_How he came acquainted with lewd and vicious Apprentices.
What Trade they drove together. What places and times of
meeting._
I was as officious at home, as reserved from all company, never stirring
forth unless called out by my Masters business, till my next Neighbours
man intruded himself into my acquaintance. Who so farr insinuated
himself into my affections, that I was in a manner wholly ruled by him.
He and I met on a time abroad, and would not be deny’d but he must needs
fasten a glass of Wine, conducting me to a Tavern where the Drawer (as
he said) was his friend. After several Congratulations past, order was
given for a pint of Canary: being gone to draw it, this young man began
to tell me what an honest fellow this _Ralph_ the Drawer was; which
words he had no sooner utter’d, but I heard him cry at the Bar, _A Pint
of White-wine in the Rose score_; and immediately in he brings it, and
in formality a glass, but we made no use of it, for he was fearful his
Master would discover the cheat, and therefore desired us to be speedy
in the dispatch, and so we made but two draughts thereof. Away he goes
again, and brings in another, not after the same manner, but crying it
_Right_, bringing withal a Quart-Bottle in his Codpiece: _Now,
Gentleman_, (said he) _using your discretion, you may sit and talk
freely, without either fear or suspition_, using your glass and when
your pint is empty fill him again you shall not want for liquor Ladds.
This something amazed me at first, till my Neighbour _Thomas_ told me
that this was frequent, and that he and two or three friends at any time
could be drunk for six pence a piece. _Come, come, you are but a
Novice_, said he; _but if you will be ruled by me, I’ll shew you the way
to soften the cord of bondage, to make the long time of a seven years
Apprenticeship seem short, by living as merry, nay more jovially than
our Masters. They may be destracted with cares how to procure
necessaries, pay Rent, satisfie Creditors, whilst we have none of these
pressures and disturbances on our spirits. What though we have an harsh
word or a smart blow, it may be, a broken pate? We will make his Till
spring a leak for it, or his Goods go to Pot, and break him at last too.
It may be his Provision is neither dainty nor plentiful, nay,
restrained, from our liberty too: ’tis only by day then, we will be
Masters of our own at night, not wanting any thing that may conduce to
mirth, or the delegation of our insatiate senses._
I asked him how could this be done? He answered, _If I would swear to be
secret and faithful, and become a Brother of the society, he would not
only tell me how all this_ (afore recited) _might be performed, but
would likewise introduce me into the place where these jolly Blades used
to congregate_. I soon consented, rejoycing exceedingly at this blessed
opportunity, (as I thought it) wherein I might sail in the Ocean of
delight, bound for no other Port but that of Pleasure or Profit, never
considering the inevitable Quicksands which such meet withal, steering
that course, having no other Compass to sail by then their own Fancy.
Very eager I was to have him inform my judgment with what at present I
understood not, but doubted not in a little time to be as forward as the
foremost in any moral wickedness. First, he informed me, that I must
insinuate myself into the Maids favour, so that, when the occasion
should require, she may let you have the Key of the Street-door, or else
sit up for your return, making her sensible that she doth not so break
her sleep for nothing. That I must never fail coming home to gratifie
her kindness. If she be modest and continent, only kiss her, and that my
behaviour should not be either rude or lascivious, that all my
expressions should savour of _Platonique_, or chast love, often
repeating this to her; _O that I was out of my time, if it were for
nothing else but to repay thee thy love! So great an acknowledgement I
have of thy civilities, that I hope a time will come wherein I shall
make full satisfaction for all, &c._ If she be bucksome, or wantonly
given, she will never be content with hopes, promises, and
protestations, vows, and such like windy stuff; wherefore you must kiss,
hug, and embrace her, telling how dearly you love her; and then fall to
somewhat else: She may put you off at first with a _Pish_, a _Fye_, or
_Pray be civil_; yet be so far from denying, that if you proceed not on
vigorously, she will prompt you herself, to try what mettle you are made
of; if dull, she will make you the Subject of her private nay and
publick laughter and scorn. But be very cautious of procreation, which
you may prevent several ways. Now to tell you what manner of persons we
are; that are confederates; there are few among us but what are of
several Trades selected, as _Linnen Drapers_, _Mercers_, _Woollen
Drapers_, _Silkmen_, _Hosiers_, _Haberdashers_, _Merchants_, _Grocers_,
_Goldsmiths_, _Jewellers_, _Ribband-sellers_, _Exchange-men_, to which
add a _Drawer_ and an _Oyl-man_, the one to furnish us with good Liquor,
and the other to prepare our pallates for it. A great many Trades there
are which signifie nothing in our Commonwealth as _Pewtrers_,
_Braziers_, _Plummers_, _&c._, we are only for such as will profit the
body, please the Pallate & fill the Pocket. Every one brings his several
Commodities at the place of meeting, then do we exchange or barter one
with another for what each respective person wants; either to supply his
own occasion, or his Mistress: for it is to be supposed such a thing
must be had; when procured, must be maintained, though to the definition
of our Masters Estates, and mine of our bodily health. Further he added,
that our Masters might not detect us in the purloining his goods, you
must not (said he) take too much of one sort of Commodity.
All this I liked wonderfully well, and promised to meet that day seven
night at the place appointed; and so we parted. Coming home, I
immediately put these prescriptions into practice; first; taking notice
of what Goods we had greatest quantity; and whatsoever Commodity my
Master forgot he had: I always secured it as mine own: nay, sometimes I
would try him; _There was such a person enquiring for such a thing to
day when you were abroad, but I could not find it_: it may be he would
say, _We had it not_; suiting my design according to desire. Having
taken a thorrow view of the Shop and Ware house, I saw so many ways of
advantage, if assisted by a cleanly conveyance, that I could snip as
well as the most forward of them all.
The next thing I had to do, was to endear myself to the chief maid, who
was one of those that lay covertly to see me wash myself in the Tub; and
as she confest since, took an affection to me from that hour. It
required no long time to court her into a compliance; her Complexion or
Temperament, forcing her acceptance of anything amorously inclined. The
colour of her hair inclined to Red, which colour (though I know not for
what reason) I love above any: This may be partly the reason, because as
that Complexion hath alwayes the concomitant of a very white skin, so it
hath two inseperable Companions, Plumpness and Bucksomness: Her skin as
the usual attendant of Red or Flaxenish hair, (as I said) was as white
as whiteness it self: Her Cheeks naturally painted with _Vermilion_;
plump were her Cheeks and Lips, with a mole thereon, and a dimple in her
Chin, as the infallible marks of one that is willing to dedicate herself
to the service of _Venus_.
Having a fit opportunity, after some amorous discourse, I desired her
she would grant me leave that night to talk with her in private, having
business of importance to impart to her: She condescended to my
proposition. As soon as our Master and Mistress were gone to take their
rest, her impatience to hear what I would say, made her soon send the
rest to bed. The house being thus cleared, and all things silent as the
Air, when Winds into their hollow grots repair, I acquainted her with
the greatness of my affection, which I delivered with all the Rhetorick
I could invent, still touching that String which produced Loves
harmonious concord; So fervent I was in my expressions, and so ardent
and hot in my desires, that I soon melted the conjealed iceness of her
Chastity: But first there were mutual Articles reciprocally drawn and
agreed unto, _viz._
_That if she proved with child, I should marry her._
_That _I_ should devote my self to her service, and nones else._
_That we should both endeavour to make use of all opportunities for the
enjoyment of each other._
_That to prevent discovery, we should often fall out before people, that
without suspition in private we might agree the better; throwing
oftentimes bones at my head when sitting at Dinner, because suspition
should not deprive her of the Grissel._ So great was our seeming feud
sometimes, that our master was called in to part us.
After this I gave her plenary instructions as to my affairs, which she
faithfully and punctually promised to observe. Then did I put my hand to
the instrument, and sealed the Articles with two witnesses.
The night was come wherein I was to meet according to promise. I
acquainted my _Amoretta_ with my intention of going out at twelve a
clock; and that my Master might not in the least suspect me, I went to
bed, but arose again at the hour promised. The first time I would not
carry any Commodities with me, resolving to see first what they did.
Being come to the house, I was introduced by my Neighbour _Thomas_ into
a private back-room, among the associated Brethren. I was much amazed to
see such variety of Wares lie upon a long Table, as Silks, Stuffs,
Cloth, Linnen and Woollen, Stockings, Ribbands, Muffs, Hoods, Scarfs,
and the like. Some of them came to me, and welcomed me as a Brother,
drinking to me in a Beer-bowl of Sack and Sugar.
Most of the Company being met, they truckt with each other according to
their convenience, furnishing themselves with what they either stood in
need of themselves or their friends. Several things were offered me; I
told them I had brought nothing to retalliate in lieu: They told me my
Credit was good, which is the Soul of Commerce; telling me they should
have occasion to make use of me in the like nature another time. I took
with me only such things as might be proper to bestow at home, on whom I
had lately engaged my affections; which I presented her with,
accompanied with many expressions and protestations of a never-dying
affection. She accepted of my kindness with much gratitude, but thought
she could not fully remunerate me without a re-admission into her
private and then particular savours, I could easily discern her
inclinations by griping of my hand, kissing as if she would devour me,
the palpitation of her heart, and her inflamed eyes. I ran parallel with
her in the same desires, so that with much facility we two clapt up a
bargain. After which; I would have betaken my self to my rest in my own
bed, but that was displeasing to her, I perceived nothing would content
her, but that we should be bed-fellows. I soon assented to it, though to
the hazard of both our credits and fortunes. I desired her to go up
first, telling her I would follow instantly after. By that time I
thought she was in bed, up marcht I the stairs, which creackt as if they
had conspired a discovery; Coming up to the highest stair, I raised my
foot (being fearful of making any noise) thinking there had been
another, it descended with such precipitation, that I made the house
eccho. The Chamber wherein my Master and Mistress lay, (the maid lying
in a Trundle bed underneath them) was right against this Stair-head. My
Master had taken a dose more then ordinary of Sack, so that this noise
awaked him not: my mistress at the first hearing thereof, imagined
Thieves had broken into the house; she endeavoured to wake her Husband,
by stirring him, but could not, therefore thought it the best way to lie
still, expecting the event. In the mean time I lay _per due_, stirring
not till I imagined my Mistress asleep again. The maid, concluding I
durst not adventure further by reason of this unfortunate accident, fell
immediately into a profound sleep. Finding (after a considerable time)
all things still and quiet, I entred the Chamber, dark as Hell, and in a
low voice, groaping the contrary way, I cried, _Where art?_ _Here,
here_, said my Mistress, in a whispering tone: minding from whence the
sound came as near as I could, I directed my foot-steps to that place:
The same words being repeated, conveyed me exactly to that side of the
bed whereon my Mistress lay. Taking her about the neck, I kist her a
thousand times: using then all the alluring and loving expressions I
could invent: not perceiving my mistake, I made all the haste I could
(and all too little) to undress my self; which was done in an instant:
Opening the Cloths to come to bed, _Hold_, said my Mistress, _I have a
Bed fellow already; what I have suffered you to do, was only as a tryal
to understand what you intended. Get you gone to your own bed for this
night, and I shall talk with you farther to morrow._ I durst not reply,
not daring to stay longer, but betook my self to my own Chamber, possest
with fear and shame, I nothing but tost and tumbled all that night,
taking not the least rest.
In the morning early I was up, shewing my self more than ordinary
diligent. But, Lord, what a confusion I was in, when I saw my Mistress
come into the Shop? I made an hundred pretences to stoop behind the
Counter, and rectifie disordered Wares: So busie I was with my back
towards her, that she could not have so much as a sight of me. At length
she comes up close to me, and turning me about, said, _Indeed you take
too much pains, you are too laborious; fair and softly; there is a great
while to night yet: desist a little, I must have a word with you_.
Hearing this, I presumed to look in her face, and was overjoyed; for
from thence I received a most alluring smile, instead of a killing
frown. This re-armed me with confidence, compelling from me these
expressions:
_Most respectful Mistress, I do with shame confess my self in a
great error: but if you will consider that the cause thereof was
irresistable; I hope you will in some measure mitigate my crime.
My very youthfulness speaks my Apology. You cannot be ignorant
of the fervent heat of young blood, which sometimes boyls beyond
its bounds. Besides the temperature of my body, (being of a
Sanguine complexion) did add much fuel to that fire._
She admired to hear me speak in such a Dialect; but laying aside her
wonder, she bid me tell her the whole truth, and what Contract we had
concluded. I equivocated in my relation, intending to excuse the maids
forwardness, and that I only designed to surprize her unawares. This
Sophistry of mine did not in the least prevent my Mistresses prying wit,
and quick understanding, from searching out the truth, tracing every
meander, finding it out at last, though involved in a labyrinth of
obscurities. She told me plainly she knew all, though I endeavoured to
conceal it, and _desired_ me, in stead of commands, to withdraw my
affectionate thoughts from her, since her resolution was to divorce our
persons. Adding moreover, that if I was so amorously inclined, as not
content without a Female Object to exercise my passion on, I should
elect such a one, whose merit grounded on Beauty, Birth, Wealth, and
Power, should command my love, and finally eternize my terrestrial
happiness, and so vanisht from me, leaving my cogitations to their
operations.
Forty five years had not totally destroyed her beauty, but there was
still remaining the ruines of a good face: Her Birth, though from a high
extraction, had little influence over me, had not her Wealth (which she
had at her own disposal) whispered in my ear more than a common
felicity. Her last words left a deep impression on my imagination, which
were not so enigmatically delivered, but that I could easily interpret
them advantageously enough to my purpose. I resolved within my self to
acquiesce, leaving this affair to time to bring it to perfection.
[Illustration]