_Barmaid._ “TEA, SIR?”
_Mr. Boozy._ “TEA!!! ME!!!!”]
[Illustration: =A EUPHEMISM.=
_Coster (to acquaintance, who has been away for some months)._ “WOT ARE
YER BIN DOIN’ ALL THIS TIME?”
_Bill Robbins (who has been “doing time”)._ “OH, I’VE BIN WHEELIN’ A
BIT, OLE MAN--WHEELIN’ A BIT!”]
[Illustration: =RATHER DIFFICULT FOR HIM.=
_Jones._ “I AM NEVER AT A LOSS IN CONVERSATION.”
_His Fair Hostess._ “BUT SURELY, MR. JONES, THERE MUST BE _SOME_
SUBJECTS YOU DON’T UNDERSTAND. WHAT DO YOU DO THEN?”
_Jones._ “OH, _THEN_--I SAY NOTHING, AND LOOK INTELLIGENT.”]
[Illustration: =THE RULING PASSION.=
_Genial Doctor (after laughing heartily at a joke of his patient’s)._
“HA! HA! HA! THERE’S NOT MUCH THE MATTER WITH _YOU_! THOUGH I DO BELIEVE
THAT IF YOU WERE ON YOUR DEATH-BED YOU’D MAKE A JOKE!”
_Irrepressible Patient._ “WHY, OF COURSE I SHOULD. IT WOULD BE MY LAST
CHANCE!”]
[Illustration: =TIT FOR TAT.=
_Eccentric Old Gent (whose pet aversion is a dirty child)._ “GO AWAY,
YOU DIRTY GIRL, AND WASH YOUR FACE!”
_Indignant Youngster._ “_YOU_ GO ’OME, YOU DIRTY OLD MAN, AND DO YER
’AIR!”]
[Illustration: =ALL THE DIFFERENCE.=
“OI BE EIGHTY-FOIVE, ZUR.”
“DEAR ME! YOU DON’T LOOK IT. AND HOW OLD IS YOUR WIFE?”
“OH, SHE BE EIGHTY-FOIVE TOO. BUT SHE’VE LOOKED IT FER THE LAST FOWRTY
YEAR!”]
[Illustration: =STRONG LANGUAGE.=
_It is necessary in some parts of Ireland for carmen to have their names
legibly written on the tailboard of the car._
_Inspector._ “WHAT’S THE MEANIN’ OF THIS, PAT? YOUR NAME’S
O-BLITERATED.”
_Pat._ “YE LIE--IT’S O’BRIEN!”]
[Illustration: =SHAKSPEARE ILLUSTRATED.=
“TEDIOUS AS A TWICE-TOLD TALE, VEXING THE DULL EAR OF A DROWSY MAN.”
_King John_, Act III., Sc. 4.]