[Illustration: =BOTANY; OR, A DAY IN THE COUNTRY.=
“SAY, BILLEE, SHALL WE GAVER MUSHROOMS?”
“YUS. I’M A BEGGAR TO CLIMB!”]
[Illustration: =A MODEL.=
_Little Guttersnipe (who is getting quite used to posing)._ “WILL YER
WANT ME TER TIKE MY BUN DOWN?”]
[Illustration: =A LECTURE IN STORE.=
“_ARE_ YOU COMIN’ ’OME?”
“I’LL DO ELLYTHIK YOU _LIKE_ IN REASOL, M’RIA--(_hic_)--BUR I _WON’T_
COME ’OME.”]
[Illustration: =A SKETCH FROM LIFE.=
_Chorus (slow music)._ “WE’RE A RARE OLD--FAIR OLD--RICKETY, RACKETY
CREW!”]
[Illustration: =A GOURMAND.=
_Youngster (who has just had a Penny given to him)._ “’OW MUCH IS THEM
GRAPES, MISTER?”
_Shopkeeper (amused)._ “THEY ARE FOUR SHILLINGS AND SIXPENCE A POUND, MY
LAD.”
_Youngster._ “WELL, THEN, GIVE US A ’A’PORTH O’ _CARROTS_. I’M A _DEMON_
FOR _FRUIT_!”]
[Illustration: =SO _THAT_ DOESN’T COUNT.=
“ARE YOU SURE THEY’RE QUITE FRESH?”
“WOT A QUESTION TO ARST! CAN’T YER SEE THEY’RE ALIVE?”
“YES; BUT _YOU_’RE _ALIVE_, YOU KNOW!”]
[Illustration: =A SPECIAL PLEADER.=
_First Boy._ “GIVE US A BITE OF YOUR APPLE, BOB.”
_Second Boy._ “SHAN’T.”
_First Boy._ “WHAT FOR?”
_Second Boy._ “COS YER AXED ME!”
(_After a pause._)
_Small Boy._ “GI’ ME A BITE, BOB. I NEVER AXED YER!”]
[Illustration: =A NATURAL QUERY.=
“WHAT BAIT ARE YER USIN’, BILLIE?”
“CHEESE.”
“WHAT ARE YER TRYIN’ TER CATCH--MICE?”]
[Illustration: =INAPPROPRIATE.=
_Street Serio (singing)._ “ER--YEW WILL THINK HOV ME AND LOVE ME HAS IN
DIES HOV LONG AGO-O-O!”]
[Illustration: =A SKETCH NEAR PICCADILLY.=]
[Illustration: =A THREAT MISPLACED.=
“OI TELL YEZ OI WILL _NOT_ CLANE OUT ME CELL. OI’D LAVE THE JAIL
FURRST!”]
[Illustration: =OBVIOUS.=
“GENTLEMEN, I AM READY TO ADMIT THAT HIS CAREER IN THE PAST HAS NOT
BEEN FREE FROM BLEMISH----”]
[Illustration: =AN AWKWARD ADMISSION.=
_Enthusiastic Briton (to seedy American, who has been running down all
our National Monuments)._ “BUT EVEN IF OUR HOUSES OF PARLIAMENT ‘AREN’T
IN IT,’ AS YOU SAY, WITH THE MASONIC TEMPLE OF CHICAGO, SURELY, SIR, YOU
WILL ADMIT THE THAMES EMBANKMENT, FOR INSTANCE----”
_Seedy American._ “WAAL, _GUESS_ I DON’T THINK SO DURNED MUCH OF YOUR
THAMES EMBANKMENT, NEITHER. IT _RAINED_ ALL THE BLARMED TIME THE NIGHT I
_SLEP_ ON IT.”]
[Illustration: =A HOMELY TEST.=
_Ethel (reading from book of familiar sayings)._ “‘A MAN AT FORTY IS
EITHER A FOOL OR A PHYSICIAN.’ THAT’S RATHER FUNNY, KATE. DADDY IS MORE
THAN FORTY, AND HE’S CERTAINLY NOT A PHYSICIAN!”]
[Illustration: =AT A LITERARY AND ARTISTIC BANQUET.=
_Waiter (to Colleague)._ “WELL, THEY MAY ’AVE THE INTELLEC’, FRED, BUT
WE CERTAINLY ’AS THE GOOD LOOKS!”]
[Illustration: =NOTES OF TRAVEL.=
_Foreign Husband (whose Wife is going to remain longer)._ “GIF ME TWO
DICKETS. VON FOR ME TO COME BACK, AND VON FOR MY VIFE NOT TO COME
BACK!”]
[Illustration: =SENDING-IN-DAY AT THE R. A.=
“BUT IT IS IMPOSSIBLE FOR YOU TO SEE THE PRESIDENT. WHAT DO YOU WANT TO
SEE HIM FOR?”
“I WANT TO SHOW HIM EXACTLY WHERE I WANT MY PICTURE HUNG.”]
[Illustration: =FROM DOTTYVILLE.=
_Lunatic (suddenly popping his head over wall)._ “WHAT ARE YOU DOING
THERE?” _Brown._ “FISHING.”
_Lunatic._ “CAUGHT ANYTHING?” _Brown._ “NO.”
_Lunatic._ “HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN THERE?” _Brown._ “SIX HOURS.”
_Lunatic._ “_COME INSIDE!_”]
[Illustration: =ANOTHER FROM DOTTYVILLE.=
_Harmless Lunatic (who is occasionally allowed out with a pop-gun)._
“OH, I SAY, DO YOU KNOW HOW TO CATCH A RABBIT?”
_Nervous Stranger._ “_NO_, I DON’T.”
_Harmless Lunatic._ “WELL, YOU JUST GET BEHIND THE HEDGE AND MAKE A
NOISE LIKE A TURNIP!”]
[Illustration: =JAM SATIS.=
_Commissionaire._ “WOULD YOU LIKE A FOUR-WHEELER OR A ’ANSOM, SIR?”
_Convivial Party (indistinctly)._ “VER’ MUSH OBLIGE--BUT--REELY DON’T
THINK I _COULD_ TAKE ’NY MORE!”]
[Illustration: =PETTICOAT LANE.=]
[Illustration: =FELINE IMPRESSIONS.=
_Chemist (to battered female, who is covered with scratches)._ “THE CAT,
I SUPPOSE?”
_Battered Female._ “NO. ANOTHER LYDY!”]
[Illustration: =AN AWAKENING.=
“I SAY, ’ARRY, DON’T WE LOOK FRIGHTS?”]
[Illustration: =POOR LETTER H.=
_Tenor (singing)._ “OH, ’APPY, ’APPY, ’APPY BE THY DREAMS----”
_Professor._ “STOP, STOP! WHY DON’T YOU SOUND THE H?”
_Tenor._ “IT DON’T GO NO ’IGHER THAN G!”]
[Illustration: =DISADVANTAGES OF PERFORMING AT A COUNTRY HOUSE IN THE
WASP SEASON.=
(_Just in the most important passage, too._)]
[Illustration: =ART IN WHITECHAPEL.=
“WELL, THAT’S WHAT I CALLS A HIMPOSSIBLE PERSITION TO GET YERSELF
INTO!”]
[Illustration: =THE NATIONAL SPORTING CLUB, LONDON.=]
[Illustration: =FLIPPANCY.=
_Serious Old Party._ “EH, BUT THIS IS A WICKED WORLD!”
_Flippant Individual._ “YOU ARE RIGHT, MRS. MUMBLE. FOR MY PART, I SHALL
BE QUITE SATISFIED IF I GET OUT OF IT ALIVE!”]
[Illustration: =A REJOINDER.=
’_Arry (whose “Old Dutch” has been shopping, and has kept him waiting a
considerable time)._ “WOT D’YER MEAN, KEEPIN’ ME STANDIN’ ABAAT ’ERE
LIKE A BLOOMIN’ FOOL?”
’_Arriet._ “_I_ CAN’T ’ELP THE WAY YER STAND, ’ARRY!”]
[Illustration: =AN INJURED INNOCENT.=
_Minister’s Wife._ “TOMMY CROWTHER, YOU HAVEN’T WASHED YOUR FACE
TO-DAY!”
_Tommy Crowther._ “’TAIN’T _SUNDAY_!”]
[Illustration: =NOTES FROM MR. PUNCH’S FOREIGN SKETCH-BOOK.=