[Illustration: =AN UNPOPULAR IDOL!=
HOW BILLY AND HIS SUNDAY-SCHOOLMATES INTEND TO WREAK THEIR VENGEANCE, IF
ONLY A SNOW-STORM BE PROPITIOUS ON THE EMBANKMENT SOME SUNDAY AFTERNOON
ABOUT CHRISTMAS-TIME.]
[Illustration: =AN EMPTY EMBRACE.=
“‘ERE Y’ARE! HUMBERELLA RINGS, TWO A PENNY!”]
[Illustration: =OVERHEARD OUTSIDE A FAMOUS RESTAURANT.=
“HULLO, GUS! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING ABOUT HERE FOR?”
“I’M WAITING TILL THE BANKS CLOSE. I WANT TO CASH A CHEQUE!”]
[Illustration: =UNEXPECTED EFFECT.=
_Snooks (who fancies himself very much)._ “WHAT’S SHE CRYING FOR?”
_Arabella._ “IT’S ALL RIGHT, SIR. SHE WAS FRIGHTENED. WHEN SHE SAW _YOU_
SHE THOUGHT IT WAS A _MAN_!”]
[Illustration: =RECKONING HIM UP.=
_Old Lady (describing a cycling accident)._ “’E ELPED ME HUP, AN’
BRUSHED THE DUST OFF ON ME, AN’ PUT FIVE SHILLIN’ IN MY ’AND, AN’ SO I
SAYS, ‘WELL, SIR, I’M SURE YOU’RE _HACTIN’_ LIKE A GENTLEMAN,’ I SAYS,
‘THOUGH I DON’T SUPPOSE YOU ARE ONE,’ I SAYS.”]
[Illustration: =SHAKSPEARE ILLUSTRATED.=
“THE GLASS OF FASHION AND THE MOULD OF FORM.”
_Hamlet_, Act III., Sc. 1.]
[Illustration: =SHAKSPEARE ILLUSTRATED.=
“OH, MY PROPHETIC SOUL! MY UNCLE!” _Hamlet_, Act I., Sc. 5.]
[Illustration: =DECISIVE.=
_Impecunious One (halting abruptly)._ “I BEG PARDON, SIR.”
_The Accosted (moving off abruptly)._ “GRANTED. DON’T BEG ANYTHING
ELSE!”]
[Illustration: =AMENITIES OF THE PROFESSION.=
_Rising Young Dramatist._ “SAW YOUR WIFE IN FRONT LAST NIGHT. WHAT DID
SHE THINK OF MY NEW COMEDY?”
_Brother Playwright._ “OH, I THINK SHE LIKED IT. SHE TOLD ME SHE HAD A
GOOD LAUGH.”
_R. Y. D._ “AH--ER--WHEN WAS THAT?”
_B. P._ “DURING THE _ENTR’ACTE_. ONE OF THE ATTENDANTS DROPPED AN ICE
DOWN HER NEIGHBOUR’S NECK.”]
[Illustration: =BROWN’S COUNTRY HOUSE.--No. 1.=
_Brown (who takes a friend home to see his new purchase, and strikes a
light to show it)._ “CONFOUND IT, THE BEASTLY THING’S STOPPED!”]
[Illustration: =BROWN’S COUNTRY HOUSE--No. 2.=
_Visitor._ “WHAT ON _EARTH_ DO YOU WANT WITH A TORTOISE?”
_Mrs. Brown._ “WELL, WHEN FRED HAD THAT FRIGHTFUL ACCIDENT WITH HIS NEW
MOTOR-CAR, HE SOLD IT, AND BOUGHT THE TORTOISE. SAYS IT SOOTHES HIS
NERVES!”]
[Illustration: =THE NEW ACT AGAIN!=
_Careful Publican (to Chimney-sweep)._ “‘ERE, I CAN’T SERVE _YOU_! GO
AND WASH YERSELF. I CAN’T SEE YER FACE! ’OW AM I TO KNOW AS YER NOT ON
THE BLACK LIST?”]
[Illustration:!!!!
_Estate Agent (to Labourer’s Son)._ “HERE, MY BOY, WHERE CAN I FIND YOUR
FATHER?”
_Boy._ “IN THE PIG-STYE, SIR. YOU’LL KNOW HIM BY ’IS BROWN ’AT!”]
[Illustration: =READY FOR THE FRAY.=]
[Illustration: =AN ECHO FROM BROADWAY.=
_Old Lady._ “YES--MADAM ’AS BIN A DEAR GOOD SOUL TO US POOR PEOPLE THIS
COLD WEATHER. IF IT ’ADN’T ’AVE BIN FOR ’ER, SOME OF US OLD ONES WOULD
’AVE BIN NIPPED IN THE BUD!”]
[Illustration: =SMART.=
_Jones._ “DO YOU DRINK BETWEEN MEALS?”
_Smith._ “NO. I EAT BETWEEN DRINKS.”
_Jones._ “WHICH DID YOU DO LAST?”
_Smith._ “DRINK.”
_Jones._ “THEN WE’D BETTER GO AND HAVE A SANDWICH AT ONCE!”]
[Illustration: =QUITE OF HER OPINION.=
_Gushing Young Woman (to famous Actor)._ “OH, DO YOU KNOW, MR.
STARLEIGH, I’M SIMPLY _MAD_ TO GO ON THE STAGE!”
_Famous Actor._ “YES, I SHOULD THINK YOU _WOULD_ BE, MY DEAR YOUNG
LADY!”]
[Illustration: =THE GENIAL SEASON.=
_Hungry-looking Acquaintance (with eye to invitation)._ “SO GLAD TO SEE
YOU ENJOYING YOURSELF!”
_Fat Chap (evidently doing well)._ “WRONG AGAIN, OLD MAN. I’M ENJOYING
MY DINNER!”]
[Illustration: =SO LIKELY!=