again, for the meeting my snipping Brethren, I went
prepared with what I could conveniently carry with me. Seeing me come
well fraught, my merchants presently clapt me aboard, resolving not to
let my commodities lie long on my hands, our truck was soon agreed on to
our mutual contents. Then like true Sons of _Bacchus_, we trouled the
full boles about, wishing him that pledged not his fellow, in a dark
rainy night on a tyred Jade bare ridged in a dirty lane, with a pocky
Whore behind him, and his own bones rotten, nine Miles from an house,
not knowing one step of his way, nor having one penny in his pocket.
This, or the like dreadful execration, made us tumble off whole Boles
like so many thimbles full. Half a dozen of these a piece, were a
_preludium_ to our Supper, which usually was composed of the choicest
viands. Neither could we eat, without our female Consorts, whom Wine and
Musick waited on. After Supper, we fell again to our old _Bacchanalian_
sport, drinking, Dancing, or privately treating our Mistresses at a
venereal Banquet. When we had drank our selves to ebriety, and satiated
our lustful appetites, we betook our selves to our respective
habitations, our Masters not dreaming of our night-Revellings. Our own
expences were neither valuable nor comparable to what our Mad-Dames put
us to, which were so great (though they made me rack my invention to
supply their pretended necessities) that all my various endeavours could
not answer their expeditions. I had taken my Gentlewoman a chamber, for
which I paid three shillings a week, and upon the bare promise of a
Whore, that she would prove constant to me, I allowed her a weekly
pension besides; I never came to receive a private favour, but I must
return her for it, some special and particular courtesie; as a Scarf, an
Hood, a Ring, a Whisk, or rich Lace for her Smock. If I failed at any
time of paying my promised Tribute I should be severely checked, nay,
sometimes threatned that I had undone her; at the least denyed my
accustomed Familiarity; then she would pretend that she had refused many
eminent Matches mearly for my sake, that now she saw her self meerly
deluded, and would endure it no longer; and would tell my Master our
whole proceedings. If I had performed the main, and not presented her
when I came with some other gratuity, as a work of Supererogation, she
would deride my Courtship, telling me, _I was an empty fellow, that I
bestowed my favours on others and that made me so sparing to her_. And
that she scorned to be a copartner in my heart. When she thought she had
sufficiently nettled me, (fearing to strain my passion too high) then a
little comply, clapping me on the cheeks, calling me Smock-face Rogue;
come hither Sirrah, I know what you would have, I’le save your longing.
Such sweetned words soon over powered my sourness: and notwithstanding
my intended hardness, I could not forbear melting in her arms. We durst
not take much time in dalliance, my duty calling me home; but I regarded
not that so much as to preserve my Masters good opinion of me. Now since
opportunity offereth it self so appositly, give me leave to lay open
this subtle Female, on whom a strong ascendancy of _Mercury_ and
_Venus_, had bestowed so liberal a Talent for Whoring, and Cheating,
that few escaped her circumvention that came into her company. The
Relation I shall give of this miracle of Female subtilty, will be much
advantagious to all sorts of persons. By this those that are viciously
inclined may be advised into a Reformation before they have occasion for
Repentance: And they who defying all Admonishment, and are resolved to
be wicked in spite, may out of an apprehension of the ensuing danger and
punishment, be deterred into caution, _&c._
[Illustration]
A
SHORT SURVEY OF A CUNNING
WHORE.
When first I made my self acquainted with her, I thought my happiness
not inferiour to the Grand Seignors, for although he had in his Seraglio
the injoyment of an hundred or more of the most select beauties of the
Universe, yet did I fancy all those external glories contracted into
one, and possessed my matchless Mistress. As she was fair, so well
featured, sprightly and young, four dangerous advantages, when they are
accompanied with Wit, Dissimulation, Craft and Impudence, with a
covetous desire of injoying of what others possest. She could not be
ignorant of her trade, since her Mother was a profest Bawd from the time
she brought her into the world. Taking notice of her extraordinary
handsomness even from the Cradle, she resolved to dedicate her to the
service of _Venus_, not doubting but the bent of her nature would render
her very capable of that employ. Being about thirteen years of age, her
beauty was so much taken notice of, that her lovers swarmed about her.
The old Bawd her Mother was so overjoyed to see so large and goodly a
Troop of _Cupids_ Lanciers, her daughters life-guard, and doubted not
now but that she should obtain the plenary fruition of her hopes, and
therefore entertained them all, yet watching them so narrowly, that none
should taste her fruit unless they bought the tree at a dear rate. She
so well observed her daughters natural policy that she was well assured
her insinuations would in a little time command both the hearts and
purses of those who courted her. Her design proved as fortunate as she
could wish, in as much as among the many that languished for her, there
was one so wealthy as that he never knew the want of a thousand pound,
whose heart was inflamed by her eyes.
She had now assumed the title of Madam, which one should think belonged
to none but who are nobly extracted, however, why should she baulk it,
since it is an honour costs little or nothing, and as soon conferred as
spoken. This Gentleman was so insnared by the witchcrafts of a lovely
face, that though he knew the profession and practice of the Mother, and
the daughters want of honour, honesty and wealth, yet he resolved upon a
marriage within few days without the tediousness of Treaties. When there
was a firm contract concluded between them before witnesses, the
charitable Bawd his intended Mother in law, came to him, and told him if
his stomack was raw and could not stay so long till the meat was served
up with the usual ceremonies; he should have a bit for a stay, and taste
beforehand, the proposition was not unwellcome to him, wherefore he
instantly took earnest of the happiness he vainly believed would bear
him company _durante vita_. Not long after they had their nuptials
celebrated, and that he might not disparage himself in the worlds eye,
as to his inconsiderable choice; he bought his wife at his proper
charge, new cloaths, splendid enough you may guess, with the appendixes
of gallantry, rings, jewels, &c. and so brought her home to his house in
much state. She had not long lived with him, but she followed the
dictates of a luxurious disposition, and a libertine, hating to have her
liberty circumscribed or bounded, especially by one so remote to her
nature and unsuitable in years, wherefore under pretence of visiting
this friend and that couzen, she so blinded her old Husband by this
plausible excuse as that she made her frequent sallies abroad pimp for
her desires. Her Husband observing her often gaddings and profuse
expences, could do no less then suspect more then he was willing to
understand, and therefore not only abridged the liberty she took, but
devested her of those ornaments he had bestowed upon her, which so
animated her to revenge, that she resolved not to let slip the first
opportunity. She soon got acquainted with one suitable to her purpose, a
person as much ingaged in debauchery, as his credit was in the world,
yet so pleasant he appeared in her eyes, as that a little courting made
her wholly at his devotion. Hence we may observe the dangerous
consequences of disproportion of age in matching. Surely there can be no
agreement between fire and water, between freezing Winter, and Scorching
Summer. Besides when a Woman comes once to have mean _thoughts_ of her
Husband (upon any _account_ whatever) She is then in the way to affect
any body else. She now not only slighted, but hated him, which made her
launch out into all the excesses that exasperated, and vicious
Woman-kind can imagine or contrive, from whence she may either derive
satisfaction or advantage, neither could she want assistance or councel,
as long as the old experienced Bawd her mother lived.
This good old Dotard finding himself so abused, that the whole world
must needs call his reason in question; if he suffered any longer his
loose wife to Career thus in Luxury and Wantonness, resolved within
himself to call her to a severe accompt, intending withal to reduce her
by kindness, as well as sharpness, and so equally to temper his frowns
with smiles, that she should not tell which of those two ingredients
were most powerful in the effecting the cure of his lust sick-wanton.
Returning one evening from her revels abroad, the old Cuckold took her
to task; sharply reproving her for her Gaddings, her Tavern meetings,
with debauched and licentious persons; her lavish expence in paying the
Recknings where ever she came, but especially her supplying the
necessities of lusty younger Brothers, which resupplyed hers. The old
man had so spent his spirits and breath, in schooling his Lecherous
Truant, that he was forced to conclude his wormwood Lecture in an
excessive cough; the inseperable Companion of him and Age. My bucksome
Madam fearing he was streining for more of that unpleasing stuff, which
had so lately offended her ears, left him half strangled with a Tysick.
In this Interval, a female Neighbour of his came in, a Gentlewoman of
that worth; that Virtue and Gentility contended in her for priority:
_How is it I pray Sir_ (said she) _I am much troubled to see you in this
condition?_ You lie, you lie, you Whore (said he) his ears being so furd
by Time, that he could not distinguish this Gentlewomans voice from his
Wifes, neither could he see, his violent coughing having forced down
such a torrent of moisture into his eyes; that his sight was totally
drowned: Continuing his railing; _See me in this condition?_ I believe
you would be glad to see me out of it, you Strumpet, Lump of Lechery,
Cheat, she Devil, what shall I call thee; there is no name too bad: And
then cought again so violently, that it was in vain to speak to him; but
when this violent fit abated, she resolved to say something, though her
amazment to hear what she neither deserved, nor expected, would hardly
give her permission. At last she spake to him, and reasoned with him,
why he should thus stain her honour which was hitherto spotless,
undefiled; that her actions had ever been so far from rendring her, what
he unworthily represented, that they made her famous, and lookt on as a
good example for her Neighbours to follow and immitate. I, I; infamous
you mean (said he) and let me alone to make you such an example, that
you shall have followers enough to see you Carted, you Bitch whore. Why,
who am I said the Gentlewoman, that you thus abuse me? _Am I_, (said he)
you are Touch-wood, Tinder, Salt peter, Gunpowder, Wildfire, nay, worse
then all this, my Wife.
By this the Gentlewoman verily concluded him to be mad, and fearing
least his frenzie might be converted into fury, was thinking to slip
from him just as his cough left him, and his eyes again restored to him,
with the insight of his mistake; which made him much condemn his
fallacious age, that had put this trick on him.
Apologies (as many as this old mans sterile invention could frame) were
not wanting to excuse this absurdity and errour: Neither was his Wife
without the height of mirth behind the Hangings, to hear how much her
doting fool was mistaken; who had not patience any longer to discourse
his Visitant, but abruptly left her in quest of his abused Wife as he
now supposed, imagining from this grand mistake, that what ever before
he had either seen or heard of his wife, was nothing but the genuine
product of his own idle and jealous brain. After he had made a strict
enquiry through the whole house for his wife, he at length found her out
cloistered in a Garret, into which she had conveyed her self coming
softly behind the Hangings, wherein she had hid herself; and the better
to colour her intended Villany, hearing her Husband ascend the Stairs,
she put her self into a praying posture.
The old man seeing her on her knees, had like to have broke his neck for
hast, not minding so much the disturbance he would give her (pretended)
devotion, as the satisfaction he injoyed to see his mistake confirmed.
Being out of breath, his discourse was abrupt and broken, neither did he
know which was most expedient, either first to question her, or crave
her pardon: at length he threw himself at her feet (for indeed he could
hardly stand upon his feeble Legs;) and hanging down his Head (I knew
not whether he cried) a salt Rhume gushed through the port holes of his
Head, which looked like scalding Teares; and so they might be, for by
their burning heat, any might conclude the loss of the hair of his
Eyelids, and that thereby the shriveled skin of his Countenance was
parcht. It was a long time ere he could speak, and no wonder, since this
was the second time of his Infancy; but at length with much ado, with a
look as pittiful as his Rhetorick, he asked forgivness. She seemed
strangly surprized and not only wondred at, but taxt him for the
Irrationality of his Petition. The pretence of her ignorance in what had
past, made him the more eager to discover his ridiculous folly. In
short, he gave her to understand, that since he was mistaken in a thing
so palpable, he might very well question whither all former reports, and
his own evil opinion of her, might not be posited on the same basis of
falshood. That for the time to come, he would never admit of jealousie
within his breast, and to give a full confirmation to what he protested;
he instantly delivered her his Keys, committing to her trust what he had
of greatest value. This cunning Quean would not accept this kind
proffer, but with much pressing, and then sealing his pardon with a
kiss, an everlasting affection was seemingly agreed upon. For two or
three months after she behaved her self so well, that had her Husband
had _Argus_ his hundred eyes, he could not perceive any thing that might
blemish her Reputation, or trouble his head.
Her Cue being come to enter and act her part on the Stage of deceit, she
appeared and managed her business to the purpose. For having given her
Mother a Catalogue of those rich things she had in her possession; she
never left her daughter till they had conveyed all away which might be
carried in the day time without any notice taken; and at an appointed
night getting the Servants to bed and delivering the Key of the
street-door to the old Bawd her Mother, she played the part of a Woman
in general, by lulling her Husband in bed by dissimulation and flattery,
into a fond opinion of her cordiality to him, whilst her agents then
were leaving him as naked of goods, as he was at that time of Apparel.
In the morning she arose by times, before the old man was stiring, and
went instantly to her mother who had provided her lodgings. Then did she
change her name to hinder detection; and that she might add to her
security, she never went abroad but with her Vizard Mask, and in as many
varietys of Suits as there are months in the year, which though but
thirteen, yet did she make them ring as many changes as _BOW BELLS_.
Not long after she had played this exploit, it was my unhappiness to be
acquainted with her, by coming accidentally to our Shop, where buying
some wares, it was so ordered that I must bring them to her Chamber.
According to the time appointed I waited on her, but found myself
extremely mistaken in my Chapwoman. For instead of paying me for my
commodity, she would have truckt with me Ware for Ware; which I would no
ways assent to; finding me no fit person for her purpose, she dismist me
by discharging the debt. This passage did so run in my mind, that I
could not be at quiet till I had purposed a time to visit her, and
indeed I was forceably prickt on thereunto by those matchless features I
saw in her incomparable face. My Master riding out of Town I found a
very fit opportunity to make my address to her, which I thought would be
the more welcome by bringing a present with me.
Her memorie was so good that she knew me again and shrewdly guessed at
my Errant, and indeed I was not long in the discovery thereof: There
were but two words to a bargain, and so struck up the business: So much
delight I took in her at that time, and she in me, that we
interchangably promised each others constancy of affection.
Mine and my females extravagancies, made me invent as many ways to
cheat, as we had ways to spend what was this way gotten. If I had heard
any friend say, they must buy a Gown, I had my Mercer ready for that
purpose: If a Suit and Cloak, my Draper, and the like; sometimes telling
my friend, That I was acquainted with one that would sell me a far
cheaper pennyworth than any one else: other times, that such an one owed
me some moneys, and that this way I could both pleasure my friend, and
hedge in mine own debt. Though I drove a great trade this way, receiving
still ready cash, yet this would not do alone. As an assistance, I
guelded the money-box every day, receiving my part first, before my
Matter should take his, which usually he did every night, putting it
into his Till. I could not sleep for thinking how I might be intimately
acquainted with the inwards of this same Till. Several projects I made
tryal of, but none suited my purpose so well, as a Barbers pair of
Curling irons. I got a File from a Smith, and to work I went with my
Curling irons, filing them to slip in easily, and to turn round. The
first Essay I made thereof, had like to have put me into an Extasie for
joy. I laid them upon their edge, opened them wide, I pinched the money
below; holding fast, I turned them on their side, and so drew up the
money to the mouth of the Scotch: now because there was many times so
much, that it would not come through, with a knife I would slide away
piece after piece, till I had fitted the money to the narrowness of the
passage. I seldom brought up at a time less than three shillings, a good
draught, not ceasing till I had gotten twenty or thirty shillings at a
time, or more, according to the quantity of the stock. Finding my Engine
act according to my desires, I could not be content without
congratulating my success. My Master was seldom at home, wherefore I
askt my Mistress to go out for an hour, promising her not to stay beyond
my limited time: She consented and I overjoyed, pickt up a Rambler or
two, and away we went to honest _Ralph_. Being glad to see us, he
planted us in a convenient room fit for his purpose. There was never a
Pint he scored at the Bar, but he had a Quart-Bottle in his Breeches for
it. They all wondred to see me so frollick, but I thought it wisdom to
conceal the depth of my practice from them.
After we had drank very smartly, I came home, transgressing but a little
beyond my time. My Mistress was very well pleased, telling me, _I should
have leave another time, since I was so punctual_. Those Bottles of Sack
we drank, ran perpetually in my minde, for it was the very flower of
Wine. In the commemoration of my Friends courtesie, and the goodness of
that Liquor, I gave my contemplative fancy leave to characterize a
Bottle of Canary, thus.
[Illustration]
THE CHARACTER OF
A Bottle of _Canary_.
He is Gentleman I assure you well extracted, which once lived like a
Salamander in the midst of the flames; and had he not been burnt, he
have never proved sound. He seems a Prodigy: For that which we live by,
decays him; hating Air, as _Bacchus_ hates small Beer. He will lie still
if you smother him, and is never so well, as when his breath is stopt.
Bury him, and you make him quicker. As for his habit, it is ever plain,
yet neat: Though Nobly born, he scorns not to wear a green Coat, with a
badge on it; and you cannot injure him worse than to pick a hole in his
Coat. Though he wears for the most part one sort of Garb, yet he is
never out of fashion, acceptable to the best of company, not regarding
his outward dress, but valuing his inward worth: However, his Suit is
made of admirable Stuff, for his outside never grows barer, and his
Linings are the fresher for wearing. So choice he is in his Cloathing,
that he rather chuseth to have his brains knockt out, than to have a
rent in his Garment. He wears an _a la mode_ Hat, as light (and almost
as little) as a Shittle-cock, which he puts off to none; but like the
Quaker when brought before a Magistrate, hath it taken off for him.
As for his Pedegree, I now not how to derive it; for he hath had in him
the best and purest of the _French_ blood, but will now acknowledge his
Race onely from the _Spaniard_, whom he imitates, being stately, and
standing always upright; treads for the most part on Carpets, and never
stirs abroad but when he is carried, yet full of activity. If he runs
fast and long, the more wind he gets. If he chance to fall, which is
seldom, for many look to him, he will be extreamly moved, yet (contrary
to all men) the fuller his belly is, the less hurt he receives: his
credit is large, never paying for what he wears, running on the score
perpetually; his conditions are a riddle, there is in him pure vertue,
and notorious vice; the quintessence of love, and the venome of hatred.
He is the beginning and the end of a thousand quarrels in a year, yet a
very Coward; for he suffers any to take him by the ear, and never broke
any ones pate, but when company was by. He is very facetious in society,
and will spend himself freely to the last drop, if a Ladies soft and
warm hand will raise him. He is a brisk Spark, and therefore Courtiers
adore him; he is smooth in his expression, and therefore Ladies delight
in him; he is filled with nimble fancies, therefore the Wits frequent
him, exhausting his radical moisture, to distil it into Poetical
Raptures; for conceits never run faster from the Limbick of their
brains, than when this Gentleman adds fuel to the Furnace. He whets wit,
yet dulls it; creates new Fancies, and stupifies. Gives the Orator a
fluent tongue, and makes him speechless. Gives a Poet feet till he
cannot go. And as he helps Ministers to preach, so he likewise silenceth
more than the Spanish Inquisition. He hath a great many tricks in him:
He will make a Faulkner fly high within doors; Make a Huntsman catch a
Fox by the fire-side; Whatever he holds, is made good; and unless you
mind him well, much good matter that falls from him, may be lost: for he
is often fluent beyond measure. All Tongues court him; and those that
look narrowly unto him, shall find him no dry Fellow. The truth is, he
is too profound for shallow brains to meddle with him: He will pour out
quaint expressions and hard words so thick, that the best Scholars are
glad at last to give him something to stop his mouth: Yet hold him up
fairly, and you may get all he hath out of him. He is excessively
beloved, and relishes all Company, being pleasant, and full of admirable
humours. He is inwardly acquainted with the Lord Mayor and Aldermen, and
incorporateth with their Wives daily. His Kisses are so sweet, that they
lick their lips after him; and though his breath be strong, yet it is
not offensive. He is a true _Good-fellow_, drinking till he hath no eyes
to see with: Good Liquor is his Life and Soul, and he is never musty but
for want of it. He will drink till he be filled up to the very throat,
and gape whilst others put it in. He will bear as much Sack as any man
in _England_ of his bulk; yet he will be soon drunk in Company. But if
you will give him leave to vomit, he will take his Liquor and drink
fresh, till all the Company be forced to leave him. Drinking is his
hourly exercise, seldom lying out of a Tavern. He is the main Upholder
of Club-meetings, without fear of being broke. He picks mens pockets,
yet is never made more reckoning of than by such persons. As for his
Estate, I can onely say this, That all he hath he carries about him; yet
generally he is reputed rich: What he hath, he holds upon courtesie; but
what he gives others, is held _in Capite_. What he possesseth, is
commonly upon Sale; yet more for plenty, than for want; and if you can
purchase him you purchase all.
* * * * *
I could never endure Idleness, I was ever in action; either writing, or
contriving, or putting in execution my contrivances; I thought it better
_male agere quam nihil agere_: my brains or hands were continually
working, and very seldom but effectually. My pen was generally so happy
in discoveries, that my wit was much applauded by the most censorious:
much respected I was, & my company much importuned by the
Tankerd-bearers of _Helicon_, by which means I so swelled with pride,
that I thought my self little inferior to _Apollo_. I called _Mercury_
Pimp, the nine Sisters Whores, whom I had frequently layn with, and
might when I pleased: the best title I could bestow on _Pegasus_ was
Hackny-Jade. In the height of this my opinionativeness, my Cooler (our
Masters maid) came to me where I was alone; and after many heart-fetcht
sighs, told me she found her self with child; which news had like to
have deprived me of my understanding: but knowing that Vexation never
remedies but rather adds to trouble, I was resolved to bear it
patiently, and study some means to preserve her and my Credit. I framed
a Letter as from her Father, desiring her to come down into the Country
speedily, if she intended to see him alive; and according as we had laid
the Plot, she shews it her Mistress, desiring her leave to shew her duty
to her dying Father. Our Mistress most willingly consented thereunto, as
knowing that there was more than ordinary love between us; the maid had
staid as long as possibly she might without discovery, Lacing her self
very streight, and keeping down her belly with three Busks: but now she
made haste to rub off: I had provided a Midwife that should be her Bawd
too: but this could not be done without extraordinary cost. After her
Delivery, I found the keeping of her and the Child very expensive: then
did I begin to consider what a vast charge, and how many various
troubles this momentary lecherous pleasure draws upon a man: how
furiously he is upon the onset, and how quickly satisfied, loathing that
Object he a little before longed for. Well, I bethought my self how to
be rid both of Cow and Calf. I told her I would get together what moneys
I could, and so marry her, upon condition she would be willing to travel
with me whither I went, which I knew was her onely desire: I informed
her of my intention to go for _Virginia_; and the reasons that induced
me thereunto.
First, her disgrace would not be known there: Next, my Master could have
no power over me, insisting further on the pleasantness of that
Continent, and the plenty of every thing, &c.
She assented to all I propounded, relying her self solely on me, to
dispose of her as I pleased. To palliate my design, I went with her to
_Gravesend_, pretending as if I was then going with her beyond Sea, for
no other end but to clear my self from her there, knowing that after she
had past examination or search of the Block-house, she would meet with
no more. Being aboard, I suddenly seemed to have forgot something
ashore; having well laid my Plot upon the Basis of a good Sum of money I
had distributed among the Sea-men, with a considerable present to the
Master, and telling my _Landabris_ I would return to her instantly, I
got into the Boat; and immediately after the Ship weighed Anchor, and
quickly was under Sail. I confess, notwithstanding the Devil had at that
time the total possession of me; yet I was much troubled at what I had
done so hard-heartedly and cruelly. A flood of tears had so overwhelmed
my sight, that I could not discern the Ship in which she was: so
sensible I was of the wickedness of this Fact, that _Dido_-like, I could
have thrown my self into the Sea after her, had not a good Woman, whose
Husband was in the same Ship, prevented me. Observing my tears, _’Tis
probable, Young Man_, (said she) _you have lately taken your leave of
some dearly beloved Friend; and I guess, by your earnest looking after
yond Ship under sail, the person was in her_. I told her it was truth.
_My Husband is in the same Vessel_, (said she) _and therefore I have as
much cause to grieve as you. Come, be of good comfort, Man, Friends must
part; and it is better to part here than at the Gallows. Go along with
me, and we will wash down sorrow; and with a Glass of neat Canary,
antidote our hearts against any thing that may disturb them._
With that I lookt intentively in her face, and found it correspondent
with a jolly temper. An Eye black and piercing; and Eye-brows black
also, and each as big as a mans thumb comparatively: a sign that never
fails to denote that Woman capable of giving a man the greatest
delectation. She was every way compleatly handsome, and suitable to the
desires of the most curious Critick in Love-affairs. I thought it a
shame to deny so kind a proffer, and a crime in Youth unpardonable not
to embrace that opportunity, that shall lead him by the hand into
_Venus_ her Bed-chamber. With that I addrest my self to her, (and
afterwards undrest together) declaring that the force of her Rhetorick,
assisted by her external beautiful, and altogether lovely form, had
forced me to forget my onely dearly beloved she-friend, and to become
her Proselyte, her absolutely devoted convert, and would prostrate my
will to be guided by hers and her command. With that we concluded to
solace ourselves at the next Tavern: I applied my self to my old way of
insinuation: which soon melted her, so that I saw I might when I pleased
stamp loves impression on her. Returning to _Gravesend_, we soon lodged
our selves conveniently for our intended purpose: having so done, I so
ordered the matter, that there was not anything wanting that might
please our sences. Yet fearing lest her love should cool again, there
was no Art forgotten that might serve to entertain it. Delays in
love-affairs are dangerous: Women love not to be too long Tantalized;
there is a certain critical time to know their inclination; which if you
punctually observe, you shall assuredly reap the fruits of your desires;
if not, you may perpetually wait, but never enjoy the like opportunity.
Wherefore the Iron glowing hot, I thought good to strike: to enliven my
spirits, she sent for a noise of Musick, ordering them to play in the
next Room. And in the end we began to think of some repose, agreeing
before to lie in two Chambers contiguous to each other; which were
accordingly provided. As soon as I thought all the Houshold were in bed,
I repaired to my Mistress, who eagerly expected my coming; approaching
the bed-side, she clasped me in her arms: As soon as day broke, I arose,
bespeaking a fat Capon swaddled with Sassages, and a Quart of Buttered
Sack. I got all ready by the time of her rising: she was extraordinarily
well pleased in my double dilligence of serving her: having applauded my
industry and care of her, we fell to it, interlining every bit with a
Glass of Canary. She told me she would never part whilst she had a penny
left, having about her some Thirty Pieces of Gold. _Well_ (said I) _my
Dear, since it is thy resolution, a match; but let me be Steward_: Which
she agreed unto, delivering into my hands what Gold she had. For two or
three hours I shewed my self very officious in my place; but considering
that when this money was spent, we should not know what to do, I thought
it was better for one to want than two; besides, I had lately surfeited
on a Medler, and therefore my stomack nauseated the very thoughts
thereof. I had feed the Drawer to bring me word just as the _Gravesend_
Barge was going off; which accordingly he did, by a private sign
concluded betwixt us. I then pretended an excuse to go down, under the
notion of providing something novel, which should be conducive to our
mirth and jollity. I had just so much time below to write her these
lines in stead of a solemn leave taking, leaving them with the Drawer to
present her, and so went aboard the Barge for _London_.
_Madam, I’m gone, no wonder, for you know,
Lovers encounters are but touch and go._
Arriving at _Billings-gate_, I went straight to a Tavern, where I had an
interest with the Drawer, resolving there to consult seriously with my
self what course to follow, being as yet unresolved what to do. After I
had raised my dulled spirits with a glass or two, I concluded to hazard
my Masters good opinion, nay, and my Mistresses affection too; which
though at that present it only smoaked, I might easily divine, that in
process of time it would burst forth into a flame. Being before confined
to my Masters time, I began to consider what an excellent thing Liberty
was, equally estimable with Health; which two, though they are the
greatest and most precious gifts (next our Redemption) the Creator of
the World hath bestowed on mankind; yet we poor mortals value them not
till we are sensible of their want, by being deprived of them. This is
an infallible maxime, _That the deprivation of a thing shall be so much
the more evil, as the possession thereof is good_. Now if Liberty be
such an excellent & delectable thing when enjoyed, how miserable are
those that want it?
Having moneys in my Pocket, I concluded to experiment the enjoyment
thereof, and to participate of such delights the nature of young men is
most inclinable to. Now man being a sociable Creature, I thought I
should reap but little satisfaction to my self in the expence of my
moneys, without an Associate: Wherefore I sent to an Apprentice of my
intimate acquaintance contemporary with me, and who had often prompted
me to ramble with him. This Lad was his Masters Casheer, which I knew
would much assist my design. I made him acquainted with my intention of
trying the world: Though it had been formerly his own motion, yet he
seemed at the first something startled; but all his doubts I resolved;
adding moreover, That to have our wills inslaved to other mens, was a
thing insupportable, since that we were, as well as they, created free
Denizens of this world. That since our great Grand-Father was Emperor of
the whole world, we could not stile our selves less than Princes, and
therefore debased our Birth by a voluntary submission to Service and
Slavery. I had no great occasion to make use of many Arguments to this
purpose; for his own inclination was sufficient to perswade him. The
result of our discourse was a firm resolution to become two
Knights-errant. I advised him forthwith to go home and bring with him
what Cash he had in his possession; which he readily performed, and
indeed more then I could expect, being 200_l._ the Fates having so
decreed to favour this our first bold exploit, as a tryal of what we
durst attempt.